No Workout Rush- What's Wrong With ME????

@celticeagle (120480)
Boise, Idaho
May 20, 2012 8:33pm CST
Since I moved back home in June or so 2009 I have given up on my diet and working out and men and relationships goes along with that. I am nearly 300 pounds. I can hardly make it upstairs to my room, I can't walk very far, Can barely get the seatbelt around me. Pathetic, huh? My way of thinking is SO WHAT?! I really don't care. But honestly I do care and I just don't don't feel the motivation or self-esteem to get up and get after it. Having severe depression and panic attacks it is very hard. I have also gotten social anxiety and some agoraphobia going on. So days and days go by and I don't even go outside unless I need to go take the kids some place. I have learned to push it back and try not to think about it. Too much other stress to go there. Your thoughts please.
3 people like this
12 responses
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
21 May 12
Idont know really what to sugjest for you to do but maybe think of what you are doing to yourself not going out even if its justto go set outside and enjoy the freash air look at nature SOmething. I pictured you as slimmer than that by a whole lot somehow got to get a gripe on something to do for yourself! . My daughter in law had panic attacks along with chang e of life DOcs gave her pills and she is somuch better now! My daughter worries about every thing and I mean everything drives me crazy specially when very little things that she can control. and she knows it. Right now she is probabl y thinking all kinds of things rong with me for I just had an MRI but I aint worried I think they just think they want o find something but with all the picture they took dont think they found much of ny thing! A positiveoutlook can work wonders !
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (104149)
• United States
21 May 12
I am with you on that Lakota.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
21 May 12
thanks Gerty
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
That is where the counselor came in. She was helping me to realize things and I was so close. Then the whole things changed. Grrr!! I have the pills for the panic attacks and they help the depression a bit. I am taking all I can of it(it is just one that is for the depression but helps with the panic attack. Is actually a anti-depressant) and it isn't helping the depression much now. Doctor wants to put me on Lithium. I am thinking about it. It is supposed to help the anti-depressant do its job. I told the doc I didn't want to back in March I think it was cause my prescription/Part D was screwed up at the time and I couldn't afford it. Now I can but just havent gotten back in to talk to the doc.(I am the ROYAL procrastinator) Your daughter, Lakota, and I should get together. I worry about not having anything to worry about.lmao You guys are great! Thank you.
@GardenGerty (104149)
• United States
21 May 12
I think that if you did not have the kids to do stuff for and to give you a purpose to get out you would really be in trouble. It is hard to deal with those unpleasant emotions and the more you stay in, the more you will want to stay in. It does not help that most of your extra income comes from being online. Mine too. I know how it feels. I would suggest that you pick one little change and do it, even if you do not feel like it. It could be a small change like getting out in the fresh air ten minutes every day. You do not have to go anywhere, just get some natural light and fresh air. Add another small step after that.
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 12
I really would be in trouble. I have been staying in for three years now. All my money goes to keep us going. One change soounds good. That what my counselor was working on with me.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (104149)
• United States
21 May 12
That is just like my sister. It does not matter how much her daughter earns, her money gets spent up every month. You need to reclaim some of that somehow. For me, I would love to stay home all the time, but I know it is not good for me. I take these small jobs, like merchandising, or product sampling because that makes me have to leave my comfort zone. There are some days I get up and just want to scream because I feel so anxious about them. I rationalize myself into going and once I am "out there" and come back home I feel so much better. I think I get a bit of a rush just by making myself do something I do not want to.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
You probably do. I just need to work on the step where I get the gumption to go. The times usually come on me so fast I just say no from sudden stress of the thought of it. I am finding that I make excuses more and more too.
1 person likes this
@Beaufly (994)
• United States
21 May 12
Hi Celticeagle, Please be gentle and patient with yourself. You have the strength to change your life. It may be difficult. It may seem impossible but I believe that God made us all infinite beings and what that means is that as soon as you decide that you have the power and the strength to change your life. I don't know where you stand with spirituality but meditation may help you to gain control of the the inner critic and the negative thoughts. I urge you to go to youtube and look up the long version of Wayne Dyer's Wishes Fulfilled and just listen and realize that you are here for a reason. You are here to soar. There is a reason for you to be here. There is greatness within you and I hope that you take the time to love yourself and get unstuck from this setback in your life. Much joy, love and success to you!
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 12
It is difficult. It has been three years. I am an agnostic. I have some of Wayne Dyer's books. I am here to help my daughter. Thank you for your kind words.
2 people like this
@Beaufly (994)
• United States
21 May 12
You are welcome and I hope you get a chance to see that video. It may be his best work yet. I am glad you have a daughter who needs you. That helps you to push on. I see GG is encouraging one small step. Small steps, a little bit everyday can lead you to tremendous strides. I hope you begin to start small and be consistent. I am rooting for you!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (104149)
• United States
21 May 12
Having people who need you, and also having something to give to lift people up is really a good feeling. In many ways you are the glue for your family, but you also must respect yourself. And as I try to point other people in the right direction I am often ministering to myself and my own needs as well.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2452)
• Lippstadt, Germany
21 May 12
Dear Celticeagle you are surely not alone. I am overweight too and have never been the type of person who likes sports or workouts. I was born premature 50 years ago so I have problems with fine motorics. I could take long walks but I never jogged or had a workout apart from that Medical training Therapy which means sort of fitness studio when I had three weeks of rehab for my herniated disc. Plus I commute 8 hours a day to work 6 hours so where should I fit in sports when I leave the house at 5 am and get back 9:30 pm most of the time now.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 12
I used to jog. Back in the mid 80's I was 110 pounds and used to trade clothes with my daughter who was in junior high at the time. You have a time crunch to be sure. Ugh!
1 person likes this
• Lippstadt, Germany
22 May 12
LOL there were only about three times in my life where I was not overweight that was my early childhood up to 5 years old, then a short period with 19 years old and with 25 years old that was it. I am glad I have come to accept my overweight and consequently me as is and that helps. Its not that I havent tried to shed pounds but obviously it wont come off with the methods most people use.....
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
I have accepted my being overweight too. I have tried too. SOme other problems raised their nasty heads and so I have given up.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
21 May 12
Dear be patient and understanding with yourself. I know for a Vegan is easy but I lost 3kg in 2 weeks, then 2kg in other but there were days like the one I went to an indian restaurant and they have the NAM, a delicious flour bread and it was eating what you can so I had like 3 of them and of course, gained like 400gr so we have to forgive ourself today, begin diet again tomorrow, if tomorrow we can't so next day then. When we accept and be a best friend of ourselves, changes comes more easier.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 12
Well, good for you girl! How much is 2 and 3 kg anyway? If I dieted I would try to be very good during the week and then splurge alittle on the week ends. Have to do that alittle. You are right. Have to be our own best friend.
1 person likes this
• Lippstadt, Germany
21 May 12
one kilo is a little more than two pounds in your measurements.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 12
Oh, thanks.
• United States
21 May 12
Wen I hear about stuff like this is makes me want to cry. when I was just about tis size I went for the gastric byass and it saved my life. I am 170 right now and I will keep trying to lose the ten pounds I want toff me. I give myself till next spring. That will allow me time to lose it slowly. You need to get some help for all this stuff.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 12
I wish I could. I feel like the lack of counseling really hit me hard. I can't do it alone. I really can't afford the counseling. I have bills I need to pay off so I can pay others. That is just how bad things are for me financially. I can't afford another bill for counseling. It is just so pathetic!
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
22 May 12
It must be hard for you celticeagle, but somehow you need to find that motivation within you. But i know it is hard as i myself sometimes do get swallowed by my own depressions and anxieties..but then i still need to find that motivation to get up and move, i hope you find yours as well as life is beautiful go go go!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
Its not in there and I need help finding it. Motivation to get up and move. I am on my bed now and I usually don't leave it all day. Fun huh? I don't even go outside for days at a time. Life is beautiful and I get a whif of it now and then.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
22 May 12
awwww if i am there i would go over at your room, will really make you get up to your feet. Go for a walk, for your health's sake.. watch a movie that will motivate you. There are a lot of people right now with much worse problems my friend. there are a lot with even NOTHING yet they wake up every morning to continue life.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
I used to. Just don't care anymore. Just feel like I am marking time. I need a freind like you described to get me going.
• United States
21 May 12
I think you should listen to what your body says so that means when you are in physical and emotional pain don't move on. Get some rest then continue working out. Try to put in all your effort and all the stress will pay off one day.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 May 12
And also never give in to the fact that you are not able to do anything. Anyone can do anything if they put their effort into it. Put everything to your fullest.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 12
I have ALREADY given in to the fact that I am not able to do anything. I am so stove up I can't. It is so easy to say all that. I have severe depression and there are days and days and days that go by that I don't leave my room.
1 person likes this
• China
27 May 12
By your leave,You are overweight indeed.Leave aside social anxiety and some agoraphobia,It does harm to your health.You ought to get plenty of exercise such as walking.In addition,You can't eat too much food that is high in fat.Last but not the least,you had better have less supper.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
28 May 12
Just leave it huh? Good advise. Thanks.
• Philippines
21 May 12
You have to find the love for your work. Maybe you have outgrown the love of your work that you find other challenges and jobs. Maybe you lack motivation in your work. So that's why motivation is important. Having motivation makes you drive to excel in your career.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
Well that is easy for some but when you have severe depression with panic attacks it is hard to excel. I took an early retirement in 2006 and am living on SSD now.
• United States
21 May 12
It made me sad when I read your posts. I can somewhat understand how you feel although my situation wasn't as severe as yours seems to be. If you're anything like I was, it's like a vicious cycle... you're depressed so you eat, then you gain weight and get even more depressed so you eat more. I am finally taking control of my life, exercising, trying to eat better, but it does take a lot of willpower and determination. But it doesn't seem to me that your weight is your biggest obstacle. From reading your posts, you know what you need to do to lose weight and get healthier. But because of depression, panic attacks, anxiety etc. you just aren't physically or mentally able to push yourself to do it. I know how expensive it is to see a counselor or therapist, or even a medical doctor to help you with your issues but have you checked into state assistance, churches in your area, Salvation Army, low income medical clinics or doctors offices that work on a sliding fee scale to see if anyone can help you. I'm not sure if any of these organizations would be able to help but it would be worth trying, if you haven't already. I think once you get those issues under control and can get healthier mentally, then you will be much more motivated to lose weight and get healthier physically. I wish you the best of luck!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
Thank you for your comments. What you say is so true. I have checked every avenue in my community for counseling. I was getting free counseling from a methodist church. Had gone to the catholic one before that. If you go to an intern who just needs so many hours to get their licensing then it is free. But, as of January they stopped doing it for free. I am in a position financially right now where I am trying to get some bills payed so I get going on some others. So I have no money to put forth for counseling even at $10 a session and that is at sliding scale. It adds up too quickly. Even if I only go once or twic a month or whatever. When I get stressed I need to go once a week. When I am feeling okay every week or even less would probably be enough. I was beginning to get my personal issues under control with the counselors help and had taken a couple of months off just to get on track and see how I would do without her. I decided to start back in March I think it was and that is when I found out that the churches weren't doing for free anymore. I am pretty good about getting on the phone and finding out what is available in my community. My final thought was to call my doctor's office and check with them since the doctor said they had some counselors there. Nope. They aren't free either or less than most sliding fees. So I am without until I can get some bills payed. Thanks though.
@jaimz19 (236)
• Philippines
21 May 12
Have you heard, "I think, therefore I am"? Don't underestimate the power of your mind. If you think you can, then you will. Keep in mind, the first few steps are always the hardest.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120480)
• Boise, Idaho
22 May 12
Very true. And as I grow older the negative gets more instauled and hardest to change.