Taking his name.

United States
May 23, 2012 8:15pm CST
Spoiler Alert. If you Haven't seen this week's The Real Housewives of O.C. stop reading now! Ok Here I go.I saw one of the sweetest scenes in reality show history. One of the Real Housewives of O.C. changed her name to hubby's. They have been married for 14 years and it was Her idea , Not his. She surprised him and when he saw the papers he cried tears of joy. He said now it feels official. Now Everyone in the family has the same name. So I would like to ask married women, did you take hubby's name? If not would you ever surprise him and change your name?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
28 May 12
I would take the hubby's name with a couple of considerations. If I had established a business or there were people that contacted me based on my maiden name, then I would just want to keep my original one. There are actually some pretty good reasons why some women don't take their husband's last name. I have also heard of some husbands that have actually changed their last name to their wives' maiden name. I have never met anyone personally though.
2 people like this
• United States
29 May 12
Welcome to the 21st century!
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jun 12
NO WAY IN HELL!!!!!! If taking a name is what it takes to make it official, than I don't effing want it. I thought Lincoln freed the slaves 150 years ago!!!! Seriously, if men think it's so bloody official, why the hell don't they take the name of the woman? Ever notice how women are the ones doing the changes? -Changing our names when we get married -Putting on makeup (the literal words MAKE UP!!) to change our appearance And those ae just two of many examples. When my husband and I got married we married eachother, as we were, not making the other person (whether it's him to my name or me to his name) into something we're not. He actually offered to take my name, but I told him please don't, because I fell in love with him, not Mr. Me. Funny that I should stumble across this discussion. I have written a number of papers on this topic for school, and in 2001, I took my mother's maiden name, because I wanted to embrace my Danish heritage. I was born and raised in Canada, and live very close to my Dad's hometown. I did not feel like uprooting myself and moving to Denmark, so I thought that taking my mother's maiden name would be the best way to embrace my Danish heritage, and kick a male-dominated, sexist, misogynistic tradition in the @$$. Dad was friggen furious! Can't tell why, since I'm born and raised in his country, near his homeland, in his church. It's not HIM I'm against, it's the patriarchy, it's the opression of women that this tradition suggests. Yes I know my current last name is Mom's father's name, but surnames being what they are, it'll take a couple of centuries to balance things out. For now, I just wanted to reclaim a bit of my heritage, and that seemed the best way to do it. I still use my Dad's last name as a second middle name, because I'm not going to deny that it's a part of me. As for my husband, he's GLAD I didn't change my name, because he feels the same about the tradition as I do. This is another reason why I didn't want him to take MY name, because why would I want him to do something for me that I would find uterly offensive, were I to do it for him? No way! Not going to involve someone i love in that kind of double standard.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Jun 12
Well to me marriage itself is male dominated, sexist, misogynistic tradition! So if you are going to sell yourself into slavery, you name will be changed! I see Dad's point of view. Ti him by changing your name you were rejecting him personally. His name wasn't good enough . Or even worse , you didn't see yourself as his daughter! believe it or not if a child of mine did that we wouldn't be close anymore. I hope your dad totally understands more than I would. I did think of you when I wrote this post.I am glad you and hubby are on the same page.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jun 12
Nteresting difference of opinion, here. The way I see it, traditional marriage is slavery, but times are changing and modern marriage has been redefined. In Canada gay marriage is legal. Marriage is about the legal joining if two in love. How they choose to show this commitment is up to them. As for Dad, he's gotten better, but we're still working on it. I am his daughter because he influence my life as a father, not because of some tradition. My best friend has a daughter with his name who won't speak to him. My Dad has a daughter with her mother's name who: -learned streetsmarts and money management from him -learned to think for herself, not depending on him for things he taught me to do -learned strength from him -learned how to stand up for my own believes the way he stands up for his -is a Presbyterian (as is he. This worked for me so I didn't change) -shows respect in unique but sincere ways, so I'll never just go through the motions. Fathers Day is coming up. I'm going to make him a cd of fiddle music the Allans have enjoyed for generations. He'll definitely see the significance in that.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 12
[Marriage is the joining of two people on paper. If they are not joined in love Before the marriage. It will not happen, at least here in the west. I'm glad your dad is speaking to you. It doesn't matter about the other you are his favorite I believe so it was a huge blow to see you reject his name. If our sister did it , he may have planned a party!
@JJ4Ever (4696)
• United States
1 Jun 12
I did take my husband's last name once we got married not only because I like it much more than my maiden name, but because I probably wouldn't have married him if I didn't love everything about him, including his last name! We have a girlfriend who didn't take her husband's last name a little over a year ago when they got married, but that's just the way she is. I wasn't surprised about it, but I was a bit disappointed for his sake. If I were the husband, I'd want my wife to take my last name. I don't think our friend's husband minds, though, since they are now married regardless! (His last name is Philpott, so that could have something to do with it too - lol!) I think famous people are a definite exception to the tradition that upon marriage, the woman will take her husband's last name. As was mentioned earlier, a lot of men are taking their wife's last name now too! I might consider that (if I were the husband) if my wife was famous. Having that well known last name could make a difference. It all depends on the scenario nowadays! I think a woman always has the option of hyphenating her last name, too, if she doesn't want to lose her maiden name completely. A good friend of mine actually added her maiden name after her middle name and still took her husband's last name once they got married. I don't think it's quite the same as hyphenating the two last names, but her new collection of names is really beautiful! She's Italian, too, so she has a gorgeous maiden name. Have you ever considered taking your man's last name someday? In this scenario with the reality show, I think it's kind of sad that it took fourteen years for the housewife to take her husband's last name. Waiting fourteen years for a marriage to feel "official" is a long time! However, since she is famous and well known, that is a lot different, and traditions aren't always followed. If her husband was ok with it for that many years, it's great that changing her name means so much to him now!
• United States
1 Jun 12
If I were forced to marry , then I would give up Any say on what my name would be. In fact I even wouldn't use Sarah but the name I was born with. I hate it so it would go with his name, a name I Never wanted.Plus taking his name makes it official , he owns me! If it were a love match I could see using a hyphen! That way I honor my dad and my beloved at the same time.To answer your question, I will Never take Anyone's name. I chose Sarah Ruth Beth David. It fits me and I am not changing it! The name on my birth certificate honors my mom, the first name I hate, Hate and my last name, father's name. So I am happy this way. My guy understands this and face it, if he didn't he wouldn't be my guy for long! ps. In Hebrew Sarah Ruth Beth David translate to Kind Princess from a beloved house. Isn't that pretty?
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4696)
• United States
6 Jul 12
I definitely see what you're coming from on taking a husband's name as a sign of ownership. Some husbands see it that way, and I hate that! (Maybe these husbands also have trophy wives lol!) I'm glad my husband and I do not have that relationship. There's no ownership; it's mutual attraction, friendship, and love. We didn't compromise anything to be together. We both got what we wanted. Taking my husband's name was, of course, my own choice. I couldn't wait for that day when I would be a "Mrs." lol. I wanted his last name, not my maiden name anymore. Keeping my maiden name would've signified submitting to what my parents wanted instead of what I wanted. Changing my name meant stepping away from that and becoming another person, in a way, and starting a new life with my hubby. For me, turning from my past to start something else was exciting. I've never regretted it or looked back! I think your chosen name - Sarah Ruth Beth David - is absolutely beautiful! Everyone should have a name they choose. I think it's really rare for someone to love the names they were given from birth. My first name from birth is ok, but my friends and those who know me call me by my nickname, a shorter version of my first name, which I'm sure you know by now from email and PM lol.
1 person likes this
@JJ4Ever (4696)
• United States
6 Jul 12
I love the meaning of your chosen name also! By the way, my first name is Hebrew for "He sees" (or "God's grace") Kind of neat. I already knew that from when I was younger, but I actually just looked up what my married last name means. It's Latin for "red rose." My name literally means, "He sees red rose." Very pretty. I find it quite interesting figuring out what names mean!
1 person likes this
@ONLYHOPE (189)
• Philippines
24 May 12
hai yes ,it sign that she's mine with all her love, symbolized that she submit/surrender everything to me.. have a nice day
1 person likes this
• United States
24 May 12
This is why many American women marry but don't take the name.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jun 12
Mine? Submits? Surrenders? If my husband were to use such words when speaking to me or of me, I'd not only divorce him, but charge him with attempting to force me into slavery.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 12
But that is what traditional marriage was all about. That iis why I say I will never marry.
@laken02 (3067)
• United States
25 May 12
i did take my hubby's last name and i think it would be very weird to marry someone and not take there last name.. unless i was a movie star or a big famous singer and well known by that name then i would not change it ..
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 12
The wife in question was an actress when they married. Now she is semi retired and a mom so she changed her name!
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
24 May 12
Hey Sarah, in India every woman changes her name to that of the husband's after marriage. It is a mandate here. Every paper is changed. A married lady changes her name on every document that is related to her. And you know what no one is bothered about it. Its normal here. An Indian would be surprised to know the way it works in USA... LOL... It might sound weird, Sarah... I know how it works in both continents, so I am kinda stuck and maybe, confused...
1 person likes this
• United States
24 May 12
many American women take their hubby's name but there are some women who keep their maiden name. Why? Some are actresses and the public Knows them by their first name. Other women are in business under their first name. And others see this name changing as old fashioned.This woman was an actress when she married. Her name was registered and many of agent wouldn't know it was she if she had changed her name but now she is more of a mother and she is going into business so the name change will not hurt her.
1 person likes this