Would you forgive or not?

Philippines
May 23, 2012 10:40pm CST
I love my family so much. I respect my mom and dad and I am obedient to them too. I know how much my parents love each other. In fact, my father has always been by my mom's side when she suffered from stroke some years back. Moreover, they travel a lot together. And even if my mom lost her speech when she suffered from stroke some years back, my father has always been very patient with her. It never crossed my mind that one day, I would have any problem with any of them especially when it comes to infidelity. But this hypothetical thing just hit me and I suddenly bumped into a blank wall. I would probably not know what to do if I find out that either of my parents cheated on the other. How about you myLotters? What is your take on this? Have you experienced this before? What did you do? What did your parents do?
2 people like this
14 responses
25 May 12
I read your story above, and really, family is everything, they mean something big for everybody I think. I have ever faced the same problem, but it's about my friend's family. He told me that his parents have a problem. One day I asks him to do some subjective communication, and after 4 days, it works. When his parents almost in bad situation, their minds changed into something good. And finally now, they are united again in a very happy family. For me, we can't lie to ourselves when the first time we say "love" to someone. I think your Dad and Mom too. "Love" is the real big gift from God, and nobody can't play with their feeling. "Use" that statement and keep in your mind, that your family will be "united", they'll be back in the right time, and right place, and it is your family. And then before you go to sleep at night, contacting your Mom and Dad's thought, and tell them, "You're all loving each other and will always be like that." I can't really explain more and sorry for my bad english since I am Indonesian.
• Philippines
30 May 12
Right! At the end of the day, it's love that matters.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 12
i understand..i didnt have both of my parents growing up, i jus had my mother..my mother NEVER talked about my dad..she never said anything bad about him either..but growing up..my aunts use to answer certain questions that they could when i asked about my dad..but anyway..when i finally did meet my dad at the age of 16..i found out he was the most conceited man of all america..the only thing i got out of him was how to be with multiple women..but when he used to tell his stories..the ones that he told that were around the time he was dating my mom..was not cool..i am a mommas boy because thats all i know..but when my dad used to say things that he did back then..it really pissed me off but i never say anything..and from what my aunts use to tell me, my mom REALLY loved my dad..and like i said..she is remarried and everything..but she still never says anything bad..but i will never forgive my dad for bein such a womanizer and not making it work with my mom...because out of all my family..my mom had to go find someone else to help raise her kids..!
2 people like this
• Philippines
30 May 12
I wish your family all the best especially for your mom.
1 person likes this
@ONLYHOPE (189)
• Philippines
24 May 12
hai let's say there's no perfect family, in my side i never been see or heard my father or my Mom cheated each other, nor they are only keep it as a secret,maybe, but im not thinking for that as long as i saw them happy living together in their old age. In your situation my friend,you really trusted them and not expect that will happen, it's done already, all things happen there's a reason, you should consider the story side by side, then you must open your mind, your heart,so that you can understand it, yes, it's so hard to accept,specially accepting reality, but when you accept reality it flows the proper acceptance,and you can furl your forgiveness and you can breath easily..come on my friend,let's face the truth,this is now the time of extensive thought, we're not looking for what the other people say around you, ignore them they can't help, it's your own family involved and no one can help each other no matter what...but it start from you... Thanks it's a nice topic Have a nice day
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 May 12
Well, I hope that it wouldn't happen to my parents of course. Thanks for sharing!
• United States
24 May 12
I never knew my father or rather don't remember him. But,I have a sister that I don't know because my father cheated on my mom. She stayed with him after that until he beat her one time too many.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 May 12
I am sorry to learn that you never have known your father (or that you do not remember him). Thanks for sharing though...
• United States
24 May 12
My mother had cheated on my father and told me some years ago. I had already left their home and because my mother felt very badly about it and had not repeated the infidelity. I had also met the man she was with and though I approved of the relationship as apposed to the one with my father. However, she cut of even friendship the the man and stayed with my dad. They are currently separated for reasons that probably caused her to cheat in the first place.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 May 12
I appreciate that you have shared your experience JHkerriokey!
@megamatt (14331)
• United States
29 May 12
I have never had to deal with something like that and I really hope that I never do. Other problems where I have been torn between two family members due to some dispute(not necessarily my parents), but never when someone has really cheated right on the other. It would be something that would make me look at that person perhaps differently and Christmas family dinner might be a bit more awkward. In theory, the best thing right out there, it would be rather neutral and try to not take sides. Of course, with many disputes, you can really become a villain by virtue of being neutral. I really found that out the hard way once time. I don't know if it would be my right to forgive or condemn someone, especially when I was not really directly involved.
1 person likes this
@loveshop (127)
• Turkey
29 May 12
If i find my parent disloyal to each other, i will not forgive them. Thank God, God created good parent for me. My dad and mum is very loyal each other, they love to talk, discuss, walk together (included me), travel. All parent have sweet and sour. We do. My parent sometime have coral in discussion which is normal in our life. Loyalty is perfect number 1 that i can see. Sorry to hear that your mum is ill. I hope you be patience, strong and take care dear!!
@adforme (2116)
25 May 12
Infidelity happens, even in the best of families. I am someone that believes in love. I truly think true love can overcome an affair. My parents' relationship is none of my business. I just see two people that have been together over 40 years; and it looks like a blessed relationship to me. Their marriage is one that I would want to have; but I am single and satisfied. People aren't perfect, but marriage is the perfect union for two people who are the loves of their lives.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 May 12
If your parents love each other, and you have a strong relationship with them, what difference does it ultimately make? If one spouse has forgiven the other, or if there was an understanding between them regarding matters beyond the marital bond, things are fine. If there is animosity between parents--whether regarding an affair or some other issue--their children may get dragged in. Sometimes, things are complicated. I think of the spouses of those with Alzheimer's and other such conditions. It isn't unheard of for the healthy spouse to have another relationship while still loving and caring for the affected partner. It also isn't uncommon for the affected spouse to fall in love with someone else. That doesn't erase the love and bond that the two have had throughout their marriage.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
24 May 12
I believe that it could be because both your parents, especially your father could be feeling the stress and that could be the reason that pushed him to find comfort in another woman's arms. I know it's very painful when the realisation of the truth hits you full in the face. I am an Asian and most likely am not very forgiving when it comes to infidelity. That being said, I think we still need to hear both sides of the stories. This is so that we can be fair and not judge too harshly or quickly. Would be good to sit down and talk about this? Have a heart to heart talk with each other. I believe that your father's main reason would be he could have been very stressed with taking care of your mother and her health condition. He probably felt the pressure so much and didn't want to burden you but of course it's no excuse for him to go with another woman. Before anyone does anything they regret, it would be best to have a talk and trash things out with open honesty. Later when things have calmed down a little, maybe it's time to see what sort of decision both your parents and yourself can come up with. It's not easy to deal with this overnight. There might be times when you feel like just giving up altogther. Talk to your other siblings if you have any or with your close friends and try to seek their views on this as well. I don't believe that you want your parents to end up hating each other and eventually lead to divorce. Best is to see if both your parents can work things out between themselves before deciding too quickly on resolving this issue with divorce papers. Maybe a trip together as a family to enhance family bonding might help. If anything, the best people to decide on this is your parents and yourself. What will it take you to keep this family going? It takes a lot of hard work of course and perseverence but ultimate decision is still your family and yourself. Forgiveness will come naturally when things have worked itself out. So don't rush to do everything to put things right in a hurry. Rushed decisions will normally lead to many heartaches and regrets.
• China
24 May 12
Oh,my parents are also love each other very much.Coincidentally, my father is terminally ill,and my mather is taking care of him now.Fortunately, i didn't find that they have cheated to each other.I don't know the what the so-called cheat in your wards meanings,i think,now that your parents have live together for such a long time,there is nothing that can't be solved by good ways,if you find a good way to deal with,you need not worry any more .
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
24 May 12
I feel it is a difficult conclusion for children to arrive at as to how justified a parent's infidelity is. It is a private equation between partners and unless you hear absolutely true versions of a story from both sides you are likely to make mistakes in jumping to conclusions and passing judgements. Children should keep their relationship strictly confined to the parent individually without allowing this to come in. Now, why do you have such hypothetical thoughts? Forget it.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Jun 12
My parents are divorced, for mutual reasons. Cheating was never a part of it. However, if one of them cheated on the other, I would not forgive the chating party. Afterall, why should I forgive such a betrayal of the family? They can't teach me better than that, and then go make the stupid mistake themselves.
@acey76 (1278)
• Philippines
24 May 12
if your parents has comitted adultery they are just human and we are also human not to forgive them.