you realise things have to end...but you just can't do it
May 28, 2012 10:00am CST
what would you do if you were in this situation: you realise things aren't working well between you and your partner, and that they are going to end at a certain point, but you don't see your life without him? would you still end things or would you let him do it? I choosed the second option...and it was a big mistake. I wish I had the courage to do it myself
1 person likes this
29 May 12
If I find that things aren't working out well with someone, I would first figure out where the problem is then I'll communicate it to the party involved so I'd know if I was the only one bothered or if that person noticed it too. I'll try to work things out for the better and if doesn't after giving it my all, then I'll end things even if it will hurt. That way, I'll open both our lives to a fresh new start and free each other from the agony of waiting for someone to end it.
• United States
29 May 12
The end does tend to be much easier when the other party in the relationship does in fact pull the trigger. But it is no less harsh. There are people who just aren't able to make the hard decisions and really when people care a little too much about something that is not working, sometimes it is hard to be the one who cuts things loose. It is hard to really cut the strings right from life, but it is just something that all people have to do eventually. Yet, waiting around for the other person to terminate everything, it might haunt you. Because you will always wonder if you could stand to do that or if the other person would never have caught on, how long would they have been strung along with something that is not working.
29 May 12
It's always hard to make that decision.. to stay no matter what (and who knows things will solve in time) or to leave (or hope the other one will end it). I left myself and left everything behind and I am still happy about that. Yes I had to start all over again with nothing. No money, no house, no car, no friends, no family, but it was worth it. It is still the best thing I have ever done for me. I don't know how one has to find the courage for that, with me it was just finished at a certain point (after years). Perhaps the time you had was not bad enough to end it yourself? After my decision I did give my ex 1 year to change (a bit) it worked for 3 days, still I stayed that year and left exactly 1 year later.
29 May 12
I did the same thing as you. I too, for various reasons much too complicated to get into on here, lacked the courage to end my 24 year marriage. I waited for him to do it. It wasn't a huge mistake as far as my relationship with my ex-husband was concerned, however I found it was a huge mistake as far as my kids were concerned. Things are getting better between my kids and I but for a couple of years I thought I had lost them for good. As you might have guessed, being married for 24 years my kids were older when we split up and it was a lot harder to explain things to them. Anyway, had I had the courage to break up with my ex when I should have, I think I would have maintained a much better relationship with my kids. Hindsight is 20/20, or so the saying goes.
28 May 12
Falling out of love is a choice, and once you have decided doing so, then there should be no regret and you must continue to live your life without him. In situations like this, I think the only resolution is space and time, and once one realizes the value of what is lost, then there is the tendency for it to be found again. In addition, if such break-up is inevitable, I think issues should be resolved and it must be, i hope, an amicable separation.