A single of 40 does not mean a single of faulty.

China
June 3, 2012 6:23am CST
The clock clicks and next year I will be 40 but unfortunately I am still a single woman . Nearly every person of my age has been married with a half grown kid and those who are married tend to look at people of my kind in a strange way . They try their hardest to find fault with those singles to explain why we were singled out. I have to admit that no one is perfect but disagree with their opinion that we old singles are faultier than those married person . I think marriage is like a choice of life and many are singled out for reasons other than external or internal fault. So please by open minded and view us in a fair way.
1 person likes this
14 responses
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
4 Jun 12
Being single or getting married is a choice that people make in this life. I am married but I don't look at single people as being strange. I look at it as they have made different choices for their life than I have. Personally I enjoy being married and having a partner, a companion, a best friend to do things with, share things with and yes, that includes sharing our love and our ups and downs among other things. I think that it is probably some closed-minded but happily married people that think everyone else should also be enjoying married life or life with a partner. But obviously it is not for everybody. Some people are very happy being single at any age, while some are happy being married. However, I suppose there are some single people that would like to have a partner but also some married people that wish they were single again! I do find it interesting though that in your first sentence you say you will be 40 but UNFORTUNATELY are single. The use of the word unfortunately would tend to indicate that you are not happy with your current circumstances. If you are happy, why would you choose that word? Just curious, no offence intended.
• China
4 Jun 12
Thank all of you guys who made sincere comments here. What I want to clarify is that I did not intend to be a single for my whole life time . On the other hand even though I am still a single or it may be this way in my whole lifetimeo, I do not think that I am any underpriviliged or anyone less than those married ones and I am Ok with being a single at present. I dated a couple of boys when I was about the age of 19 and then later on I focused my attention and energy on achieving my dream . I took painstakings teaching myself English and professional knowledge and have persisted in that way for around 16 years in fulfilling my dream of immigrating to the States as a RN . I successfully past the tests needed to immigrate but as all of you may know it's just too difficult to get a visa for me. It took me almost 5 years of hopeless waiting and I am giving it up since now I have a different view of life...For the lengthy process of striving for my goal ,I ignored other important issues of life like marriage and housing and went headlong with my will. Now I find that I put myself in a akward situation: 40 is not a good time to start a family and many people tend to judge a single of my age as bad ...That's why I used the word unfortunate in the first sentence . The complexity of my story makes the discription a bit hard. I am really ok with my life but I really wish that those people around me may be fair in understanding people because I think those biases from them are indeed unwarranted ; As to my marrital status, I believe in fate. I think that the right person will appear in my life at the right time and if in the end he failed to approach, it will also be ok with me since I believe in myself and I trust that what I have done over the course of my life is what I take as right.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
4 Jun 12
When it comes to life I am a firm believer that everything is as it should be. As long as you are happy with your life and the decisions you have made that's all that counts. It doesn't matter what other people think about you, your marital status or the choices you have made along the way. You have a whole life ahead of you still and you never know what might happen.
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
3 Jun 12
I am 50 and I am still single! I struggled for years thinking I needed a man in my life! I had family members runbbing it into that I need man in my life! Society is like that,too! It makes you feel like marriage is the only way to go and being single is bad! I had thoughts of marraige when I was younger. Now I don't even want to get married! I have seen to many lousey marriages that end up in divorce and some marriages that should end in divorce but don't! That is not just that! I don't date anymore and am prefectly happy being by myself! Of course alot of friends and family don't understand this but that is their problem!
• China
3 Jun 12
Let's shake hands and be OURSELVES ...giggles.
@Bluedoll (17069)
• Canada
3 Jun 12
I know what you mean for people assume so much but they have not lived your life so how can they know. I think a single person has much to offer if they wish to be someone and if they wish to stay single that is no disgrace. As for children, there are too many unhappy or needy children without mothers. Love has no boundaries.
• China
3 Jun 12
Thanks to all of you guys for the ideas and I wanna let you know that I am not deeply depressed over the biases of being a single. But I really hope that the society is more demorcatic and be more respetive to diversities in life . I am not proud of being a single but I do not need to feel underpriviliged to be one . I'll still stay my status until one day I find the one who I think worths my trust aa I take that marriage is an important part of my life and I don't want to sacrifice my happiness in life under the pressure from others' opinion .
@riempie9 (1026)
• South Africa
23 Jul 12
Being 40 is the best time of your life, especially for a single woman. It is the right time to meet a man as you are at the height of your sensuality, you have your own life, you are settled in your ways, you have gone through the good and bad of toxic relationships, and when you meet a man now you will know how to read him and therefore be more acceptable of certain things.
• India
20 Jul 12
Its not a fault being single. That is ones personal choice to be single or getting married. I respect your view.
• Canada
5 Jun 12
Yes I agree with many of the posters here that say .. don't worry! It is a culture thing as well. In Canada it is so very common to be single at 40, or at least more so then in the Asian cultures. I know my girlfriend is Asian and in her culture as well she is very much wanting to start a family and all. But hey don't be hard on yourself I am sure you're very nice and will eventually find love:)
@airasheila (5459)
• Philippines
4 Jun 12
a pleasant day 19jasmine73, it looks like we are on the same boat, as i am also approaching my age at 40. same as you are, people who knows my age always asked me why until now, i am still single and not yet settled down. as i always answers them a simple smile. to some, a simple smile is good enough as a way of responding however, it is not enough to others, as they will insist again another question, so i am just saying, even i am not yet married, i have already experienced the life of having a partner at all.
@adforme (2116)
4 Jun 12
I am a single woman and it works for me. I am over 40, and I have no regrets being single or childless. To tell you the truth, one can be married at any point in his or her life. I am not in a rush, and won't say my status won't change. What ever happens, it is my life and my call. I think marriage can be wonderful, but I am single with a wonderful life I would not trade.
@Soniasony (1827)
• India
4 Jun 12
Being Single at 40 is a choice and no one can ever think that your choice is wrong as they dont know what life every one goes through.Most of people love to be single and they love to be that way.Married people or so called culturally strong minds tend to think that they made a right decision by marrying and thats how it should be.But everyone has right to choose what they want.How can there be a fault if you are still single?..people need to change their mindset before looking down upon on people.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
4 Jun 12
I hope you don't get that into your heart, people are just criticizing when they are terrified in being in that situation. When I was 27 there was this work where 3 girls were constantly asking why I didn't had a boyfriend, why in my age this and that and one of them I was streessed already - came to talk about this again but didn't know I overheard how she was unhappy with her living in boyfriend, he was nothing hers, he can walk out whenever but still she used to pretend she was superior to me. When she came to talk about this again I said: 'I'm alone to not be in a loveless relationship like YOU', it hit her so hard because I can read people. The only way she felt good with her non-talking, non-loving, non-married relationship was to come to me that was single. Back then I had 3 guys interested in me but one was womanizer, other was weird but anyways, I wasn't into any of them so why the heck we are supposed to have someone? I only be with someone when in love with them and you go girl, you haven't found and you are really brave on being alone if you haven't found! Society is really stupid, people think it's more honorable to get married to whoever even if we don't love? Aren't we supposed to be together when also we found the guy???
• Australia
4 Jun 12
There is nothing wrong with being single and 40... I am 40 too and have been married twice and have teenage kids...now circumstances mean that i am single again... But I am enjoying it as I can now look after my ill and aging mother.... Some say life starts at 40, and i agree... Although climbing on rocks the other day with my son made me think that i am not as young and agile as used to be, lol
• Indonesia
3 Jun 12
Hi, I agree that marriage is a choice of life. If a person choose to stay single then it's not anybody's fault. I am a married woman myself, and I was married because I feel I will be happier than stay single. And I respect single people if they choose happiness than marriage. Just be yourself and believe there's so many open minded people that won't judge your choice .
@sishy7 (27647)
• Australia
3 Jun 12
Definitely a cultural thing as responders before me mentioned. I have friends who are in similar situation as you are and some of them even choose to live abroad where they can 'escape' the pressure from families and societies. Outside their own culture, they soon find out that it is just a normal thing and they can carry on with their lives much easier and happier.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
3 Jun 12
I agree with 3honor on this one. I think it has to be a cultural thing. I am in the US and it is not unusual or looked down upon for a woman of any age not to be married. There are many women who by choice are single. I've been married but divorced for many years. I choose to be single and I love it. Even if people were looking at me strange for being single at my age, I'd still stay single because I like being single and I don't care what others think. It's my life and my choice.