Is My friend Jealous...I'm Confused!

United States
June 10, 2012 2:03pm CST
Hello MyLotters!!! Well, I am confused because last week, I had the house to myself..Yes, my kids went to a movie with their daddy. It felt odd because I am never home alone. So, I thought I would invite two good friends over for a dinner party. (Oh Boy, did I make the wrong plans...) So, my friends arrive at seperate times and as soon as they met, My friend Carol was sitting beside me and wasn't too thrilled. I was then carrying on a conversation with my other friend Laura about a dress and Carol got up and went into my room. I was confused.... What is going on here? Laura said, "I think your friend is jealous!" I said, Jealous of what!? I am allowed to have more than one friend..or so I thought. So, I went in the room and asked Carol what her issue was. She said, "Oh, I'm fine, really." So we went back in the dining room to have dinner. I thought we were having a good time until Laura offered to help me get the drinks ready. I looked over at Carol and she was staring at me in a strange way. I asked her again if she was okay...She said yes..So I then served the meal. At dinner time I tried to conversate with Carol but she looked hesitent and nervous. What was going on here??? All I wanted to do was have a good time. I then asked Laura how work was going...Before she could answer, Carol stood up and said, "I'm sorry, I must go now. I can't stay any longer." And just walked out the door. I am beyond confused and she only answered her phone once, crying and told me she couldn't talk to me anymore..that she couldn't be around me. I have no clue what I did or what Laura had done. I don't want her to hurt like this! what should I do now? Any thoughts?
8 responses
• United States
10 Jun 12
hi jenac1984! i am really sorry for you that your grown-up night turned out so badly as one of your grown-up friends began acting childishly! if you have tried to comfort and remonstrate with your friend, what else can you do...if i were you, (words people hate to hear!) i would continue to reach out to her and support her and hope she comes around...but never ever ever have any social occasions with others...if you value that friendship that much, it would have to be a choice....obviously she does have some insecurity issues, and you could be a help to her...but it sounds like continuing friendship with her will be hard work...
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jun 12
Psychoarist, I completely agree, as we are all adults and it was like going back to high school...Yet, maybe even younger..haha. I don't know what got into her or if she was just having a bad day. I will go see her tomorrow to see how she is. I will also take your advice and plan dinner dates without extra people. We usually go to lunch together during work days. I wonder to myself if there was something about Laura she didn't like that I have no clue about?? It's strage and uncomfortable..Thanks for your input, it helps so much!
@caenear (28)
• Poland
11 Jun 12
Hm, I don't think that by her behaviour she menat that you can't have other firends just her, I think that she really likes you and sometimes she would like to have you only for herself, she probably value your friendship a lot and think that you do the same, which you probably do but in some way she felt that your other friends steals you from her. I think she needs some kind of confirmation that she is important to you and that no one could ever replace her, because really, there is no way one person could replace another in any way, we're all different. I think you should just talk about it with her, probably she will contradict and tell you that everything is fine - as she already did - because she don't want to look like a selfish person who wants to own someone. She is jealous, I can tell but she won't ever tell you that. I think she felt insecure about her place in your life, when she saw you talking with your other firend she probably thought that you don't need her at all, maybe she is also more shy than your other friend and she think that the other woman will take her place. I think that you should talk about it with her, suggesting 'no secrets' and that you won't judge her in any way, maybe she will open up and you could fix everything.
• United States
11 Jun 12
Hello caenear, I really think your response is great! It has helped me to kind of understand the situaton, as before I was so confused. She and I will be going for a drink tonight at a cafe downtown to sort through this little misunderstanding. You have helped me think of the right questions to ask her. I didn't want to put this all out there to upset her. I just know that she has to open up so that our friendship can grow. We've been great friends and I would truely be upset if I lost her. Thanks again!
• Poland
11 Jun 12
No problem I'm happy that I hepled you, really, hopefully you will fix everything out with your friend! I hope she will open up and understan that you care about her a lot! Keeping my fingers crossed for you :)
@PageTurner (2827)
• United States
10 Jun 12
Hello JenAC1984 Do your friends, Carol and Laura, know each other apart from their relationship with you? What else did Carol say to you on the telephone when she was crying? Does Carol have any other friends?
• United States
10 Jun 12
Hi PageTurner, No, these two friends of mine had just met the night I invited them over for dinner. Carol left the converstation brief, crying and said She couldn't talk to me and hung up the phone. And yes, Carol has many other friends she visits, from what she says. We share some of the same friends as well. She has never done this before. I am confused as to what is wrong with her.
• United States
10 Jun 12
I can see why you find your friend's behavior vexing. It does seem like she is jealous, but also like there is more going on. I once introduced a couple of my closest friends, and over time realized they were jealous, but they never behaved like this. It is quite vexing.
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Jun 12
I don't know as I am only guessing but it sounds like she had something else going on in her life and maybe she thought she could talk about it when she got there until there was a stranger there too. It probably made her uncomfortable the rest of the night because of whatever else was going on. It doesn't sound like a jealousy issue although I could be wrong as I do not know her. But it does seem like much more than that. I hope you get a hold of her and try to figure out what happened and if she is okay. It really seems to me like she was having a break down and usually we do not get jealous like that unless she is just really immature. I hope you can get your friend back! =)
• United States
11 Jun 12
Hello my friend! Well, we are going out for drinks tonight to clear up this situation. I am going to take the advice I've been given and just allow her to open up, in private so she feels comfortable venting to me. I have her very best interest at heart. I do see that we can work it out, as she has already called me today and sounds much better. I appericate your kind words and help on this issue! You've been great!
@OYouness (87)
11 Jun 12
Hello JenAC1984 First, if Carol acted this way that means that she really likes you and that you are so important to her; maybe this is her way of expressing what you mean to her. Second, I think that you should give her some time till she relaxes and realizes that what she did is wrong. Third, if she doesn't calm down, try to contact her and to discuss with her, face to face, what did really anoyed her that night, then to figure out what it can be done to fix things up. Anyway, I hope that your relation will come back as it was before. Have a nice day.
• United States
11 Jun 12
Hello Oyouness, I think you might be right. I know we've been close friends for about 3 years or so now, and I wouldn't want our friendship to end over one night you know? She is such a sweet person and we would do anything for one another. I will check back with her tomorrow and maybe if I talk to her in person, alone we can work this all out. She knows where to find me too. I hope you have a great day as well. Thanks a bunch!
@Shavkat (67164)
• Philippines
1 Sep 12
Some friends react so weird, it could be a jealous type of personality. She must be expecting to spend a lot of time to her.
@akash009 (453)
• India
9 Jul 12
hello, from the things that u told us it is very much clear that she is a bit jelous. It happens to lot of people. When two people are really close they share so much with each other, and when they see that that the other peson is not giving that much time to him/her anymore then they get jelous and start blaming you. Well in this you shpuld talk to her and get all the thigs cleared. Tell her to be frank about her problems and you are there for her all the time. She doesn't need to feel isolated. Just talk to her and make her comfortable.
@GemmaR (8526)
25 Jun 12
It can be hard when we invite lots of friends over who might not know each other, and your friend might have felt as though she was being left out of the conversation because of the fact that you were talking about something that she didn't really want to discuss. But if this is the case, I think that it was a little bit childish of her to leave the room and go somewhere else, because she should have just made the effort to talk about something that she was interested in so that she could have been involved, but I guess that she was just looking for a little bit of attention.