What do you do if you were in her shoes?

@ryanong (9694)
Vietnam
June 16, 2012 1:59am CST
I have one female friend. She and her boyfriend are in love for 2 years. Recently, she found that her boyfriend can't have a baby because he got heavy mumps when he was a kid. She did ask her boyfriend about it and he said it is right, he can't have a baby later.... My friend is very worried and confused about it. She loves that guy and she loves babies so much and really want to have a baby after married...but now the truth is her boyfriend can't have a baby. What do you do if you were in her shoes?
1 person likes this
18 responses
• United States
19 Jun 12
If she loves him she should stay with him nowdays they have all kinds of things they can do. if they dont want to adopt they could have a surogate mother, all kinds of other options to. I think if your in love you should stay there besides everything happens for a reason.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Thank you so much for your advice. Their love will guide them what they do the next, right?
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• United States
19 Jun 12
Yup your welcome. I hope everything works out for them.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Ya, it is hard to make a decision since they have been being in love for 2 years. She just needs more time to think about it...because if i were in here shoes, i really don't know what to do also...i will be stress because of it...
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@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
16 Jun 12
Sorry to hear about your friend. If they are willing to adopt a child, they can do that option.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Thank you for your advice. Life is coming with troubles like that sometimes. Currently my friend is still thinking about it...if she is ok with adoption, they may go to get married.,,,
2 people like this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
19 Jun 12
Yeah, they have to think about it a lot of times about adopting a child.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
ya, you are right...it is not easy to make a decision now..
@rkennedee (333)
16 Jun 12
ohhh that's very sad to hear.. it is a really tough decision for her at list she was informed about this earlier but if he really love the guy and they are really comfortable with each other i think she should give it a try. now a days nothing is impossible with our technology and they have a lot of options but it really needs a lot of money.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 Jun 12
ya, she can have a baby later by using artificial inseminate but it needs much money also. it is really hard for her to make a decision now. If i were in her shoes, i don't know what to do next also....
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Oh, the woman is pregnant while her husband can't have babies? Is it very sure that the husband can't have babies? If he can't...so who is the father of a baby? and does he know about it?
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@asdomencil (4276)
• Philippines
19 Jun 12
I guess if she really loves the guy, she will stay with her. I think, they have to talk about it. They can still have a baby thru adoption but it is really different when the baby comes from her. Do they already checked with the doctors about his condition? Perhaps there are other ways to do it.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Ya, he can't have babies, it is the truth and no cure for it also.
1 person likes this
@Bhebelen14 (5206)
• Philippines
16 Jun 12
This is a very hard situation which need more time to think and the guy was really brave because he admitted it to your friend that he cant have a baby. Anyway most of girls want to have a baby but there are cases like this that even though we want we cant have it. I think you friend should think twice or thrice to choose what she really wants, having a baby with other man or live with the man she love without a baby. That's was an option, in other hard she can still have a baby if they both agree to adopt or undergo in vitro fertilization and look for a donor so that your friend can get pregnant and they can have a baby. But based on you statement that you friend she loves much to have a baby after married than to her boyfriend I think she needed to set the boyfriend free that prolonging the pain and confusion that she feel. After that she can start a new life and have a baby with someone she likes someday.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Ya, you are right...many people want to have their own babies...i want to have my own babies too, i never have a thinking of adoption yet...that's why i can understand her thinking... Currently she takes time to think of it and hasn't a decision yet...Honestly, if i were in her shoes...i also don't know what to do next...it is not easy to make a decision, right?
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@viji_v2 (727)
• India
16 Jun 12
There are some natural medicines outside us which most people have no idea. If I was in her position I would just make him to take those till last try. It will give him some positive thoughts as he will be alright sooner. If any methods wont cured him, there are many children outside the world who did not have parents or love to share. Adopting them gives pleasure to all.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
You are right...many kids out there need to have parents...However, many people really want to have their own kids, that's why she is still thinking about it. i think it is good for her to take her time to think carefully before going to make a decision...
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jun 12
Hi friend, sorry to hear about this. But what to do, if she is in sincere and real love with him, she don't have the ability to marry another person, she can adopt a baby and consider it as her own one, i will do the same if i am in her sort
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
You are such nice person... Ya, if she is ok with adoption then for sure it is nice for both of them going to married. Currently she is still thinking about it...
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@joevanosa (303)
• Philippines
16 Jun 12
It is so sad, so sad knowing that your friend is in that situation. Maybe, if I am in the girl's situation, I would first assess if I truly and extremely love the guy that I can't live without him because if I can still be happy with my life without him, then I can go and look for another guy who can give me babies. But I do hope that if she would choose leaving the guy, I hope she'll find a better replacement because it is hard to find a good guy today.
1 person likes this
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
I agree with you too, it is really hard to find a good guys today... If she leaves that guy and she can find another good guy, then it is ok for her, but if not ...many troubles may come also. Life is like that, there are always troubles around us...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Jun 12
Well, it doesnt matter. They can adopt a baby if they like. Unless, they can still do something about it like getting his boyfriend for checkups and medication so that they can cure the mumps.
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 Jun 12
No, he got mumps 1 time only when he was a kid and he got an orchitis at that time, it is a reason why he can't have babies now. You are right, if their love is strong then they can do marry and can adopt a baby later since she loves babies so much...
@cloud31 (5811)
16 Jun 12
The question itself makes me confused either.But there is only one thing came up in my thought.If he really love the guy then he need to sacrifice her happiness to have a babies in the future.They can adopt a baby or either what arrangement they could make as couple. Love is acceptance,if she think she would still be happy without having a child then she will be able to continue with the guy or otherwise... If I were in her situation,truly if I love my boyfriend I will learn to accept the truth that my desire of having a child will never fulfilled.It sad to choose between the two but "Love" can give a final answer..
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 Jun 12
Ya, It is sad and hard to select... I agree with you too, love can give a final answer only...
@ravipors (81)
• India
16 Jun 12
I would say if she has a strong love for him, she can marry him. Having children is a wonderful thing and the time you spend with your children is most precious. Yet I think love for partner is more important. Because for babies you have a lot of options like adoption, artificial insemination etc, but for love of life what can you do to replace it.
1 person likes this
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 Jun 12
You are right, to have babies they can have adoption, artificial insemination...With strong love, they can pass all those problems. I hope they love each other and do marry later.
@syramoon (655)
• United States
16 Jun 12
If I truely loved the guy I would stay with him and marry him. There is always the option of adoption later. And even if I really wanted children I couldn't see giving up the man I loved because he was infertile. And it's not like it's his fault that he got ill when he was younger. Did he try to keep this information from her? That might annoy me but at the same time I think I would understand that he was afraid of rejection, because lets face it a lot of men keep their self confidence in their pants, and something like that has to be a huge blow to his ego. I would stay with him and still have a happy life, and if I was able to I would adopt a baby.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 Jun 12
Thank you so much for your sharing. I know some couples still live in happiness even though they don't have their babies. Marry him is the happy ending, i and wish they both can live in happiness later.
• Malaysia
16 Jun 12
Can you explain what does heavy mumps means?
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@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 Jun 12
Ah, when he was a kid, he got mumps, it can be prevented by vaccination. You can see more information in here. http://www.medicinenet.com/mumps/page4.htm#complications However, at that time his mom didn't notice it soon, so that he got complications of mumps (orchitis). It made him can't have a baby more.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jun 12
If i was the role of your friend i will continue the affair and later i will marry him. I believe that it is not his fault not to become a father. I think it is good to adopt a child from orphan. So that all the problem gets solved.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 Jun 12
You are right, it is not his fault...but he got it and right now he can't have a baby. In fact she can have a baby later by get an artificial inseminate. But it needs money also. If that man also wants it then they can do marry later.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jun 12
So what is the advice from you to your good friend ? What is her decision ?
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Me? i have no advice to her yet...seriously if i am in her shoes,i don't know what to do also...
@GemmaR (8526)
21 Jun 12
I want children, so I think that I would be very shocked if the person who I wanted to be with suddenly told me that he was unable to do so. However, there are ways around it, and I would just have to accept that he could not be the Father of my child. I would have to get somebody else to donate sperm so that we could have a child and bring it up as our own, but he would just not be the biological Father. That doesn't mean that he wouldn't love the child, and that the child wouldn't be his, because it is the fact that he would be there for it that would be important rather than the fact that he might not be able to have children that actually shared his DNA.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
25 Jun 12
Thank you for your response.. Same as you, i want to have my children...and for sure we are shocked when the boyfriend told he cannot have a baby. You are right, my friend can take donated sperms and have her kids...and they still can live in happiness. I hope both of them can do like that too.
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Jun 12
hi ryanong I think perhaps they could adopt a baby as there are many babies needing homes or perhaps an older child. its not his fault that the measles as a kid made him unable to have children. if they truly love each other and wish a family why not adopt? there are many children needing parents too.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Hi Hatley, Long time no see...how are you? Ya, you are right...That man is unlucky when got a complication of the measles, they still can adopt if they want to care children. God bless their love...
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
18 Jun 12
i dont know..i would probably do all that i can to still have a baby. with todays' technology in the dr. office it might still be possible to have a baby with this man she is with but there might or might now be complication, i just want everyone to be aware of that. Im very sorry to hear that tho and i will pray for them
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
Me either...I have no advice to her also...because i really want to have my own babies, not adoption. In fact, if she is ok with adoption then it is easy to make a decision, but currently she is still thinking about it...
1 person likes this
@mythociate (15621)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
20 Jun 12
There are plenty of orphans she could choose an infant-or-two from. If she really wants to have her own, there are ways they could get around to it.