She gave me $40 for fathers day..

United States
June 18, 2012 11:18am CST
It is the norm here to give single mothers gifs for fathers day. MY daughter gave me an envelope that she decorated with happy fathers day. It had money in it. She did not say anything to me she just set it on top of my dresser. I never expected her to even think of me on any day let alone this one. I feel a little strange about it being we had a big argument. I will leave it alone though...
6 people like this
17 responses
• United States
18 Jun 12
It's like this Gifts. You are her mom through good times and bad. You don't stop being a mom. You are her only parent, so in a sense you are both mother and father to her. I give my adopted mom a Father's day card also every year, because she is so full of wisdom to me that she is very much my everything as far as a parent and friend goes. You've got to stop reacting and just be her parent. You can say thank you for the gift and give her a hug. At the time she gave it to you, she wanted to do so. That's a good chunk of money to give someone if they don't really want to. She might flip on you any moment, but it is then that you don't react negatively. Just love her from a distance. Watch and wait. don't look for her to fail. She might fail, but try to hope for the best with her. She may have an ulterior motive for giving it to you, but that will remain to be seen. In the mean time, try to own a little bit of the cause for this tension between you too. Why not just ask her why she is so angry with you. I bet it has nothing to do with the here and now. It may be from past hurts that she felt. We all have done things wrong or could have done things better. I am one to reflect upon the choices I have made in life and own the chain reaction that my choices have made. It doesn't mean that I was totally wrong, but it means that I had some part in the way things unfolded. I think that is true with you and with lots of people. I know it is true for me. For the longest time every sentence was about how good Adrian was and how bad KK was. It was obvious you were not totally balanced in your thinking. You write out of emotion, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, you paint a picture with your words that I don't think you are even aware of. When a person confronts you with your own words and how they sound you deny it, but your own words tell the story that we perceive in our hearts and minds. I said all that to say, accept the money and say thank you. Take whatever love she has to offer and when she spews hatred, let it fall off your back like rain. That is all you can do. She is unpredictable due to her illness and her learned behaviors. We teach people how to treat us. From the time she was 11 years old she ruled the roost and you did what she said. Now the rules of the game are changing and she has to deal with it.. it may take her awhile... so just love her when she lets you.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jun 12
The last time we had it out she started crying and saying how after she turned 18 I threw her out. She also said,how adrain and I won't take her anywhere with us. which is very true now. But,in the past she was always invited to come with us. Now,after all the crap she pulled he won't take her anywhere. She told me also that I don't do anything for her. which was a bold faced lie. I just took her food shopping,bbought her clothing and gave her money. all this while she had just got paid the day before. I am sure she is upset about me and adrian. I can't do anything about that to make her feel better. Because nothing is going to change. I would like to ask her what could I do to make her feel better but,I am sure there is nothing at this point. I think her man is out of jail now and that is all she is thinking about. if you think I can change something please let me know. thanks for everything.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 12
Hi Gifts. Iknow from your perspective you may not think it's worth asking her. However, she has feelings too. It's a matter of sides at the moment. There is your side, and you filter your thoughts and feelings from your experience. Now she has her side which doesn't resemble your side in the slightest. Her thoughts and feelings are filtered through her experiences. She carries every hurtful thought and emotion (you and Adrian) excluding her in your lives (not taking her anywhere) very close to the surface. Adrian became the important person in your life. She was demoted to 'child' instead of an equal or nearly equal person in your life. Remember, she isn't 11 anymore. She is a young woman. She was a young woman at 17. It's not going to hurt anything to hear her. I mean really listen to her. Ask her to say anything she feels, but ask her to remain calm and respectful. No cursing is allowed. This is not a time fir you to defend yourself. This is the time for you to be a parent and listen to your adult daughter. We talked a lot last night and I won't mention anything here. Even though you are upset about this whole situation, I think you can begin to heal and she can too. Let's just jeep all other distractions, like her boyfriend out if it for now. Just invite her to talk about how it was for her to be 'replaced' by Adrian'. I know you are going to defend yourself and say that didn't happen, but this isn't about you. It's about K. It's about K not having the mother and daughter life you might have wished you could have had. I can almost guarantee k feels the way I said because I have a daughter. She was the center if my life and then I got a boyfriend and we married. She felt demoted. She felt the man was more important than her. These feelings grow and fester. They grow until you get stuck in the mud with these feelings. Even if her perception doesn't match yours, it's just as galas as yours. Her feelings and emotions drive how she behaves with you. The only way to try and understand her and have a REAL daughter mother relationship is to LISTEN to her. Even if you don't want to hear what she has to say. This is why I have said before that you both need family counseling. She may be behaving badly but she is not a bad person. She feels thrown away Gifts. I can guarantee you that much. Granted, it was the only thing you could do, but that diesnt change her feelings. Maybe through LISTENING to each other WITHOUT interrupting each other would be a good place to start. I'll assure you of something else...your relationship can only improve if you both follow the rules and acknowledge each other's feelings. She doesn't need you as much now. She is 18 and a little more independent. Maybe now she will stop treating you like an ATM machine. That behind you and you might find some common ground.
@Hatley (148989)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Jun 12
hi gifts wow thats something c oming from kaykay. I am sorry you guys had a big argument. Is she with you yet or what? I am woefully\behind on all mylot news as my computer shorted out along with my monitor sometime in May so this is my first day back. I have a feeling maybe KayKay is trying more now. I hope all is well with you both. use that money, you do deserve it after all. am go glad to be back. take care hugs from hatley.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jun 12
She is staying with my mother. I am moving in a new place in august. I will be moving alone then too.
@suzzy3 (8401)
18 Jun 12
I think it is nice to get a present .It seems maybe things are not great between you and your daughter.Maybe she really appreciates you.Kids are strange creatures we dish out the dinners ,do the washing and try to provide a nice home.I hope things are good between you it sounds like the olive branch has been layed out for you.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jun 12
I hope it gets better over time. I am moving soon and we will not be around each other much.
• United States
18 Jun 12
That was nice of your daughter to give you money for Father's Day. I have never heard of anyone giving a mother a gift on Father's Day. I know this year my dad was happy because this was the first time in 8 years that he had all three of his children together on Father's Day. We had a BBQ for dad and I made fruit kabobs and bought a cake. It was a relaxing day. Dad did not want to go out he just wanted to stay at home and be with his family.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jun 12
I am glad u got to spend some good time with your dad. I have no father and only wish I could feel the joy you feel.
@shaqziad (655)
• Malaysia
18 Jun 12
She do love you, but won't say it out loud. I also won't use the money, if i get it from somebody. Instead, i might framed it and hung it somewhere.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jun 12
I would not frame it lol.. that is cute.
@shaqziad (655)
• Malaysia
19 Jun 12
I receive a few ringgit ( not even worth a US dollar when converted) from a teacher back at school for Chinese New Year hongpao, and i still keep it till now. I'm not even chinese. It just how i appreciate his gift, and him.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 12
bI think that was very nice of the teacher to give you that.
• Philippines
19 Jun 12
That's so sweet. A Belated Father's day to you, too. Maybe that's her peace offering in a way for having an argument with you. Maybe it's time to put things back in order.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 12
I think it was sweet and she could also be kind when she wants to.
@shaggin (23529)
• United States
19 Jun 12
I'm a single mother but I wouldnt want a fathers day gift. I would feel bad people giving me a gift for both mothers and fathers day. I seriously think it is a really sweet idea though but I just dont like people wasting money on me. I think that the most important thing is that you thank your daughter. She did this as an act of kindness. After a fight I'm sure its her way of telling you she loves and appreciates you.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jun 12
That was a nice thing for her to do yes. I know at times she can be really nice.
@wongchoiyee (5365)
• Malaysia
18 Jun 12
Seems like she is having a change though, maybe she realized that you both are important so she celebrate this Father's Day with you all.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jun 12
she spent it with other people not me.
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
18 Jun 12
That is a huge turn around coming from her, and I am hoping it's for the best. Do you think your mother could have encouraged it? Either way, I am sure it made you feel good inside.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jun 12
I don't know about my mother. I know she has been staying with my mother. It dd not make me feel good because at any moment she can explode and tell me how I never did anything for her and more. so,I am just wondering what will happen next.
• United States
19 Jun 12
My mom was a single parent to three girls. We always honored her on Father's Day as well as Mothers Day, as she was technically both parents in one.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
19 Jun 12
I had never heard of giving a mother a gift on father's day before. Still it is a nice gesture for your daughter to think of you and give you such a wonderful gift. Everyday should be treated like mother's day and father's day from child to parent. I think that life would be so much sweeter that way. enjoy your gift and your time with your children.
@toniganzon (35306)
• Philippines
19 Jun 12
After what you had been through with her. All those fights and all... she still remembers and it only shows she appreciates you for being a mom and a dad to her at the same time.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39913)
• Canada
19 Jun 12
just take it, it is about time she has given you something.
1 person likes this
@ryanong (9697)
• Vietnam
19 Jun 12
She loves and cares you so much. I am happy for you to have a nice daughter like her...
1 person likes this
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
19 Jun 12
That was very thoughtful of her. Maybe, she is turning around and thinking of others, or even what you have done for her.
1 person likes this
20 Jun 12
Hi i am a sigle mum like you. Every fathers day, my doughter use to give me a gift. The last fathers day, she gave me a picture of us together, when she was four.
@Austina (92)
• Philippines
20 Jun 12
That is nice. How sweet is your daughter.