I miss being a wife to my husband

Philippines
June 20, 2012 10:33pm CST
Having a newbaby at home requires a whole lot of my time and energy. It seems like my whole world revolves around her, my time and my every move is limited and controlled by her needs. I really have a lot to catch up with my husband. Haven't had intimate moments with him for about a month,now. Im glad he understands and supports me with the motherhood role. He took me out for a date over the weekend, but I was so uncomfortable and my mind still traveled back home and wondering if baby is okay. I felt guilty towards my husband that I didn't try enough to make that datenight a good one. I hope I could adjust very soon and be a wife again.
1 person likes this
17 responses
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
26 Jun 12
Hi Jureathome, how are you? It is great to know that you missed being the wife to your husband. Take solace in the fact that your wifely role to your husband has never been lost.., only some of the roles are temporarily been shifted (or delayed) for good reason- to accommodate the birth of your child! It is even sweeter to know that your husband understands, and is expressing the patience that both of you need at this time. I know that when the right time comes, both of you will enjoy the moments that both of you are accustomed to; so continue to build on your plans to 'give it to him fully' and without reservation, and enjoy! (Smile)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
It really is a heroic role to be a mom and a wife at the same time. A priceless profession that shouldn't be neglected - and I'm proud to be thriving.
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
29 Jun 12
I am happy to say well done my dear Jureathome, well done.
25 Jun 12
I can relate to your story mate! But I think husbands would be proud if we can attend to the needs of their child. Just don't rant at him all the time about the deprivations you experienced while tending the baby (that's what I'm trying to minimize right now).
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
Oh, I do rant sometimes, when I'm so tired and so deprived of sleep. He just smiles at me and gives me a hug -- that's so sweet. Then, he asks me what he can do to make me feel better. That alone already does the magic. Sometimes, i just need some compassion and affection.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
23 Jun 12
I hear that in a year things gets easier, and even better that the first 6 months are the roughest. I'm sure you'll have plenny of time. I hear many moms say they miss their kid when they were babies, that they grow up fast. Maybe if you foccus only in this joy that won't come back it could become more fun But boy, would I miss dating? I really would, I know how you feel. Just maybe try to foccus more in the other thing like having fun watching your baby growing and all and time will pass faster. Sometimes when the baby is older enough to have a nannie or you to leave with your parents then you can go date and have lots of fun!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
Honestly, sometimes I'd wish she'd be a year old already...but that's when I'm at my worst - no sleep, tired arms and shoulders, heavy eyes,etc. But, its true that you can never turn back time, so we, parents, should savor every moment we have with our kids.
• United States
25 Jun 12
Hello and congratulation on the birth of your newborn! Hopefully your husband is very understanding when it comes to getting used to having your baby as a part of your everyday lives. I'm pretty sure once things get situated to a point, both of you will be able to enjoy datenights as well as caring for your daughter.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (21763)
• United States
21 Jun 12
When my daughter was first born we would take her every where with us. You will not ever be completely okay leaving your kids with someone else but you got to try to relax and take your time. If your not ready to leave her just bring her with. I know its not complete alone time with your husband but it's better then nothing. I think I'm more comfortable with my second on the way to leave him with family then I was with my first. Yes your world revolves around that baby and it's going to be that way for a while but it is about finding that balance. Spend time together when she is sleep and even spend time with yourself like taking a hot bath for or shower for 5 minutes. A newborn can be stressful. Its okay to feel guilty, tired or even upset. During the first 6 months at least and some times even after that.
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
It's just not easy to carry the baby anywhere, and is not advisable to expose her too soon to the outside world. With all the viruses around, I can't risk it. And, also, its supposed to be a date night. Im lucky to have my sister do some babysitting job for me. After that first try, Im more comfortable now. So long as I have someone to look after her, whom I can trust, I can go out with my husband for longer hours.
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
I'm not so sure about that. The doctor advised against taking the baby out too often, especially on her first days or weeks. Here in our place, pollution is everywhere and is getting worse. Plus, the sun's heat and ultraviolet rays is really damaging to the skin, all the more for newborns who are very sensitive. I do take her out early in the morning from 6am-8am to get sunshine and VitD. But, I don't want to risk her getting viruses, especially with a bad weather here. Colds, cough and flu are everywhere. My niece even just got dengue fever. i think its better safe than sorry.
@sayo13 (414)
• India
22 Jun 12
this is supposed to happen with every couple when they become parents.And being the mother you are supposed to experience this kind of guilty and embarrassment at this point of time in life.But all you need is to spent some time everyday with him no matter how much you are busy and engrossed with baby.The main concern should be you should not make him neglected and left alone. This is very crucial time when most of the husband feel detached and left alone and they seek outside company, so make it a point that the communication between you two is intact no matter how much you can give him and make it a point to spend some time with him everyday and try to discuss with him and even get intimate and make it a point that that you have taken care of the baby issues and everything is settled. this is very important as well as crucial stage of life where you enjoy your motherhood and at the same time you suffer from guilty due to lack of time you devote to your partner.
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
Communication is indeed important. We have to be open to each other. I would want to hear from him how he feels about the changes. If he at all, feels neglected or detached, I would want to hear it from him. Sometimes, when I get so engrossed with taking care of the baby, I'd forget the living world around us. I also would ask him once in awhile and he would reassure me that he understands.
@sizzle3000 (3039)
• United States
21 Jun 12
I think that that's how it normally is with newborns. All us mothers can really think about is thebaby. I thought husbands did the same thing but i guess it just depends on how the male feels. It should get better as the child gets older. Until then just spend the time with the baby together. These times are precious because they grow up so fast.
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
I often hear from other moms whose kids have grown that they so long to have a new baby again, but of course, due to age they can no longer have one. So, it made me realize how important it is to savor and celebrate each moment I have with my baby.
@cher913 (25887)
• Canada
21 Jun 12
you will never be 'just a wife' anymore. even when your kids are older (mine are 15 and 19) you will always now be a wife and a mother. you just have adjust and make special 'couple time' with each other. it will be a bit of a juggle bit it is so worth it.
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
That's right. Only, that it'd be easier to to more things and spend time for myself or with my husband, when kids are bigger and can be left on their own or with someone else's supervision.
• Philippines
21 Jun 12
Been there in the same situation before. It's really hard to get back to your normal scheme when you have a new baby. You could try to have a time management, so like for example if your husband is working, try to make sure all your chores are done when he got home so you can still have even just a little time with him. If you don;t want to leave your baby or if you are always worrying about her, try to cook and have an intimate dinner at home instead of going out so you don; need to worry a lot. you can also have a movie night at home while your baby is sleeping.
• Philippines
22 Jun 12
That sounds like a good plan -- cook and have dinner together at home. I can probably send my older daughter for a sleep over at my mother's house where she can also enjoy playing with her cousin, so we can have the house to ourselves and have a romantic date at home... wow! sounds like a plan...thanks.
• United States
21 Jun 12
Your husband should understand, he helped make the baby he should be helping take care of her. If he isnt i would be worried and he should have known when you have a baby things change and the attention always goes to the baby.
• Philippines
4 Jul 12
"he helped make the baby"...that's a good way of putting it. Seriously, he does understand and helps as much as he can. Although, I would also give him more time to rest when he gets home from work. Work is just as stressful as my mommy duties.
@GemmaR (8526)
21 Jun 12
It is perfectly normal to be like that, and couples go through the same thing all the time when they have a new child. You've both just been through a huge change in your life, and of course your child needs to come first for at least the first few months. It is busy, and you must both be exhausted. That's not to say that you can't get any time alone though. Try to make sure that you have a night or an afternoon once each week where somebody else, perhaps a family member, could look after your child and you could go out for dinner or something. That means that you would still be able to have time together without having to look after your child at the same time.
• Philippines
22 Jun 12
That sounds like a very feasible arrangement. I could call my sister to sleep over for a night during the weekend and baby sit. She'd love to do that, since she loves the baby. I just have to prepare a few bottles of expressed milk.
@WakeUpKitty (8704)
• Netherlands
21 Jun 12
Your husband can give you a hand, since he is not only husband anymore either also a father. Well now you know what it means to be a parent. If you want to be a wife as well and your husband a husband you both have to make quality time for yourself (get dressed nicely, pamper yourself) and make quality time for eachother (dating again find a baby sitter). It's the only way.
• Philippines
22 Jun 12
He does help out when he can. He is working at night, and when he gets home, he would spend a couple of hours, at the least, with us. He helps with bathing the baby and plays with our first daughter. He has been showing a lot of affection lately, and very vocal about how he misses me much - as his partner. We are planning our 2nd date for this coming weekend..
@toniganzon (55292)
• Philippines
21 Jun 12
Surely your husband understands. You are not only the parent here but both of you are. I was lucky that my husband was so involve in raising our son. We took turns in waking up every night to feed our son. We bathed him together, changed his diapers together. We had our bonding moment with our son then and both us shared the burden and joys of being a parent.
• Philippines
22 Jun 12
During the first week, when he was on Paternity leave, he helped a lot. Especially that I was still recovering from delivery and i really lacked a lot of rest. His best contribution is keeping our first child attached. I can't give us much time and attention on our 3yr old, so he is there to make sure she is not left out.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
21 Jun 12
Hi... I'm not married, but I can understand it. It happens in almost every family. When the first baby arrives, the intimacy vanishes for a little while. But that is natural. And I'm sure your husband understands it. When he took you out, it was only his attempt to tell you that he too loves you and needs you... Lady, try and maintain a balance. It'll be tough as the baby is too young, but you can work on it. Good Luck!
@TheIzers (680)
21 Jun 12
Congrats for the newborn jureathome, I was in similar situation as you are seven months ago taking care of baby is 24/7 job so I totally understand how you feel now. It's good that you have a very kind husband who can understand you and I think communication and taking part of caring the baby will surely help you be a wife again.
• United States
21 Jun 12
Well he also has fatherly duties. It shouldn't be all on you. I have had a new baby at home as well, and at first it put a strain on our relationship, but we got through it. She is the most important thing, and we both agree on that. We both help in taking care of her.
21 Jun 12
Planning, allocation of duties, that is key.