Would you say something to them..

United States
June 20, 2012 11:13pm CST
If you gave someone some money and it was meant for something else and they promised to pay you back and you see them walking around with brand new stuff would you remind them of the promise. Would you feel like it would be best to leave it alone because you could end up in a fight... MOney can be the reason for a lot of people not being friends or family anymore..
5 people like this
19 responses
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
21 Jun 12
I've learned to never lend anything I can't afford to lend. If a friend of mine needs money and I have some to spare, I'll give them what they need and leave it up to them as to whether or not they repay it. That way, there are no awkward meetings. But, if I were in your place, I think I'd mention it maybe like, "Hey, if you can start repaying the money I lent you soon, I'd really appreciate it because I really do need it now" and just leave it at that, it puts the ball in their court and they'll know for sure that they have to make the next move by at least showing an effort to repay you. I think I'd actually go so far as to write up an agreement with the other person in the future if they are asking for a LOAN. That way, you'd have a legal document with their signature and could take it to small claims court if you need to. It's a shame that some people have to be forced to repay a loan but it happens. I would feel bad if I lent money that wasn't repaid but it would show me the true colors of the person I lent the money to. If a "friend" borrows money and never repays, they aren't really a friend and I'd be glad to be rid of them. Family is the same way. I learned a long time ago that you can't pick your family like you can your friends and sometimes they're just not worth caring for.
• United States
21 Jun 12
The person I am speaking about is family. I should not have to say anything to her. she knows what I did for her. and now today she spent over a grand on herself..
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
22 Jun 12
I would definitly say something to her, Sharon. Some people really do forget and there are others that if you don't say anything, they assume that YOU forgot and you will never see it. I agree that you shouldn't have to say anything but sometimes you have to. I'll remind someone ONCE and that's it. After that, I just won't lend them another bloody thing.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
22 Jun 12
If she just spent over a grand on herself, she can certainly repay you. I would definitely say something if I were you. There's actually no way I could hold it in! I'd have to bite my tongue to keep from saying things I'd regret and just try to remind her that she still owes me money and I need it as soon as possible and, since she can spend that much on herself, she can afford to repay me. Is there anyone else in the family that you can talk to about this issue? It might be very helpful to have someone else on your side applying pressure to the one who owes you.
• Indonesia
21 Jun 12
When I give loan to someone I set a date for the person to return back the money, lets say 2 weeks and if the person walked with brand stuff before the due date I dont care as long as the person will return my money back on time but if the person doesnt return back my money on time, of course I would remind him/her of the money they borrowed from me. I dont like to give loan without telling them when they are supposed to return back the money. Many people will act as if they got amnesia when they borrowed money from other people, but I will make sure they remember the due date because promise is promise no matter what and they should not broke the promise.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27713)
• United States
21 Jun 12
To me money is sacred. I never lend money to people. That is the one thing that destroys friendships. I know that only real good friends might pay you back, most people do not and that includes family. I need every dollar I get, so I am not so quick to give it away. For my children I will do what I can.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
22 Jun 12
Yes...I agree with you on the kids. I tend to be more forgiving on debts with my kids. I have one daughter that really struggles. I wish I could help more. I always tell her it is a loan and she has to pay me back but if I'm able to , I will tell her to just keep it when she tries to pay me. A couple of loans have been larger and she just was unable to pay. I juggled things and mangaged to get by so now, it's like I don't even expect it back and I'm ok with that. If I have a little extra, I'll buy diapers for my grandson...oh heck...I'll buy those even when it's not extra...dipped into my rent a couple of times for that one. Kids...YES...other people...NO!
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27713)
• United States
28 Jun 12
Yes, I will always help out my kids whenever I can. But other people, I cannot bring myself to do that for. It's not that I am mean or evil, it's just that money creates enemies. And ends friendships as well. So, I never get involved with lending any money to anyone.
@asliah (11148)
• Philippines
11 Oct 12
hi, it will depend upon the money that they borrowed to me,like now i am experiencing that i need to tell to that person that i need the money within this month,i would rather to say that if i have seen that she never pay me after months.
@alutka (211)
28 Jun 12
money is a fragile subject, many times led to decomposition, Friendship, rodziny.Nie wogole should steer clear of this subject, but gently and firmly speak what's czuje.Pozyczki and are often used to good purpose, but sometimes becomes a serious problem.
@much2say (40179)
• United States
22 Jun 12
I lend money to no one! You're right money can be the reason for people not being friends or family . . . so I totally don't even want to go there. I will absolutely never ask anyone for money (other than hubby of course) . . . so if I don't ask them for money, they better not ask me either - ha ha. And this is besides the fact that I don't have extra money to lend out. BUT if I had, and I did see them walking around with brand new stuff, I just might mention it at some point - in case they "conveniently" forgot. If I didn't care about the money coming back to me, I might not say anything . . . but these days I sure would want the money back. It's just an awkward situation I don't want to be in - so I'd rather not lend money at all.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
22 Jun 12
I learned my lesson on this the hard way. I just don't lend any money that I can't afford to give away. You are right...it is one of the top ways to kill a friendship. I love my friends too much to risk that happening. There are only a select few people in my life that I would take a chance on and lend more than I can actually afford to lose. Even then, things happen...people with good intent will lose jobs, get sick or hurt and be out of work etc. I said on another response that people for-real forget and some just hope you forgot. That may be a reason but I still get a bit irritated with it. I am a pretty spacy person and I forget things easily but I don't forget my promises nor my debts. It's never been something that I've needed to be reminded of. IF something happens and I am unable to pay when I promised (that's only happened a couple of times in my life!) I don't hide from the person either. I talk to him/her and explain the situation and then take care of it ASAP. Actually it was a family member that pulled that on me too. I lent him a lot of money to get into an apartment. I had it at the time but he was supposed to pay me back in payments. It's been 12 yrs and I think I got one payment early on. I wrote it off for the sake of family peace...not worth it to argue. In my case, he acknowledged the debt but just never paid on it. I told him consider it a gift after a few years had passed.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
22 Jun 12
Since it was my money that sponsored the purchase i would probably venture to ask about it. I would be careful in choosing my words though. I would not want to say or do something to upser the friendship unnecessarily. I would probably ask what happened referring to what the money was meant for and see what is said and go from there. if this did happen to me, i would probably not want to lend money as quickly to this person.
• United States
21 Jun 12
One shouldn't loan money. Give money with no expectation that it be repaid. Then, there is no pressure or anger or disappointment if you don't see the money again. You should never give to the point of causing yourself hardship, either. Give only what you can afford to never see again. As for the current situation, you can't be certain of the story regarding the new stuff. It may have been a gift. It may have been something ordered a while ago that was on back order. It may not actually be new stuff but, instead, something you haven't seen before.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
21 Jun 12
Nope, I would say something straight up to them. Ive had this happen numerous times, someone lies to get money for something else. Just shows they have the lack of respect for you, and cant control and wait to get the tiem in the future after saving their money. I had a lady I use to work with do this to many she would say she needs food and go buy other items that were unimortant.
• United States
21 Jun 12
As long as you can casually bring it up with with out making the other person feel like you are attacking them. But I recall a similar dicussion you had, I hope this is still the same person who has no repaid you rather than another person who owes you.
@yoyo1198 (3643)
• United States
21 Jun 12
Once you give money to someone it is theirs. Regardless for whatever reason you gave it to them, it is now theirs. I think that the law will uphold this contention. It doesn't matter what was the reason that they offered to you, it is now theirs and whatever they use it for has nothing to do with you.
@rkennedee (333)
21 Jun 12
if the person promised to pay it back there is nothing wrong in reminding them to pay what is meant to be pay in a nice manner so that they won't get offended.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
21 Jun 12
As I learned for so many times that when your lending a money to a friend consider it as a gift or a give that you must expect them to return. Thanks if they will return it there are a good friend but if not just don't let it happens again. That's why I never lend a friend that are not so closed to me and I don't know her so much. I have this friend of mine that like a sister to me we lending each other who ever needs money and we pays each other on time.
@succeednow (1636)
• Singapore
21 Jun 12
I make it a point not to lend any friend money. If I have money I would rather give it than lend it as surely there will be misunderstanding and souring of relationship if ever I were to approach the subject of getting my money back. Friends can become enemies soon. I've seen this happened. Just my opinion. Have a good day.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
21 Jun 12
I don't get myself in those positions, I don't give anyone money that was meant for someone else. I don't look for trouble
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
21 Jun 12
I wouldn't say anything - s long as they were paying me back.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
21 Jun 12
I have learned a lot from this. Since then, I never lend more than I can afford or if I feel some doubt. Before, I use to have an open hand to everyone who ask and come for help. But like what you wrote, seeing with with new stuff or vacationing - wow- and have forgotten what they've borrowed only makes me feel bad. So, to wrap it up- whether we give them a favor or not, it still end up with bad feelings.
• Canada
21 Jun 12
Ever seen the episode of Frasier, where this actually happens? OK here's the scenario. Roz is in trouble because she's not as wealthy as Frasier, has a baby, and they're BOTH out of work. Frasier offers to lend her some money. She feels weird about it, but Frasier convinces her she needs it more than he does. She takes him up on his offer. THE NEXT DAY she is bragging about a pricy lunch, and is loaded down with shopping bags. When she gets up to use the rest room. Frasier "accidentally" drops his keys into her bags, thus giving him an excuse to search them. Roz almost catches him in the act, and he "loses" his keys, as opposed to losing his dignity. He takes a cab home. The next day fraiser decides to quit chickening around, and confront Roz. Roz wants to know how he knows, and then realizes that his keys were in her bag, and he must have been searching it. She explains. -The shoes were a store credit -Her mother bought her the clothes. -Her friend Carol treated her to lunch at the pricy restaurant -AND SHE BOUgHT the PERFUME JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT!!!! Frasier feels like a dumbazz, and they make up. Roz agrees to pay him back when she can, and they promise never to talk about money again. As for me, I know I'd be just like Frasier, and can be real controlling about money, so I just wouldn't lend it to my friend in the first place!! Anyone who knows me knows I am that way, and knows better than to ask.