how would you feel? what would you do?

United States
June 27, 2012 6:39pm CST
if you discovered that your partner/significant other was secretly texting, chatting online, or sexting other people how would you feel and how would you react? would you feel that this is a betrayal of trust in your relationship or do you feel that as long as your relationship is maintained this behavior is not harmful?
5 people like this
12 responses
@Bhebelen14 (5206)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
When I discovered that my husband secretly exting, chatting or sexting with other girls maybe I will cry and my heart will be broken in to small pieces. I dont even imagine how would I react on this betrayal situation but I figured out that these must be painful and hard for me.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Jun 12
hi bhebelen! i understand exactly how you feel as well, my heart would be broken into pieces if i were in that situation...peace to you and your husband bhebelen...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Jul 12
Thank you so much for the best response.
@niairen01 (1018)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
Devastated! __
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jun 12
hi niairen01! the psychoartist is of a passionate and jealous temperament as well...like you i would be devastated and feel very very insecure, sad, and angry...i agree with you that couples should have very clear boundaries when it comes to technological communications..
1 person likes this
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
If I catch my husband doing that all, I will get very angry. If he does that, that means he is tired of me and don't want me anymore. So, I will leave. hehehe
2 people like this
• United States
28 Jun 12
hi chicgale! this would make me angry and sad as well! thanks for your response..
2 people like this
@celticeagle (119107)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Jun 12
How would I feel? What would I do? First I would ask myself if he had done anything out of the bounds of our relationship. Have we talked about this? Is this taboo? For me it would be taboo in the relationship. I live by the Golden Rule and especially in any relationship I would have. I wouldn't do this if I was in a relationship and I would surely have made this clear to my partner. And only if he agreed that it wasn;t okay would I even be in a relationship with someone. So, that being said, I would probably leave the relationship. When these things happen they rarely stop. It is betrayal. A trust has been broken. You will never totally trust this person again. People who want to have these little adventures with others don't need to be in a manogemous relationship. They need to be single!
• United States
28 Jun 12
thanks for your response celticeagle...i am glad that you brought up the golden rule...i also live by the golden rule but have noted just in behavioral observation of others that a lot of times in couples, someone does not believe that "what is good for the goose is good for the gander" so to speak, meaning that there is still a definite double standard in relationships and behaviors...i agree with you that this is a breaking of trust, especially if it is secretive behavior...
2 people like this
@celticeagle (119107)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Jul 12
And I wonder if that behaviour will ever change.
@allknowing (68572)
• India
28 Jun 12
If I saw it that would certainly upset me. There was a norm in Africa I am told years ago that advised robbers that they could plunder and loot but not get caught!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 12
hi allknowing! this is an interesting advice...i have never heard that before, but i think that a lot of people in america and elsewhere live by that rule...
1 person likes this
@allknowing (68572)
• India
28 Jun 12
If there is no change in attitude that is all that matters!
1 person likes this
@PageTurner (2827)
• United States
29 Jun 12
Hello the psychoartist Were I to discover that Mrs. Turner had been consistently involved in clandestine electronic communications with someone other than me, I would be shattered. Devastated. Such knowledge would break my heart into a gazillion pieces and would cause my world to collapse as if sucked into a black hole. I would feel that this is a betrayal of trust as Mrs. Turner and I have discussed this very thing. For some couples, I suppose it is nothing. But Mrs. Turner and I are wholly devoted to each other. Were I to find out that she had another life in the virtual world, I would be shaken to my very core. Peace
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jun 12
hello the pageturner...thanks for stopping by...i agree with you in my relationship with mr. psychoartist, he is everything, my world...my sun, moon, and stars, he is brighter than a summer sun and more delicious than chocolate...he is my soulmate and if anything of this sort happened to me and mr. psychoartist, the love of my life, my soul would die....thanks for your comments mr. turner.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 12
If I'm married to him I would care less! If it were my boyfriend , I would set him free. Obviously he is not satified with me so he should find someone else.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jun 12
hi sarahruthbeth! i am very interested in how you would differentiate between being married or just being in a relationship...if this happened within a marriage, you would not feel that this is a dangerous violation of some boundary issues? you would not think the spouse is not satisfied and looking for someone else? thanks for your reply, i am just interested in your opinion!
1 person likes this
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
28 Jun 12
To me,all of this is cheating! Big time! I would be so angry I would end the relationship right away! I would not even give the guy a chance to explain! It would be betrayal and I could not trust the person anymore! That kind of behavior is uncalled for!
• United States
28 Jun 12
yes, i agree blue65packer...i would feel very hurt and angry and betrayed...i think this behavior is evil and horrid...
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 12
I would feel betrayed and cheated on. With that said, texting or chatting maybe ok depending on the topic. My husband has friends that are female, and I have no issue with it. Of course he doesn't keep it a secret. If he did it would be an issue. I can read his texts, emails and Facebook anytime I choose to, as he can mine. Sexting is an absolute no, no matter who it is. I can only hope my husband understands how disastrous this would be to our marriage.
• United States
2 Jul 12
hi missliss! thanks for your response...i agree, it is secrecy that is indicative of bad stuff!
• United States
8 Jul 12
Exactly!
@mythociate (15735)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
29 Jun 12
Is this relationship all in your/their mind? What kind of things do they text/sext/chat about? Anything that wouldn't be going through their minds anyway? If you see they were doing it during work or -some 'event' you two were sharing (night out or in together), you could get onto them for that. but better to show them 'what they are missing when they waste time like that.'
• United States
30 Jun 12
thank you for this sage and subtle advice mythociate....yes, as the psychoartist is psychotic everything just occurs in my mind...
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
19 Jul 12
This would definitely be something that would be a breach of trust in the relationship and if it was to happen in my relationship, I would suggest to my husband that it would probably be time that we seek some therapy for our relationship. The reason that I believe that therapy would be in line is because of the fact that if something like this happened in our relationship, there would clearly be something about our relationship that was broken.
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
10 Jul 12
I'd be crushed, shocked, hurt and afraid. If it is not a betrayal of trust why is it being kept secret? If it is just my partner/significant other having fun, why not share with me? The way I see stuff like this, if you can't tell me about it then you know it's wrong.