How to deal with this "friend"
July 2, 2012 4:00pm CST
I had a friend who I met while we were the committee member of a club at uniersity and we will still be working together next year for the club. We were planning to get accommodation together as well, together with two other girls.However, one of the girls(her friend) would like to leave the group and not finding the accommodation with us anymore and that's why my friend would like to follow her as well since they are fed up with finding somewhere cheap to stay and don't mind paying a lot more. I was really fed up by this and didn't want to keep in contact with this girl anymore. However, before I knew she was going to leave the group with her friend, I've promised her that she can stay with me free over the summer and store her things at my place too. I have nominated for her current position in the committee of the club and quite alot more. I felt betrayed when I knew that she would like to leave me and the other girl. It is also important to know that she was the one who asked if I would like to live with her net year at the beginning. The main message is she is not ashamed of what she has done to me and still not be embarassed to ask me about the stay and storage now. Seriously, I really don't want to contact her anymore but I will definitely still be working with her in the committee and she had helped me with m committee stuff too. What should I do now?
• United States
6 Jul 12
I would certainly not let her stay with me. It is good that you found out what sort of person she is before you got too close to her. I hate people who use others. Please stay away from her and let her know that she cannot stay with you. Good luck.
6 Jul 12
Thank you for your reply! I have decided not to reply to any of her request related to the storage for the past few days by ignoring all her phone calls and texts for the past few days. Hopefully she will realise that I won't reply her request on accommodation as well in the future and makes alternative arrangement.
• United States
7 Jul 12
I think I would probably go ahead and let her know that she cannot store anything nor can she stay with you as well. I would hate for her to be on your doorstep at the last minute expecting you to let her stay when in fact you do not want her to. If you make it clear now she can make other arrangements without delay. If you wait and she tries to move in with you at the last minute then it will make you look like the bad person for not giving her a warning. I hope that makes sense.
8 Jul 12
Thank you for your advice and I have actually thought of this. However, I personally don't think she deserves the early notice from me as this was how she treated me before. She didn't tell me immediately evennhough her friend has already told her that she won't be staying with us as a group. She only told me about this and also she would like to follow her friend as well after my friend has gone back to Malaysia, making the two of us in a very difficult situation now. In order to keep my reputation, I might consider telling her about a week before when she planned to move in as this is the usually notice for most hostels here in London before they try to kick you out of the hostel or when people would like to leave the hostel. The relationship between this ex-friend and I is no more than working/business parter.
• Boise, Idaho
2 Jul 12
It is experiences like this that teach us about people. Things change and peoples ideas and expectations change as well. I would use this a good learning experience and not be so quick to give of myself in the future. It is up to you whether you let her stay in the Summer. Maybe not say anything and hope she makes other arrangements. I would say lesson learned.
3 Jul 12
To be honest, she was still in my testing period before she became my true/close friend and obviously she has failed the test. I think I will ignore her from now on unless it is about our club and don't mention anything about summer accommodation anymore. I know she is still hoping that I would not mind providing the accommodation to her from her text a few days ago asking me about the arrangement for the accommodation after telling me that she would like to leave the group.However, actually I do mind after how she has treated me and this is why I am going to ignore her. I am thankful to those who have help me and would like to return 10 times better for what they have done for me. Yet, at the same time, I hate those who treat me bad and I tend to return 10 times worse than how they have treated me.
11 Jul 12
I know how it feels to be treated that way. I have no idea if you have managed to find a place to stay with the.other girl. Perhaps she does not or forgot to hold on to what she said. For everything we say or promises our friends, we have to be responsible for them as they may take it seriously and expect you to really do it. Well, I know how angry you are and here you have two main choices, first, to convince yourself to forgive her and find a chance to talk about how you felt. Second, just come out with excuses and reject her. Either way, it's your call. ^_^
3 Jul 12
I will have to work with her but just get less support from her in my work if I ignore her. However, I am fine with this as I can still handle my work without her as what she helped me before are only minor stuff. Yet, I am sure if I ignore her now, she will be in great trouble because she will literally be homeless for 2 weeks and I won't care about this as she has put me into deep trouble and this is how I return to her. I think she deserves this though you might think that I am too cruel. However, my point of view is I will be nice to those who treated me good and cruel to those who betrayed me or treated me badly. I think I will be fine and I won't waste any of my effort and time on this girl.
20 Jul 12
You're definitely in a hard situation. You can also take this as an opportunity to self-reflect on a few things that may have contributed to your current situation. I've had a fair share of misunderstandings with my friends before and trust me it's not just about reason's like the accommodation is too much to pay for or things like that. So, it's also better to settle things before it gets awkward between the three of you.