sometimes ya just gotta say no

@Suebee (2013)
Canada
July 2, 2012 4:09pm CST
...and stick to your guns. I work part-time in a nursing home. I am guaranteed only 5 shifts in a pay period (two weeks) but I do pick up extra shifts, often working full time hours. I picked up two extra shifts this weekend one each Saturday and Sunday. Work has called me at least 8 or 9 times to see if I want to work today. I understand that they need people to fill the slots but man, are they persistent. I used to feel guilty saying no but after being in the business for some time now I can respond negatively to a shift without having the guilt feelings that I used to have. Although I welcome the opportunity to make extra money, sometimes ya just gotta stick to your guns. Do you feel guilty in similar situations or when you say no to something or someone?
8 people like this
26 responses
• United States
2 Jul 12
Hi Suebee, I might have felt guilty about something like that when I was younger, but not now. When you're a caregiver you can give and give and give and give and end up being depleted if you don't draw a line somewhere. It's incredibly important for you to take care of yourself so you'll have something to offer others.
1 person likes this
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
2 Jul 12
I totally agree sherrybelle. I, like you, would have felt guilty years ago but not now.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jul 12
Absolutely right sherrybelly, we end up being depleted if we don't draw a line. It is good to help people when they are in need or what you can do for them without any hesitation but sometimes we have to say no being a little selfish to our interests. Its our experiences which taught so because its not always necessary that someone you are helping is really in need or just using you. After all, its a crooked world.
@rotloi2 (321)
• Malaysia
16 Jul 12
i were under this situation when i were working part time while studying. i respond positively to boss wherever there is a job but exploited my studies hour. i were blinded by the income but i really thought that it can solve my financial problem by working part time . i deeply regretted because at that time i do not draw a line.
@Porcospino (16435)
• Denmark
2 Jul 12
I have had part-time jobs in nursing homes and in home health care, and they called me all the time. At one point I had two part-time jobs in two different home health care teams and and a extra job at the hospital (once a month or something like that) I usually accepted the shifts in the home health care teams, but I sometimes said no to the shifts at the hospital. At the hospital I often worked at night and sometimes they called me at 10 p.m. and I asked if I could work from midnight. If I really needed the money for bills I said yes despite the short notice, but sometimes I was too tired and in those situations I said no. Sometimes I felt guilty about saying no, because I knew that they really needed someone to do the work, but where were some situations where I was simply to tired and I didn't have the energy to work all night.
1 person likes this
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
2 Jul 12
I find that I have become picky about what shifts I'll accept or not. I only do the 3-11 shifts to avoid all the jumping around from days to nights to evenings. It just gets to be too much. I also don't do much overtime, although it has been offered to me on many occasions. While the extra money is tempting, I find it's just not worth it. I have gotten also so that I will turn down shifts on certain floors. I won't do too many days in a row either. I find 5 or 6 is my maximum. I've gotten past the point of feeling guilty about not taking a shift, thank goodness!
@else22 (4319)
• India
13 Jul 12
From my experiences I have learnt that guts to say 'no' when you are unable to oblige others is really essential.Six years back I was a man open to be easily exploited by people who wanted to take undue advantages of my innocence.They were my friends and some of my relatives.One of my friends is a doctor.Since he lacks time,he wants me to write articles for him in order to attract more patients.I had a hard time writing his articles even when my mother was seriously ill.I did not get any financial benefit for doing his works.Recently he gave me some data and asked to write an article on them.I was busy,very busy with many other problems.So I flatly refused.He looked annoyed,but I did not care. Then one of my relatives borrowed 65 thousand rupees from me promising to pay me back as early as possible.I agreed.Now eight years after he does not even talk to me,let alone paying my money back. But all such experiences have taught me to say 'no' to such selfish persons.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
It is very true that people tend to take advantage of you if you are in the habit of saying yes all the time. I can definitely relate to that. It is a learning process for some of us, to be able to say no and do it guilt-free. Fortunately, I have learned to do it!
@else22 (4319)
• India
1 Aug 12
Excess of everything is bad.Excessive politeness and the tendency to say yes everywhere and to everyone makes us vulnerable to exploitation.The courage to say no when needed is very necessary.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
1 Aug 12
Well put else22
• United States
12 Jul 12
This reminds me of one place where I was working. I already worked six days a week, so I only had one day off for the entire week. I got a call on my day off, and the person asked me to cover the shift. I said no, and they asked why I wouldn't. I didn't think I really needed to give an explanation, but I said that if I worked that day, then I wouldn't have a day off for two whole weeks and I was tired. They said "alright" and hung up. The next day I got yelled at by my boss and asked why I wouldn't cover the shift when it was so important. I asked what was so important, and he said the reason that they could not work, which they had not told me. I explained that I did not know the reason they needed the shift covered, and I also explained why I did not want to cover the shift. After hearing my side, he calmed down a bit and was fine after a little while.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
Well, sometimes if it is a personal favour for a good reason I will still take the shift even though I don't really want to, but then again I have my own life and reasons for saying no as well. I think that was pretty harsh of your boss to yell at you before he knew your reasons for not accepting it. At my current workplace we can turn down shifts at any time with no consequences or repercussions, which is how it should be.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Aug 12
I think that my boss just assumed that the other person had told me why they needed the day off, since that would seem to be the normal and natural thing to do when asking another person to cover your shift, especially when you are asking at the last minute. I do agree that he should have asked me about it and why I had declined rather than yelling at me, though. I suspect that he was disappointed in me, because it was a small establishment with only a very small number of employees and I was one of the ones that he always counted on, so I guess that is why he got angry rather than waiting for me to tell my side of things, although that really is not a good reason.
@hadi333 (46)
4 Jul 12
Yes, I do feel guilty especially if that person who is asking help from you is a close friend of yours....... But there are limitations to things like these thus you go to say no or else even if you help them, they'll even criticize you...... We need to know our limits. In knowing our limits to saying yes, we'll have a better life and understanding with other people :)
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
5 Jul 12
Yes, we really shouldn't agree to something unless we really want to do it. I don't like being guilted into doing anything really.
12 Jul 12
Truely said, Having being guilted on something can really make you a bad person in the eyes of that friend,,,,
@bLadeee (403)
• Philippines
3 Jul 12
Even saying no to someone always make me think why did I do that and is it okay what I said. I'm a kind person helping others, but there is always a limitation to that. Since I'm still a student, a very good example is when my classmate/s ask me if I could lend them my assignment so he/she can copy it. I first think if the assignment is easy, if it does I let them copy it but if it's not I always say no. After telling them I can't share my assignment with them I felt guilty even it is the right thing to do, there's always a limitation for something and you can't abuse it.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
4 Jul 12
Yup, I can relate to that as well. We shouldn't feel guilty when we say no to things like that.
• India
1 Aug 12
Hi friend, There is nothing wrong in saying no, if we don't have the ability or time to do the work Don't worry a lot for his, just be sportive and forget about this
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
2 Aug 12
True. Just forget about it and it makes it a lot easier.
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
22 Jul 12
Once in awhile I might feel bad if 1. I could have used the compensation, whatever it is 2. I'm not actually busy or doing something else like I stated when I turned down the opportunity. I had a job years ago when I was in high school and I often WOULD take on extra shifts or if someone called in. It got so that they almost always called me first if someone didn't show or called in because they were reasonably sure I wouldn't say no. Granted at the time I was trying to sock away as much money as possible to save for an apartment and a car, so I had plenty of motivation. Plus rather than offer me the discount employees would get on food, they would just give me free food. Most 18 year old high school students NEVER turn down free fast food lol. The only time I feel bad now turning someone down for something is if I had to make a hard choice... between two things I wanted to do, both of which would give me equal benefit and/or pleasure but you can't be in two places at once.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
1 Aug 12
I never thought of it that way, as turning it down or saying no because it is not physically possible. In that case I don't think I would feel guilty at all. I too accept extra shifts when it suits me, when I'm saving for something or whatever. You are right, the more you accept the more you are expected to accept and it makes it difficult to say no sometimes.
@Danzylop (1122)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
There is nothing wrong in saying "No". Just do tell people immidiately that you can't do them a favor. You would be respectful for that. saying No respectfully.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
1 Aug 12
I agree that there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying no. It took me a while to realize that though.
• United States
20 Jul 12
That has happened to me as well. My work will call me wanting me to come in on my only day off, and at first, I would just do it because I felt horrible saying no. Eventually though, I learned how to say no. I still feel somewhat guilty when I decline, but I know it's for the best for me, and sometimes i have to take care of myself before my job.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
1 Aug 12
Exactly how I have come to feel. I found it took me a while to let go of the guilt that I associated with saying no.
• United States
19 Jul 12
I have often turned down extra work even though the money was really good. Sometimes you need to do this for your own health. Money isn't everything. I had been out of work for over a year and was grateful to be employed. I too work in healthcare and found it extremely difficult to say no. When I was with my ex-husband I was more than happy to take on extra time. The less time I spent with him the better! Now that I am happily married to a man I want to spend time with, I find I don't volunteer anymore and they no longer ask.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
Hahaha. I can relate to your story. When I was with my ex I used to pick up shifts just to avoid going to functions with him. It was a convenient excuse...sorry, nope, can't make it, I have to work that weekend.
@siekcai (50)
• Indonesia
18 Jul 12
Sometimes i feel guilty too if i reject other people wish to help. But i should think logic that they used me or they will paid what my extra job i have done. Also If it is for helping that maybe i can accepted if that really in emergency situation, if this is not in emergency situation f*** of. I have other life too.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
Hahaha. Sometimes we forget to think about that and say yes too readily.
@shahamed (93)
• Singapore
17 Jul 12
If you are asked to do more than you have signed up for, then its okay you can reject. Everybody has a life. You can also feedback to the management to use better tactics to hire more staff to solve their manpower shortage issues (Salary benefits stuff like that)
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
I do still take extra shifts but now I do it on my own terms, when I feel like it. I used to feel guilty saying no when I wasn't scheduled to work but now I have no problem with it.
@anklesmash (1417)
15 Jul 12
I know where you are coming from on this one i used to feel the same though i didn't have a job as important as yours.My job is just a delivery job but i work at a small company and there are only three of us who do the job i do and sometimes on my days off my boss phones up and asks me to work if someone else can't.I used to feel guilty if i said no as i new my boss would find it hard to get someone to cover. However i don't feel guilty for not doing the extra shifts as i have realised that i do my fair share and i need a life outside of work.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
Good for you anklemash. Sometimes it is hard for us to say no and some of us, myself included, have to actually learn to say no. I would think that your job is every bit as important as mine is. You should not think of yourself as "just" a delivery person. Receiving deliveries is an important aspect of any business or person's life and you are making a significant contribution!
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
15 Jul 12
Hi Suebee, I am with you and you are so right, sometimes you have to say "NO" and stick to your decisions...alot of time we say "NO" and the waver back and forth with out decision wondering if we should have said , yes, why did;t we say yes, but once you make it up in your mind "NO", its done and we shoild move on with our life...
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
That is true for all aspects of life.
• Philippines
14 Jul 12
I know I don't. Not especially if I know I'm tired, or I need to spend some time at home. I mean, I fulfill the required number of hours at work. If they ask me to work longer and I can manage it, why not? I also think that if other people can refuse working for extra, why can't I? If I don't have to do it because I have other commitments or because I need to rest, then I'm not going to work. After all, as a manager, I believe that if I require someone to come in for extra hours, and this causes them not to be able to function when they are actually required to come in to work, then it's not worth it. Isn't there a way to render extra hours and sort of get an extra day off or something?
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
I work part-time so I am guaranteed a certain number of shifts and the rest I pick up as extras. I am not obliged to pick up any, but I do to boost my income. Sometimes I work full-time hours but I draw the line at working overtime (anything above the full-time hours). I used to feel guilty about saying no to extra shifts, but not any more, even if I don't have any particular plans for that day. Sometimes I just don't feel like going in if I'm not scheduled.
• Philippines
11 Jul 12
Hi Suebee.There are times we practically need to say no and stick to that response. Not everyone in the workplace will be able to understand us absolutely but that is just fine because only us will be able to know the best for us and take good care of ourselves especially our health.In past years, I did feel same thing but as I grow with my career,I do not feel any guilt anymore in making such decision as that, too.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
I think you're right about growing with your career. At first you don't want to turn down anything but as you become more comfortable and secure it becomes necessary.
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
9 Jul 12
i think it is just normal for you to feel guilty. Its not that its a crime or something, its just a human nature. We usually don`t want to reject offers. But its important to think about the effect of this also, like is this can affect you or something? You may be tired for an instance and of course you should think of your health first you`re a nurse after all
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
I think you are right when you say it is human nature and we don't want to reject an offer and sometimes forget about personal effect.
@34momma (13918)
• United States
5 Jul 12
Money is important... but so is resting your mind and body. They are both important and they both have a time and a place. It's good to say No when you need too. so good for you.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
True. Balance is definitely the key...in ALL things, not just work.
@freymind (1352)
• Philippines
5 Jul 12
I sometimes feel guilty but I want to take rest as well and though extra money sounds good its still not an option if you don't have a life anymore due to work. It really comes down to your priorities. If you have something lined up to do even if you feel bad you really can't do something about it.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
Definitely to depends on your priorities.