Selfless... Or Selfish?

@Rite17 (773)
United Kingdom
July 8, 2012 9:34am CST
Since leaving a 7yr relationship, I have found myself finally concentrating on me. I have been so used to being selfless and thinking of what would make him happy, which would make me happy that I had forgot what it was like to think about myself for a change. But it has been ova 6months now and I don't think about if he is alright or if he is with someone, moved on or anything... I don't have room in my life for another just yet. I am concentration on me now and getting my career with Avon up and running to be successful for me.. And yet, He keeps asking if i am getting laid, who they are, how we are going for it and such... Do wonder if he is either trying to see if i have moved on or trying to convince himself that i have moved on........... I don't ask him about his personal life, has nothing to do with me so why should he be asking me about mine..? We are not close anymore and feel more pity with his current situation being his friend than if i really did feel a connection towards him.. There isn't even a deep connection to him anymore. I am glad
4 responses
• India
8 Jul 12
Hello rite17, I don't think you are selfish at all. You mentioned when you were in a relationship you were selfless and always used to think about your partner. Now that you both have moved apart and have chosen different ways you have all the right to think about yourself and concentrate on your career and other priorities. As far as his snooping his concerned you have the right to keep distance from him. It is your will whether you want to share your personal life with him or not. I don't think there is anything wrong in moving on in life. Good luck
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
Hello rite17, You did the right thing. You have moved on and now thinking of ways on how you can get to know more of yourself and there is really nothing wrong with that. In order for you to see things clearly, you need to search for yourself first. And when you always think of others, you tend to forget who you are to the point of not recognizing yourself anymore. We should see ourselves as gifts, something to be treasured, wether wrapped or unwrapped. Once you value yourself, people will treat you as such. We can only give ourselves freely,once we truly know who we are. Blessings!
@Rite17 (773)
• United Kingdom
8 Jul 12
Thanks Inderjeetkaur and sbucu57 for your input.. My personal life is for me only and if it effects others then they can ask me about it. But i do think he is trying to find someway to get past things.. or see if i have got over him. soon after we split, i moved back with family and my dad soon passed afterwards so with split from him and them my dad passing too i couldn't keep in contact with ex knowing i was vunerable so i broke contact with him for a while. since i am now over things we are talking again.. all be it me telling him how i don't want to discuss my personal life with him and him not talking much nw about anything else... lol It's over and he needs to just accept it
• India
10 Jul 12
sbucu57 has very rightly said that once we value ourselves people will also treat us with respect, they will also value us. In my opinion you shouldn't talk with him anymore. Being in contact with ex boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't really workout, it makes things more complicated. But then it is your life, you have to decide whether you want to be in touch with him or not. Take care!
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
8 Jul 12
i admire you for taking a drastic and liberating step of leaving a long relationship. often we tend to tie our lives with someone's life and forget that we have our own lives to live. it sounds like you are doing very well with your life now. i wish you the best in the future endeavors.
@Rite17 (773)
• United Kingdom
8 Jul 12
Thank you for your comment we had started to find ourselves in a rut in the last few years together. I knew in my heart that it was over, but had hoped he would tell me otherwise. So all the crying i had done over those years and depression i was in and got out of, helped me to finally accept things when the time came. he had pushed things away for so long that when i finally got him to face it, he was the one who was crying the most and i couldn't shed anymore tears for him. I had accepted things a long time ago. I just hope that he isn't wanting to see if things could work out again.. am over that part of my past.
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
8 Jul 12
i never think you are selfish here by any chance and whatsoever you have done is really good and so kind of you.had some one been in your place i dont think that would have happened in a relationship.good job
@Rite17 (773)
• United Kingdom
8 Jul 12
Thanks for your input.. i wouldn't say it was kind of me, just trying to minimize the hurt for myself and ends up effecting him too. i tend to think if i think of their feelings, then i am thinking of mine too. just my selfless side as always
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
15 Aug 12
I hope he's not still asking you the same questions. I think the reason he asks, is he's trying to find out if you'd come running back to him. I think it's great that you've moved on.