Sucked into argument

@savypat (20248)
United States
July 9, 2012 1:10pm CST
It's happened again and no one can do this better than my oldest daughter. It's just that old habits die hard. I do not really care if anyone agrees with me or not. I have given up trying to defend how I feel about things. That doesn't mean I won't talk about my ideas, it just means I am not going to fight about them. If you cannot find a reason to at least give my ideas a try, nothing I say will change your mind. My daughter's back is very painful at times and no one in the medical profession seems to be able to pinpioint the cause. So I suggested Yoga, this gentle exercise can relax, strenghten and stretch the muscles and nerves. If you are being taught corretly it should never cause pain. Well you would have thought I suggested dancing with the devil. So before I could stop and think I reacted. And within seconds we were in a full blown arguement. My final comment was, "well if it hurts enough you can try it" Now she will probubly have surgury before she even trys something her crazy Mom suggested. Good thing I didn't suggest accupuncher. I just can't win with that girl. Mom
4 people like this
7 responses
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 Jul 12
Hi Pat, Oh I can so relate to this. I have a daughter that as a little girl was given to temper tantrums. As a teen and out of 4 kids...she was like 20 teens all rolled into one...mouth included. I suppose that in many ways we are too much alike. Both of us are very headstrong and stubborn. The difference lies in that I will at least listen to advice...might not take it but I'll consider it. I am quite laid back and absolutely hate conflict but if anyone can press my buttons and get me going...it'd be her (gets that from her dad???) Well, she is 25 now and just moved back in with me along with my 16 month old grandson. My 18 yr old and I are used to our quiet little tiny apartment. Its peaceful and we each have our own space. It's a very small place and so if you can imagine, as much as we love them, this has been quite an adjustment. Lord forbid if I suggest anything at all with her son....and trust me...I'm not one of those controlling and critical moms. One day last week she was going off about something ...just venting and it really had nothing to do with me at all but everything to do with my ear space and peace of mind. By and by, the baby started crying and I bit my tongue for as long as I could. I had made a suggestion to what I thought she should do in her situation & what I would do.,.it was just a thought....she flipped. I guess I'd had enough too and we got into it. I feel your pain...I hate these encounters. They are rare now that she's older but painful.
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
9 Jul 12
I don't understand why she is so against it Pat she should try it I know I would and I would rather try that then have surgery I can not understand why she had to get so upset about it
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (90960)
• Marion, Kansas
9 Jul 12
It may be the fact that mom suggested it, and not a doctor or even a friend.I think our offspring do that sometimes. They get all stiff necked if mom thinks she knows something.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
9 Jul 12
Lol Gerty I guess that could be the Problem
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31340)
• United States
9 Jul 12
Sorry to hear that. When it comes to people we love we often speak before we think because of concern for them. I have a very painful back, too, partially because of congenital scoliosis. I realized last week that I was walking all bent over to compensate for the pain but it actually made it worse. So I straightened up. And started again doing exercises a physical therapist gave me. It still hurts but it's a lot better than it was last week. I know you know that surgery should be the last resort--it's NOT the easiest way! If you can tell her that others have gotten a lot of relief from physical therapy maybe she will listen? Or at least it will be in her mind. It's not as expensive as surgery and definitely not as painful. I plan to take some yoga classes this summer. You've convinced me over the years that it's a good, harmless thing to do that helps with a myriad of conditions. I know who to call, I just have to do it!
2 people like this
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
12 Jul 12
Though I am always one that is willing to take the suggestions that my mother gives to me for anything in my life because I want to be just like my mom when I grow up, my brother and sister-in-law will ask for her advice and then do something that is completely opposite of what she has suggested. This is something that has definitely lead to a lot of stress with my mom because they live under her roof and yet don't do anything the way that she suggests. Because of their ignoring my mother's advice, they are so far in debt that the two of them will probably never be able to have a home of their own for themselves and their three daughters.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20248)
• United States
13 Jul 12
Really all you can do is MOB, mind your own business. These three people will have to work out their lives as best they can. I know you have enough on your plate to be concerned with so the very best you can do is listen to all sides if requested, give no idea of how you really feel unless asked and send them positive energy in the form of blessings, after all we are all blind in some area of our lives and the lessons that we get from relationship are for us alone. You have my prayers.
@inertia4 (26915)
• United States
4 Aug 12
I would have tried anything other then surgery. That would be my last resort. I don't know why she started an argument over that. All she had to say is that that was something she did not want to do. The back is a very hard thing to figure out. And back surgery could be risky. But I do hope she gets her back pain to go away.
@fannitia (2172)
• Bulgaria
9 Jul 12
Hi, Savypat, I can easily imagine that I was in your place. I have one daughter, she is 26 years old and she knows EVERYTHING better than me. When I tell my opinion she decides that I'm wrong. So maybe it wasn't a good idea to have this conversation directly with her. It's better to find a friend that she will trust and ask him or her to explain all these things. Maybe this will have the desired success. I don't practice yoga but a good friend of mine is a yoga instructor. I believe that this is the right way to stay healthy and get rid of diseases. Let's hope that your daughter will change her mind. I wish you courage.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90960)
• Marion, Kansas
9 Jul 12
My mom had lots of back and body pain and there was no way you would have ever convinced her that moving would improve her situation. So she lived forty years basically laying on her living room sofa. If your daughter has made up her mind that nothing but surgery can help, then you will not convince her.