"How Deep is Your Love?"

@thesids (22358)
Bhubaneswar, India
July 12, 2012 1:16am CST
Hi friends and lotters Love has always been considered a source of power, a source of energy. Something that drives you. Some other examples of powers or sources of energies have measuring units - if I read and remember my school texts, it was joules for energy. Then there were volts, watts, miles/hour, kms/hour (and maybe many more) for different variations of energies, speed etc. But there is nothing - no unit - for measuring Love. My association with this discussion is not ancient, instead it is recent, say about 6 years old - When I proposed to this girl (now my wife) - she had asked - well, how much do you love me. C'mon, even the framers of this sentence (I love You) didnt have any idea - so where would I get any And to make matters worse, yesterday it was my nephew(8 year old) who confronted me with this question - How much do you love me? I asked him why he wanted to know this answer. He said - my Birthday is next month, and I need to know what gift I can ask from you. And I have no clue how to explain to him that gifts are not the measuring units of Love! Do you people have any idea on why they still dont have any units for love and also if you could help me out with my nephews question - Do gifts stand as a unit of Love or a measurement of love? Cheers. theSids
4 people like this
18 responses
@suni51 (2988)
• India
12 Jul 12
Hi sid- So I was misinformed while I thought- care, affection and how much we worry for a particular person besides our wishes for some one's welfare were the units of love. Is there no way we can find it out by any means? I am sure there would be a way, we have a gauge fixed in our hearts that keeps noting the fluctuations though.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jul 12
Hi praaji Of course there is care, affection, worry etc. But those do get often misinterpreted. Until someone accepted my love, my caring or even affection would mean nothing to him/her and chances are that they will never be interpreted in the right notes... The gauge in the heart seems interesting though
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
gauge in ones heart? pretty interesting..hmmm.. but then is it really our heart dictating how we feel? but all these emotions come from our mind right?
@suni51 (2988)
• India
12 Jul 12
The ones coming from mind or brain are selfish I guess, those always try to calculate the loss and profit, kinda make a balance sheet.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jul 12
sid, good to hear that your marriage is a loved one. It is really hard to measure the real love and no device available for it. Good to know that your nephew asked the same question like your wife and he expects the gift to measure your love, give an unique gift to him to show your real affection
1 person likes this
@Jotomy (6352)
• India
14 Jul 12
Hi anna, yeah that is a nice suggestion, give him a gift of his choice.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
Hi VP And what is that Unique Gift? A Dinosaur or a Girraffe from the Dicovery or Animal Planet
• India
18 Jul 12
jo, yes. Kids always expect surprise gift and get a lot of excitement while receiving it. sid, if your nephew likes a dinosaur or girraffe, there is nothing wrong in providing them as a gift for him
@thanks1961 (7046)
• India
12 Jul 12
I think virtually there is no barometer to measure it. But good it is not, otherwise most of the people may get in trouble. Just like who we detect the alcaholic by using the machine and they will find out whether he is drunk or not. Similarly, if we got a machine to measure the percentage of love towards a particular person, surely there will be prblems at home! Also, there is some computer softeare (fun) to detect how much we got love with our spouce and after giving certain inputs, we will get a result (may be funny) still people do go for it and evaluate the magnitute of love depend on such results. I can see around how people love each other and how great it is. Some people can’t even express it by words and they become mad with love and do anything… And ofcousre, they can’t express in words and they behave through actions. So I think it is best solution that we can way, act, express and there are many more ways to show how much we love the other person who are living with. Anyway, the definition for love also varies depend on the person. The love towards wife and children and parents, friends and others are totally different and if talking on behalf of our better half, it is there and we can just measure and understand when we feel love to another girl and simply compare with each other and we can simply measure how much we love our wife …
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
12 Jul 12
hi, Yes, trying out those funny love calculators on net is a real fun and total free time activity. thre is also a love meter too, Sid - you can check them to know the deepness dear...
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jul 12
The funny ones on the Internet... I have been a player on some such sites and they really come up with weird things many a times... like on one, they came up with the fact that I was pregnant despite me providing them with my gender as Male
• India
12 Jul 12
Hi Sid/Viju, Thanks for understanding me. The internet love meter is really funny and sometime it is worth too..., in my office (alongwith my colegues) we were trying it when we got it for the first time (some years before) and we were measuring by adding with our wife's/hb's name and mostly with lover's name (as unmarried). I added with my wif's name and the percentage of love broght down to 18% and after I tried with the girl who works with me (good looking and nice young unmarried) girl and the meter showed with 98% - Wowwww! Gone! Now the issue come up that who has the love? I got love to her or she got love to me. They come to a conclusion that as long as I got only 18% love to my wife, this 98% is the real love that I had to my co-working girl. Anyway, it was a hot-topic for others to discuss and we both had a SPECIAL attahment aftewards. Anyway, it given me some kind of extra pleasure, not even telling directly to her, she though I like her (it was a fact) and even she had the same to me (later on she disclosed). But nothing beyond a limit and we all are good friends even now also. But the true love and the liking of the people each other is alwyas there. It is not necessary that as I got married to a girl I should ONLY love her for the rest of the life and we CANNOT even like or love anyone else whome we feel a speical attraction. Oh! Where I am going, just opened a corner of the mind and it started overlapping everything. I think I got a China made tap on my heart and I need to replace with a Japan made tap to keep it intact!!! Sid, please excuse me, we have to suffer a lot in our life to keep everyone happy!!! This is a true fact and I think everyone will agree to it.
@akp100 (13328)
• India
12 Jul 12
Hi Bro.. Yeah.. There should be some instrument like Thermometer, which raise or down when our love increase or decrease.. Lol.. I don't know about wife, but small kids are like that. They always measure love from the size of the gift.. he he .. But yes its not like that. I don't know how can you or anyone answer him, only time will make him understand it.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
most kids do but mine does not akp, they now measure my love according to how many times i get mad at them! That is why i am sooo careful as i am having mood swings and when i get mad they would often say mama does not love us!
@akp100 (13328)
• India
12 Jul 12
Yes... That one also one of the instrument for them.. More louder we go on them, that instrument saw less love in it..
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jul 12
#jazel: they now measure my love according to how many times i get mad at them I am aware about this - my mom. But now after so many years, I realize that this was the way of hers to show that she cares - took a while but when I did understand this the relationships have strengthened more
@viji_v2 (727)
• India
17 Jul 12
Hi Sid, another interesting topic from you as usual. For me those gifts are the measuring units to show the love. You may think in the reverse. But in my point it is true. The way you receive the gift shows how much you get a love from that person even how cheap the gift is in the form of money. This is my philosophy
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
Hi viji Missed yah! I agree - the gifts many a times can be a measure of love. I am on one such gift from you since the past few days and I know I would be healthier. Doesnt that suffice for how much you love me as a friend? maybe a brother? or even maybe as a patient?
1 person likes this
@viji_v2 (727)
• India
18 Jul 12
Wow I am so happy I want you to get well soon from all your ailments and have to run like everyone. Hmmmmm...... If you are a patient I need huge fees, so I would buy some new gadget in market lol. But I take you as my friend and then my brother from now.
@Sreekala (23417)
• India
14 Jul 12
Dear Sidhu, I think the kids are always measuring the love by the gift they get from their dear people. It is natural phenomena among kids and that is justifiable too since they don’t understand the meaning of real love. My elder son told me few months back 'Only Sumamma (my elder sister who works in abroad) loves me, no other one’. I asked why he felt like that, he replied, she is the only one gave me a gift instantly on my request. (Oh! what a definition of love). No comments on this dear, I think he will understand the real meaning of love and affection when he grows up.
@Jotomy (6352)
• India
14 Jul 12
Hi sreekala, how are you? yeah my son also same category. Children can't understand so soon though we make them to understand. Have a nice day.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
hi didi This is why I say, for kids, everything seems fair
@SIMPLYD (80400)
• Philippines
14 Jul 12
Kids are kids sids. They quantify one's love through the things we give them. But if you carefully explain to him that it can't be measured by that, they will also understand , but still would insist for a gift from you on their birthday.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
hi SimplyD good to see you - hope you are now all fit and back to work which is the reason you show up less here yes dear, kids are that way. They have their own scales of measuring and they use those scales anywhere they can
@SIMPLYD (80400)
• Philippines
18 Jul 12
Yeah, i am back at the office sids and i am really sooo busy, but i love it. At night, i don't have the time to do some mylotting. BUt now that i have adjusted again, i peek once in a while. Back to your topic. Kids are really like that in measuring our love. But sometimes, i am also a kid at heart, because i would ask a gift at times from my husband and would tell him, he doesn't love me when he doesn't give me one.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
13 Jul 12
Love is that amazing thing that I don't think will ever have a true measure. Just when you think there is no way that the feeling could be more intense...boom....there is something happens that makes you realize that there is no end to the possibilities. To my children I have always said "I love you more than the moon and stars." I have no idea how to relate my love to the new Miss Keely Jenn. Maybe you could tell your nephew that you "love him soooo very much that there are no gifts that would even be close to showing how much that was and besides that people that really really love each other a ton don't have to buy each other any stinky gifts to prove it." Think he will buy that with a birthday coming up?
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
Hi JenInTN I am not sure, but when I get to power and make some rules - I am surely going to have something for working grannies - a full 6 months leave from work with pay - only criteria - cuddle and care for the Grandchild for at least the first 6 months. I can feel when you say I have no idea how to relate my love to the new Miss Keely Jenn - maybe this way you can find some good time I love your suggestion and would tell him this - or rather explain him this fact - ummm much before his b'day, so that if he doesnt understand, I still have time to get him some gift
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
18 Jul 12
I think that you should be able to make some rules right this very minute
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
Hmmm because love could never be measured? because love is something that you can never measure as it is beyond joules, volts, watts.. or whatever unit of measurement science has. Gifts are not even enough to measure it against love, as love is far greater than any of what we have material right now my dear friend.
@suni51 (2988)
• India
12 Jul 12
True, but you know about it instantly, without fail, you simply can't miss it. No way. Moreover gauging it is not fair, that would make it a business. Love is beyond measurements.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jul 12
hi jazel Love personally to me cannot be measured. And it is good that we dont have a concrete system to measure how deep it is. I agree with you that love is much more beyond all these joules, kws and volts etc. #praaji: Moreover gauging it is not fair, that would make it a business. Love is beyond measurements.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
12 Jul 12
Hi sid, I believe ‘love develops and grows too’ so probably there is no measuring units to love. More so, when we say its undying or unconditional blah blah, how can a machine understand the heart’s madness? I don’t think so people do ECG at happy times…. Yes, I could suggest something for your nephew or to anyone who’ll ask you how much do u love me, you can counter question them how much love do you want from me???? He is a kid so you can take out from him what he expects as a gift on his birthday. Or you have to tell him in advance your plan and check with him if he’s fine with it. I know few ladies who think the bigger/expensive gifts from husbands means its more love, but those ladies are not aware their husbands spend higher amounts on their girlfriends too. For me personally, give enough and expect less, you will get enough too… Take care
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jul 12
Hi viju Yep, there is hardly anyone who would opt for an ECG at happier times! I asked my nephew about what he wants as a gift but he is still unsure. I did tell him that gifts dont help in measuring anyones love. But he is of a different opinion at this age of his - he thinks and also said - if you love me more, you would listen and care to think to gift me what I needed. Still, I am confused and have given it up for now. Things will become clearer to him as he grows and understands things better. Personally, I never believe in expectations with love of any kind. And trust me, this zero expectation has helped me many many times when I have been in messy situations. Those who did not understand my zero expectation theory, said I am heartless or even I am weak enough but then, until now, I have had the last laugh in all such situations.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
13 Jul 12
Hi sids Yeah, i understand the zero expectation but after all we are human beings with emotions and sensitive feelings right? Though i do believe expectations may hurt, even knowingly we create complications out of simple situations. Don't worry about people, if we act smartly they comment he/she is oversmart, if we are too open, they'll have some other say.... just leave those stupid comments as we can't actually live with them for long and we would want to do things our own way. by the way, when is his birthday? My best wishes for him.
@tigeraunt (6331)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
hello sids, most girls know the love their husbands have for them. but why still ask? it is the reassuring words they want. is it difficult to say that you do? is it difficult to say very much? or if you find that corny (but how come you would feel that saying i love you is corny?) you can say it in some funny way that would make her smile. [b]dont get me wrong. am throwing these questions to all the husbands out there. [/b] you probably have to ask the question yourself either - why is she asking? u think she has doubts now? have you done something you shouldnt have? maybe if your answer is none, ask this question? what HAVE you NOT DONE at all? maybe there lies the answer. maybe its been years that you have not given her something she really likes. that is where the material things come in. but if not, maybe you have not had a date in years.. come on.. these things are very important to a wife. they want husbands to be thinking of them all the time. hence, very little things mean a lot to them. i say, it is the thought that comes with all these material things. can you remember when was the last time you gave her a bunch of flowers? or chocolates perhaps? (hahaha! i know you are allergic to that word). for everyman here in mylot, i say a little hug and kisses without any explanation does the job. unless you have a very materialistic wife. ann
@tigeraunt (6331)
• Philippines
21 Jul 12
ohh i got carried away! it is better to talk to mature people rather than a 9 year. the latter measures love the materialistic way. so you have to have a lot of explaining to do.
@Jotomy (6352)
• India
14 Jul 12
Hi anna, my son will ask like that "how much you love me" if i didn't purchase any of his wants / toys etc., even my nephew is also same, he wants whatever he asks otherwise he will be moody and will not eat till we purchase and give to him otherwise he thinks we don't have love towards him. This is very common in nature in the children.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
Hi akka The kids are so innocent. they find happiness in small things and are easy to satisfy. This is one reason, many indians (and maybe other countries too) believe that kids are gods. I love it when I have some choco for my nephew, and I tell him, I have nothing for him. And he would make faces that you would love to look at... wicked I know but then, I love that innocence on his face, it is so expressive
@mtrguanlao (5527)
• Philippines
12 Jul 12
OUCH! And another OUCH! Hehe,I'm guilty of that question buddy. I know how my hubby loves me,it's unconditional,but I did ask him about it,and I will never forget that day as my hubby got mad at me,waaa!!! The reason for asking is I just wanna hear it from him. And he said,it's never ending! And then I cited him an instance..I asked him what if I will have another relationship with a man,will you still love and accept me. He showed me a mad face and asked me,are you having a relationship with other man? Hahaha! I just laughed and he got mad! He said why am I asking that question,maybe it's true,haha! And I hugged him,felt that he loves me that much,crazy isn't it?! Sometimes wives just wanna make some "sweet moments" with their partner and we wanted to hear and feel it at that very moment we asked. As for the gifts,we can't measure it through gifts unless the person is materialistic,hehe! By the way buddy,wow! You were in love with your wife since childhood,another wow! Now that's a deep love!
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
hi mtr GFs and women always suspicious No, I did not know/meet my wife until I was 31. Our love affair is 6 years old.
@squallming (1776)
• Malaysia
12 Jul 12
You are absolutely right when you say love cannot be measured by any unit. The increasing cost of living and the appearance of many luxurious stuff had changed the mind set of people to be more materialistic. Before any girl decides if you are the one to live with for the rest of her live, they would first look at your financial status. Yet, I still think that true love cannot be measured. My life had not been very smooth and my parenta got divorced and now my dad's girlfriend is really not easy to get along with. My only drive to keep working hard is my girlfriend who is having her internship at other city.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Jul 12
hi squallming Before any girl decides if you are the one to live with for the rest of her live, they would first look at your financial status. Well, mine did not bother about this so I cannot comment on this But yes, we are more materialistic today and need some scales to measure almost everything - even some things which cannot and should not be measured
• Indonesia
12 Jul 12
Hi bro, your nephew is cute he asked for gift because he is still a kid. I dont think we can measure love but we sometime heard there are something that priceless. I dont know what to say in this topic, i have so much more to say but cant arrange the words now. I'll be back later. Just to let you know i love you bro.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jul 12
Hi sis I read your discussion quite late and in fact a few minutes ago. get well soon - not for the sake of writing but because I do care for you and this care for you is Love. Now how do I measure that! There is no way I can. No one can! Love is not just one entity - it is a combination of so many other factors - and that makes it priceless... I need you to get all okay and return back to MyLot and me(via my emails). Prayers for your healing and quick recovery dear one
12 Jul 12
I would ask him this question:And what about you?Do you love me as much as I do?Would cry if you never see me again?What if I'm gone forever?Would you miss me?Or would you only miss my gifts?My mother used to leave me for whole summer at my aunt's house.She would give me a bunch of sweets before leaving.And I would cry while eating those sweets.They had a bitter taste because of my tears falling down on them.I wanted her to take me home and better not give me those sweets.I think the best unit for love is amount of tears you can cry for someone you love.:)
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jul 12
hi ladysilver Interestingly, I loved this response because of the mention of tears. This is so very true. So what if the other person for whom you shed the tears never gets aware of this side, but then, you wouldnt shed a drop if you didnt love. If only the sweets on which the tear droplets fell were served to the one who was the cause and s/he realized it, these sweets would be the most sweety thing s/he ever had. Ah, I miss my grandpa who passed away in 1996 and almost every time I have him on my mind, my eyes are filled with tears because there was so many things I wanted to do for him. Loved your response.
@myfb2009 (8304)
• Malaysia
19 Jul 12
Hi Sids, it is a very interesting topic which makes me want to give my opinion. Children most of the time tends to unable to differentiate what is love and gift. I remembered that when i was still very young, i tends to think that those who really love me will surely buy big gift for me. But, not every time is correct. Sometimes, the person who loves me the most, gives only a small gift but showered me with lots of other things that i need in my daily life. Over time, then only i came to realized that there is really a difference between love and gift. Hope your nephew will realized it one day.
• United States
12 Jul 12
Hi Bhai! It sounds like your nephew has been corrupted by us Yanks. over here the size or the price of a gift is suppose to equate to how much you love or like a person. Wrong. It just shows how much money a person has at the time! To answer Bahu, I would have said . My feelings are as deep as the ocean. This is why I'm asking for your hand! Romantic ? Yes , But it is as close a measurement I can think of. For your nephew. I would say I love you Very much. What do you want for your birthday? He is just a little too young to be into poetry. To him it is All about the gifts. I was the same way at his age. At 9 , I was just surviving school. So Anyday where It was treated specially was a good day! How do you measure love? It is how deeply you feel.And how your love Shows how deeply they feel. When I hear those three words I Know that person Loves me. I never ask How much. Their actions have already told me How much. But when pushed I would Always use the ocean to explain how much I love. " As Deep as the Ocean."It is perfect!