Sister who can't seem to make things right

United States
July 18, 2012 9:17pm CST
So if you read my other post a couple days ago you know my sister and I are at ends over a comment made by her brother in law. Well my mother is upset we are not talking so she got a conference call together with her pastor, her, my sister any myself to "make it better". Well my sister just made it worse for everyone I think. She didn't mean to. She apologized said she really didn't think it would bother me after all the abuse form our mother since I was a child. Well that floated well..like a rock. The pastor asked what she meant. Well little sister went into the way my mother always put me down for being what she thought was fat, even when I was very little (7) she had me on her "3 n 3 diet" ( I was 5'9" at 145 lbs. at 15 and she was insistent I was obese). Even though the doctors told her I was just right she wouldn't beleive them. The pastor asked what the 3 n 3 diet was and when I was put on it. My mother explained and said she forced me to be on it from age 7 until she kicked me out at 18. When done explaining the pastor was very upset. In fact she told my mother that if she had done this to me as a child now she would be arrested for child abuse and the she the pastor would have called it in herself. Now my mother is upset at my sister for making her look bad in front of the pastor (who happens to be her boss as well). Mean while I was sitting there having horrid flash backs and feeling even more awful becasue of them. I know my sister wasn't trying to start more issues today but I think she just unleashed a whole boat load of them Oh as I read through this I should explain the 3 n 3 diet. She would only let me eat three times a day. Not so bad except I was only allowed to eat what I could swallow in 3 minutes. Yes eating disorders plagued me...
1 person likes this
6 responses
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Jul 12
People shouldn't blame their shortcomings on others. Even though your mother seems to have started this behaviour it doesn't give her the right to perpetuate it. It is sad that your mom treated you like that as a child. How mean and uncaring. Usually being over weight comes from other issues. Ofcourse there is thyroid problems but they can be medicated. What a tangle web this has become. You can only do the best you can. And you are an adult and you don't have to listen to others being mean and carrying on. Maybe you can get some time to talk to the pastor by yourself or even a counselor. It might help you. I wouldn't worry about the others and how they have been affected. They are adults and can either fight and carry on or get help to do the right thing and move on from this.
• United States
20 Jul 12
The therapist said I had to talk about it more so I am..on here. I am sure it is not quite what he meant but baby steps... I do not like to see pity on people's faces when they hear me speak of it or worse when my mother talks about it (she still believes she did what was right and others are the crazies) then they look at me in disbelief.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Jul 12
You can rarely help those that do things against you but you can work to heal yourself from the ill they have done you. You know it hurt you whether she thinks it was right or not. She should tell you she is sorry but that doesn't sound like it will ever happen. You have to go on living knowing she never will.
• United States
19 Jul 12
She messed up big time and she knows it. But,it is good that your sister said what she said. Back then no one might have thought to let her know that was abuse. Now,she can think about howshetreated you and why you may feel the way youdo now. That was torture at it's worst. I would sure hope she told you sorry at some point. but,to be honest it would not work for me.I havea lot of scars too but Ithink I woudl rather get this treatment then being beat with sticksfromtrees and bigleather belts while I was wet in the tub.
• United States
20 Jul 12
I got the belt. I also got the her abnormal wackiness that was a result at the time form uncontrolled diabetes. My mom would be almost like a schizophrenic and would do weird punishments. Like she froze a glass bottle and misted it, she then put it in my bed while I was sleeping. It froze to my skin and when I jumped up the skin pulled off. She would throw dishes and other crazy stuff. Once though she was on an insulin pump and new meds. she became so much better we started talking again. We hadn't for years. I don't know I see the scar on my leg from that bottle and remember I can live through physical pain and it gives me strength. The emotional stuff can still at time cripple me. Not in a cry my eyes out way but in cases such as trusting people, showing emotion, and even being nice to people. For so long I was surely just to keep folks away so I didn't have to trust anyone.
@Raine38 (9195)
• United States
19 Jul 12
Oh my, sorry to hear that. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why your sister will actually say that with other people present, even if he is the pastor himself. I mean, there's no point harboring and bringing in the conversation everything that has happened in the past. She could stopped at a sincere apology and assurances to do better next time. Oh well, it's all said and done. It's pretty understandable if you feel that way now, I mean who wouldn't. I for one also will be at a loss on what to do if I were in your situation, but it seems to me that you're doing better now. Bless your heart for still caring for your family despite it all. Good luck and I hope you guys get through this.
• United States
20 Jul 12
It will pass like everything else and just float around waiting to bob back tot he surface, Years of counselling on both mine and my sister's part only helps so much when there are other people in the mix who refuse to work it out and rather stay in denial. As for her saying it she really meant she didn't think it bothered me and why. We where talking it out. My mother though thought she was defending herself with the truth only to remember (after several therapists telling her this over a span of 15 years) that she is the only one who thought this behaviour was good. She though she was defending herself, my mom was the one telling the pastor what she did.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
19 Jul 12
thats terrible, i cant believe ur mother would do that to u. Over where im from, i see that alot. parents try to make their kids look like what they wanted for themselves at that age..i know a woman that makes her kids do oral u-know-what to her boyfriends and all that for money for the mother. with that money she only spends it on her hair and nails and new shoes..nothing goes to the girls...which makes me sooo angry she would do that. but really u shouldn't blame ur sister. u should be a little more understanding in y she did this. we all have reasons y we do things that seem 'stupid' to us...she is ur sister and all u have close to this world. talk to her...ill read ur post fro a few days ago...
• United States
20 Jul 12
Some people are just so sick
@ranger07 (555)
19 Jul 12
Wow. That would be something that is hard for me to handle too.
• United States
20 Jul 12
yup
@AmbiePam (50128)
• United States
21 Jul 12
It sounds like your sister was manipulating the situation to shift the focus from her to your mother.