Dilemma of the Heart
July 19, 2012 7:48am CST
Hello, people of MyLot! Allow me to sort of hoard opinions about what I should do in this situation that I currently have. I will appreciate inputs, but try to be gentle as well. I am currently seeing a guy who is 10 years younger than me. He treats me well, gives me stuff I need (I never asked, he just gives), voiced he would like to do everything for me (I can see he is really, really trying), and he does not want to leave me alone for a very long time (this relationship is fairly recent. Prior to that, I am always by myself, especially after the dissolution of my almost 8-year relationship). He's very lovely, but..... I am in love with someone else, and the guy I previously mentioned knows that I am. Problem is, the man I love is nowhere near me. The man I love is working out things to see me and take me with him (to wherever he is). The man I love knows that I am seeing someone else (because he sort of disappeared for weeks and I thought it was over so I tried to move on). He came back, so I had to tell him what was going on. He said it was his fault. I actually wanted to let him go and be free, and let him look for someone else that would take care of him, but he won't do it. HE's NOT GIVING UP. So that's the situation. Both of them won't give up. Both of them know of the existence of each other. I know I have to choose soon, and I feel rotten seeing the one I am always with, trying really hard so he won't lose me, but I cannot promise him anything because from the beginning, he knows I love someone else. I feel upset hurting him. I tried to tell him to move on without me, but he won't. He's fighting for me. Thing is, I cannot give him me as a whole. It is not fair. I hurt him, I know, and I was the one who was crying and he was the one who was trying to cheer me up. (I am kinda choking right now) He keeps on telling me "Love you" and I cannot answer. He must feel really hurt because of my silence. I told him I am confused and he says that's okay. I am so torn.
20 Jul 12
Hi :) I hope your heart's hanging in there... I think you need to get some space luvnidandan. You have to get some clarity. There are a lot of factors to consider. You have to carefully assess your feelings. Yes, I know you're in love with the other guy but the heart is deceitful sometimes. For all we know, you've fallen with the other guy and you just don't know it. The thing is you have to think clearly before you make a decision and you can't think clearly if they're around you all the time. Let them know that you're going to need some space for a while to think. Remember, love is intentional. There will be a time that the feeling of being in love will go away. So you have to make sure the one you'll choose will be more than enough to allow you to choose to intentionally love that person especially in difficult times. I hope I've helped you :) Get some space :)
20 Jul 12
Hi, and thank you for your insight. I think there's one thing left for me to do, and that is to talk with the person I love. Then, I can make a decision. And yes, I think I cannot decide yet because I feel like I am caged and forced to have a decision as soon as humanly possible. I have actually considered to just save up and relocate. There is also a huge possibility of losing both of them (and I am preparing myself for that), but one wise person told me that there will always be more love to give around, as long as the heart remains open, and I have no intention of shutting mine if ever. I appreciate your input. :)
21 Jul 12
I wish you all the best then. I hope all goes well with your talk and decision. Don't decide if you're just pressured to do so because the three of you will suffer. I know you're wise, based on your reply it's just that it's hard when feelings are involved. I hope it all goes well for you :)
20 Jul 12
Your love story really confusing because there is a person you love the most and there is a person love you the most. I think it is better for you to ask the person whom you love if he really loves you as the other loving you the most. Because it's unfair if you love that person but didn't feel the same as you love him.
20 Jul 12
Thanks for the response. I am doing that at the moment, as soon as we get the chance to talk. It is tough with the time difference, and he works weekdays, I work weekends. He did say he loves me, and will come to see me (he'll travel seas to a land he's never been to see me!). Well, at least I hope he does, as I am not the kind of person who'd use the "if-you-love-me-then-you-will-do-this" kind of stuff. Most of the people I talk to tell me to love the one who loves me, though. Problem is, he is so young, there is a big possibility that he will change his mind after some time. My mum even said it just might be puppy love or something. I only want to be married once, I suppose.
19 Jul 12
That is really a bad situation to be in. I too have been in the same situation though not for long,but I understand the difficult phase you are going through. But I advice if you want the one who loves you to remain happy and you do not have any sort of relationship intentions with him, just allow him to get close to someone really good. He will gradually withdraw his attentions from you. Try get him some nice girl who he thinks is respecting the love he showers over her. Nothing will change but his mental thinking, and that is what you need. The moment he gets close to someone, he will feel less hurt for any act of your because there will someone he will be getting love from. I hope you are getting what I want to say and also it works. Good Luck
19 Jul 12
Thank you for that input. Thing is, I do not know of people who I can "pair up" with him, as I live alone, and most of the people I know are either married or in a relationship, or who are as old or older than I am. I am in a foreign land. He is 19, by the way, and I am 29.