I know I can't go but atleast invite me

United States
July 24, 2012 11:29am CST
Most of my co-workers (the 20-40ish crowd) hang out to some degree even ones that have quit. Two weeks ago there were atleast 10 people all together at a Brewers game. This past weekend everyone was in Chicago for a co-workers bachelorette party. Now I know I don't have money to spare or and I have kids with no baby sitter usually. But sometimes I think it's almost hurtful to even be friends with anyone of them on Facebook. Seeing all the bragging pics all over the place makes me feel like school all over again. Ironically the one lady who's a couple weeks older than me tried to sell me some sob story last year how she doesn't have alot of friends and no one to hang out with. Of course she can dump her kid with whomever and go out with everyone and here I am excluded. I know it's childish to let it bother me but still it's like I should have a big sign on my forehead that says "broke, married with no babysitter, don't bother". And my co-workers are the the closest thing I have to local friends anymore since having kids and being a SAHM for several years. So I guess I'll continue to do my own thing and shine in my own ways aside from the crowd. But still even if they know odds are I couldn't go I still would of liked to been asked KWIM?
3 people like this
12 responses
@dragon54u (31617)
• United States
24 Jul 12
I know what you mean. I have had groups of friends that didn't bother to ask me to go somewhere because I had kids and no sitter. I probably wouldn't have gone anyway but it would have felt good to know that they wanted me there. Maybe you can trade babysitting with another mom that you know? Or share one with a co-worker? I used to trade with a mom down the street when we wanted time to ourselves and it worked out great. In fact, my sons are still friends with her son and she and I email regularly.
3 people like this
• United States
24 Jul 12
So you know where the shoes I'm walking in! The closest we do in that route is with the neighbor / "expert" I've mentioned. However, we kinda keep it to the back yards because of issues they've had with other neighbors (ie walking into their house uninvited). I can take them to the IL's but they are 30 min away one way and they are not in the best of health so I can't gurantee if one day is better than the next. We honestly don't trust them with anyone.
1 person likes this
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
24 Jul 12
well Snuggles, I truly understand and I think you are right to feel the way you are feeling..That is sort of hurtful to think that people are treating you a certain way by excluding you from certain outings...Its not fair because who knows you might have a change with the babysitter situation,,I think they should include you even knowing you can't participate.. But don't let others steal you character be yourself hold your head up high and carry on with your life.. Say to yourself it will not be this was aways and believe it with all your heart.. I would like to know what KWIM means...I think SAHM is stay at home Mom.. I am sure you are enjoying some pleasures with your hubby and children that some of them don't even know anything about.. Continued blessings!!!!!
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jul 12
Well said. SAHM - Stay at home mom KWIM - know what I mean? I like my family usually, but I need am outting with someone who doesn't call me Mom or Wife every once in a while. I think everyone does.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
24 Jul 12
Well do you have a friend that you can spend some time with, because I totally agree with you everyone does really need that out every once in a while..it dosen't have to be anything or any times with lots of expense... I still think there is hope for a change....good luck to you....
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Jul 12
hi 3snugglebunnie yes I kwim for sure. when I retired after 23 years of working with them in the library everyone said "we will keep in touch with you Patsie.'" so I waited and waited and not one person called me. oh if I w ent to the library to check out books I would get one or two who were glad to see me.But call me, no not at all. When I was working we were all friends but out of sight, out of m ind. I may not have been able to go out with anyone of them but it would have been great to just call me and talk about old times even.or ask me out for coffee and achat.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
24 Jul 12
Hi Hatley I sent friend request,, so i could not send you a message.. but this was my message. Hi Hatly, I certainly hope you are feeling so much better today. Hope the Immodium worked for you. Blessings and prayers are sent in your name!!!
• United States
24 Jul 12
Honestly you know that's almost like starting in middle-high school where you got your year book and you'd write call me or they'd write call me with a number and no one ever calls.
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
24 Jul 12
it is hurtful not to be included in anything, especially with people that you see on a daily basis at work. i don't know what to tell you to change things though. maybe you could throw a potluck or something and let them see how much fun you are!
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jul 12
I don't think there is much I can do about it other than get a baby sitter or just ignore the younger ones who are that way. We all get along but sometimes you wonder. As of lately the only person who's invited me over is my boss as we like gardening and she said when XYZ plants over grow I can come over and dig them out. Which feels weird to me, to hang out with my boss who's old enough to be my Mother. Not that age is a big thing because we have people there from 19-80yrs old.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jul 12
Having someone invite you would be really nice. they don't know if once you will be able to go with them. THen showing it all over facebook is like adding salt to a wound.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jul 12
Exactly! Odds are I can't but it's nice to be asked or to feel included some way aside when we punch in to work. Some I know don't have much money to spare either or so they say but buy there they are.
@Shellyann36 (9616)
• United States
25 Jul 12
I sooo know what you mean! I am 40 with 3 children under the age of 3. I remarried and started all over again. Most of my friends have children that are grown and gone. ( I have 3 older children from my first marriage that are also gone). Things have been hard for us financially the last 4 years and we have at times just been barely making it. I see all of my friends on FB going to the beach, on cruises, concerts, doing this that and the other. It does break my heart at times that no one thinks to include us in their fun. My cousin recently went to a concert with her sister in law and she asked several other friends on FB if they wanted to go but she did not ask me. It sucks! What really sucks is that I recently threw a party and several people that had accepted just "forgot" about it. I know what you mean. I guess we need to get a Poor Parent group started or something.
@jesssp (2742)
• Canada
24 Jul 12
:( I know what you mean, too. I always try to make a point of inviting all our friends when I plan something, even the ones I know won't/can't come. I hate feeling like I'm being excluded, I'm sure most everyone does. I think the reason it bothers me is because my mind always jumps to conclusions and I start thinking, why? What's wrong? What did I/didn't I do? That's why I always invite everyone out, but unfortunately you can't control what other people do. It sucks, but all you can do is try not to take it personally. Which I know is easier said than done :(
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jul 12
Yes things change when you become a parent but as you say that doesn't mean that your not fun anymore. Maybe what you should do is put yourself out there and ask to go to one of the get togethers because maybe they aren't purposely leaving you by not asking but maybe instead don't ask because they don't want to put you on the spot because they know you are short on money and don't want to make you feel bad but maybe if you put it out there that even if you have a kid and not so rich you can still hang they will start inviting you.
@shaggin (36845)
• United States
25 Jul 12
I know how you feel a lot of the time. My friends would go out the bar and never invite me. It always kind of hurt like why didnt they ask me if I wanted to go with them. I know that chances are most of the time I wouldnt be able to go out with them anyway but still I would like the invite to be there to show that they care. My friend never shows up for playgroups but I still send her an invite anyway each week.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Jul 12
I know it's tough.....I remember those days. Sometimes it would be nice just to have the invitation.....I hope in the future someone sees you and mentions it to the others.....and I hope you get an invitation!
@AmbiePam (49079)
• United States
24 Jul 12
Perhaps they thought if they invited you you would feel obligated to buy a present? Could it be possible they were in their round about way being thoughtful? You'd know better than I if it were a possibility.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
24 Jul 12
my go out a lot friends, did the same to me, they kept asking and I kept saying I had no money so eventually they stopped asking. But I really didn't blame them, I mean I was the one saying no all the time.