I think he's breaking up with me..

@besweet (7223)
Greece
July 24, 2012 7:52pm CST
I have a relationship for almost 3 years and we were going really well. We had some fights occasionally but we love each other and he is going to move to my city in a month, so we won't have a long-distance relationship any more. Last week we had a fight because I wanted to go on vacations with him and he was finding excuses to stay at home and he said that he doesn't want to go anywhere. After the fight, my friend called and she proposed to go to a place near the beach for the weekend, we would stay there for a night. I thought about it and I agreed so I called my bf to let him know, but he wasn't happy about my decision. I went to the beach anyway, since I wanted to spend some time with my friends and go for swimming. And he had to work during the weekend so he couldn't visit me. We talked once during the weekend and since then he hasn't been returning my calls. He was very distant the last time that we talked on the phone and he was working, but he didn't say that he wanted to break up or something. We had fights like this other times too, but we were working things out. Now he hasn't called me back or answered his phone since Saturday and I don't know how to handle it, because I don't have the chance to talk with him. What should I do? It's not right to break up with me for this stupid reason without talking, after 3 years of our relationship! Do you think he is serious or he does it on purpose to make me miss him?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@jeawings (27)
• United States
25 Jul 12
The number 1 key to any relationship is communication. If he can not communicate with you, then there will be a lot of rocky roads along the way. The hardest part of 2 people getting together is merging two different personalities and sharing it together as one. There has to be teamwork and in order for that teamwork to happen, communication is a must. I do not know if his intentions are to break up with you or not; however, remember this: You are your own person and he is his own person. You will do what you want to do, and you should. He will also do what he wants to do, and he should. If you love him, you will accept him for that, but in this case, he should accept the fact that you wanted to go on vacation. If he can't accept your personality, then he really isn't mature enough to move the relationship forward on to the next step. I have been living with my fiance and daughter for nearly 6 months now, and this is from my experiences in our relationship.
@rsa101 (16718)
• Quezon City, Philippines
25 Jul 12
Very nicely said! I think this should be the best answer in this thread. I agree that when we love one we should not limit one's freedom to decide on your own and vice versa. I think that is a very good point in maintaining a good partnership.
1 person likes this
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
25 Jul 12
Thanks, that's what my friends said too! In general, we have good communication and even if we fight sometimes we discuss it later that we've calmed down and we find the solution. I didn't want to stay at home, I wanted to go for a trip with my friends that was my choice. If he was here we could make other plans but since he was away, I would have stayed alone all weekend at home. Last month he went to one of his coworker's house on the beach alone & I was fine with it. I don't really know what bothered him so much since he isn't talking to me any more.
• United States
25 Jul 12
Communication after an argument is great, but communication prior to an argument might stop an argument from happening. No relationship will ever be 100% perfect, and there will always be some sort of disagreement. Learning how to discuss things beforehand can limit the amount of hurt feelings. In your case, he's giving you the "silent treatment". Silent treatment is the one thing I have always disagreed with, because all it does is hurt emotions and feelings. It leaves the other person in a relationship confused and often makes them think the relationship is over when it really isn't. He might be upset or angry about you going on your trip, and that's okay, everyone has a right to be angry about things. The thing that he doesn't have a right to do is disrespect and mistreat you because he is angry, and in this case, his silent treatment is a form of disrespect and unwillingness to communicate with you. This silent treatment he is giving you is hurting your feelings and it causes you to constantly wonder what is going on without any answers. The next time you talk to him, I would suggest you both sit down and discuss a time frame so that when future arguments and disagreements occur, you two can get together and communicate or talk it out. You and him need to come up with a maximum time, say 24 hours or 72 hours for example (1 to 3 days), then you both need to discuss things. He shouldn't be able to just push you aside for several days and never talk to you, to me that's him taking advantage of you, and you're sitting around waiting for someone to come around. I know this response has been a little bit more opinionated than my previous response, I hope you still find it useful in determining your next step in your relationship. I wish you the best and I hope everything works out. Just remember to follow your heart.
1 person likes this
@yansky23 (404)
• Philippines
25 Jul 12
If your gut feeling is that, you still need to confirm and clarify to him if what is the real status of your relationship. Sometimes,they use that kind of situation so they can have a valid reason to break up with someone. But you need to have a closure. You need to approach him personally and ask him about the matter. As much as possible, settle it and fix it. He might just temporarily felt bad about the situation. But if things didn't turn the way you expected it to be, it's very difficult but you need to accept it.
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
26 Jul 12
Right now, I am confused and I need him to be clear with me, so I 'll be able to decide what to do. I should now if I am going to wait for him because he needs time, to stay in the relationship or move on. I deserve that explanation and I'm afraid that he won't give it to me!
@yansky23 (404)
• Philippines
27 Jul 12
Yes, you need to have a closure for you to decide whether you'll continue or end your bond with him. Does letting him go and end the relationship are one of your options?
@yansky23 (404)
• Philippines
27 Jul 12
I feel mad to him for ignoring you. It seems unfair, rude and immature for him not to talk to you and clarify everything. Atleast, he need to speak if he is still willing to continue your relationship or not.
@imAbigael (475)
• Philippines
25 Jul 12
Don't give up, try to understand him also that he wanted to stay at home when you enjoying yourself on your vacation. Sometime in relationship we have that "Lets take a rest" not a break but a rest, which the girl and boy also needs to have that mind your own business. He is trying to be busy but wait to his response or explanation don't make a move that you know you too will ended up to break up. Just wait.
1 person likes this
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
26 Jul 12
Thanks for your response! My friends also says that I should keep calling him and try to reach him! He has all the time he wants since we don't live at the same city yet. He was going to visit me for my birthday next week, and this is the time that I asked him to go somewhere together. We haven't been on vacations since our 1st summer together, last year I was abroad and this year it was a good chance for us to be together without caring about anything.
• Philippines
27 Jul 12
good to hear that, dont worry everything will be okay. :)
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
25 Jul 12
Well, if i were in your shoes, i would not try to call him or talk blah blah..both need a time for thinking a bit and be calm, i think. Sometime men like that, they just need time and we women need time also. If you want to catch him, talk blah blah this time, i don't think any word get in his ear. Just be patient and going on with your life and then go back this problem later. I wish you all the best!!!
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
25 Jul 12
Thanks! I am not against giving time to my boyfriend, and I don't want to pressure him but I think at this point it would be best to discuss it with me. Since it's both of us in this relationship and he's not alone, he should make it clear and tell me what he wants. I don't find it normal to stop answering calls from your relationship without saying that you need some time for yourself.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
27 Jul 12
Well, i totally understand your feeling..but somehow not all people have the same thinking like you. My ex and i used to be in the same situation..and i just leave it there when i had no mood to talk or point out the problem..just need time to be calm down and thinking. Many things we can't speak it out clearly..it exists in the relationship. However, take it easy, i do hope you guys will be happy together soon.
@debbygirl (214)
• Philippines
25 Jul 12
I think, he being silent means he wants break up with you..sometime, its just the circumstances. Yes your right! its not an enough reason to break up with you... just don't give up on him. Maybe he's just busy on something.:) stay in love and pray for the relationship.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Jul 12
let me correct the first sentence.. i mean, He being silent DOESN'T mean he wants to break up with you..
1 person likes this
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
25 Jul 12
So, you mean that he needs time? I know that he isn't so busy right now and if he wants he can find time to call or answer my calls! I am also confused because I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up, after all this time I deserve to get an explanation at least. But I can't do much if I can't reach him and I don't want to keep on calling every day..
• United States
26 Jul 12
I do hope by nowyou have heard from him. It sounds like he was taking some space to cool off a bit. I would have gone with my friends just like you did.there is no reason to stay at home doing nothing when you have freinds willing to spend time with you. he was in the wrong and I hope by now he has called you.
1 person likes this
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
27 Jul 12
Thanks for your comment! No, he hasn't called me back yet. I will give him some time and see if he's going to call me for my birthday. I hope he'll call me eventually to say what he has decided because I don't really know what should I do, if I am going to wait for him or get in the process of getting over him. I still have the hope that he'll contact me!
• India
25 Jul 12
Hi friend, sorry to hear about this, i think your bf is in anger, so only he is doing this kind of things. Don't worry, surely he will call you back, if he sincerely loves you. It is really hard to forget about the Real love. Cheer up, surely he will call you back, lets have a hope
1 person likes this
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
26 Jul 12
I know that he is angry and I understant it. He should have calmed down by now but I still have no communication with him. I don't know how much patience I can have to wait for him to return my calls or keep calling him. I always believed in actions, if he wants something he should find a way to have it. I want to be with him and I am trying to reach him but he doesn't do anything. On the other hand, if he wants to break up with me, he should at least say it.
@ladygator (3469)
• United States
25 Jul 12
I am sorry to hear this I know how upsetting this must be for you! I think that it is a very silly reason for him to be acting this way towards you. Especially when you thought it would be a nice way to spend some time away with him relaxing. Has he already moved to your town? Its hard to understand why people do what they do. The best thing I can recommend talking about this to him.
1 person likes this
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
25 Jul 12
No he hasn't moved yet, he's getting the transfer from his job on September. We were talking on the phone when all that happened and now I can't reach him, so I can't really talk to him. He was planning to visit me for my birthday next week, but I am not sure that he'll come now..
• United States
25 Jul 12
It sounds like he's just a bit jealous and immature. You were both fighting over going on a vacation together-did it seem that he didn't really have a valid reason for going? Couple that annoyance with your deciding to go on a vacation and boom! Jealously rears her ugly head. Did you get pictures of you and your friend on vacation? Maybe you need to show to him that you went with HER and not another man. I think his not calling isn't designed to make you sad but more about making you squirm. Do you have his email address? I'd either suggest sending him an email or leaving a voice message to let him know how much you love and miss him, and would like to speak to talk about what's upsetting him with a time to get back to you. And then just go about your business as if nothing's wrong. I was in a relationship for nearly seven years, and I thought that we were pretty good friends. So when he borrowed money from me and then stopped calling for 6 WEEKS, I left a final message that he needed to pay me back or the next call would involve the police. He called and came over, very apologetic-and I told him that while I cared for him, I was NOT happy that he had chosen to ignore me over $16. He was shocked that I was so upset, but I was just starting up my business and that was a lot of money to me at that time. I always kept in mind how he behaved so that when he'd stop calling, I'd only call once and let him come back to me if he wanted to. It helped because when I finally decided there wasn't anything in the relationship anymore and I was ready to break it off, he stopped calling (he wasn't man enough to tell me it was over) and I didn't go chase him down because I was better than that. I loved him but I learned to love me more and that kept me going. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope that everything works out in the end.
@besweet (7223)
• Greece
25 Jul 12
Thank you for the great advice! Some men are very immature and when the difficult moment comes they don't have the courage to say it's over. I've seen some signs of jealousy during our relationship, they started when I went to study abroad for 1 year and because I was working all day and all night with the uni projects, I was going out every Saturday with my friends (most of them were guys due to the subject of my course). But when I finished and came back he forgot everything and came back to normal. In my weekend vacations we were all girls and my friend's boyfriend who is his best friend. The couple was there for the week and I went to visit with 2 more girls. So, I guess that he should trust me more since he can learn everything from his friend! I really want to had my freedom because I am very independent, but I do love him and I would like to have a talk with him and see what has bothered him so much that he stopped answering my calls! Unfortunately he doesn't login to his email or check his skype, he only had them to communicate with me.