What's up with him?

July 26, 2012 5:49pm CST
Earlier I went to the shop to get some beer, and when I came back I told my partner, the drinks at the front of the fridge weren't cold but the guy took them all out and got me the cold ones from the back. I was just telling him how we got cold beer, as usually we don't. He interrupted me to say, the guy does that for me too, you're not special. Then smirked at me. Ok... I never said I was special. I was just telling him that the guy in the shop was nice to me and helpful. This is just the latest example. It seems he is always trying to make me feel bad, or finding fault with me. Does this make him feel good about himself? Because it just makes me want to cry. After 8 years together, why is he doing this? It makes me feel so worthless.
2 people like this
9 responses
@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
27 Jul 12
I wonder if he means it the way it comes out? Or is he trying to be funny? Does he know how you feel about these little comments? Communication can be a complex thing because often people take things in a different way than intended. The fact that he smirked after making the comment almost sounds like he was trying to be funny or something but obviously I can't make that judgement without knowing him personally. I hope you talk with him about how he's making you feel.
28 Jul 12
I don't know if he realises he's doing it. Quite often I try to speak to him and he answers me in an aggressive tone like I'm bothering him for no reason, but when I call him on it he denies it. Its like he can't hear himself.
• United States
26 Jul 12
maybe he was jealous and that was the only thing that popped into his mind. I would not think anything else of it. men are crazy like this and I know I have my share of it too.don't cry it will be over soon.
26 Jul 12
He is always jealous. I am not allowed to go out with my male friends even those I have known since childhood. I am only allowed out in mixed male/female groups. I don't think he trusts me.
@atv818 (1988)
• United Arab Emirates
27 Jul 12
Sigh! We are on the same boat. My husband is also doing this and we are married for almost 20 years. Just imagine my torment. I think this has something to do with his upbringing. Of course, he was sweet during our courting stage but once we got hitched, his natural attitude came out. I guess the only solution for us will be to talk to our respective spouses, in the nicest possible manner that every time they do it to us, it really breaks our heart. Then, we cross our fingers that the conversation will trigger them to change since we cannot impose it on them. Good luck to us.
• United States
27 Jul 12
You say you are not "allowed" to go out with your friends. You are not a child who has to get permission from your parents to go out. One partner should not have such power over the other. While people do get jealous or cranky sometimes, this situation sounds like far more than a brief lapse of manners on his part. You were young when you got involved with him. I'm guessing that he was likely your first serious relationship. It is time to think about how you really want to live your life. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you badly? Will he get counseling to address his issues? Can you work things out through couples' counseling?
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
26 Jul 12
It is indeed strange if he wasn't like this for the entire 8 years... because then I would explain it as his personality. Some people are born party killers, who immediately bring someone down when they say something positive that happened to them. It's usually out of inferiority complex or being really conceited... I know, they are total opposites, but they can both result in this. With this, they kind of show people that they are not special, hence not better than them. Or maybe he's paranoid and gets non-existant implied messages. If it really bothers you, I would talk about this with him, how it hurt you that he out you in a bad mood, and how you told the story just as a story, not as bragging or something (maybe he thought you were implying the shopkeeper guy was flirting with you???).
26 Jul 12
men are just men. Maybe he was jealous, It might be strange, after 8 years as you said. Maybe you have to sit and drink a coffee and talk about the feelings of you and see what is in his mind.
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
26 Jul 12
I don't know why he is treating you like this...But anyone who cares for another dosen't mentally abuse them...\ You knows him much better than we do..If you think about it you might come up with the answer..I really think you should go straight to the source....ASK HIM... after 8 years you two should have some type of connection to be able to speak with each other. Good luck but don't allow anyone to take your self-esteem away...Know who you are and keep your head up HIGH,,,,,,
@asdomencil (4276)
• Philippines
26 Jul 12
He might misunderstood what you told him and feel somewhat bad. I guess you better talk about this one before it gets worse. Try not to finish the day withouot solving this problem. Good day!
@alberello (4756)
• Italy
26 Jul 12
Well, you see, dear friend, you must know that, I've always been told this sentence: "We are all useful, but no one is indispensable" Dear friend, from this assumption: You are worth! Ok, then no one can afford to question your personality. The first person to believe in herself, are you! I believe (and this is still just my opinion) that your boyfriend, maybe he is a little amusing to make you feel unimportant. maybe he's just kidding, for some fun? I advise you not to dramatize it too.