DNR, Do Not Resusitate, the Dr. and I discussed this the last time I was at his

@writersedge (22579)
United States
July 28, 2012 11:27pm CST
office. Since the cancer is now in my heart sack and either the cancer or the fluid build up can stop my heart, he discussed my possibly having someone try to save me. If they do, they'll more than likely break my ribs and put a tube in me to drain excess fluid. If I do a DNR, then I am more likely to be able to die in peace. If I don't, someone could bring me back through CPR and I could suffer a much longer and agonizing death from cancer. Not to mention the suffering with broken ribs and having a constant drainage tube in me. I had prayed to be cured of the cancer. But the cancer spread to my lungs. This last time, the tests said there are three tumors in my right lung, there was only one the time before. The Dr. indicated that similar will more than likely be in going on in my heart sack behind my lungs. There had been three there, so if that tripled, probably 9 now. So probably 12 spots or tumors now. Anyway, when the cancer first spread to my lungs, I prayed that if I couldn't have the cancer go away, could I please die more like my Father. He dropped dead of a heart attack. Then I learned it was behind my heart, too, during an explority operation, that's when the Dr saw it in my heart sack. So I am considering making the DNR. Esp. since I'm had a broken collar bone in my 30s. It broke in three places. My body healed one break at a time. It took three months to heal the three because my body only allocated calcium to one break at a time. It was really, really painful, too. Plus I watched my Mother go down to being a living skelitin with skin on top and a basketball tumor sticking out at stomach level. Of course Drs. don't have crystal balls, so those are just a couple of possible scenarios. I could still have a miracle and be cured. But I could also drop dead in a couple of months. He's just covering every possibility. So do you have a DNR or know anyone who has or had a DNR? I had one friend who had a DNR. She told me she had to revoke it to get treatment for pneumonia. I have another friend who was considering it. So now you're all caught up again. Sorry to inform you of this, but some people here asked me to keep them informed. Please try to not be too upset for me. If I can stay here, great, and if I can't and go peacefully, that I can accept. We all cross over at some point in time. Some of us just have a lot more time to think about it than others. The possibility of a peaceful crossing is comforting. What the reality will be, I don't know. My lifeline on my hand keeps looking shorter all the time. That could be just from swelling in my hands,too. Take care.
9 people like this
13 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
29 Jul 12
My mom had a DNR and I believe my uncle got one as well. My mom had Multiple Sclerosis and Epilepsy as well as Diabetes and a leg disorder. She was pretty bad off but she did what she could and she laughed when she could. She passed away a few years ago. My uncle had a DNR put on him I think when he found out the cancer had spread. The first go round they didn't expect him to live a year but all in all I think that he lived two or three years past expectancy. I got to see him, hang out with him and talk to him, really get to know him before he passed. The cancer spread quickly and when it got to his brain he just wasn't himself. It was more mental then it was physical though he did drop things and fell as well. I think that you should do what is best for you. You can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst. It is very surprising to read all of this from you. I guess I am not nearly as caught up on mylot as I should be. I do hope that if you do pass it will be without much pain... If you recover that's even better! It's brave of you to make preparations like this, I don't even think I could for my own self.
5 people like this
@peavey (15394)
• United States
29 Jul 12
I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, you could still have a miracle, don't give up hope. I have a DNR and have had it on record for a few years now. Since I have kidney disease besides, I wanted to be sure I don't have to be kept "alive" on a machine. When the time comes, like you I want to leave in peace, with at least some personal dignity left. A machine takes that away, in my opinion. It's a personal choice and one that we have to think long and hard about, but remember that you can revoke it at any time as long as you're in your right mind.
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (87753)
• Marion, Kansas
29 Jul 12
You also must be certain that whoever has the say so over your health care will honor your DNR. It is not always desirable to be brought back to a life of illness.
2 people like this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Thank you. My husband is listed as the one to honor my wishes which are written. He watched his Dad die and his Mom had to make the decision to say Bye. He watched his Mom after her stroke and he made the decision to DNR for her. He can do it. It won't be easy, but he knows how I feel and he knows it's the right thing to do. I'm still here and I'm still doing things, so I think a miracle is still possible. Anything is possible. People wouldn't have to revoke it so often if NY State didn't try to inclue everything but the kitchen sink.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (87753)
• Marion, Kansas
30 Jul 12
Writer, is there any chance your husband would like to join us here on the Lot? We would want to be there for him whatever way your path goes.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (87753)
• Marion, Kansas
29 Jul 12
Make sure your hubby is on board and go for the DNR.Should not have had to revoke it to be treated for pneumonia, but that may vary by state and county. My first hubby had ALS and a DNR, and had bronchitis or pneumonia, was treated and given an oxygen concentrator, not to keep him alive but to keep him calm. We used Hospice care and found them to be terrific. I can highly recommend them. My husband passed holding my hand, watching old television shows. I will also remind you that you have the right at any time you can refuse treatment, you can refuse food and hydration. He did that once to enforce the fact that he wanted the type of treatment he wanted. Yes, you can still be healed. Healing, however is not always of the body, healing is of the spirit.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Please read my respnse to number 7 below you so that you understand why they wouldn't treat her without her revoking the DNR. The form, for some stupid reason, includes no antibiotics.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Yes, there are many kinds of healing, mind, body, and spirit. I have refused my tests, treatments and foolishness of the Drs. than you will ever know. I'm sorry you lost your first husband, but I'm glad he had Hospice and you were able to hold his hand and he was even watching an old tv show. Sometimes even the littls things mean so much. Peace to you.
2 people like this
@Axai2012 (371)
29 Jul 12
This must be hard for you but I am totally in awe of how brave you are to talk about it. It is my first time to read your discussion, to be honest I admire you all ready. and that I am sincere. My friend's relative had that situation as well. But the thing with the relative is that she was not able to make that decision for herself. instead the family member did. Doctors are not gods, you are right. Miracles happen, unquestionably. I'm glad that I have encountered you here at mylot. I'm sure you are an inspiration and you have affected people. You have affected mine. Thank you.
4 people like this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
29 Jul 12
I was "hit" with all the DNR news and the spots multiplying on Tuesday. I've been thinking it over since then. I think my courage comes from time, friends, a wonderful husband, an honest Dr. who presents all possiblities, and the book the Peaceful Warrior. I like how the Cook in the Peaceful Warrior "flips out" because his house burns down and then flips back and starts to rebuild his life. In our case, my husband and I had to get past the shock and then move on. You never know how strong you are until you're faced with adversity. You've probably had adversity and surprised yourself at how well you handled it. Most people do pretty well, if not the first time, then another time. Thanks for the compliments. I understand your friend having a hard time to make the decision. It shouldn't be made lightly, only after due decision and still it can be hard.
3 people like this
@Hatley (152332)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Jul 12
hi again just thinking about the doctors calling me to ask how long they should keep my husband on the breathing machine. I then knew he had no more chances but faced with when do we plug the plug I felt like I w as being asked to just kill him. we called his sister and she said tell them to wait til the next day. an hour later God chose to take him home. He had only 20 percent of his heart muscle still working so had he lived he would have been a permanent invalid which he would have hated. G od seems to know best.
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
29 Jul 12
Oh writer, I don't know what to say. I guess all along I was hoping that the cancer would go away, but now I see it is much more serious than I thought.
3 people like this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Sometimes there is nothing one can say. Yes, I was hoping it would go away, too. Yes, it was more serious than anyone thought.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Jul 12
I sent you a message and I just noticed I have one, so it might be you. If not, please read it, I gave you my number to contact me if you ever need someone to talk to..
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Aug 12
Probably will be next week before I call. I'm really busy until Sunday.
@ElicBxn (59922)
• United States
29 Jul 12
I do not, nor do I have any plans of doing so. My mother had one, but really it wasn't necessary - tho they posted it in her room, just in case. I will wait until I'm in such a situation that I need to start worrying about it, because I don't want to be like your friend who can't get treated for something as curable as pneumonia.
3 people like this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
29 Jul 12
Well, not every state is as stupid as New York. Do not Resusitate just means not to resusitate. It shouldn't mean you can't get any treatment for anything. I also think it may not be NY State, just our stupid local hospital. Your state or your local hospital may not be so stupid. Besides, she revoked it. They treated her, she got better, she then got worse, ran out of insurance and made her leave the hospital. The x-rays show that she was just as bad as when she left as when she went in. She and her boyfriend cured her with medicine when she got home. I have no idea why they admitted her in the first place. Most people have pneumonia and are cured without being admitted. She did great in ICU. Then they put her on another floor, wouldn't let her sleep, she got bad again, then they told her that her insurance ran out and had her leave. Just before they threw her out, they had the third set of x-rays. When she went home, took her medicine, and people left her alone so she could sleep, she got better. So I'm not sure that the hospital did her any favors by treating her. She showed me the DVD of her x-rays. First set, lungs full of gunk, 2nd set, gumk half gone and the third set, when they made her leave, looks like the first set. Then she had to turn around and get the DNR done again. She's loaded with cancer. They keep cutting it out and chemo-ing her and it springs up somewhere else. She just couldn't take that suffocating feeling of pneumonia. Having had pneumonia, it is a horrible feeling that you can't breathe. But they always just give me meds and I go home. They wanted to have me do x-rays, but I refused.
3 people like this
• United States
29 Jul 12
I have many clients who have DNR. My mother has it with her advanced directives. There are options in the advanced directives that allow for treatments too. Something you need to look into.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (87753)
• Marion, Kansas
30 Jul 12
Great solution. I knew NY state was weird. The other thing I would like to see included is besides maximum pain relief would be and maximum anti anxiety medication. A fairly new nurse at the nursing home where my hubby was refused his meds, which were in his tube feeding, so she refused his feeding as well because she said he was in an altered state of consciousness and was not responsive to her. He did not know her, and he was exhausted. His hospice worker volunteer was so upset. I was only gone an hour. He knew what was going on. I told him that he had to make eye contact with her every time she spoke to him. (he could no longer speak) Her supervisor said that she was allowed to make that choice on her license, but that she (the supervisor) would be willing to give it.and it would not happen again. My friend, who was also a nurse there said "Well, I would have given it, even if it did slow his respiration as he is terminal, and it was prescribed, and you (meaning me) want him comfortable." I am so pleased that most people understood.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Aug 12
Yes, the idea of someone upset and anxious isn't good either. Espcially since some meds can make you that way. Thanks for understanding and take care.
@much2say (33019)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Hi writersedge . . . Oh gosh. We have a whole lot of dandelions growing in our back yard now since the kids blew all of them a few weeks back. That makes for many wishes . . . and I will continue on the mission, hoping my particular wish comes true for you. I personally do not know anyone who has had a DNR . . . but I can respect that decision. I can respect wanting to go peacefully - and I would want that for myself as well. It breaks my heart hearing all this about my myLot friend . . . but I want to keep strong for you and keep positive thoughts. It comforts me knowing you are comforted. But still I hope that miracle will come . . . and that you will keep on with your projects and going to all kinds of festivals and enjoying life for a long, long time . . .
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Aug 12
Keep the dandelions coming. I love that your kids and you love dandelions. Up here, some fools use round up, poison their ground and even their wells because they hate dandelions on their lawns because of the herbicide commercials. They're nuts. Everything you wrote is soo sweet. Thank you! I hope my miracle comes soon. Some miracles take time. Thanks, I appreciate that you understand that I hope to go peacefully, whether in the future or a long time from now. I'm being strong and positive. After we heard the lastest news, it threw us for a loop. But Phil's back to working and yard saling. I'm back to doing variety puzzles, went yard saling with him and to a craft fair of handmade crafts with him. I've been crocheting and I found lots of yarn for 25 cents as well as wool yarn at the craft fair (considerably more money, but hand spun and hand dyed). So after we got over the shock, we hit the ground walking. All over the place and had fun. I found a great pair of jeans and a black and blue (like the night just before dark) t--shirt that is of a black lab and my husband has been finding old time hand tools. So don't worry, we're doing much better now! Thanks and take care.
@GreenMoo (11842)
30 Jul 12
I'm very sorry to hear that your miracle has not yet happened. Whilst there is life there is hope, and I am thinking of you still. What will be will be. If not tomorrow then one day, and if not in five years, ten years, someday. I wish you peace. It is impossible to predict how I would feel in your situation. I imagine I would choose the DNR though. Delaying the inevitable with the use of machines when that moment comes seems somewhat pointless to me. Just because doctors are able to keep us alive in a technical sense, does not always mean that it is the best or the right thing to so.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Aug 12
Yes, as long as I'm alive, there is hope. Just because Drs can do something, doesn't mean they always should. True. Without a DNR, ambulance people and Drs wh aren't mine, don't know I'm better off to go that way. Thank you. I hope things are going well for you on your farm. Take care.
@Hatley (152332)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Jul 12
hi writersedge reading this I feel pretty small complaining about my diverticulitis. I had wondered how you were doing. I am sorry to hear the cancer has spread. you are one very brave mylotter and I applaud your courage. I do not have a dnr but if I was in a same kind of situation as you I probably would. I am still sending my prayers for y ou to be cured but God will of course have the final say so.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Aug 12
Diverticulitis can be pretty miserable and even painful. Pychologically this has been hard. But so far I'm seldom in pain, just a twinge or two and I'm enjoying life. I pray for a miracle, but if I can't have a miracle, I pray for a peaceful crossing over. Thank you for your continued prayers. Yes, God has the final say and I hope it's either a miracle or peaceful. If one is not in a similar situation, a DNR is probably not for them. But if they are, it might have helped them to think about it. Not every Dr. understands.
@louievill (15556)
• Philippines
29 Jul 12
Oh God, I don't know what to say, anyway for me " it ain't over till it's over", I know that's easy for me to say that cause I'm not the one suffering, sorry but we are expecting a miracle, so how can it happen if we give up and refuse to be revived? What if cure comes in a day? a week? etc...after, I know this is almost impossible but maybe that is why it's called a miracle, I am still for taking it go along it's own course, that's for me and others might have a different opinion.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
30 Jul 12
I don't even know what to say. I was hoping the alternative treatments and such were going to work. I suppose there is a plan somewhere bigger than all of us put together here. I haven't got a DNR but I have been thinking about it. Not for any particular reason, but that I just have certain wishes. I have missed you.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Aug 12
Well, I've been doing what the alternative healer said, as much as I can, but some of it is quite hard. I had more energy. I felt better. So it was a shock to both of us that it had tripled.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Aug 12
If it is your wish. then persue finding out more about it. It may not be fore you just yet or it may be for you. Thanks and take care.
@KrauseHome (32392)
• United States
4 Aug 12
I have been Praying for you since I first heard you had Cancer, and been wondering how you are doing. This is so Sad to know that you could die at any time. DNR in your case could be the Best option, but I will continue to Pray and believe somehow for a Miracle. Are they really saying there is nothing more that they can do? I know this must be a hard thing to deal with, but I know you have been a Strong fighter thus far.