Live in relationship
July 29, 2012 11:41am CST
Hi guys, I have seen many youngsters who have boyfriend and girlfriend and they decide to live together without getting married. I used to be away from home in a different country (India) and I had no support or help from anyone and I had lots of problem. So, I had shifted to my boyfriends flat and we stayed together. He helped me alot. Today, I am married to him. But I know, if i was in my country, I would have never lived with my boyfriend before marriage because I have my family to turn to if I had any problem. It is very common now. i know many people who start living with boyfriend and girlfriend. Have you seen anything like this? Did I do wrong to stay with my boyfriend before getting married? What do you feel about live in relationship?
29 Jul 12
In the last 50 years, more and more people have started living together outside of commitment to marriage. In fact, 60 percent or more of couples now live together before they get married, and many others live together instead of getting married. The rates of living together are even higher for remarriages. Many believe that living together is a good way to "test" the relationship or give it a trial run. Perhaps because they are either wary of commitment or have particular reasons to be concerned about their relationships, many think they will learn things about their relationship that will help them decide whether to commit to marriage with a particular partner. The majority of young adults do believe that living together helps people make decisions about marriage as well as provides a way for couples to work through issues before making a lifelong commitment. In fact, over half of younger people believe that living together prior to marriage will lower their odds of marital problems and divorce.1 Research, however, suggests something quite different. People who lived together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce than those who did not live together. People who lived together before marriage report that it is more likely they will divorce than people who did not live together. People who lived together before marriage have more negative communication in their marriages than those who did not live together. People who lived together before marriage have lower levels of marital satisfaction than those who did not live together. Infidelity during marriage is more common among people who lived together prior to marriage than those who did not. Physical aggression is more common among married individuals who lived together before marriage than those who did not. There are always exceptions to any research findings, but there are many studies documenting these important differences. Some people believe there is something important about the experience of cohabitation that relates to a higher risk of divorce (the experience theory). What might that "something" be? Well, some have found that people's attitudes about marriage and childbearing change — become more negative — after living together. So it could be that living together makes people less interested in marriage and less interested in having children. However, others have speculated that when people live together they develop a mindset in which they think, Well, if this doesn't work, I can easily get out. The problem is that this mindset might not change when the couple gets married, making it easier for them to divorce. Other experts believe that it's not actually the experience of living together that relates to poorer outcomes over time, but rather that people who live together before marriage already have characteristics that put them at risk for divorce and unsatisfying marriages (the selectivity theory). A host of research indicates that there are important differences between the backgrounds of people who live together before marriage and the backgrounds of those who don't. Surprisingly, marriage scholars and researchers have not devoted a great deal of attention over the past decades to good mate selection. Sociologist Norval Glenn at the University of Texas has noted that this is a serious gap in the field, and I think he is right. There are surely useful studies in this area, but people have not been given enough guidance about how to make a good choice. Here's a very simple list based on many years of research, many years of counseling couples, and reading and thinking about this issue. The more of these things you are able to do when you are searching for a mate and thinking about marriage, the better your odds will be of making a wise choice. Get to know the person very well before deciding to marry. One thing you can do is take the time to work together through a detailed list of core expectations to see just how compatible you are. Do not make this crucial decision in a period of emotional infatuation. Observe how the person treats not only you but his or her friends. Learn as much as you can about the person's priorities and values. Give more weight than your heart may want to how closely the person shares your most essential beliefs (including religious) and values in life. Wait until you are 22 or older to make such an important decision. What you think you are looking for can change a lot. Get the opinion of friends and family who are not likely to tell you only what you want to hear. Wait until you are married to live together. It may not increase your risk to do otherwise, but there is no evidence that it will increase your risk to wait.
1 person likes this
29 Jul 12
I just love your response. You have in detail explained it so well. I have understood. The mindset of people that living together makes them test if they are compatible of not for marriage. Living together has been an easy way out for people today. I am surprised to see the percentage of people who chose live in relationship. I thank you for taking part in this discussion. have a wonderful day ahead.
30 Jul 12
I think it still depends upon the ages of both person. If both are legal then most likely, i would agree in the situation if both of them does not any longer depends on their parents. People have different perceptions and idea. I would not be the type who nags and minds other business it`s just more appropriate if they take responsibility towards their choice which is to have a lived in relationship. Take responsibility in a way that they would be mature enough to handle their problems, not to be a nuisance to their family, to have their own money and to be a person that there family will be proud of
30 Jul 12
hi! yes i have a friend with that live-in relationship. Don't get me wrong with my opinion pls.. Well, for me it's not right that way. For whatever reason a couple have, it is not right to live-in out of marriage. In my friends case, she let her bf live with her because her bf just started at work so he has no money to avail apartment or things he will need for his apartment. So at first, we let her do what she thinks is right, but to our dismay her bf now has been working for 3months already and he still in her apartment. I told her its live-in already. She is a christian, and it's not a good example to be seen by many. I told them to get married, but it's still seem they are not sure of each other. That's the sad part.
29 Jul 12
Well there should be no such problem with the live in relationship until and unless both the partners are happy staying with each other. It is all about understanding, loving and caring for each other in a relationship and if both are happy with each other in the company, then there should be any issue.