your lover cheats on you. do you give him a second chance?^^

love regret - relationships problems
Portugal
July 29, 2012 11:44am CST
hi guys imagine that your lover cheats on you. he tells you what happened and asks you for forgiveness. would you give him a second chance? about me im not sure. i think i couldnt trust him completely anymore. if he told me what happened and it was only a kiss maybe i could give him a second chance. even im not sure. but if he slept with a girl even just once and told me i couldnt. i could forgive him with time but to be with him again i wouldnt. what would you guys do? please share your opinions
6 people like this
28 responses
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
I experienced this situation in my ex boyfriend before and I learned so much from it. Now, if my boyfriend would cheated on me. I will never forgive him or give a him second chances. I hate the feeling of being cheated and I promised to myself that I will never be the same again. I will never forgive someone who will break my trust and love.
2 people like this
• Portugal
7 Sep 12
your ex cheated and you didnt accept him back?^^ thats good. im happy bcs it shows you are a brave person. at least now you can start fresh with a new guy. if you kept being with him i think you wouldnt be happy. bcs you would always wonder if he would cheat you again.
@inertia4 (27792)
• United States
29 Jul 12
Honestly, my answer is no. I learned the hard way. I gave my evil ex a second chance but it did not work. Remember this, once a cheater, always a cheater. They will never learn or change. The only thing that will change is that they will learn how to hide it much better as time goes on.
• Portugal
2 Sep 12
im sorry to know that. its really sad that your ex cheated on you. even more sad that you gave her a second chance and she hurt you again! she was really bad. i guess you are right. maybe a second chance will be a way that they cheat again and hide better this time. i think if your lover cheats the best is to leave him cause you will always wonder if he is cheating again right? trust will end once that happens.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27792)
• United States
2 Sep 12
Thats how I see it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Thats seems to be the truth when it comes to people like that. We need to protect ourselves.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i totally agree with you bcs i heard stories of people that forgave their cheater lover and then they cheated again. thats why i think i wouldnt be able to give a second chance to someone that cheated me once. its sad but i believe that if your lover cheats on you is bcs there is something wrong in the relation. and instead of them talking with his partner they choose to ignore it and cheat. not understanding how hurting the person will be.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
5 Sep 12
People say that I'm a fool for believing and giving my partner not just a second chance, but the third as well. I think it's different when you're boyfriend and girlfriend versus being husband and wife. I understand you belonged in a long-distance relationship. It's tough enough to have a relationship that's close together, how much more with someone you haven't really met yet? I think you could try to forgive, but it will always be tough if you haven't met yet. Further, you can just be friends for now and let him do something to patch things up - like perhaps going to you and meeting you personally - if he's really serious about you. But if you feel that you no longer have the heart to look at him and don't want to go through a lot of adjustments because of a broken trust, then perhaps it would be best to put a period and end the "relationship". I think every love story is different. You cannot really say that since it worked for some, then it would work out for you too. In the same way, if it didn't work for some, it doesn't necessarily mean it wouldn't work for you too. After all, there's no perfect formula for love. But remember that when we open our hearts to someone, we are also opening the possibility of these people hurting us. So it's your call. But I think you should meet first face-to-face before deciding to move the next level. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
• Portugal
7 Sep 12
i wasnt talking about me laydee^^ what happened between me and that guy is that he promised to wait for me even though we were not together anymore. cause he was always busy so we decided to break up but still wait for each other. but after a week of saying he loves me he found someone else and changed his status to in a relationship in facebook. he didnt even told me anything. i found this in his facebook. after it i messaged him asking what was that. and just after a few messages he replied. we talked and he said he likes her but still loves me and would find a way for us to be together. but after this day he ignored me and ignored me and deleted me of his friends in facebook without saying nothing. then one day he was drunk he showed me his face and said he loves me.but then never knew about him again. i only know he and his gf were broken up but now they are together again. so i just wanted to understand why so many promises and how come he loved me so much and was so sweet to me and then disrespected me so much.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
9 Sep 12
Guess that guy was just playing you. I think it's good that you're no longer together and you've moved on. That sort of guy doesn't deserve someone like you. You take care.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
9 Sep 12
thanks so much laydee^^ yes i was always trying to cheer him up. what hurts me is that i always did everything to show him that he was important. cause he thought he was a sh*t to everyone. and one day after he find that girl he said he needed me and i wasnt there. why didnt he call me if he needed me? while i didnt have a job i was always online waiting for him. sleeping late and my parents being angry at me. when i found a job everyday i came home after working 12 hours and wrote him a letter. everyday i wrote him letters. more than 100 pages i wrote. i would send it all in a big package so he could remember me everyday. he was the one finding someone else and not even telling me about it. he was the one making promises and ignoring it. how dare he say i wasnt there when he needed? i was always there. i did everything for him. i was working hard everyday and after 12 hours i just wanted to take a bath and sleep and instead i was writing him a letter every single day. what guy does what he did to someone that sacrificed so much for him? im just sad that we live so far and i cant say these things on his face.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (18618)
• United States
29 Jul 12
As I told my husband when we first got together. If he cheats I'm out I don't want to be with him any more I could never trust him again even if I still love him it's clear that he doesn't love me and he would do the same to be if I cheated on him.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
29 Jul 12
i understand what you mean^^ would be very hard to trust him so better move on. im happy that you think that way. i think that people that give a second chance to someone that cheated will be not completely happy. cause once hurt we never know what can happen in the future. its like you say if he loved he wouldnt cheat. i agree with you. to give a second chance would be a mistake that wouldnt bring any happiness.
@ShyBear88 (18618)
• United States
29 Jul 12
I know a lot of people that give others second changes very few times does it work out. Most of the time the person goes back to cheating or the other person just goes and cheat because they are so bitter. Even though we have children together I would rather move on find someone else that will treat me the way I would like to be treat and my husband understands that. Even if we are not together we would still be together in a way for the kids but not living or anything like that. His dad cheated on his mom so he knows what it's like from the kids point of view. I don't know what it's like personally at all but I've seen what it has done to families and I would like to keep my children from seeing there parents keep breaking up and getting back together. Although my husband says there are certain case to rule. My rule is once a cheater always a cheater that doesn't mean they will cheat on the next person they are with but they might always cheat on you. If it's truly meant to be some how some way the person will end up together again. I don't think I could ever really get over it.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
31 Jul 12
i think you and your husband are right^^ i agree with you when you say that you wouldnt get over it. cause you would be always insecure. for me if i went back to a guy that cheated on me already i think i couldnt trust him. even i tried to be with him i would always wonder if he would cheat again. cause its hard to take that the guy you love cheated when your feelings for him were true. im sure your hubby wont cheat on you. you and him seem to have a honest relation. and like you said he had an experience of what cheating can do.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
30 Jul 12
I won't give him the second chance, never...i know it is hard way but i can't do forgive for it.
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i understand you^^ i think that its impossible to forget if a guy cheats on you. it will be impossible to trust him again. if someday he comes late at home you might be wondering was he with other girl? i mean i think people never truly recover from cheating. besides how can we be sure that he wont cheat again? unless he gave a big prove of love like save your life over his or something we couldnt ever be sure if his love was real or not. so i agree that you shouldnt give him a second chance. but i respect a lot people that give a second chance to their lover. if they love him and think they can be happy again they should go for it^^ im just sad that i couldnt do it. and i would lose the guy i loved but i wouldnt be with him again cause would be impossible to trust him again.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
11 Sep 12
Well, we will doubt: he did cheat us 1 time, should he cheat us the next time? we can't ensure he won't cheat us later..i think even some guys forgive a second chance to their lover but they still have that doubt thinking in their mind.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
17 Sep 12
thats why i wouldnt accept my bf back if he cheated. cause that doubt would always stay in my head. that way neither me neither him could be happy. the best is to start fresh. leave past behind and move on. even if it hurts its the best for our happiness.
• Indonesia
30 Jul 12
I cant give him a 2nd chance if he cheat on me. when he cheated its mean that he can not respect me as his Gf and he is untrustable. If he want another GF he can break with me 1st and tell the reason, its better than cheating
1 person likes this
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
30 Jul 12
ya, it is what i think also. if he wants to get in relationship with another woman, he can break with me first...
1 person likes this
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i agree with both of you. if a guy starts to feel something for other girl he should be honest with his gf. it can be hurting but its better than know that he cheated. we cant control our feelings so if he fell for other girl thats understandable. what i dont understand is why people cheat? they could just be honest about what is going on. sadly sometimes people are too selfish to understand it. they just go with the moment and forget they are hurting someone that loves them deeply.
• Mexico
30 Jul 12
Hi sweet love forever: I believe in second chances. However, as you mentioned, when someone cheats on you it's difficult to recover the past trust you have in this person so it would be really difficult. I think my reaction would be to end this relationship, give some time to think and let the wounds heal. Maybe if our love is stronger we could start again from the beginning. But at least I have to take a time to deal with my pain. It's not simple. ALVARO
1 person likes this
@deazil (4604)
• United States
30 Jul 12
I would forgive him. I'd take him back. And then I'd make the rest of his life a LIVING HELL!!!!!! Oh, I'm sorry. No I wouldn't take him back. Trust is one of the basic building blocks on which a relationship is formed. Once that is weakened the foundation becomes weak and shaky. Doubts creep in more and more and they won't ever go away (most of the time). Someone else said once a cheat always a cheat. I believe that is true.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
2 Sep 12
i agree with you alvaro^^ if we give a second chance we need some time to heal before that. its not easy to forget that the guy we love cheated on us. for sure i would need some time and maybe i wouldnt even be able to accept him back. cause doubt would always be in my head. and that would affect the relation forever. so maybe the best is to forgive but move on with our lives right?^^ deazil i think you shouldnt be back to revenge on him. even he deserved that you would be just hurting yourself even more. it would be a waste of your time. the best you could do was move on with your life and forget that you ever met him. time helps healing.
• India
19 Sep 12
hey friend i will not forgive that girl and i will hangout from that relation because she has cheated me and i hate cheaters.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
19 Sep 12
yes im happy you would forget that cheating girl. its the best for you. to start a fresh relation later on. if you kept being with her, then you wouldnt be able to be happy anymore. bcs you would always wonder if she would do that mistake again. wish you the best^^
• China
18 Sep 12
well,I'm a man,if my girlfriend cheats on me,I mean if she falls in love with someone but not doing anthing,I would give her a chance.If she slept with a man,I'll break up with her.I will give you a suggestion that we shouldn't judge your the other half just according to a kiss,you know,what's the most important is that whether he still loves you.If he doesn't,you couldn't forgive him.If he loves both of you girls,you should know who he loves more,if it's you,give him the last chance.if he cheats on you again,do not forgive him.you know,a man do not like a girl,he is too easy to control himself,so give him at least one chance.so how my suggestion,hope it can help you.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
18 Sep 12
this didnt happen to me. i was just wondering what would people do in this situation. im not judging him because of a kiss but if i saw my bf kissing other girl for sure i would break up with him. if he told me he kissed her and was sorry for it without me seeing it maybe i could accept him back and give him one last chance. but if i caught him kissing a girl i wouldnt bcs how could i know for sure if it was just that day that they were kissing? it depends of how the situation was. if your lover tells you that he kissed or slept with someone is bcs maybe he regrets it but if he doesnt tell you and you find out on your own the best is to break up. bcs that time how can you be sure if he wont do it again?
@june2248 (154)
8 Sep 12
Hi loveforever, no i will not forgive him, if i will forgive him once,he will definitely take advantage.
• Portugal
9 Sep 12
i understand you june^^ yes we shouldnt allow a guy to hurt us more than one time. if he cheated once he can do that again. i wouldnt want him back either. cause we never know what he could do in the future. and being cheated once must hurt enough already i guess.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
1 Sep 12
It was one thing I never knew when it was happening. My husband told me about it after more than 10 years that he did go out and slept with other women. Although it was so long ago, it still pains me inside knowing that he did that to me. Since it ws long gone, I just shrugged it off.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
7 Sep 12
im so sorry jenny. at least your husband was honest with you. even if it was years ago im sure he regret it. thats why he told you. still i think you are very brave. maybe if it was other woman she would leave him. bcs a cheating is always a cheating. even if was 10 years ago. you have courage^^ i wish he doesnt do the same again.
28 Aug 12
For me, I will not give him another chance, he cheated one's but who will know if he will do it again and again. I am a person that not much give a second chance to my partner ^_^
• Portugal
7 Sep 12
i understand you^^ i would also wonder if he would cheat me again. so that would end with the relation sooner or later. so better not to give a second chance. i believe in the saying everyone deserves a second chance but in cheating its very hard.
@Bhebelen14 (5206)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
I cant imagine myself when I discover my husband cheats on me and I don't even know what to do if he do it to me. My husband and I both cheated by our ex's in the past and it really painful and hard to accept. Maybe I cant forgive my husband if he cheats on me because he already knew how painful it is and it is unforgivable.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
7 Sep 12
im sorry that you and your husband were cheated before. i wish he doesnt cheat on you^^ i agree that it is something unforgivable. bcs if you give love to him how can he go and cheat you with someone else? that just shows how bad the person is right? anyway i wish your husband always respect you^^
@chuyins123 (2118)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
Everyone deserves a SECOND chance or even third , all you have to do is to be fair enough .. Be fair with yourself and to him .. Clarify everything to him and listen to what your heart says :) be brave to forgive and consider it a challenge .. A challenge that could give your self a chance to live hapilly ever after , just like a fairytale .. I do believe that fairytales to exist if only you'll insist :D
1 person likes this
• Portugal
7 Sep 12
i think fairy tales exist too. but i doubt it can be a fairy tale if your loved one cheated on you once. how can we know if he wont repeat it? for me i would consider giving him a second chance only if he told me he cheated me. even though im not sure if i would accept him back. but if i found out on my own i wouldnt want to be with him anymore.
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
30 Jul 12
I have no lover so no experience but I can say if once start cheating then it is very hard to trust on the same person. If this will happen with me then I will never give second chance.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i understand that you wouldnt want to get hurt again^^ dont worry about being single yet. for sure you will find a very sweet guy soon^^ just wait patiently for him. besides giving a second chance after your lover cheats on you can be a bad mistake. cause he might hurt you again. so maybe the best is to move on and be able to love someone else in the future^^ cause that way you can start from the zero^^ and be trusting and loving again.
• Chengdu, China
30 Jul 12
Frankly speaking. Some guy cheat on U for the first time and U never give him/her a chance, U are a hothead. Same guy cheat on U once again and U still give him/her chance, U are a di(khead.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
ahah so in your opinion what could we do? we suck anyway right? anyway i rather be a hothead bcs at least if i dont give him a second chance i wont get hurt anymore. giving a second chance you are opening a door to get hurt again. about if give a second chance being a di*k head i think you are wrong cause i believe those who give a second chance are so in love that cant see how hurt they can be again. they are just too innocent.
@ute124 (41)
• Malaysia
30 Jul 12
Humm this is really an interesting topic for me really i will for give them and even give them second chance but the problem with situations like this is there will never be trust any more and this lead to fights over little matter maybe him talking to another and you feel yes he cheated on me last time so he can do it again or maybe the guy sees you talking to some other and feel yeh u want to cheat on him just because he cheated on you. so a times really is hard to give someone second chance.so my advice to all guys and ladies when u don't want the relationship any more is better your let it go than cheat. Not everyone can stand it.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i understand you^^ im happy you would give him a second chance^^ but you are right. i think the trust between both parties would end. mostly the girl thinking that the guy could cheat on her again. about him thinking she could revenge i think it depends of the girl personality. i think that revenge wont help at all^^ cause you will be hurt, the person you will cheat your bf with might be hurt, and your bf too. and its sad that the third person be hurt without doing anything wrong. cause most part of times they dont even know that the person they are dating is committed. anyway i agree with you completely when you say that if someone doesnt want the relation they should say it instead of cheat. cause that way you will be hurting someone that loves you and dont deserve to be hurt.
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
I guess that guy was so guilt stricken with what had happened to him that he couldn't face his girlfriend right in the eye, he would be bound to admit what happened and ask for forgiveness indeed. Then again, if the situation was quite out of the ordinary, say he got drunk and some girl took advantage of the situation, knowing that women these days are so free and liberal for most parts of the world, of course not all women in general, it can happen. In that case, I guess you wouldn't call that cheating. Because cheating would imply that the act which was committed, the one who did it was aware that it's wrong and the person still went ahead to do it even against their better judgement. Now, if that person really cheated and realized later on that what he or she did was wrong, I think second chances are out of the options to give to the person. Cheating is done willingly like how students would cheat on exams. They can choose to cheat or not to. So if they really care for the person who they are currently in a relationship with, they would do whatever it takes to be not in any situation wherein they would get tempted to cheat or even if they are in a particular situation that indeed has many temptations surrounding them to cheat, they would still be firm and strong about not cheating on their partner.
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i think when you say that if a guy is drunk and sleeps with other girl his gf should give him a second chance is wrong. cause if he goes out alone he knows he cant get drunk or he can make some stupidity right? in my opinion a guy that has a gf should drink only with his friends. so they wont let him make the mistake of cheat on his gf. many people use the excuse of being drunk to cheat on their lovers and i hate it. cause we need to be aware of our actions. if a guy goes to a bar and get drunk for sure some girl can flirt with him and he cheats his lover. is it fair that then the girl has to forgive him bcs he says he was drunk? no i disagree with it.
• India
30 Jul 12
Hi friend, it is really hard to forgive great mistakes, but if our love is sincere, we have the ability to give second chance to them. But if they take it as an advantage and continues their cheating activities surely we must keep distance from this kind of persons
1 person likes this
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i understand what you mean^^ that everyone deserves a second chance^^ and sure if you really love the person you can give it a second try. but like you say they can take this advantage to keep cheating on you. i just dont understand people that cheat on their lovers everyday with different people. wouldnt it be easier to say bye to this person and have a life? i mean if you want fun only you can have a life like that but be single. dont be so selfish and be committed with someone and cheat. thats a big disrespect. so im glad that you are a serious guy and wouldnt cheat on your gf^^
30 Jul 12
well for me i give him a chance.Then i talk to him the reason why i give a chance.Then if ive noticed that hes not making any sign that he really appreciated the chance that ive given to him then thats the time to tell him that its better we end our relationship.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
3 Sep 12
i understand^^ you would give him a second chance so he could prove his love to you^^ i think you do the right thing so you wont regret it later on. like what could have happened if i forgave him and be with him again? accepting him back at least you wont regret later. but im happy that if you saw that he didnt change at all that you would leave him. no one needs a relation with a guy that is careless over you.