tell me your opinion on this one..

@jazel_juan (15767)
Philippines
July 29, 2012 8:51pm CST
Years ago, i got jealous over a close friend of my husband, but there was a good reason as to why i got jealous as i know there really was something more to their friendship..but we eventually patched that issue, and moved on. Yet i still do not like them talking as i was never something i am comfortable, you know that gut feeling ladies have? its true and i was able to prove on that one, he said sorry and i said sorry and things are ok.. and i know they are not talking.. but then lately i know they are talking again, that lady used to just work here in the Philippines, but i know she is already in Saudi working and i guess they are chatting or communicating again thru social network....hubby a few days ago told me that that friend found out she has cancer..and from the way he talked they were really had a long talk. i do not want to be jealous about this and try to be rational as maybe that lady needs someone right, as well she found out she has cancer...BUT does it have to be my husband? i mean i bet she has a bf ( or maybe she does not) and a part of me says dont be selfish..and a part is ringing that alarm in my gut feeling...
4 people like this
10 responses
@mtrguanlao (5527)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
hi jazel! I know how you feel as I am also a woman and I know how and when I should feel jealous over a woman. If there's something going on between the girl and your hubby,I am sure your hubby wont tell you about the girl,their talk. So you see,your hubby loves you,he wants you to know that he is not doing something fishy,that's why he told you about it and that he is just there as a friend to the girl who has a cancer. I'm sure if there's any feelings your hubby has for the girl,it's just mercy. For as long as your hubby tells you about their talk,I think he is not guilty of having any affair, my friend. You just need to trust him and tell your hubby to tell the girl that you also have the symphathy for her.
3 people like this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
This is enlightening and logical, i guess you are right, he is trying to be honest..so that means he is sincere and still loyal to me.. thank you for this, i might try to reach out to that girl too..and lets see how it goes.
1 person likes this
@vigneshz (27)
• India
30 Jul 12
i have a funny idea in this discussion. just design a greeting card like "get well soon my sweet SISTER"(not in this way but quite more elaborately) and ask your husband to send this designed greeting card to that lady email. if your husband is ready to send this greeting card means there is nothing in them and just a pure relationship otherwise if your husband is hesitating or not responding to it means may be there are some chances..(just do it and dont take it serious..may be your husband will have lots of work issues rather than this)...
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
now i am laughing at this and wondering if he is up for this! lol i might try it!
1 person likes this
• India
30 Jul 12
let me think to get many more ideas like this..quite useful isn't it...
1 person likes this
@BabyCheetah (1913)
• Australia
30 Jul 12
Well I'd say if she is overseas and far away from your husband then there is no harm in them talking. Some people just seem to have a really strong bond and as long as they keep it a friendship then that's OK. But I would be worried too if she was in the same country and very close by. My mum has a friend and everyone, including me seems to think it's something more but really it isn't they are just friends. He can't tell his wife when he catches up with her for coffee (and not just my mum but any female) because she reacts badly. His wife calls my mum "the girlfriend" and also this one time I saw him at the supermarket after not seeing him for years, we used to play tennis together so we got along well. I got excited and ran over and said hi and gave him a hug and I didn't see his wife was with him. Well apparently his wife thought that me saying hi and giving someone I have known for years and have not seen in years a hug was "disturbing" So point to my story is. Some wives just go off the deep end when any single female is friends with their husbands even if there is nothing there. I'm not saying you're like this but it could be a similar situation. As I said if she is in a different country then let them chat online but let him know your feelings as well
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
This is enlightening and i really do have to try this one and maybe let them be right? this is where trust should be used.. just like stowyk said above, maybe i should try to understand her and be her friend too... and stop the paranoia.
1 person likes this
• Australia
31 Jul 12
Yeah you can try that too and see if she lets you be friends. Don't be too paranoid but nothing wrong with being alert
@GardenGerty (98149)
• United States
30 Jul 12
Maybe you should try to be her friend so she would leave your husband alone. You could also tell him the truth, all of it. That you do not want to be jealous, you feel sorry for her but sometimes it is hard. If the truth is out on the table it is harder to ignore. Truth is, she needs to count on someone other than him.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
somehow you are right but i also did try to be a friend of hers, i even added her on fb so the communication isn't hard.. but see.. i do not know what we have in common, i do not know what to tell her. but i did send her some message, just telling her to feel well and praying for her strength and i was really sincere when i did that too..trying to remove the jealousy.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (98149)
• United States
30 Jul 12
You can be the bigger person especially since she is so far away. And people do recover from cancer.
1 person likes this
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
30 Jul 12
jazel, jealousy is a dangereous emotion..I am so sorry but you are talking about two different places..there are MILES between her and your hubby..and where is he, with you..Be proud that you are the wife and he is with you.. You might not trust her but do you trust your husband...thats whats important and the question...Either you do and will just drop this feeling or you don't and continue to live in misery.. You only have 2 choices..chose one or the other and move on with your life and live happily.. I hope you are not making something out of nothing,,express your feelings to hubby and step into some different shoes... \\Good Luck!!!!
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
i do agree that is why i am asking for opinions as to what i should do as i do not want to be overwhelmed with jealousy and i want to be open minded about it.
@ridzzz0 (131)
30 Jul 12
i find no harm in talking,strictly if they strict to it.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
yup.
• India
30 Jul 12
Hi Dear, This is Preethi Thomas, your thoughts are absolutly true, But when we know about that she is suffering with cancer, then we have to think because people cant share every thing with every body, but they can share only with the friends, my opion is this time she needs a good friend but not a boy friend.And one more thing u can also talk with her very closly then she can also feel that she is having one more close friend. i think if u follow this your family will be good. Bye
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
i really do not think we would be good friends as there is nothing we could both talk about..
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
30 Jul 12
I can honestly say that I've been in your shoes and didn't like it in the least bit! If your gut tells you something, you need to listen to it! I had my husband end his friendship with his 'friend' out of fear that she had ulterior motives. I STILL believe she had those motives and nothing will ever change my mind in thinking this way. I trusted my husband whole heartingly but things do happen so I made sure that it DID'NT happen with MY husband! If you're uncomfortable with the 'friendship' it's time you say something or you may live to regret it because you kept quiet. I'm sorry this gal has cancer however, I'm sure she has other friends she can 'talk' with and it's time she does so!
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
Another perspective to look at. I am quite scared of this going on but at the same time i do not want to be selfish.. but yes i still follow that gut feeling and more or less my husband understands what i feel when i told him about this..
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
30 Jul 12
I agree, can't she find another person to talk with. I mean, fine she can disclose her situation with your husband- but why the need to keep the update (unless your husband is making some effort as well) Don't mind my doubt- but maybe you should consider your husband's action as well (keep your cool/temper honey) I know I shouldn't add/tease injury to this matter and I am sure you are smart enough to discover the truth...hold on to your feelings and intuition :)
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
Its ok, i have been thinking of such too... and i just told hubby about it last night and what i feel about it but well he assured me that nothing is going on..and i even message the girl and told her to take care ( but i am sincere) and she said, thankyou
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
Hi jazel. I understand your feelings. You're not being selfish, it's a natural reaction of a woman who loves her husband. I just had an argument with my bf last night. It's something to do with his girl friends. One of them kept on bugging him about her problems (a problem she has incurred upon herself). And now she's crying and telling him she wanted to die. I just don't get it why she had to run to my bf for help. Bf told me I'm biased. The worst part here is, if a guy friend gets too close to me, he gets jealous himself! So why can't he understand my point? Despite that, I still believe he loves me. Same thing with your hubby. He loves you too. I just don't want to come to a point where I have to force my bf to choose between me or his female friend. I would just keep a watchful eye and see to it that the friend doesn't cross the line.