I Love You But I Don't Trust You.

United States
August 1, 2012 8:06pm CST
Have you ever said this to your partner? Did you Ever learn to trust him/her again? I'm sorta old fashioned. If I don't trust a person I can not love them. both love and trust Has to be there! How about you? Have you ever loved but not trusted someone?
6 people like this
30 responses
2 Aug 12
I've been in a relationship where I loved the person so much, but I did not had a trust on him. It was because of those instances when I found out he was doing something not acceptable. It was some sort of cheating which he never ever admitted. I loved him so much, so I never had the courage to let go of him even it made me feel like I'm struggling in our relationship due to lack of trust. It's really hard to be with someone whom you can no longer trust. I guess you can never make a relationship lasts if trust is missing, no matter how much love you have for him. Thank you for this discussion, it just made me realized something. ;-)
• United States
2 Aug 12
I'm glad I could help. I hope you get to be happy. You deserve it!
@Raine38 (8909)
• United States
2 Aug 12
I believe that love, trust and respect goes hand in hand. There's no way you can just love a person and not trust him at the same time. That's not love.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Aug 12
So the persons who say this don't understand the true meaning of love. Or they define it differently?
@ShyBear88 (16865)
• United States
2 Aug 12
I've always trusted hubby for sure even before I knew I loved him. So I don't know if I can love before I can trust. I don't think its impossible but I think for myself I think I would have to trust someone before I felt or even realizes that I love them.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Aug 12
My guy and I were friends . Then I learned I could trust him and Then I fell for him. I can see Lusting after a guy I don't fully trust but love? No!
• United States
2 Aug 12
I actually have said that to the boyfriend i am with now. I have a hard time trusting him because last August i was up North and went to two weddings and hershy park with him and while he went on a ride he gave me his cell phone and it went off so i read the text and it was from a girl that was his best friends ex girlfriend and he was talking nasty to her and it bugged me so much and then again in October i caught him talking to her again and i just couldnt believe it and now i have a hard time trusting him and hes always on the phone and then at night he sometimes sleeps with his phone and is always checking it so of course i think i have a hard time trusting him, but then again you do love him. He says he talks to other girls when he argue and we argue alot.
• United States
2 Aug 12
I'm so sorry. I hope this post didn't cause you more pain. I hope things can work out for you. Follow You Bliss. You deserve to be happy.
@AmbiePam (44597)
• United States
2 Aug 12
I feel that way about my sister.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Aug 12
I trust my sister too. I hope you will find the guy to love!
1 person likes this
@singlemommy (2953)
• United States
2 Aug 12
I have loved someone and not trusted them. I think that it is easier than you may think. I have an ex whom while we were together, I found out he cheated on me. After that moment, I found it hard to trust him, but I still loved him. I can't really explain why I felt that way, but I did. I have been around some male friends and their wives and their wives trusted them wholeheartedly, but in reality they shouldn't have. I think trust is sometimes tricky. I think many times I wanted to trust my ex because I did love him so much and I think the same can be said for the wives that I spoke about above. They trust their husbands because they love them so much and are absolutely blind to what is really going on around them. I honestly believe that most of them would still love their husbands even if they found out the truth and that they really couldn't trust them.
• United States
2 Aug 12
I trust adrain with my heart and soul. even if at times he will make me so mad I can spit nails. LOL I can't see me with him if I could not trust him either.
2 people like this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
2 Aug 12
Hey Sarah.. I agree with you... Love & Trust should always go hand-in-hand.. Without trust there can be no love.. Without trust whatever there is, it is not love.. It is just a relationship in which both partners hang in there, distrusting each other for the sake of it... They're mad for each other, and at times mad at each other... There's no love!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 12
That is my definition of marriage, a lot of arguments and and mistrust. That is why I Always knew There was love and there was marriage and I wuld Have to choose. I chose love.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
2 Aug 12
I seem see new light now... Love's definitely better.. If you distrust, you have the option to leave, if you feel that something fishy's going on.. Marriage brings complications, and problems... The worse thing's my family's hell bent upon getting me married... Imagine marrying with a total stranger and then there's no chance of stepping back.. Here marriages are treated like religion by those whom I'm talking about... Gosh, I'm scared now....
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 12
Oh No! The last thing I ever want to do is make you feel bad or scared! It is different to marry out of family obligation. You can agree to things a love match would Never do! so do not worry. You are still single and there is always hope . I still see her, A Indian woman who loves America or and visiting American who loves Indian men! I also see you marrying her!
@inertia4 (26298)
• United States
1 Sep 12
Well, you basically know my story. I once did trust the evil ex. But that was a long time ago. You know that she was the one that cheated. My mistake was trying to work on the marriage. I did it because I did love her and wanted things to work out. We did to go to counseling and all. And things did seem better. but it was right after the kids were born when things changed forever. So the answer to this question is no, I would never love someone who I do not trust. I have been there, done that and got burned. I did what any normal person would do in a marriage of a long time. Work on it. But I guess I had blinders on. Never again.
• United States
1 Sep 12
You are not blaming yourself? You are not putting yourself down in my presence are you? Both are Huge No-nos! You did what you felt was best. You followed your heart. It was she who f@cked up! She had a good man and didn't treat you right.But you did get two great kids out of it And you are with a good woman now. Forgive me for starting this post and opening the wound!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 12
Fantastic!I'm so happy for you.Hey Now!
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (26298)
• United States
2 Sep 12
Thank you. I am okay, no need to worry and don't worry about creating the discussion. It is good that you did. It does help to talk about things.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
3 Aug 12
if you love him, then you should trust him. how could you love someone you can not trust?? don't you feel uncomfort?? that's in my view...
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 12
They do and yet they say they love him/her. I don't understand it either.
• Indonesia
4 Aug 12
but without trust, the relationship will full of pretend or suspicious thing, right?? can they stand in love when they feel one of them is doing something lie behind?
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 12
I don't know how but they do stay. I wouldn't. I couldn't.
@GreenMoo (11842)
4 Aug 12
There are areas where I trust my partner, and areas where I don't. I trust that he will not deliberately set out to hurt me for instance, but I don't trust that he'd be able to locate the laundry basket or the spare washing up liquid. I guess that's not entirely what you're getting at though! I imagine that you are talking about trust relating to being faithful. I would not choose to be with someone who I did not trust in that department. That does not necessarily mean that someone would have to be faithful (though that's what I'd be hoping for), but that they kept to whatever agreement we had made between ourselves. If I chose not to be with someone because they misplaced my trust it would still be possible for me to love them. Over time that would fade, but I don't think you stop loving someone just because they are not right for you. That's why love is said to hurt!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Aug 12
I did stop loving my ex because he wasn't right for me. It took some time but I did it. If I hadn't I wouldn't be able to love my guy! As for cheating. it depends on the relationship.If I were married , I would expect he would have a mistress. But if We were just boyfriend and girlfriend, I expect him to be man enough to tell me he wants someone else.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
3 Aug 12
Oh no...if I don't trust them..I know there is no hope for peace or happiness with them. I'm outta there when the trust is gone.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 12
Me too! I wouldn't argue. In fact I wouldn't speak. I woulf turn around and start packing!
@jakie18 (229)
• Philippines
3 Aug 12
Hi sarah. I love, trust and respect should always go together. And trust is very hard to earn if it is broken. I guess you should set limits like if the person keeps on betraying you and knows that he will easily be forgiven he will not learn his lesson at all. If you truly love the person you should also try to be firm with your decision so that he will not become abusive. It's better to start early than wait for so long and at the end you both lost your love for each other. And I guess you should talk about it and open up all your insights about the problems you are facing.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 12
I was lucky . My guy and I were friends way before we said we love each other. I think many couples fall in love Without being true friends first.
@oindy54 (3446)
• India
3 Aug 12
Hi, I have actually said this to my partner several times of late, that I love him but I do not trust him. This is because an incident happened last year after which I could not trust him any longer. I have been through a lot of pain but try as I might I could not stop loving him nor could I pull myself out of the relationship. Well he certainly seems sorry for what he did and I do love him immensely but I cannot trust him fully anymore. I think once a person loses trust, it cannot be rebuilt or is extremely hard to rebuild. These are strictly my opinions and everybody may not agree. Thank you asking this question. I could express my true feelings here.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 12
Thanks fr your response. I'm glad I eased your pain and not add to it! I get these ideas for posts not knowing how closely I touch on what is happening to people. I'm glad you can vent here. I hope you find happiness. Take Care.
@chookie1971 (2277)
• Australia
2 Aug 12
I have always have said that when there is no trust, there is no relationship. When there is trust then love flows freely. When there is no trust although love is still there, there are walls and love will only flow within the walls. I believe that it is best to walk if you don't trust. If I didn't trust my husband, I wouldn't be in a relationship with him. I would leave him.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 12
I'm a little weird. I wouldn't trust a husband but I do trust boyfriends. I'm very, very old fashioned. I see husbands as men who eventually will feel trapped and then will cheat. they will Have to. I'm not loving wife material. But a boyfriend can leave. He Has to want to stay. That's why I trust that if he isn't happy, he would tell me and we would part.
• Philippines
2 Aug 12
Well, I loved a person whom I found so hard to trust again. Nope, the right term is, I CHOSE to love someone whom I know is not worth the trust at all... but I woke up, and realize it's not right. so here I am, free and happy ...
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 12
I am happy you are happy!
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
2 Aug 12
I never came to that part yet. But I do understand that both love and trust must be there for a relationship to work perfectly. But I know it is hard to really maintain that harmony inside especially when trust was destroyed by an incident. But it is hard to say you love that person but not trust anymore. I feel that when trust is violated love disappears with it as well.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 12
• China
2 Aug 12
When a girl said i love you but i didnt trust you to a boy. I can exactly feel how sad and depressed the girl was. Its inevitable that the couples will break up once they lose trust with each other.In a word ,i hold the opinion that no trust,no love.
• United States
2 Aug 12
Me too! I thought how sad this is. To have to Not trust and yet feel it is love is so sad.
@debbygirl (214)
• Philippines
2 Aug 12
Love and trust should go together actually but most of the time we tend not to trust someone for some reason. I believe you can stil love a person even of your afraid to trust him anymore. When my bf whose now my husband cheated on me before, i was so mad and disappointed. He tried to win my heart and he succeed because i love him. That's the reason why it is said, "love does not keeps records of wrong" When you love person no matter how many times he'll fail you, you will always forgive him because you love him. But if it is not love, one mistake and it is over.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 12
I guess I am more like that Meatloaf song. " I will do anything for love... but I won't do that." There are things a guy would do that would make the love die instantly. And it would be over. Lying to me is one. To succefully cheat , one Has to lie. And once he cheats it has to be over.
• Canada
2 Aug 12
The only time I don't trust him are in areas where I know he's just not that adept (managing money, for example!). But then I suck at cooking, so if he were to say he wouldn't trust me to cook a decent meal, he'd be absolutely right. The solution? He cooks, I manage the money. But do I trust him s a whole? Not to cheat, not to lie, not to steal, to love me when he says he loves me, to mean what he says? Of course I do!!!! If you have that kind of trust, you'fe in a great relationship. However, it's normal not to trust your partner in certain areas. I also know that my guy does't take care of his health the way he should, and sometimes gets into trouble with his diabedes (I tell him not to go out, he goes out, and then passes out on the sidewalk along the way). I can honestly say I don't trust him or his judgement when his speech is slurred because that means his blood sugar is screwed up, and he can't think straight! Know what I mean?
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 12
Oh My! I hope this will happen less and less! That's scary! I think you two are a perfect match! So he cooks and you are the banker! It works. your marriage is one of the good examples. I trust my guy will never lie to me nor cheat. His health is ok Thank G-d! So far there isn't anything he does I should help him to stop.