My friend doesn't want to take his husband's son from another woman in the house

Philippines
August 7, 2012 12:54am CST
A friend of mine was worried about being forced by her husband to accept and take his son from another woman with them. Apparently, her husband had a son with his ex girlfriend, but that was before they even met and married. Although, its not a product of infidelity, she's still worried that having the kid in the family could cause complications in their relationship and conflicts. If I were in her shoes, I also would not be very welcoming of the kid. It would just mean that my husband will have to deal with his ex-gf again, and I don't know what would happen next. I would also be worried that my husband would get more fond of this kid, since we don't have our own littly boy, and he has always wanted a son, but all we have are 2 beautiful daughters. Would you openly accept your partner's illegitimate child?
1 person likes this
7 responses
• India
7 Aug 12
Its a no if I am just thinking about only my partner's fault and the risk involved with his past girlfriend. But what about the kid??? What crime he/she has done??? He / She doesn't know how he/she came to the world. Feel really bad about the kid's future. Because at the end of the day he/she is in no man's land.
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
But, what if, the mother is actually financially capable of raising the kid? Do you think his future is still at stake?
@ute124 (41)
• Malaysia
8 Aug 12
yes love4kolkata yeh i feel bad for the child too not know all that is happen to his life.@ jureathome you know is not all about the money what they want is for him to have a father because we all are talking about today have u tot of the future when people ask where is your father that's what to me i feel they want to stop from happening. trust me your friend should just keep the child shes gonna be happy someday she did because that little boy is gonna be something great someday and he will thank your friend for giving him a chance.
• Philippines
10 Aug 12
Yeah, I think it'd be really terrible to be in that situation. I don't even know what Im going to do if it were me in the boy's shoe. But, perhaps, I'd just stay with my mother and be good to her, rather than bother another family that may not accept me fully. It would be enough for me to know my father, and well, if he can help support my needs financially until I can stand on my own feet, that would be much better.
@ute124 (41)
• Malaysia
8 Aug 12
hey okie i understand where your friend is coming from but to me if am her i will have the child live with me or do u want him going behind your back to see him and his mother. all i have to say is trust your husband and let the child in that boy is sure gonna be a blessing to you trust me and you should be happy his taking responsibility other men will abandon their kid you should try and be happy and try to love that child like your own and please don't even think his gonna love the boy more than your kids because it wont happen but if you start thinking that way then is gonna happen because sometime we human think way too far. so what am gonna say to your friend is love the kid as your own and you guys should live happy i know is not easy but you need to for the love you have for your husband and kids. And tell her to keep praying for right direction.
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
I don't know. I think whatever she decides, I'll support it. It's hard for me to tell her be kind to the kid and take him, when I wouldn't be comfortable doing the same if it happened to me. I do hope she and her husband could come in to good terms regarding the issue.
@ute124 (41)
• Malaysia
9 Aug 12
I hope so too. wish them all the best in life
@caopaopao (12554)
• China
8 Aug 12
To tell you the truth, I don't like it. And I won't accept the illegitimate child. I think most persons are not willing do that , either. Now your friend must feel terrible about that. Did she never think about it before her marriage? Her husband just can't throw his son away. I think she had better accept the son if she loves her husband , or divorced.It's brutal, I know.
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
She knew about it before they got married. However, her husband assured her its not going to bother them. And, she trusted her husband on that.
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
At first, maybe I will also feel worried. I know that his son doesn't have any fault so if I were in her shoes I will accept the child. If there will be conflicts then that's the time I'm going to tell him that maybe he did the wrong move. I will give the child an opprtunity to be with his father. Even that will be awkward to me. I am also a daughter so if I will imagine myself to be an illegitimate child, maybe I'll be pitiful. I would try my best to have a good relationship with his son and his ex-gf.
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
That's probably a good option. They could agree that if anything bad happens then they have to reconsider the decision of having the boy in the house. That way, her husband would also do his part to make sure things will work out otherwise, she has all the right to complain and demand for the kid to be brought back to his mother.
@deazil (4547)
• United States
7 Aug 12
I think it could cause problems for her if she doesn't. It depends on how much the father wants his son to be with him. Either way I think there might be a problem. What does the little boy's mother say? Does she want him to live with the father? Could they share him? Could he maybe stay with the father at certain times and then live mostly with his mother? I don't think there is an easy solution to this and your friend should look for and examine all the options. Whatever happens, she should treat the little boy as nicely as possible. This is not his fault. This is a difficult situation for your friend. I wish her good luck.
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
It really is a difficult situation. Im sure she'd feel that this is so unfair for her. The mother of the boy wants the kid to be acknowledged and spend time with his father, so he'd grow up knowing and being with him. I don't know how this situation would turn out, but I really do feel for my friend.
• China
7 Aug 12
If this situation come to me,I will accept that kid,pls noted,the kid is innocent,if you guy drop that kid,what can he do?I think we can not so rude to a little kid. And from another point of view,I think if you love your husband,you should love all of him,include that kid,and if you treat this kid the same with your own child,I think your husband will love your more and cherish you more,do you think so?
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
That's true - the kid has no fault, whatsoever. I do agree with that fact. However, a kid as innocent as that, could still cause problems in the family. I just think, that if my husband loves our family so much, he should work this situation out, in a way, that we also would not be neglected. He should not put his family in misery for the mistakes he has done in the past. I wouldn't mind if he has to provide for the kid financially, but staying with us in the house is a different story and needs a lot of thinking and discussions.
@riyauro (6428)
• India
7 Aug 12
I would do the same as your friend because i don't want my husband getting in contact with the other women and this boy will make that connection. I will be very jealous. I have a cousin who is in this same situation, but she is very okay about the boy. She treats the boy and her own and I don't know how she can do that. I think she is friendly with other women also. I would just don't want the boy to stay with us. have a wonderful day.
• Philippines
7 Aug 12
The same sentiments I have. Perhaps, the husband could continue providing for the kid's needs, while the boy stays with his mother. And, the kid and his mother can claim his providence without having to see his father. I would really be so bothered about the whole situation if it happens to me.