Pot calling kettle black

@Raine38 (9029)
United States
August 8, 2012 3:04am CST
My friend have this neighbor (she lives in a condo by the way). And given the state of the city she lives in, they are stuck in their homes. The streets are still flooded. It was then a chance for them to bond. She said that her neighbor is actually a nice girl. She seems cool and fun. But the thing is, her neighbor is the other woman. So she's involved with a married man. Long story short, she just learned that her bf is married last year. They're still together now and going on 3 years into the relationship. My friend isn't quick to judge but of course she isn't encouraging the act. What really amazes her is when her neighbor told her that she is mad at her bf now because her bf didn't tell her that he and his family went on an out of town trip for the weekend (to escape maybe the flood and the weather). She is so pissed because her bf lied to her and he is being dishonest to her. She said she can't stand dishonesty in a relationship. My friend and I were like "Eh?" For the first time, we really have nothing to say. We are in awe of the girl's nerve. We were in all sense, speechless.
5 responses
@deazil (4556)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Usually that's the way the other woman thinks. That she should come first. If she faced the fact that she comes last after his family she would be forced to really look at her situation. They know what their position is but don't want to admit it. Also, some of them are lied to by the married man. I knew of one man who cheated on his wife but his girlfriend said "Oh, it's okay. His wife goes out too. They have an arrangement. He told me all about it". Well, his wife -didn't - "go out". They had two small children, nice house and he pretended to be the perfect husband. And his family always came first before the girlfriend. Your friend's neighbor needs a reality check. The "other woman" doesn't like to think about her boyfriend's family because they know it's something they will never have with him. Some of those women won't even ask the man to leave his wife because they are afraid he will say no. Yes, she is nervy and also a pathetic excuse for a woman.
@Raine38 (9029)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I know right? That's the thing, she is even more fierce than the legal wife. It's like, she's the one being wronged here. And despite it all, she already knew that the guy is married, yet she still chose to stay being the other woman. I believe that if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. I am married myself, and I sure don't like women still being with guys even after knowing that the guy is already committed.
• China
9 Aug 12
I agree thats morally wrong to just stay with someone. when I looked through yahoo, I saw an article that even encourage cheating. People these days.
@deazil (4556)
• United States
9 Aug 12
There is also a dating service online for married people that want to cheat. Can you believe it? It's called Ashley Madison. Their slogan is "Life is short. Have an affair". Is this becoming the new morality? Let's hope not.
• United States
8 Aug 12
I am not an expert here, but I suspect that the mentality of the "other woman" or even the "other man" is that they are the ones in an "honest" relationship, because they know that their partner is married and they accept it, so there is no reason for their partner to be dishonest with them. I also suspect that they think they are "more special" than the wife or husband, because their partner is sharing secrets with them that they are keeping from their spouse, so when they find out that their partner is also keeping secrets from them they are angry and a bit disillusioned. What they fail to understand ... or perhaps refuse to understand ... is that a dishonest person can be honest when it suits them but it is not their first instinct, so they can also be dishonest when it suits them, and often they tend to be better at being dishonest than being honest, because they do it more.
@Raine38 (9029)
• United States
8 Aug 12
I think she was thinking that the guy was dishonest to her the first he intentionally hid the fact that he's married. So when he comes clean and she still remained with him despite knowing that the guys is married and with kids, she expects the guy to swore his loyalty to her because she let that pass. It's like, okay, I will "forgive" you and still be with you but you are never to lie to me again. It just amazes how she can do that, expect honesty from a guy who is clearly being dishonest to his own family. I may be biased and being a sympathizer of the legal wife, but I think she shouldn't be worrying about honesty here, she should start asking herself if she will be contented being the other woman and for how long. Will she let herself always be the one in the wrong? She should be looking at the bigger picture here. And I don;t think the guy will leave his wife and kids for her, not when he starts hiding things from her as well. It's like a circus, round and round it goes, and where the lies end, nobody knows. Life is complicated enough; we shouldn't make it even more complicated than it actually is.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Aug 12
I definitely agree with you here ... she should be focusing on what the relationship is giving her and what she wants and hopes to get in the long-run from this relationship. If she really took the time to think about it, then I would hope that she would realize that there is no "good" outcome from a relationship like this one. There are some guys that will leave their wives for the "other woman", because I know a few that have. While it might sound like that is a good thing, and I actually think in most cases it is a good thing for the original wife as she no longer has a cheating husband that could bring home any kind of disease and give it to her without her knowledge, it is not such a good thing for the "other woman". When the "other woman" becomes the wife, she then does not trust her husband (with good reason) not to go and get another "other woman", and in just about all the cases that I know of that is exactly what the guy has done ... well, some of them have just had short affairs rather than long relationships as the new wife was too jealous to let him out of her sight for too long, but it is still cheating.
@riyauro (6430)
• India
8 Aug 12
aaw, that is so funny, she had no idea that her boyfriend is married? If I have a boyfriend, I make sure I know all his details and I can make out if he is lying also. All the boyfriends I had I knew their parents and family. I know their house. Why would I wanna date someone who does not want to introduce me to his family. I don't know what your friends neighbor was doing all this time. it is silly of her and made a joke out of her own life.
• United States
8 Aug 12
It is nice that you can be so confident and have never been lied to by a guy. However, it can happen to anyone, and it might even happen to you one of these days. I have dated guys that were married or at least already in a serious relationship - well, maybe I should rephrase that and say that I went on dates with guys that were married or already in a relationship as we were not in a serious relationship but rather still in the "get to know you" stage. You are right that I had not met their families, but I actually would have thought it a bit strange for them to have taken me home to meet the parents and siblings when we really did not know each other that well and were trying to find out if we actually wanted to be in a relationship. Fortunately, it was through getting to know them that I realized they were married or already in a relationship, so things did not go "too far", but then again if they went on dates then I guess that the argument could be made that things had already gone too far, even though I had no idea they were lying.
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
His bf lied to her so she was trapped in that relationship. She maybe fell in love with him so she couldn't manage to break up with him but she has to. She needs to find a better man for her. Her situation isn't good especially when the wife will find out about her. She should end her relationship with this married man. It's difficult but she will eventually forget about him. If she loves and respects herself, she needs to be brave. It's better to get hurt than to ruin somebody's family.
• China
9 Aug 12
Yep who knows what will happen in the future when they decide to start a family. Hopefully he won't harm others even more. This is just all morally wrong.
• China
9 Aug 12
That really sucks. Relationships should be long and pleasant and an enjoyment. It must feel bad to realize that all those times spent together were fake.