Why can't a mother take care of her 1-year-old son by herself?

@kaka135 (14084)
Malaysia
August 8, 2012 5:13am CST
My cousin's husband is going on a business trip for two weeks, and my cousin needs her mum's help to take care of her 1-year-old son. During weekdays, the baby is being taken care of the babysitter during day time, and my cousin only takes care of him at night and weekends. My aunt is actually complaining to us about this, she needs to travel more than 5 hours to my cousin's house, and she is also babysitting her another daughter's son here. Well, I just don't understand why can't my cousin take care of her son by herself. She has been taking care of the baby since he was born, together with her husband, and she takes care of the baby most. I always thought it's mother's instinct to take care of her own babies, mother just know how to take care of the baby when he/she was born (of course, through learning).
10 people like this
31 responses
@hsofyan (3448)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
8 Aug 12
"Can not" is different from the "unwilling". There is not a mother who can not care for her baby, even without studying.
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
i agree, i too sometimes cant take care of my son alone, depending on the situation. Im a working mom too and do some work in the house and taking care of him all the time is not easy but, of course we do i do take care of him. Hes my son and no one should question me about it.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14084)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 12
Hi hsofyan, I agree with you. Actually when my mum and aunt complained about this, and said they can take care of a few kids by themselves last time, why can't my cousin do that now. I told them, it's because they have no one else to help them, and they have to do it by themselves. Now, my cousin is so used to ask for help from the parents. debbygirl, I always think parents learn to be better and stronger when they become parents.
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
It's better if your cousin will fully take care of her son. I guess she's not doing anything because you haven't mentioned that she's working so I guess she has plenty of time to take care of her own son. Her son needs her the most now. He's still very young so he need his mother's utmost care.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14084)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 12
I also think my cousin needs to learn to take care of the baby by herself, because she might not be able to get help always, as her mother is staying quite far away. My cousin is working, hence the baby is taken care by babysitter during daytime.
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
I think most Moms are convenient with their Mothers when taking care their own son/daughter. But honestly, I know it's very difficult to be a Mother and I think your cousin want only to divide those work in taking care of her baby and still she can rest a bit because as we know, if she is alone only, she can't do anything in full because she needs to look at the baby at all time. Have a great day and God bless.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14084)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 12
Yeah, I think sometimes we are just so used to rely on our mothers.
@aejey322 (1006)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
I am also a mom... a working mom... But I have 2 kids. A 2-year old and 6-months old. There are times when my husband has to travel due to his work. I also call for help from my mom to sleep over with me. Actually at daytime, it will not be a problem because we have helpers who can assist me. I only seek for help during night time because usually my 6-month old wakes up in the middle of the night crying, and there are times that my 2-yr old gets irritated and is going to cry too. If I will be alone, I find it difficult to pacify the two. But for those times when my mom sleeps with me, that didn't happened though. But I just want to be ready if in case it will. And it feels more comforting to have somebody to be with you, in replacement of husbands. And we do trust our moms, so we rely on them in times of difficulties. :)
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14084)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 12
I understand it's not easy to take care of two kids, especially when their age gap is small. I am learning to take care of my 3 year old boy and a 1 month old baby too. Yeah, I understand what you mean, sometimes we just need someone to be there with us.
@Sreekala (22895)
• India
8 Aug 12
There is nothing wrong to get assistance from our mom, when she is comfortable and free to assist us. But when there are problems with her, we must take care of her inconvenience too. May be your cousin need some assistance when her hubby away. If she is not working then she can take care of her son by herself. Since her son is now one year old it is not difficult to take care of the son by her. May be she loves the presence of her mother. After all, mother is a person we can depend any time for any reason.
@shibham (17025)
• India
9 Aug 12
Well said sree. :)
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
16 Aug 12
That's a hard question to answer and the only way to know is to ask her. Maybe she's just lazy or maybe she doesn't have enough confidence in herself. It does strike me as strange to why she has to be with someone all the time to care for her child. Is she young? Maybe that's why, she's not able to take on the responsibilty alone....?
@JamesKYTan (1607)
• Malaysia
14 Aug 12
Today husband and wife go out to work. When there is a new arrival added to the happy family there is a adjustment to the family life. The happy couples have to either employ a maid or request the mother-in-law(either the husband's or the wife's mother) to stay with them. Who is the best care-taker? Of cause, the baby's grandmother, either paternal or maternal grandmother, it is the best. All grandmothers and grandfathers love their grand children. So invite them to stay with you by all means. My mother-in-law still lives with us. If there is any conflicting ideas or methods in the bringing up of your children, just tolerate her and let you or your husband have the last word,'Yes, mother.' Then everyone will be happy. This is first hand experience.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
13 Aug 12
I think every family is different - maybe your cousin is having particular difficulty taking care of the baby and needs help. There isn't anything wrong in asking for help if you need it. I work and take care of my son but sometimes it does seem overwhelming and tiring. 2 weeks is a long time and yes, someone should be able to handle it but that doesn't mean that they have to.
@ulanhad (24)
• Chifeng, China
11 Aug 12
I got married last year and I have no kids now. Your disscussion is my problem too and I like this topic. May be I will be a father next year and I really don't know how to take care of kids. Sometimes, people think the thing to take care of baby that is women's thing. When I didn't get married I also think so, now I change my opinion. I think the thing to tacke care of baby is father and mother's. But in my country, 90% men never take care of baby, especially in countryyard. So mum take care of they kids herself. If the mum is a young lady, her mother or her husband's mother will help her. I think it's a trouble thing to take care of baby and it's so hard to be a mother. All mothers are great in the world!
• United States
10 Aug 12
I think you cousin has more than enough help during the day from the babysitter who takes care of the baby during that time, this would allow her to rest so she could look at the baby at night. I think she just wants to place her responsibility of taking care of the baby on other people. If her husband is only going away for two weeks then there your cousin doesn't need help since she has a babysitter. I don't think its her mom responsibility to help her take care of the baby at this time.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
10 Aug 12
I actually don't know why a mother wouldn't be able to care for one child by herself for two weeks. You see, yes, I've been a stay at home mother since my son was born almost six years ago, but I've also been taking care of at least him and his sister (who is four years older) since he was born. In addition to my own two kids, I've also babysat my nieces (at one point I was caring for two babies that were almost two years old and a newborn in addition to my six year old at the time). Most recently I've had five children, aged 9, 8, 6, 5 and 4. Despite the number of kids that I've had at various times, I've always been able to take them out and do things and having a lot of kids in my care has never been something that has held me back, so I know that one child wouldn't.
• Philippines
10 Aug 12
I have two girls, the eldest is 8 years old and the youngest is 2 years. I was a single mom with the eldest, so I was alone in taking care of her when she was baby but when I got a job, she was 3 months old then, it was my mother and father who took the responsibility of taking care of the baby. I need to work because I don’t ask for financial support from the father. But when she start to go to school at 3 years old, I took her with me at my boarding house and I just hire a babysitter to accompany her to school. With my second child, my husband now is working overseas, so my kids are left home with the babysitter, and sometimes my other would come and live with us for a while. But I don’t really oblige her to come to take good care of the kids. There were times when the babysitter would go home in their province for 2 to 3 days and I am left with the kids. I take good care of them myself. Motherhood is really a tough profession. After work, I am a mother and take care with my kids so that the babysitter could relax for a while. I prepare them food, take them a bath and send them to sleep. I think your cousins are just dependent with their mom that they are hesitant to take good care of the baby alone. It is really hard at first but mother instinct will tell you what to do for the good of your baby. Although, there are things sometimes that must be learned from other mothers too.
• China
10 Aug 12
You know, some little kids are pretty annoying to take care of 24/7. Sometimes, you just want to let them off your hands in any way possible, presumably by giving the baby to someone else. But still, in this case she does seem like a bit of a stuck up person.
• United States
9 Aug 12
I have 3 kids ages 6months, 3 and 5 and a full time job. I have a baby sitter during the day then when I come home I take care of my 3 kids by my self there father is not around. If I asked my mom for help she would prob do it but they are my kids not hers. I am guessing that she just wants someone to do the work of taking care of her kid so she does not have to.
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
9 Aug 12
I call that lazy- my sister did the same thing. She said she needed help. I raised my son all alone. I never needed or asked for help. Yes some can be a hand full. But us moms can handle it.
9 Aug 12
these things are very common yes you point is valid why cant she take care of her 1 year old daughter when she has been taking care of her for one year . basically what the problem is that your cousin dont like to be alone that why she calls someone for help by which she can get a good company too. And what else it can be is that she does not have childcaring experience because most of the women take time in taking care of child as there is lot of work to do for them and you have to be very careful thats why most of the mother found it hard . according to me she should not be guilty for it or have to heard anything about it cause every mother take some time in taking care of her children ..
@Suziecha (89)
• China
9 Aug 12
Well,I agree that it's mother's duty to take care of her own babies,but it's also father's,in my view.It's unfair that women are supposed to nurse the children all day,all year.Fathers also piay an important part. Of course, it's none of grandmothers's business,either.
• India
9 Aug 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about this, your cousin must realize her mother's problem and take care of her child, i have two sons, my wife take care of them alone, most of the times they are giving a lot of problems to her, since she is having endurance and tolerate all their naughty activities, as you mentioned, it is mother's duty to take care of the kids, hope your cousin will understand this
• India
9 Aug 12
Hello my friend kaka135 Ji, In this case I think your cusion wants somebody to be repalced with her hubby's duty. Also it is changing world, when mothers are declining to do what is expected naturally from them as a part of motherhood. May God bless You and have a great time
@RawBill1 (8542)
• Gold Coast, Australia
9 Aug 12
A mother can take care of their child perfectly fine without help if need be. The real reason is that she is obviously too lazy, scared or just does not want to devote herself entirely to her child for that period of time. If she gives her entire attention to looking after the child, then there is no reason why she cannot do it successfully.