A disappointing meeting with an online friend

@Porcospino (31367)
Denmark
August 8, 2012 4:54pm CST
This discussion is inspired by a story my friend told me. She had a mailfriend and they exchanged emails for a very long time. They wrote eachother very long emails and shared a lot of things about their lives in those emails. One day my friend decided to ask her online friend if she wanted to meet and her friend said yes. Her friend lived in the other end of the country and my friend invited her to spend the weekend at her house. Her friend came Friday afternoon and returned Sunday night. My friend was very excited about the meeting because they had shared so many things and seemed to have so much in common. But their meeting became a huge disappointment. When they met face to face they didn't get along at all and they had nothing to say to eachother. They watched movie after movie and read lots magazines during the weekend, but they hardly talked at all. When the weekend was over her friend went home and they never talked again. My friend was very sad and disappointed. Based on the many long emails she was sure that they would get along really well, but things didn't turn out that way. Have you ever experienced the same thing? (a meeting with an online friend where you didn't get along in real life)
5 people like this
23 responses
@allknowing (130088)
• India
9 Aug 12
My experience was just the opposite. We too had exchanged emails before my inviting her to spend a couple of days with me. She came with her friend whom I was introduced to, the day they arrived. They came from the UK. To see them alighting at my gate was the most memorable moment for me. The two days we spent together were packed with activity. We had discussed this over emails and I knew what she would want to see. I hired a car and took them to all the places that they would enjoy. Our friendship is now bonded for good!
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
It is great that hear that your experience with an online friend was much more positive than my friend's experience. It sounds like you really spent some memorable days together. It is a good idea to explore the area together when you get a visitor from abroad. I am sure that it was interesting for your friend to visit the places that you showed her. When I get a visitor from another country I also show him or her the interesting places in my area. I am going to meet one of my international friends in the near future and I look forward to our meeting. I will plan a short sightseeing trip for her and take her to the interesting places in my area and in the rest of the country.
@allknowing (130088)
• India
9 Aug 12
If you plan well every moment could be well spent.
1 person likes this
@Quetzhal (82)
• Singapore
8 Aug 12
I'm actually in a purely online relationship right now. I haven't met up with him yet, but we've done as much as we could to find out if things would work out in real life before agreeing on the relationship- Skype calls, webcam chats, etcetera. We're acting pretty much the same on those as we do in real life and we get along just fine, so there shouldn't really be too much of a difference when we meet- It just means I can hug him more, haha. Perhaps it would be more prudent to always have at least a Skype conversation before meeting? Email does give you a lot of time to think over what you're saying.
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@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
I think that a Skype conversation before the meeting is a very good idea. Like you say there is difference between mail and talking, because you have plenty of time to think about the things you write when you exchange emails and when you talk on Skype you often get a different impression of the person. One of my online friend insisted on calling me and talking on the phone before our first meeting, because she had had some bad experiences in the past, and I think it is fine to talk on the phone first. It sounds like you have a good basis for your relationship since you have had web cam chat, skype calls etc. Have you been in touch (online) for a long time?
• Singapore
9 Aug 12
Yep! Two or three years now, at least. We still Skype every so often, but these days we're usually busy typing and talking distracts us, so we stick to text chat more. You wouldn't believe how many times I've started to talk and ended up typing out what I was going to say in the document I was working on. xD Doesn't work too well for me, sadly!
1 person likes this
@airasheila (5454)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
A pleasant day Porcospino, With regard to your post, well, the only thing that I can somehow conclude is, maybe they are a bit shy to start the discussion personally. Although they already shared a lot of things thru mails but it will be a different story when you are talking to the personally. Often times your lips are sometimes sealed when you are facing the person and have all the guts when he/she is just talking over the phone or in mails.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
11 Aug 12
I think that the thing that you decribed is the thing that happened in my friend's case. They got along really well in their emails and they shared so many things, but when they met in person things just weren't the same and they were really able to talk. My friend is quite shy and if the other girl was shy as well they could easily end up in a situation where they found it hard to talk in person. It is sad that their friendship ended that way, because they had been online friends for a long time, but things simply didn't work out in real life.
@Pavan_m01 (115)
• India
9 Aug 12
This really amazes me. even after knowing each other for a lot of time and even after sharing a lot of things through the email. They are not getting along with each other well. What might be the problem with them? I can give only two reason for this kind of things. First one may be these two persons never tried to break the ice by talking each other about some topics in which both are comfirtable with each other. Second one myt be the IMAGE which they have shown in online is not real.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
11 Aug 12
I also found it surpricing to hear that they didn't get along in real life at all, because I knew that they had been touch for a long time and shared lots of things in their emails. I think that it might have been difficult for them to talk in real life because they were both shy. I don't know the other girl, but my friend can be quite shy around strangers and if the other girl is shy is as well it might have been difficult for them to break the ice and find things to talk about. I understand my friend's disappoitment because she had really been looking forward to this meetings, but the actual meeting was really different from her expectations.
@caopaopao (12398)
• China
9 Aug 12
Well , I didn't experience that kind of thing, but I've heard a lot about that. You thought your netfriend is very handsome or beautiful, in fact, he or she is very ugly. You thought your netfriend is young like 20 or 30, even he or she signed that, but in fact , he or she is an old man or woman. Haha, it's interesting. You just can't believe anything on the internet. Most important of all, sometimes bad person will pretend goood person, and it's dangerous. Mums should tell their daughters about that.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
11 Aug 12
I think that there are many positive things about the internet, but it true that a bad person can pretend to be a good person and that is one of the negative things about the internet. We can benefit from the internet in many ways, but we have to be careful and we have to think about the way that we use the internet in order to avoid bad situations. Unfortunately there are cases where people get in trouble. They agree to meet a person and the person is very different from the person that they expected to meet for instance a young girl who expects to meet a boy her age and meets an elderly man instead, because has lied about his identity.
9 Aug 12
Probably they have high expectation from each other but it wasn't met.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
11 Aug 12
Yes, this was the problem in my friend's case. She had high expectations because of the emails that they had exchanged but their actual meeting was very different from her expectations.
• United States
9 Aug 12
I've had similar things happen to me before. I haven't tried online dating for some years but there was a time when I use to. I know you are speaking of just friends. I arranged a date and when we met we didn't hit it off well. This happened twice well the first man I met was nice and friendly; we got along well but I was attracted to him at all. And there was a 2nd date with another man; I will call it the date from hell and the guy was a real jerk. I wasn't attracted to him either. I didn't see either one of them a 2nd time; anyhow I didn't want to. And I had some other experiences where we emailed back and forth allot and nothing came of it. About your story both persons need to make a real effort to reach out in friendship. If they hardly talked at all how would they get to know if they like each other. It all goes to show you won't really know if you like a person until you meet them in person. But if you don't spend any time talking to that person, You'll never know if you would have liked them or not. You have to be willing to give another person a chance.
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
My first experiences with online dating was very similar to yours. The first man that I met was a jerk. He was nothing like his emails and I had only talked to him for a short while when I knew that he wasn't my type at all. He bragged about his drunk driving and the people that used to beat up. He also told me that he only hit his girlfriends was he was drunk! We never went on a second date The second man was nice and friendly, but I wasn't the least bit attracted to him and he wasn't attracted to me and we both knew that we would never become a couple and we only had one meeting. The third man that I met became my husband. I agree with you about the thing that you said about friendship. I think that both people have to make an effort to get to know the other person and if you don't talk it is hard to get to know the other person. My friend is quite shy and if the other woman was shy as well that could have been the reason why they didn't talk much, but it is sad that their friendship ended that way when they had such a great online friendship.
@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
9 Aug 12
I have not personally experience it. In my opinion some people are not good in self expression when face to face. They can express themselves well in writing, internet chat etc. It is really sad that the weekend did not turns out well. Hope their friendship can still be mend.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
Yes, that is true, some people are good at expressing themselves in writing and less good at expressing themselves when they met another person face to face. I think that could be the thing that happened here. My friend talks a lot when we are together, but she can be quite shy when she meets strangers and if the other woman is shy, too it might be very difficult for the two of them to talk in person. My friend was very disappointed because they had such a good friendship while they exchanged emails and they shared so many things and she thought that they would get along really well when they finally met in person, but that wasn't the case at all. Now the friendship is over and they don't exchange emails anymore.
• India
9 Aug 12
Sometimes it is very easy to express something through writing which becomes close to impossible to say face to face on first meeting. When I met my online friend it was like I met a stranger. We kept the meeting for very small duration. Because we discussed that it may be a little difficult to express face to face. But slowly as we started seeing each other frequently things became easy.
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
11 Aug 12
That is true, sometimes it is easier to express ourselves through writing and when we meet face to face we are in a different situation like you experienced when you met your online friend. It is good to hear that things got easier when you got to know eachother better. I think that my friend and her online friend experienced the same thing as you - they found it easy to exchange emails and hard to talk face to face. My friend had great expectations before the meeting because they had been in touch for a long time and they had shared a lot of things through their emails, but when they et face to face they didn't know what to say to eachother, and their friendship ended after their meeting.
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
hi porcospino, Not all meeting are successful 5 years ago I met lot of girls through a social networking we are like a sister already one day I decided to meet them all it was successful we had fun and I really feel we are one family time pass nothing change then one day few of them don't one to communicate I don't have an idea I tried my best to communicate with them but it seems they don't want to. But there is one certain person who stick with me until now she is like a mom to me and we always had the best unexpected fun if we are together actually she is a mylotter too.... happy mylotting
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
It sounds like you have found some really good friends on the internet, that is great. I have also met some of my online friends from social networking sites and two of those girls are my close friends today. Some time ago I started my own group for people from my area and a group of us met in cafe. The meeting was a big success. We talked a lot and had a lot of fun and we decided to have cdinner together as well, because we had such a great time I have experienced the same thing as you and some people have left the group, and that is sad, but things like happens sometimes.
@BabyCheetah (1911)
• Australia
9 Aug 12
With me, so far so good. I've met plenty of online friends all over the world and stayed with them. I went to Europe, Canada and US and thankfully we still got along really well like we do online. I've met some twice. I'd like to go again for a third time I love seeing them and hanging out. We have so much fun
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
It must have been really interesting to meet friends from so many different places. It is great to hear that you had a good time together. I have met some of my online friends, but so far I have only met people who live in my own country. In the future I plan on meeting some of my online friends from other countries. Some of them have invited me to visit them in their countries and it is one of my goals to visit them one day I have also invited some of them to visit me in my country, but it is is little complicated because some of them don't have enough money to travel at least not at the moment.
9 Aug 12
How very disaapointing this must have been for your friend. OFten people make friends online, i know i find it easier to make frineds online as i am not always able to get out of my home for days at a time. I can imagine what a dissapointment this must have been. Like you explain, emails were exchanged and they seemed to get on really well. PErhaps the other person was not quite ebing themselves in the emails? I Dont know the reason for not getting along. But i can imagine how much of a dissapointment it must have been. I count myself very lucky when it comes to eeting people online. I met my current parnter through facebook. We made a comment on the same radio stations discussion. I thought we had the same views on this important topic, so sent her a friends request. We exchanged lots and lots of messages and chatted on facebook for some time, and everyone around us kept commenting on how well we were getting along, and i had a few private messages saying they could see us getting togaether one day as we got along that well. From there we exchanged phone numbers and sent each other endless text messages. when we did meet we hit it straight away, and it wasnt long before we were in a relationship together. two years later and we are engaged and getting married next year. so not all online meetings are disasters. I would just like to add though that i was VERY Cautious before I met this person,
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
Yes, it was a big disappointment for my friend and I would imagine that the other girl felt the same way when they discovered that the great friendship that they had online fell apart when they met in real life. My friend had great expectations before their meeting because they got along so well online, but unfortunately the meeting turned out very different from the way that she expected. I am happy to hear that met your partner online and you are getting married next year. It is really nice to hear a positive story about online meetings My first experiences with online were not very positive, but 4 years ago I finally met my husband on a social networking site from my country.
@sol521 (61)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
I don't know exactly what's going on? Why are they not talking and everything. There could be lots of reasons why. Maybe physically they don't like each other or maybe they're not comfortable to talk to one another yet. They shared so many things through emails but perhaps they don't know yet the other side of the coin. It could be that one of them was not telling the truth about their selves. That is why expectations aren't met. It's so hard to tell because I really don't know the details. It's kind of weird when they couldn't get along with each other and to think they've been exchanging emails for a long time.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
My friend was very disappointed after their meeting, and I understand that, because in their emails they got along so well and they shared so many things. I am not sure what went wrong when they met in person, but my friend said that they didn't know what to say to eachother and they weren't really able to have a conversation. My friend is quite shy and if the other woman was shy as well I imagine that it could have been difficult for them to have a conversation. When you write emails it sometimes easier to express yourself because you have time to think about the things that you write and you don't have talk dirently to the other person like you do when you chat, talk on the phone or in person.
@tinkti (15)
9 Aug 12
the problem is we usually expect too much from the point of view we have assumed from short conversation before.that is usually the trigger for disappointment.the fact is people will become a different person for certain situation.so,don't be too excited at the first so you'll be not really disappointed at the end.
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
11 Aug 12
I think that you are right about that. Sometimes we expect too much and when the actual situation doesn't live up to our expectations we get disappointed. I think it is best to meet online friends without specific expectations. The fact that we got along really well online doesn't always been that we are going to get along really well in real life. My friend experienced that and I have experienced the same thing. My situation was slightly different, because it wasn't an online friend, it was a person I meet on a dating site, but the result was the same and meeting was disappointing because the person we met was very different in real life.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
9 Aug 12
Honestly I can almost see where this would happen. When writing an email we may be writing things to someone that we don't know, and in that email we may be saying things about ourselves we only WISH were true. Or maybe things that we think will impress the person. It might start off innocent at first, "only a few lies" you tell yourself, and then it just increases and increases from there. Years ago I used to be "penpals" with people via email and we'd write long emails and get to know each other. Some of the things I said were a bit "off" only because I was young and wasn't impressed with my living situation etc. Heck, I'm still not impressed but instead of lying I tell the honest to goodness truth. I hate that this happened to your friend and I wished that they still emailed. Maybe a mutual "I'm sorry" should have been said and then things get back on track. Just because you don't get along in real life doesn't mean you can't through email. Or it could have just been a bad time for the friend, who is to say? I'm sure the "mail" friend was anticipating and hoping for the best as well.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
It's sad to know that the meeting didn't turn out good. I have online friends whom I met in person and I am glad that everyone are accommodating. I have set of online friend for more than 5 years now and the friendship still going on. Although I can say we lost contact with a few and new friends are added on the list.
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@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
We can never be sure. Some people ask someone else who can write to do the writing for them. In this case, the other person is actually corresponding with a different person. This happens a lot in our place because there are so many who cannot write.
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
9 Aug 12
That is true, we can't be sure that we are really writing to the person that we think that we are writing to. You can be anonymous on the internet and you can pretend to be a different person because the person who receives your email can't see you. I think that it happens quite often that people hide their real identities. If you ask someone else to write the emails for instance someone who is good at writing it create a big difference between the emails and the actual person and you might find it hard to recognize the person when you meet in real life. In my friend's case I think it is possible that someone helped the other woman write the emails or maybe she was just good at writing and not so good at talking.
@ravisivan (14079)
• India
8 Aug 12
Porcospino: Online friend becoming real friend in person -- it has happened in a few cases. It gave me a lot of satisfaction. Yes. This boy came online through my blog site -- I guided him for his recruitment. i was doing it last year when I was in usa. On my return to India last october-- he wanted to meet me and came in person all the way travelling 300 km from Bangalore. He said after getting appointment i may not be able to see you so he wanted to meet me in person. I went to the nearby bus stand brought him in my scooter to my home. he stayed with me for a day and then left. a very good boy. he is now clerk in IOB.
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@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
8 Aug 12
I am happy to hear that you were able to meet that boy and that the meeting was a positive experience. It is interesting to meet online friends in real life. I have had the chance to meet several online friends from my own country and I plan on meeting some of my friends from other countries in the future My friend's meeting with her online friend was a disappointment, because they didn't get along in real life, but fortunately there are also many people who have positive experiences when they meet online friends.
@airkulet (2700)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
that was sad, maybe they are wishing that they never set up to meet at all. But in my case after meeting an online friend and we exchange gift to each other it turns out awesome we still exchange messages and a little chat after we see each other personally
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@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
8 Aug 12
Yes, my friend said that it would have been better if they had never decided to meet in person because they had a great friendship online. After the meeting they didn't exchange emails anymore, because their friendship just wasn't the same anymore and they didn't feel like continuing the emails. I am happy to hear that your meeting with your online friend was much more positive. It is very nice when the meetings turn out well. Personally I have also had positive experiences with that kind of meetings and some of those people are my close friends today.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
8 Aug 12
I would never want to meet someone i met online. Not for a relationship anyway. I have asite online i chat with many, Id love to meet some of them. But as friends nothing more.
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@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
8 Aug 12
It is possible to find a relationship through the internet, and I met my husband online, but I have had negative experiences as well (before I met my husband) Some of my friends share your opinion and they don't want to find a relationship that way and I think that it is situation where both options are possible - you can find true love and you can get bad experiences where people lie to you and turn out to be very different in real life. I also met some friends online and I would say that my experience with online friendship has been mostly positive.