Have you been separated?
By Dominique25
@Dominique25 (9464)
United States
August 9, 2012 8:17am CST
I'm pretty sure that my husband and I are going to be separating. There is so many things going on right now and he really isn't making decisions. We were suppose to be moving out the September 1st. At first our landlord said that him and his wife were having problems (they were living in a different state) and so he needed to move back into the house.
Now it's "my wife and I are getting back together and so we need you to be out August 15th instead of on the first so the kids can start school on time." And I'm tired of arguing with that man. So I scheduled an appointment to see about getting help with a security deposit for this coming Monday and an appointment for an apartment after that. Mind you we are suppose to be out by next Wednesday. My husband has basically said he's not going to the appointment and he's not signing a lease (because he's still waiting to see about getting a loan for the business he wants in another state). The whole business and loan things are all "ifs" but we would "definitely" have a place if we go to these appointments on Monday.
Yet I of course can't have all that done because it's suppose to be based on all our income and he's not willing to sign a lease. So he has basically just sabatoged everything I just got ready for us. Now I will stay with my mom until I can get on my feet.
2 people like this
9 responses
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
11 Aug 12
My husband and I were separated for a few months because he acted somewhat childish as well. He lost his job and we were being evicted. So I went and lived with my family and he left NC and went back to Florida with his family. We had our oldest and I was 8 months pregnant and had to pack an entire house by myself!
Thank God my parents helped me pack some too. It was a nightmare. We were separated because he thought it was better to run from his problems rather than face them.
Your situation sounds like your husband is too worried about that business instead of worrying about his family. Sounds like his priorities are backwards.
My husband lasted two months and his priorities came to him real quick. He felt it fast that he belonged taking care of us and not running from things when they get tough. I hope your husband will get his priorities in order fast for you too.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Your situation was awful as well. All those things happening at once is very stressful. I'm sure even more so with you being that far along. I'm glad that your parents help you pack and that your husband came to realize what is really important quickly. Yeah it's not good to run from our problems.
I too hope that my husband will see what is important for us to do. When we have to move the priority needs to be on finding a place to live. We can't all sleep in a van, like my husband says he's planning on doing if he has to drive that far for work.
My daughter and I can't do that and it's not reasonable. Hopefully things will start to calm down soon. Thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciate it, it's very helpful to see how things have worked out for others while they were separated.
@svjomboy (873)
• Philippines
10 Aug 12
Well on this case its really difficult, i have some experience too before with my ex husband, he is really irrisponsible and flirting also with other ladies, while my schedule night shift on the company i working his out with his friends enjoying the bar. But he bit me sometimes with non sense issue like jealous while im working entire day, so i decided to separate with him with a lot of blatter from police and etc. I go working abroad 2006 and comeback 2010, when i heaard anulment i filed it for nullity of marriage. Now im happily married to a loving husband that long time im looking for!!! Good luck to your decissions...
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Aug 12
Sorry to hear that your ex husband was irresponsible and flirted with other women. That would be also very hard to deal with. It is sad that he would stay out that late. I'm glad to see that you now have a good husband who treats you well.
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
9 Aug 12
I am so sorry about the situation you are in. I have read all of the discussions about this family problem you have and I am very sorry that your man is deeper in the idea of starting his own business, instead of dealing with the current problem you have.
Sometimes men are like that, they see some perspective in something and they put all of their efforts about it, nothing thinking how they will survive until their plan for better future come true. I am having the same moments now with my boyfriend, who is able to earn some little cash making websites, but he is so stuck in the idea of a better business for his future, that he just doesn't realize that until his business idea get true, we will have very very hard times.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Aug 12
Yeah you understand what I'm going through. It is a very hard thing to have to deal with. It is exactly like you said they get so absorbed that they only think about their business, not reflecting on what needs to be at the present time. Our move time has just moved up to next week.
So things are now even tighter. And he still hasn't been able to talk with the bank. So basically left to his own plans of not getting a place anywhere until his business plans come through would leave us homeless or we would have to live with family. And I don't like to be a burden on anyone let alone family. It's not only my husband and I but we have pets as well. So that all needs to be taken into account.
I'm still going to go to the meeting on Monday and see what they say. And I will talk with the landlord at the other place and let her know what is going on. Hopefully I will be able to figure out something. But I'm not moving to another state when he's acting this way.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
Your husband may have a reason for his decision. He maybe thinking that this business you are referring would be a great help for your family in the future. But looking closer to your situation at present, I think that this is an urgent matter that needs his attention and cooperation, especially he is the man of the family and your husband. Since he had made his decision without consulting or considering your present situation, I guess that it is normal that you feel upset about it. Good thing you can stay with your mom at the moment. I hope that your husband's plan would prosper so you can be together again. When I got married, we were advised to just rent an apartment that is near from both of my work and my husband's office because there is a risk if we are going to live separately. So even though I travel almost 3 hours in the morning, we stay together in one roof. I guess that it is important the you too are together to nourish and relive the love you have for each other. I hope that when everything turn okay, both of you would have time to do that. Have a nice day ahead.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
26 Sep 12
Wow, that is a great distance to have to travel to work. We recently just moved into our new place. We have been here two weeks now. He is still trying to get his business together and going. But as of right now we have to live in this area because we need a home and nothing has been finished with the business arrangements and winter will be right around the corner. So time will tell what all will happen with his business but we have a lease at this place for a year.
@deazil (4723)
• United States
9 Aug 12
I think your husband is not ready for the responsibility of a home and family. It doesn't sound like he's providing a stable environment for you and your daughter. Having read your other discussion re:"his" money, I think you are better off staying with your mom and finding a place eventually for yourself and your daughter. He has no right to expect you to give up EVERYTHING so that you can be with him and get -- NOTHING. I can't believe how selfish he is. Your daughter needs stability and a pleasant environment to grow in. A home where she can learn about values, love, unselfishness, caring and responsibility. Can she get that living in the same house with your husband? I think you should stay in your present vicinity where you have people/things that mean something to you rather than go to a place where YOU mean NOTHING to anybody or anything. You won't have any security at all if you move with him. Security is very important. And so are your finances, which you won't have any of with him. I hope you find something helpful in what I've said. Whatever you choose to do, good luck. And remember - If you don't take care of yourself and your daughter nobody else will.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Aug 12
I agree with you. I think that until he changes his lookout on things I'm going to have to stick to my resolve on what I think is best. I definitely know that I don't want to be stuck in a different area with the way he is now. Here I have a job, my family and friends. Security is very important. So unless I'm able to find a way to make the money I need to better support myself and my daughter I just can't put us in that situation. You are absolutely right-I'm the one who has to take care of myself and my daughter.
@ajm7467 (2)
• United States
9 Aug 12
I am currently separated. It was a really hard decision to make, but we got married really young, and just grew into different people than we thought we would. We are almost a year apart now, and I moved out, he stayed in our apartment. The time apart has been great for finding myself, and I hope it has been as good for him. We are considering getting back together, and I am looking forward to it. We live on opposite ends of the country now, though, so that complicates things.
I would look into the legality of what your landlord is doing. I don't think he can legally give you such short notice. If you're moving in with your mother, that's probably best for you. Being around family can help you get through a hard time. If you would like to fight your landlord though, I encourage you to find the laws in your area, there is likely a Landlord/Tenant Board of some sort that you could contact.
Good luck!
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Aug 12
I can understand what you mean about growing apart. People often do change as they get older. We usually don't think that something like that would happen to our life and our marriage. But it often does happen to so many people. That is one reason why it is good to wait to get married at an older age. That way hopefully both individuals know what they want out of life and their marriage. But when we are young we don't listen to a lot of the counsel others give because we feel we need to be married more than anything.
@berting600 (3453)
• Philippines
9 Aug 12
I have been separated with my wife but never done the legal way of annulment.I still looking forward if we can reconcile to any settlement yet have lost contact to her whereabouts.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I hope that you and your wife will be able to reconcile. It is hard work to keep a marriage together. But if both individuals are willing to work at it they can have a better relationship and then we will hopefully have more respect for one another. I hope you will be able to find her.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
26 Sep 12
I agree with you. Because of my husband's bad attitude and him only wanting to focus on his business and not really being concerned with us having a place we had to stay with family for a time. I finally was able to get us a place and we have been in our new home for two weeks. His business plans still haven't went through and if I were basing things on his business and then trying to find a home we would still be living with family for quit some time. But I have a daughter to think about and so I am only focusing on what is best for her at the present. She needs a roof over her head and a stable schedule. So my husband will have to do his business venture but I'm not going to base my decisions on it.
