No sugarcoating please...

@toniganzon (53392)
Philippines
August 10, 2012 10:49am CST
If a friend asks you how your life really is and if you're having any problems, do you tell the truth as it is or you like sugarcoating? I have this friend who would tell me that he is always in control of his life and the way that he says it he made it sound like he's that successful. But in truth, he is suffering and he's not telling the truth at all. Even his parents are worried that he's just sugar coating so they don't have to worry about them. I found out about the truth and he admitted that his life is not that all pink! What he meant was it was not as nice as he pictured it out to those who cared about him. Why are some people like that? Why can't they just admit that they need help sometimes and they don't have to pretend?
3 people like this
11 responses
@Juliyan23 (600)
• Indonesia
10 Aug 12
Well, they just seem don't have anyone to talk to comfortably.Or being judged. Even before they dould shared the story, we already judged them. How they would feel comfortable to talk? :) Just try to think wisely. You could recommend them to go to a psycologist if they need some experts .
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Why pay for a psychologist when you have good friends you can share it with? I think it's not because he is being judged. He is doubting other people judging him i think. If you think you are being judged, it means you are judging those people first. It's more of being insecure and the want to be accepted.
• Indonesia
11 Aug 12
Nah, you are exactly rite . He seems so insecure , and judging people. If that the thing which is happening now on your friend, it means you and all people arround him have been trying the best to make him comfortable,rite? It's good. Just try the best, but when only he still stays like that, it means we need some expert's advice to help him out . Because we can't force away of thinking of an secure people to an insecure one. Well, I'm just saying. You don't need to accept what I've been talking if you think I'm totally wrong. Just try to share and help you ;) Have a good day, dear ^^
@SIMPLYD (84838)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Sometimes, we choose the people who to share what are the actual situations in our life, Toni. Though everybody has some shares of problem, we just don't want others who we think are so judgmental to know about them. Instead, we would just say, i'm okay in a curt manner, because we don't want them to further dig about it. Me, i also choose the people who i share some problems i may have in life, Toni!
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
12 Aug 12
Me too D. I share things with people that I trust but I don't sugarcoat. I tell them exactly what the situation is because I don't like misleading them.
@alberello (4755)
• Italy
10 Aug 12
Well, to answer a question like that is not a simple thing. I say this because, the "confession" that can make a person who is ill, with respect, even those who could help her, sometimes it might not be entirely true, for several reasons. Sometimes they say "okay" simply will not load for others also of our problems. Other times we may not trust too much even for those who would rather give us good advice, etc.. I personally, although I only have three real friends, to them as my parents want to "photograph" clear view of my psychological state, telling them the pure truth, without any pretense.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
I like people are are really truthful and honest about their state. There's no need to be ashamed of telling who you are. If others couldn't accept you the way you are, it doesn't mean you are not a good person, it only shows that they are not worthy to be a part of your life. Happy weekend!
• Lubbock, Texas
10 Aug 12
This isn't always the case, but some people think that if "friends" know they have problems they will stay away because they don't want to hear the bad stuff. These people have been disappointed thinking that someone really cared about them, but when they found out the truth the so called friend would not be there for them. As far as family goes, sometimes you just can't bear to disappoint your family. They have such high hopes for you so you just don't want to let them down.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
I agree. Could be that sometimes. But then again if you tell people you trust them and yet you mislead them into thinking everything is alright but it isn't, then it's no good at all. When you trust others, your supposed to tell them what's real and what's not.
@Micmac (9627)
10 Aug 12
I think some people are like that because they figure others have enough problems of their own and they don't want to talk about their own problems so they spare others from what really goin on in their life. They hide their feelings and worries in a shell. As long as people sugarcoat and don't harm anyone, I guess it's allright. I know people who always say 'Everythings Okay' when they are struggling and having some major problmes to overcome. It's just a natural instinct with some people. Sometimes I find I have to pull strings and it's like talking to a wall to get them to open up and admit things are tough. Usually, with patience when the time is right, they may tell me the real deal because they know I'm a good listener and won't blab about their business.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Yeah i agree. But how would you feel if that person tells you he trusts you more than anybody in this world, but he would still lie about his real status because he only wants to impress you?
@thanks1961 (7046)
• India
10 Aug 12
Hi, We used to meet so many people on a daily basis and they include people from home, office, neigbours, etc. There are different types of friends also - close friends, just friends, intimate friends etc. So, whenever we are dealing with a person, it is better to understand how much he/she is related to you and what level they are in phase with you. If the person is an intimate friend and a frind for a long period, you can always trust and can share your matters accordingly. Anyway, if those people are in a pretentive nature, we need not disclose everything. It is upto everyone's choice that how those people are related and it our decision whether we need to shre such personal matters to them. Even you are a friend for me, but we don't know each other. So, there are limitations to share with others and once we found that the other person is good and trst worthy, we will keep more intimacy with them, but won't prefer to close or much personal matters with anyone.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Of course we are entitled to the privacy of our life and it's our choice how much we should share. But to exaggerate and share things to impress others is such a turn off. i think our family is the first thing that should know everything about us because they're always ready to lend a hand when we need them. But if we close our doors even to them, then how do we expect help in times of need?
@natliegleb (5184)
• India
11 Aug 12
i always like to sugercoat at times.since i enjoy doing it because it helps to creativitiy and join new thoughts and even certainly sure about my friends who also do the same way.dont you sometimes pretend ,but i sometimes tell the lame truth also ,its equal if you see overall
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
12 Aug 12
The only time i sugarcoat is when to make a story interesting. But when it comes to talking about who i really am and what my personality is, i don't like to pretend to be someone i'm not. I don't like deceiving people, because I would want people to like me for who i am and not for what i pretend to be.
@hsofyan (3448)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
10 Aug 12
I think the camouflage effect on the inner contradictions.
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Pretending to be someone you are not? Could be.
• United States
10 Aug 12
Not everyone he knows should find out about his personal struggles in life. there is someone he should be able to leave out of his business. I feel fr him because his family should be the ones he tells his problems too.
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Yeah but the problem is even his family don't know the real truth about his status in life. He reasoned that he doesn't want them to worry. So he lied about his salary to them, though in truth he's not earning anything. How can his family help him in that case? His parents are truly concerned and if he refused help from friends then he shouldn't refuse help from his parents.
@josga2008 (320)
• Canada
10 Aug 12
If it is a close friend that asks me, then I am very honest about my feelings and what is happening in my life. But there are many friends that I only see once in a while and I don't want to do this with. It also depends on how I am asked. Sometimes someone will ask me how I'm doing while we pass each other and just say hello. You know, they will say "Hi, how are you?" Under these circumstances it is just a saying and they may not have time to hear my problems.
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Of course we only want to share our problems to those who are close to us and to whom we trust dearly.
@MandaLee (3738)
• United States
10 Aug 12
Dear Toni, I don't sugarcoat things. I am open and honest. When I need help, I admit it. Some people are just too proud to admit they need help, so they would rather pretend that everything is fine.
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
11 Aug 12
Hi Manda! I really like people who are honest and are not shy to ask for help when they need one. Pride won't get you anywhere and it won't help in the long run.