I hope and pray we don't get in a fight.

United States
August 11, 2012 12:58pm CST
I just finished talking to her. and then she texted me asking please can she and her boyfriend sleep one night in my living room. I said,not him and returned the text. now,she text me back and I don't want to read it. We are doing so good and this may rock the boat. I am going to wait before I open this up. No matter what I will not argue with her. I will just say I love you and talk to you later. Why did she have to ask this when I already told her he can't come here. why do kids so this stuff... what is on her mind right now...thank for the advice I know this is crazy..
4 people like this
17 responses
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
12 Aug 12
crazy or not, rave all u want! im sure i will do the same thing when my girls hit the teenage years haha!! u have the right idea, dont give in no matter what. u must stand firm or she will walk all over u thats what daughters do, sad to say. and if she brings up anything about her bf, change the subject and she will get what u r not saying....hopefully. i read in a magazine that in order for ppl to take u seriousley, then u need to say what needs to be said and be done with it. walk away. and body language has a lot to do with it too.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Aug 12
I feel terrible after telling her no. I know she will not come without him but she knows she can come alone.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Aug 12
When I was younger I would always fall back on my dad when I did stupid things that got me in a mess. One time I was about to be homeless and I called him and asked him for money. He told me that I got my self into this mess and that I need to get my self out. It was the hardest thing my father ever did I could hear his voice strain as he said those words to me. I was so mad at him for that but the funny thing is he was right I got my self into it and now I needed to get my self out of it. Some times the best thing you can do for your kids is not to help them. Let them figure it out themselves sometimes its just what kids need to hear. I forgave my dad for doing that and I thanked him for making me the person I am now. I know that no matter what happens in my life I will be ok my dad made sure I learned how to deal with life and the problems it drops in your lap. Some times being a parent is not always about being there to pick them up its letting them pick themselves up.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Aug 12
That was very good that you now love him like you do. I don't know if kay would love me after that. she relies on me for everything. she has a closet full of stuff here in my house.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
11 Aug 12
Just do as you said, not argue. Cause even if you said yes to one night it would go to more than one night. She is still trying to push you into accepting him and thats not right. I like what you said about saying I love you and talk to you later. You're doing the right thing.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Aug 12
She was fine and I am so happy. I can't start having him stay here when he should be taking care of her. he is such a loser and I know he punched her in her eye.
1 person likes this
@caopaopao (12535)
• China
12 Aug 12
It is strange , does the girl love her boyfriend? Why? He hit her. I will never love a man who hit me.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Aug 12
I think she needs to love herself a lot more. Than she will not put up with this from anyone.
1 person likes this
@Jshean20 (14367)
• Canada
11 Aug 12
I can understand why you're waiting to view the text that was sent, you probably don't want to consider the fact that she's saying something that could cause some sort of confrontation. I'm glad that you've already decided that you will not argue with her no matter what, that's a mature choice and the best choice you can make. Why do you think she's asking if they can stay in your living room for just 1 night? Is she trying to get you two to bond or something?
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Aug 12
She is trying to get him on my good side. But,I know in my heart he punched her in the face recently and that is not cool with me. she keeps him far from everyone in my family but she wants me tolike him.
• United States
11 Aug 12
Hopefully, she will come to understand that, when it comes to him, the answer will always be "no." He will not change, and she needs to come to realize what sort of person he is. Stand firm whenever you are faced with such situations. Hopefully, she will figure things out soon and rid herself of him. However, that is not going to be easy for her to do. For whatever reason, she seems to believe that she cannot manage without having this creep in her life--no matter how he drains her financially and physically abuses her.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Aug 12
It breaks my heart to know she is sleeping all over the place because he has no where to go. my mother and sister will let her in. even me but not with him.
@Mark72125 (135)
• United Arab Emirates
11 Aug 12
I agree and believe that your doing the right thing by not trying to get into a fight.It's good that you told her what you don't want and I also think it would eventually lead to more than a single night.Ignore her if she keeps on insisting and doesn't respect what you say.I hope it all sorts out quick and do what you feel the best and my advice is try not to get in a fight.Thanks!
• United States
12 Aug 12
NO we are fine and I am glad. she may be upset with me but she never let me know about it. I will call her later to talk to her.
@lelin1123 (15644)
• Puerto Rico
11 Aug 12
Oh this reminds me of the days my youngest daughter would drive me crazy. She would beg and beg for whatever till I would then give in. She knew this would happen and would continue to drive me crazy till she had her own child 6 years ago. Now she is 31 years old with two girls and we are the best of friends. As for your daughter asking this over and over again I don't know what she is thinking unless she is desperate with no where to stay. I would tell her you can stay here one night but let your boyfriend stay somewhere else. I surely hope this does not end up in a fight again. I truly think you need to have a heart to heart with her face to face telling her "I don't want this boy in my house or in my life. I don't even want him in your life. Until you come to your senses and realize he is not good for you; he will not be allowed in my house. So please stop asking if he can stay here. I love you and just want the best for you and he is not the best for you. You deserve so much better! Remember, I'm always here for you but only for you and not for him. I love you!" Hopefully this will make it sink in and finally wake her up to what she is doing to herself.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Aug 12
I have told her this and more and all she wants is me to except this man who beats on her in my house. he does not even like me. what is her problem asking me.
@ajithlal (14569)
• India
11 Aug 12
I think it is good think to say that you love her and talk to her later. When we get angry or does not agree with something it is always better to say that I will talk to you later and most probably this will lighten the situation. When we get angry with a person the best thing to do is go for a walk or get out of the tensed situation and most probably we will be better after talking a walk alone for one or two kilometers.
• United States
11 Aug 12
Thanks for telling me this. I really think it makes me see things in a better light.
• United States
11 Aug 12
You have to do what you feel you must. I remember you said you would tolerate him for her. Has that changed? Has he done something that would jeopardize your new apartment? You can't let anyone jeopardize that.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Aug 12
My daughter had a bruise on her eye and she lied about it when I first asked. and she stayed away from him for a few days and even stayed here. she knows that bum punched her in the freaking eye. I don't want no part of him. if I did not see that eye he would be able to come here with her but,not sleep here. now he can't step foot in my house. I would have done all that just to make her happy not now no way.
• China
12 Aug 12
I suggest you relaxed state of mind,It is perhaps better,do not give yourself and others too much pressure.
1 person likes this
@bjc66bjc (6745)
• United States
12 Aug 12
hi gifts, we had this conversation earlier today, but I honestly think my fellow mylotters actually gave you the exact same advise that we discussed...please read abd read them again until you understand what they are suggesting to you....
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Aug 12
Kids do this because they know they can pull their parents strings, and make them feel guilty. Stand firm, and don't let it get to you.
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Kids who do that stuff do so because all they think about is what they want. She obviously thinks she is old enough to do what she wants and should be allowed. It doesn't matter that you don't want it being done under your roof. In her mind you are unreasonable.
@34momma (13895)
• United States
12 Aug 12
My son does that too! I say no and he will not stop asking. I don't ever argue with my kids. Once I say no... That's it. Kids like to push and push to see how far they can go. I personally didn't do that because my mother didn't play that crap. I am not as hard as she was, put my kids know... Dont push me, cause I so push back
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
12 Aug 12
She ask you because she knew that you love her and you have a soft heart for her. I just hope she will learned to accept that you always said NO to his man.
• United States
12 Aug 12
Well, you could tell her this, "You may stay with me, but your boyfriend can't, and that's final, and if you don't like it, then too bad." I'm curious, and I hope you don't take me for being rude, but how old is your daughter? And, does she have any children? If she is older than 30, and she has children, then she should know better than to do this to you. She needs to grow up, and understand that her boyfriend is no good for her. He's been in prison, right? He has a record. If he proves that he can be better, or that he can change his ways, then you might think twice about him, but until then, you don't want him around. That's understandable. If I had a daughter, who was dating a man with a criminal record, I wouldn't like him too much either. Again, I know why she is doing this because she thinks she is in love with him, and she's in love with the "bad boy", and a lot of girls love the bad boy, but the bad boy is just that. He may or may not (more likely may not) ever change, but she thinks that she can change him, and she can't. She has to be told and she has to know that this isn't acceptable. I once met a bad boy as well, and thought he was great, and then he hurt me. I was very distrusting of men for the longest time because of him, but bad boys do that. They hurt people. Some of them might want to change or they do, but the majority of them don't, and it's romantic to think that you can change him or that he'll change for you, but he won't because he cares about himself.