People just don't understand I can't talk
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
United States
August 11, 2012 7:29pm CST
People are coming and calling and wanting to talk. I understand they care, but they don't understand that talking wears me out. My blood starts to de ixygenate and my brain goes stupid. I get out if breath. Right now I wish people would text or email because I can type. I can communicate well this way but not with talking. My nurse friend was going on talking to me and asking me questions and I started not making sense. I told her I had to hang up because I can't get my breath.
They know I was sick, but they don't realize I still am sick. I'm doing better and getting stronger but I still can't talk.
My family said they will answer my phone or just let them go to voicemail. They know I can't talk and can't keep explaining.
What are your thoughts?
2 people like this
15 responses
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
12 Aug 12
It's nice that people care about you but at the same time, you just recently got home and you're still recovering and sick. They need to give you a bit of time to rest and start to get better. I know it's more personal for people to call, especially since you just got home from the hospital, but they need to realize that right now, you're unable to talk. I think it's good to let the calls go to voicemail or have your family answer. Maybe when you get a missed call you could text them back or email them telling how you're unable to talk right now but you're glad they called.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
You make so much sense CourtKnee. That is exactly what has to be done now. There were sone days I couldn't type, so I'm much better at least I can text.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
12 Aug 12
It's definitely a good thing you're well enough to type again!! But people really do need to realize that you're still sick and trying to get better and it's not good to start calling like crazy the second you come home from the hospital, even though it's nice that they care. I hope things calm down for you and people start to get the fact that it's too hard for you to talk right now
1 person likes this
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I think that's a really good start. Definitely do what you can :) But don't overdo it!!
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
12 Aug 12
have your family tell everyone you are too sick to talk and not to call back. Sometimes some people can just be so dense. If it is a case of somebody who really did not know, then have your family still say your sick and can't come to the phone but not the do not call back part lol
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
12 Aug 12
that is wonderful, you are too sick to be in other people's drama as much as you want to help you have to help yourself first.
Tell Kim that I am so proud of her for being such a good caregiver.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I will tell her. She really surprised me. She said she could do it but I had my doubts. I shouldn't have doubted her.
@celticeagle (158876)
• Boise, Idaho
12 Aug 12
I would put a message on your phone as to how you are doing, that ya love them, but you tire out too easy talking too long. Have them leave a message if they like or emial you and you can communicate that way which is much easier for you at this time. Whatever is easiest for you should be the rule of thumb. If they get alittle offended I am relatively sure that after they think about it they will understand. Or maybe it is one of those things like we were talking about in an email earlier-- they may not understand until they have walked a mile in your shoes. And that's okay too.
@celticeagle (158876)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Aug 12
I'm certainly glad it worked for you. I think people should take it okay too. They should be thoughtful of you , not themselves.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I just did that. Thank you for the idea. CourtKnee said essentially the same so I did it. My daughter called my number and listened and she thought it was fine. I got wore out just doing it but glad I did it.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53959)
• Los Angeles, California
12 Aug 12
As everyone else has already said, these people who are coming and calling only mean well - they just want to make sure you're ok! And I agree having your message changed would help - they will understand better when it is explained to them just like you did for us here. I know, it must have been difficult explaining things over and over when you maxed out your talking energy! You take care and keep getting better! Glad you're back!
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
13 Aug 12
Someone called tonight and my daughter talked to them and said I am getting better but can't talk on the phone. So that went well.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
12 Aug 12
oh dear PQ I am sorry that talking is still a problem for you.
Please dont lose patience with all these who come and want to see you or talk to you on the phone as they are so glad you are out of ICU again. I am glad I cant just phone you cause I would also forget you are not able to talk much and ask all kinds of things about your time in ICU.
They simply forget you have this problem with talking to them.
Huuuuugs
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I know Ritter. I won't lose patience. I talked to Mama Jo for about 10 minutes and then started losing the ability to talk and getting winded. I felt good that I lasted that long.
@prashu228 (37526)
• India
12 Aug 12
It happens , most of the time, people just dont realize ,that the person is recovering and goes on disturbing , your family did a good thing , and good decision taken by them, have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
My daughter told me she put my phone on silent last night so everything would go to voicemail. I have it on today and was able to talk about 10 minutes. I had one other call and it was shorter. So all is okay.
@GardenGerty (157546)
• United States
12 Aug 12
People often treat sick and recovering people carelessly. It is as if they think you are magically repaired by being in the hospital and there is no limit to what you can do now that you have been released. Do just let the phone go to the answering machine and get your rest.
@AmbiePam (85423)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I wouldn't pick up the phone. I think they assume if you pick up the phone you're able to talk. And if they asked to talk to you then I'd have someone just tell them you're not feeling up to it. I don't think it's any big deal where they would get their feelings hurt.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I just changed my voicemail and so people should understand now.
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
12 Aug 12
I just hope people that trying to call you but you can't answer will understand that your having a hard time to talk. If they are true friends they will understand that and will drop by or ask one of your family members what are you having through. Take care and have great health everyday.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Oct 12
I can see something like this happening. Years ago when my brother was in a serious car accident, he had to have his jaw wired. He could not talk. Still people would call him. His own wife would call him! They would go in to see him and that was a little better. He had a notebook handy so that when they asked him questions, he could answer them at least. Of course, this was before cell phones and computers were so common. Well, this is a 3 month old post so if memory serves correctly, you are doing a lot better now.
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Your friends mean well, they just don't understand. Why not get one of your family members change your outgoing message on your voicemail so that it explains the problem and tells them why you are not answering.
When my husband was still with me he had a similar problem. Being paralyzed he could not answer the phone but he did appreciate hearing from our friends. I wrote and recorded a poem as my outgoing message that explained why we seldom actually answered the call but assured them that he could hear them since I bought an answering machine that allowed us to screen calls. I made sure I got one that allowed long messages.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
Tha is s great idea to change the message. That is something that will work.
@myfb2009 (8296)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 12
PQ, pity to hear you have problem talking now. Have you and your family members start send out messages informing all your friends and relatives that you are unable to talk. It is really important as to let others know that you are having this serious problem. By the way, good to hear there are so many people who are caring for you. Hope you are able to get much better soon.
@jricky1 (6800)
• China
12 Aug 12
Hi,friend.I understand and know your pain.Thus i hope you can cheer up and life is beautiful,it is because they do not know you and i think they will care and understand you after knowing your situation.i think there are still many nice people and just do not upset and communication is important,just use other ways and there is no block through people.Good luck to you.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
I can text and email. I changed my voicemail to tell them I love them. I told them I can type to them so I hope things will get easier. It's just too much for me right now.
@fashionfever (2200)
• Indonesia
12 Aug 12
Same here, i couldnt speak at this moment because i just had jaw surgery and my mouth is wired shut for 10 weeks, i couldnt eat, couldnt speak normally. I appreciate visitors who come to see me, but i couldnt talk to them and if they asked about the accident my mom answered them, but my mom cannot be with me 24/7 she has to go work. Its nice your family helping you answer your phone. I always have paper and pen next to my bed, this is how i communicate with other peole.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
12 Aug 12
O so sorry that you are going through this jaw surgery. I'm glad your family can help you too.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
12 Aug 12
I think you need to shut down contact immediately, totally.
You need to take yourself out of the loop completely so you can rest and recover. If taking a bath, walking and talking leave you weak I imagine typing does too.
Just stop all contact for now. Get better, then bring everyone up to speed.
Don't see anyone or talk to anyone. Just concentrate on getting yourself well. We are not going anywhere; myLot is not going anywhere.
Don't make me use the raspberry emoticon or upper case now...y'hear?
