can men really want a woman to rely on them for everything..

United States
August 13, 2012 9:35pm CST
I thought times have changed for all of us. I was talking to my mom tonight and I could not help but mention how he gets upset because I want to take care of my bills myself. she told me he is upset because I am too independent. I could not believe this. in this day and age a man should be happy to have a woman like me. You know that man has never paid my rent or any other bill in my house. he is upset because,I won't let him buy my living room set. My own child offered to pay for it and I said no. that shoudl tell you i am not going to let you do it either. I don't want anyone to throw up buying my couch for me. If it takes me 6 months to buy it then so be it. I decided tonight to give up my car. I walk more than I drive and I can save my money for other things. I am wasting car insurnce. he had words about that as well.
3 people like this
10 responses
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
14 Aug 12
I don't think men nowadays would be happy if they have to do everything for the women. I for one are providing for my family. My husband is not complaining and i'm not complaining. But if my brother offers to buy me a new tv set I won't refuse.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Aug 12
That is good for you as well,I would not refuse thetv either.
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Aug 12
I thi9nk a lot of men dream about a woman who will depend on them for every little thing, without realizing exactly ho stressful a lifestyle it will be for them to maintain.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Aug 12
He recently lost his job e could not even fix my car and I was fine with that.
@lelin1123 (15643)
• Puerto Rico
14 Aug 12
Well there are two different types of men out in the world. One type is like Adrian; he wants you to depend on him for everything and I believe that is mainly because he might just be insecure about the relationship. Afraid that you are doing just find with out his help and then maybe one day get up and leave him for someone else. The second type of man wants a independant woman like you. Who doesn't need him at his beck and call every minute of the day. I think Adrian should be proud of you that you can take care of yourself but I truly believe its scary to him. Men like this, need to feel needed and you are not providing him with that. I give you props because there are alot of girls out there who would so take advantage of Adrian. He better wake up and realize what a great woman you are and be proud of you.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Aug 12
He always tell me how I will up and leave him for my ex. I feel so bad when he says this. Ipersonally think it has to do with his body rather than anything else. I don't want to be rude and say it. but,he knows where he falls short at n that could be the problem. I love the ground this man walks on and tell him all the time.
• Canada
14 Aug 12
My husband knows damned well that I don't NEED him for anything, that I am married to him for a much more important reason, and that is that I LOVE him!!! If don't need him, but I love him that's even better. What if I just needed a man, and did not have one I love When an independent woman stays with a man she doesn't "need" and remains independent, it is because the two of them are friends, and lovers, not co-dependent. I believe that's the best ind of love. I agree that men who need to be needed are insecure.
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
14 Aug 12
Honestly, I think you should be greatful that you have a man that WILL take care of you. Not saying he should control your life, but so many 'men' don't see a need to take care of anyone but themselves and want to control their mates. He has very traditional beliefs which isnt 100% a bad thing. I believe there needs to be a good balance for a couple to be successful, you guys have to figure out on your own what role you each play in the relationship.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Aug 12
Last night I had ten dollar and he had no gas and no money. You know I had to call him to offer the money to him. he refused to ask me telling me he thought I needed it. Itold him it is not fair that he does for me and will not even ask me for gas money. is that right.. thanks. Oh,I love the gifts he buys me and how he is so caring. but,he has a nasty mouth and will talk about all he did for me when he is mad. so now I want nothing from him till I see a change in his way of speaking to me. sorry is not enough for me.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Aug 12
We had it out tonight and I said everything that was on my mind. I know the neighbors could hear and I was mad. now he knows it must stop or I need to move on. he knows how much I love him and he should not carry on like this.
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Aug 12
I agree!! Love should not be used to manipulate. My husband knows that a large part of my love is that I am so independent, and I don't have to depend on him, thus I am making sure that he's not crushed under the weight of having to care for me. As for Adrian's love for you, if he really loved you the way he thins he does, he would not be threatened by your independence, and he'd apreciate the gift you want to give him. In love there is no room for control, jealousy, or posession.
@tiffnkeat (1679)
• Singapore
14 Aug 12
I like your attitude. What you want, you get it yourself. Occasionally, it won't hurt to let loved ones buy some thing for you, especially if it makes them happy as well. It's a win-win situation. If you feel bad about them buying, just use the money you had budgeted to buy them something or give them a meal treat. Cheers!
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Aug 12
Well, along with your need to feel independent, where does this "need" to be totally independent stem? Everyone likes to be needed on some level. It's a part of your connection to the other person. If you're in a relationship and you don't need that other person at all, then what are you doing in the relationship? What purpose does it serve? As for men, sure they appear to have a stronger desire to be needed than women, but most have been programmed to be the breadwinner and caretaker of the family. It's difficult to undo all that caveman programming. So, you need to ask yourself and him what your true definition of need is.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
16 Aug 12
I really don't think that there are many men that really want you to depend on them for everything. However, I do think that you might be hurting his feelings because of the fact that you will not let him help you with things very often. If you were to tell him yes every time that he offers to help you, he might get tired of that, but you really are hurting his feelings because of the fact that you don't let him help you out. Indulge him once in a while and let him help you out. The couch might not be the answer, but I'm sure that there are some things that he has offered to do for you that aren't as major as the couch.
@Jshean20 (14367)
• Canada
14 Aug 12
In my opinion he should be proud of how independant you are, I think these days most men would be proud but some are still old fashioned and like to feel like they are taking care of their loved ones. I don't think it's really a bad thing, probably just how he was raised.
@katsmeow1213 (29044)
• United States
14 Aug 12
I think it depends on the man. I am very independent and my husband respects that and it's part of why he likes me. He does not want a woman who does rely on him for everything. Other men do want that as it makes them feel wanted, needed, etc. However, I also think there comes a time when we need to not let pride stand in the way and accept help when it's needed. Perhaps you don't need help with a sofa, and that's fine, but if you did NEED help I would hope that you'd accept it.
• India
14 Aug 12
hello friends ,Not all but mostly of men who can really wants to women rely on them in every matter of life.they are always feels happiness and comfort zone for doing this.But some people so kind and giving the independence to their women in every matter of life and they take care their self respect and hopes.I feels your mom point of view correct because you r not giving more time to your mother and she also feeling you have got more independence in this matter.And lastly thing money is became more important things in the mostly people.They can doing for every thing right and wrong for that thing and sell every social values.I read your discussion with very sadness to lost your car insurnce and you giving car and walk.......................
• Canada
14 Aug 12
Some men still want to take care of a woman, others are perfectly happy with an independnet woman. My husband and I discussed this the other day, after I wrote a rather powerful article about why wives should not submit to their husbands. We both agreed that a submissive, or financially dependent wife, turns the husbandinto "Atlas," the character in Greek Mythology who's punishment was to walk around with the whole world on this shoulders, and from who's name we get the name for a large book of world maps. In a previous discussion you mentioned some of Adrian's funny little ways (complaining that you did not cook, complaining about your daughter's posessions in your house). Another downfall to the dependet-woman-syndrome is that men feel that because they shoulder the "burdon" (exactly what we DON'T want to be!!!) they have the right to b!tch and complain about things. DON'T GET INTO THIS TRAP!!!!! It's like my step-dad says about packing his lunch for work. Co-worker: Your wife doesn't pack your lunch for you? Step-dad: NO WAY! CW: Why the hell not? SD: Because if I do it myself, I can't complain about what goes in it!