You could do better
August 16, 2012 5:03am CST
Yesterday was little sad day for me. I understood that one of the most positive people in the bulgarian cancer sick people forum died of her cervix cancer. I didn't know her really much, but this forum was first started when my aunt was sick of cancer - her first time. I asked the admins of one very popular website with forums to make a category where cancer sick people can exchange information. It was very long ago, when we couldn't find so much information on our own language in the net. And last autumn, when I had the bad results for my problem, I entered this forum again to see if anyone had the same problem like me. I was happy to see that the forum is full of information, many people experienced the sickness went there and wrote about it. So when I shared this problem there, this woman offered me to help me with the checks I need to do for myself, because I don't have health insurance. I rejected and thanked her from the bottom of my heart. I knew that my parents will help me enough. The woman added me in Facebook and wanted to know more about how my situation move on - better or worse results and so on. We weren't really close, I have never seen her in real life, because she was married and lived in another country, even if she is bulgarian. When my problem finished and I was healed for this moment, I stopped entering the forum. Yesterday when I opened her profile I saw many pictures of her wedding posted on her wall. I looked at her wall very careful and saw old posts telling rest in peace and so on. Then opened the forum for cancer sick people and saw that she hasn't wrote since the month May when people wrote on her wall sad thoughts. Now I feel so stupid about this situation. I also have some experience with cancer, but I was trying to keep myself cool, wasn't giving myself on depressions and bad thoughts a lot, having the experience with my aunt, I just didn't want to jump into this black hole. And the woman was so so nice, not only that she offered me to help me financially with paying the checks, but she was giving positive daily thoughts in the forum, giving strength to all sick people in the forum and also to relatives of the sick people who was looking for support in the forum. She was telling everyone she loves them, kind of made recalculation of her life when she understood she is sick and giving great example for being positive and powerful woman, giving hope to everyone in need. Now I feel like I would tell her more, to be more opened with the forum space and could also tell her that not only she is a great human, but she is loved by many people and she will never forgotten. Do you feel sometimes that you could give more to someone who deserved it?
1 person likes this
• Bhubaneswar, India
16 Aug 12
Life is quite a mystery dear suggar. Many a times we fail to do the right things or things which we later feel should have been done. But then, we are never perfect, are we? I am not sure if you did the right thing or not initially, but then, there are always ways that you can use to make up for those mis-interactions - like maybe you can take up her kind of role on the forum and start extending your support (maybe only moral which is more than enough) to compensate. One of my friends here (who has gone missing since ages now) said - we always should keep communicating, as we do not know when we might miss the person forever. Going by the read of the discussion, this lady was a great person and even though I do not know anything about her beyond this discussion, I can say - RIP - from the chores of my heart. Hope you find her posted material of use and try to help out others the way she tried.
• Bhubaneswar, India
16 Aug 12
To answer your question of course, I always have my late grandfather - I wanted him to be alive for at least 10 years more. The only regret - I could not buy him anything from my salary when he was alive as I never earned an amount during his life.
16 Aug 12
There's always a few things that when I think about it, I could have done better. There's a few people in my life who are far away, or who are gone, that I wish I've done a lot more. It is sad that in our efforts to live our lives, we sometimes fail to do the more important things.