Train wreck do you think it can be stopped?

United States
August 16, 2012 9:17pm CST
Usually when I have screwed up stories on here they are about Hubby's side of the family. Not to night though! It is actually about a set of friends of mine that I grew up with since I was 10 or so. The older brother is one of my best of friends. I speak to him everyday, the kids refer to him as an uncle. Now the younger of the two is the same age as my sister so there is 6 years between us. He is also considered close and I did speak or at least email with him several times a week until this all started. See about 8 months ago Eddy (the older) started dating this girl. She is a few years younger (4 but as we're in our thirties not to big of a deal) and a little quite, a little jaded by past relationships. yada yada she seems nice and is responsible. Has her own home, good job etc. We'll Jack (younger brother) at the time had been trying to set Eddy up with someone else and it wasn't working. SO Jack took offense that his big brother wasn't dating who he wanted him too (yeah I know he needs to grow up). He tried to get me on his side of this but so far I do not see anything wrong with this girl and like her. SO he got mad at me and stopped talking to me, didn't do a job I had asked him to do (and was going to pay him for). He will talk to and hang out with Eddy but only when the Chicky isn't there. Eddy has noticed to a point but barely. Well now she is pregnant. They had been discussing moving in together and getting married to begin with so this is not an unhappy event for them. I do wish they had made sure they would stay together before taking this step but what is done is done and I will support him in being a stand up guy and a good father. Jack will not look at her. Has not congratulated them or even said anything about it. Jack's girlfriend was down right rude the other night. When the Chicky said hello she turned her back and walked away ( other girl from 8 months ago is her best friend by the way). My dilemma, I love these guys and see their relationship going down hill fast. Eddy has confided in me and I know how much this is bothering him and his baby mama. DO I write a note to Jack or stay out of it and watch the wreck happen?
4 people like this
10 responses
@ElicBxn (60802)
• United States
27 Aug 12
I know this is old news, but as hard as it is, I would stay out of it. If the younger boy had come for advice, that would be different. If Eddy asks your opinion, and we know just from your name you have them, suggest that he do his best to avoid the younger. All Jack is going to do is create strife and neither he nor his girl friend need that.
• United States
30 Aug 12
Well I spoke to their Mom (yeah sorta felt like we where 6 or so) All it took was a family dinner and the behaviour was more then apparent. She went right at them until it all came out. It will start to heal now though.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60802)
• United States
30 Aug 12
I'm glad you found a good way to settle this, I just hope Jack remembers it.
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
17 Aug 12
Wow! Maybe there's a deeper side of the story that only the brothers know? I'd love to tell you to go and talk to them, do send the note, but common sense tells me that you shouldn't dive into their problem... Maybe what you can do is to confront the younger brother as to why he is ignoring you? If he says it's because of the girlfriend, ask him why and maybe you'll help him realize what he's doing wrong (or maybe it will be an eyeopener for you), without actually prying too much
• United States
17 Aug 12
I gave tried that. First I was told it is in my head then when I made several points like missing the kids birthdays as well as mine when we where down by them he shrugged and said guess it's true and walked away. He is OCD diagnosed by the way. When things aren't done his way it often blows up as he literally believes it is his way or no way. I also know his mother is concerned that he is not taking his meds... something I hadn't put together until now.....
1 person likes this
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
woah! there is something really wrong with him then :( I hope it all turns out okay. He can't hate is brother forever right?
@Howvie (6)
• China
18 Aug 12
Aa friend of the two guys, you are indeed in dilemma. Jack interrupted too much about the older brother's life, even shows a little self-concentrated and selfish, so he is younger and needs to grow up. Maybe some time later, he will understand and continue the friendship with you both.
• United States
22 Aug 12
Hopefully sooner then later.
@deazil (4556)
• United States
17 Aug 12
I think the nays have it. I've seen other people try to patch up someone else's family problem and they're usually the ones who end up on the outside when the family finally does get back together. My brother tried to patch things up between 2 brothers after everybody told him to stay out of it. Mr. Peacemaker didn't listen and there was almost a fist fight in his front yard with him in the middle of it. Other friends relatives had to step in and stop it. I know you feel like you're kind of lying but what you know is probably better left unsaid. Especially with the one brother OCD and not taking his meds. That right there is a bad sign. Whatever you do, good luck! And if things get out of hand between the two of them don't forget to duck.
• United States
22 Aug 12
I called their Mommy. I know that sounds silly but i informed her of what is going on. See they are very stubborn guys. I know Mom though well enough that she will find a way to get them talking it out before they know they are doing it. SO piece said but not right out in the middle.
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
17 Aug 12
I would stay out of it. You do not want to be in a the middle of a family fight if you can avoid it. Eddy needs to sit down and have a talk with Jack. As adults, they can work this out. If I were Eddy I would be mad that Jack wanted to to date around when I was happy dating the person I was with. Eddy should be mad, not Jack.
• United States
22 Aug 12
One would think...
• United States
17 Aug 12
Iwould leave this alone and let the situation fall as it may. they will get it out in the open soon because this is just too much to handle for anyone. the poor woman who is happy in love is treated like she broke up a family or something. that was rude of the other girl and I would not ever let her in my house whiel the new mother was there. I would not let any of them in with her there.
• United States
22 Aug 12
Luck for me I live far enough away not be be physically in the middle. We had been in the area that one night and it was uncomfortable.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
17 Aug 12
Sounds to me as if Jack needs to grow up & mind his own buisness. I think people have a full time job taking care of their own buisness, Sadly so many let their buisness go to meddle in others. I would probably speak my peace & then let them work it out the best they can. I hope eddy & her will be very happy & have a beaUTIFUL CHILD. cHILDREN ARE SUCH A BLESSING.
• United States
22 Aug 12
I hope so too, I mean I do have concerns about all this but what can I do but support him I mean she's already preggers.
• Kenya
17 Aug 12
Friendship at a time comes to an end when the people involved get different ways of living. People can be friends when they are single and when they fall in love and start a family, then the person left single can feel left out and distance selve from the committed friend. Since you like these two guys and they are not seeing each other just meet with them separately and give them the space to sort their issues out. Don't choose sides depending on what one says to you, just be a good friend to each of them and soon enough you will all continue hanging out.
• United States
22 Aug 12
I speak to them regularly or I did anyway. Jack hasn't spoken to me since I didn't have anything bad to say on Eddy's girl.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
17 Aug 12
I know that as a friend of both of the brothers you want to do whatever you can to make sure that their relationship remains strong. However, I really do believe that in situations like this, it is important for people that are not really involved in the problem should stay out of the conflicts that happen within families. The best thing that you can do for them is to be there for either of them when they need someone to talk to.
• United States
17 Aug 12
Well see I also feel like a bit of a liar though. I know what Jack's problem is and though I listen to Eddy everyday this week upset over last weekend I feel horrible for not just blurting out what the issue is. Staying out of it feels a lot like lying in some ways
@Hatley (164672)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Aug 12
wow opinonated lady wow what a dilema. I would say stay out of it yet my motherlym heart tells me no she should write a note to Jack and ask him to come and talk to you,perhaps he just does not realize how hurtful his behavior is becoming or does not care bu t again he should as these are his brother and his brothers girlfriend. she does not deserve to be mistreated from where I sit just my opinion of ccourse as you are the one who has to make your mind up.and Jacks girlfriend sure had no right to be so rude and hurtful.
• United States
17 Aug 12
No she didn't and though I had a better opinion of her it is slipping away quickly.