Have You Been Told This?

Jacksonville, Florida
August 17, 2012 9:52am CST
This just crossed my mind from something that happened the other day. I was being told that my life could be much better with someone different by my side. I should want more for myself and my kids...All of you here know how happy my husband makes me so I am not going into it right now, I feel NO need to justify my choice. Have you ever been told to be with someone else after you were married to the person? Were you told that for your own good or was it out of jealousy or some other reason?
16 people like this
49 responses
• United States
17 Aug 12
I should have been told this before I got married. it wuld have save me a whole lot of time and energy. lol
3 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
Yeah well, this person has no reason to say it to me EXCEPT because of money. Some people do need to hear it but others don't. If I am okay being broke and happy with him by my side WHY do others care??? That is what I do not understand. We have what we need and my children and I are happy. Why should I make others happy with who I chose to spend my life with?
2 people like this
• United States
17 Aug 12
Hi LovingMyBabies, After being married a few times I can recall family or friends trying to give me some advice which I thought they were just being too nosy and I didn't want anyone interfering in my life. I was very stubborn when I was young and thought I knew everything of course...most young people do. I was told this before and after I was married. I wish I listened at the time because sometimes people see the other person as they really are, and you are blinded to it. They told me this for my own good, not out of any type of jealousy at all. They just didn't want to see me get hurt but of course I never thought it would happen. Eventually it did happen. And sometimes you know it, but just don't want to believe it. I have no idea how your situation is....I just know how mine was and how it ended up.
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
With my family its always the same thing, money. Thats all it is ever about. My husband is out of work because he was cut on a saw at work! Not because hes lazy or anything like that. We have been together 8 years and they will always want me to be with someone who has loads of money. Its never going to happen. I am happy with my husband and he treats me amazingly. He does everything in his power to make us happy. The only reason their not happy with him is because hes not rich. To me that is so wrong. He is my soul mate. The richest man in the world could not make me as happy as my husband makes me...
2 people like this
• United States
17 Aug 12
Money is not the only thing that makes you happy...it helps of course, but there are so many other factors to consider. Your family should realize this. You can have all the money in the world and be the most unhappiest person alive. You sound like you're completely in love and have a good head on your shoulders. Stay that way. Tell your family to butt out and leave you alone. Sometimes you need to make a real stand to stop the nonsense in order for them to leave you alone. They're only doing it because you're young, I'm sure. Stay happy and live your life..I wish you all the best. "The richest man in the world could not make me as happy as my husband makes me...".....I love that statement.
• Jacksonville, Florida
5 Sep 12
Money does help your right but it is definitely not the only thing that matters, not to me anyway... We personally know someone that has a lot of money and yet he is absolutely miserable. =( I am so in love with him. Him and my kids are my entire world. I would really be lost without any one of them. I am eventually going to have to stand up for myself to them. Thank you so much.
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
17 Aug 12
Previously, I also say to myself, want a better life. Because, my life is very chaotic, and my husband always makes me sad. That said, I am jealous, with the lives of others, who seemed happy. But, for now. I do not like, think like that anymore. I enjoy my life now. And do not want to complain anymore.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (157426)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Aug 12
hi indahfth I re member reading when you were so sad and feeling sorry foryou but now it sounds like you are happy with your life and what more could any of us wish for you.hugs from hatley.
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
18 Aug 12
I do not know, I am happy or not. But, I feel more calm, and able to enjoy life. I am grateful to my current situation.
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
I have never felt like I want a better life, not without my husband at least. I do wish we had more money to live comfortably with but it is not something that I would ever leave my husband over. I am glad your a little more at peace now. I know you were sad for a long time. I hate seeing that. I hope you get to an even better place where you are actually happy. Your too sweet to be sad.
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
17 Aug 12
May be sometimes we can say or think like that at the time when are not in a good mood or something happened between you and your husband. But in my case I thinking such thing but immedaitely change it because I always thinking my children which I'm sure they are affected.
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
I don't think anyone should butt into someone elses love life. That is their own personal choice. I would never tell anyone who they should not be with if they already chose the person they love.
1 person likes this
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
What do you mean?
@natliegleb (5188)
• India
18 Aug 12
it all depends on your entire perspective ,some say it for jealous,but i think if you analyze it overall,its for good range and it helps you a lot to feel who you are and at the end of the day ,its about calling your inner voice to play the role to take decision
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
I don't really know why they don't want me with my husband. They have always mentioned it was because he did not have a lot of money. He treats me amazing though and he is an amazing father. Those are more important to me than what kind of money he makes...
@GardenGerty (89960)
• Marion, Kansas
18 Aug 12
My first husband would say that out of depression. At other times others tried to flirt with me, because he was on the road. Either way, I was with him, and stayed with him and it did not matter. People are so rude sometimes. He was who I belonged with and that was that.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
Yeah that is how I feel GG. I am with my husband and in love with him no matter what anyone else says. I know in my heart that he is the right one for me. No one can change my mind on that. He is the love of my life, with or without money.
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
18 Aug 12
good don't listen to those people, that was the major reason for the break up of my marriage, I was young and stupid and listened to too many people who told me the same thing they told you. I learned never to discuss my relationship with anyone not even family. My matt and I sort out our own issues and that is the way it should be.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
I am not taking their advice winterose but it is so frustrating hearing it all the time. I wish they would shut up and leave me alone! It upsets me that they don't like him just because he is not rich. That is so wrong. Yeah I don't talk to anyone except for here to talk about things because they will convince me to leave him, not going to happen!
• United States
17 Aug 12
No, I have never been told this. At present, I am single. I'd like to marry a person who be in love with me. I'll never think of any other once I am married.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
That is good that you have never been told that. I am sick of hearing it already. I have heard it for the past 8 years! Yeah I married the man of my dreams, he is perfect for me. =)
@sk66rc (4264)
• United States
17 Aug 12
I've been told that once or twice... My situation goes little deeper than money but when it comes down to it, it's all the same... I'm Asian decent & I came to U.S. when I was 14 years old... It was in the mid 80s when I went to middle school here... Back then, at least the school I went to, didn't have too many Asian kids... There were 4 Asian kids in the entire school, myself included... As I got older & started dating, of course I started going out with girls outside of my race... I didn't "look for" an inter-racial relationship on purpose... I didn't even know what that was at the time... I just went out with girls that were available at the time, who happened to be of different race than I was... Late 80's, I moved to another school & I saw that there were a lot more Asian kids in the school... Of course I just hung out with people I felt comfortable with... I met a nice girl & shortly after, we started dating... One of the Asian kid I be friended told me I could do better... Turns out that he meant I could be with nice Asian girl... I never really put too much thought into it till when I was in college... I met another girl & we started talking about getting married... I've been told by Asian "friends" & even family members that I could do so much better by marrying a girl of my "own kind", whatever the **** that meant... I have a daughter from that relationship... My parents had very hard time accepting her as their grand daughter for long time... Well, that relationship didn't really work out... Now I'm living with a girl whom I happen to love very much... In the beginning, I've gotten a lot of "you could do so much better"s but they've realized that I'm not going to live my life based on their opinions, their values & their beleifs so I think they all gave up... My mother & sister came around to the point where they're now almost like best of friends with my girlfriend... I guess that's the whole point... I won't live my life based on other people's standards...
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
I think it is terrible for people to still be thinking this way about other races. My parents are somewhat this way. I am sure they would have disowned me if I was with someone from another race. I feel the total opposite. I am not racist at all, never have been. I am surprised since I grew up in that house but I have no problem with anyone, we are all people. I think it is good that you followed your heart and not what other people were telling you. I don't allow them to get the best of me to leave him. I love my husband with all of my heart and no matter what they say they cannot change that. They think I should have married a lawyer, doctor or a military man. I am happy with who I am with. He is good to me and our children. We might struggle with money but we are so rich in love. I am glad you found someone that your happy with and that your family is coming around and like your girlfriend too! That is awesome. I wish my family would be happy with the man I chose but after 8 years I doubt they will ever change how they feel about him...
@myklops (180)
17 Aug 12
Not yet because I'm still single.:)
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
That's good that you don't have to deal with this yet. One day when your with someone you probably will though. It is super annoying!
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
17 Aug 12
Yes.... I hear this often because of something asinine that my husband did before I even met him. My guy treats me better than any man I have ever dated... and to be honest with people, he treats me better than my own darn family most of the time. Yes, he did something wrong and no, it wasn't something horribly wrong. But he has to pay for what he did - I'm not going to up and leave him just because my family thinks I should because it's put me in a stressful situation that isn't going to last forever. I don't understand why sometimes people can't just butt out or stop taking the easy way out of everything in a life that is NEVER going to be simple, geesh. I love my guy and I know that I'm not going anywhere. (:
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
18 Aug 12
People should not judge a situation they know nothing about. It is unfair for people to butt into others lives. People just say things to me because of the money aspect of things but that is not what is important to me. My husband is amazing to me and our children. Yes right now he is out of work because of a work injury, he got cut on a saw. But he is on workers comp and cannot work. They apparently do not understand this fact. My husband and I fit together like a puzzle, perfectly. People will always have something to say no matter what we do. I would much rather have the love of my life by my side rather than a million dollars with someone I do not want by my side! I love my husband too and we will be together until we die.
• United States
17 Aug 12
My mom (jokingly) tells me I should marry a doctor instead of my boyfriend, because I have really expensive taste. Lol. But, I'm happy with my boyfriend, we're about to start a family (within the next few weeks, I'll be having his baby. =D), and we're getting married at our next convenience (both REALLY busy right now). I'm totally happy with my situation, and I wouldn't listen to anybody if they told me I should be with someone else. And, he's told me, he wouldn't want to be with anyone else either.
1 person likes this
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
17 Aug 12
May be it is normal thinking for both of us... but sometimes as I said in my other response - possibly thinking that if something not really good between you and your partner... but end of the day we or you must realized it is not good.
1 person likes this
@alberello (4756)
• Italy
17 Aug 12
Please forgive my answer, which at first glance it might seem a bit off topic. I am neither married nor engaged. I'm just single! So the logical thing no one told me what you have cited inherently children. But I must tell you that many people I have often advised to have a family. That is not to spend your entire life with mom and dad. But I do not have any intention! Then, after all, women do not interest me! (With all my respect to you, you're a woman, mind you!)
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
No your fine. All responses are welcome! =) I would advise the same thing. We are not with family but when ever I go visit I hear the same thing all the time. You would be happier if you chose someone with more money...Blah blah blah. The thing is I would not be happy with anyone other than my husband. No offense taken at all, we all have our preferences...
1 person likes this
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
17 Aug 12
Well, it's not me, but my parents. My dad is a Chinese heritage and my mother is a Javanese. They were of different cultures although they're from the same country, so people used to forbid them to get married. But then after all the hard times, they can prove to their family that they're really meant together. Even my dad became the best son-in-law for my mom's parents and my mom is the most favorite daughter-in-law for my dad's parents. So I think our life doesn't depend on what others say, it all depends on us. People might think they know what's good for us, but I think it's only us who know what's best for us. Right?
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
I absolutely agree with you. We choose what will make us happy for our lives. No one else has to live with what we choose, we do. No one else should tell us who we should be with. We know who we are meant for in our hearts. My husband and I love each other more than anything and so we are happy with who we chose. We followed our hearts, we chose not to listen to other people...I am glad we did not listen and I am glad your parents did not listen to it either otherwise they never would be truly happy.
1 person likes this
17 Aug 12
I have never been told a thing like this. I can imagine that it might have been said from fancy toward you by someone. It might be a set up case. If you are told by someone to be with someone to become more successful and etc in life, it is not actually your choice to want to be with them. You had chosen to be who you are with or you had been influenced by others to choose who you are with. i would not let others decide who should I be with.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
Your lucky that no one has done this to you. It is a terrible feeling. Exactly, I want to be happy with my life. Not with someone because they have money. That would NOT make me happy at all. I love my husband and he loves me. To me that is all that matters. =)
• United States
17 Aug 12
What a great topic for discussion. Yes I was told that by my mother. She used to tell me all the time and she told my brother the same thing about his spouse. I used to argue with her and then came to ignore the comments. Finally I realized the reason she was complaing about my life and choices was because she was unhappy with her own.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
Well thank you. I am sick of defending my marriage and my life to people. I am happy with who I chose to marry. I am trying to ignore comments but its difficult.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Aug 12
Money can make things easier, but it certainly shouldn't be the sole basis for choosing one's mate. If your husband is good to you, and the two of you love each other, you have made the right choice. If I had been choosing a mate solely based on bank account, I wouldn't be with my boyfriend right now. Despite some of his family's delusions, there is no gold to be dug, and I certainly am no gold digger. Thankfully, they have since figured that out as I have been by his side through some rather difficult situations... and him by mine.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
Money can make things slightly easier yes but your right its not everything. Not to me. I always say if I had a million dollars I would not enjoy it without my husband with me enjoying it too. We absolutely love each other and he makes me so happy. I would not want anyone else ever. We have been through so much together, being homeless, having a miscarriage, loss of jobs, etc...
1 person likes this
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
17 Aug 12
People will give their opinions and even be bossy, snippy, etc. about various things even after you're an adult. You're the adult though too, so choose what you want, that doesn't make them right. Just ignore them and do whatever makes you happy at any given time in life. Thats what I believe in. Money doesn't make everyone as happy as they claim, it helps in some cases but alot of times I have seen the downfall of people in relationships who are dirt rich too.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
Yeah its just annoying always defending my life and my marriage. That is what I feel too. Yes money helps but its not everything that matters in life. Maybe one day they will get it, until then I will keep defending my life.
1 person likes this
@mikyung (2235)
• Philippines
17 Aug 12
Happy and contented - Happy and contented. being with someone is a matter of choice.
Someone told me this also, that I could be rich and happier if I'm with other one. I just let this passed and I did not reply because being with someone is a matter of choice, the choice to be with him or her for the rest of our lives. It's like an investment that entails a lot of risk, the possibility to fail is possible but we need to deal with it and exert some effort. But what really matter is that we are happy and contented. Though we may have a better life if we have someone better, I believe that money is not everything and it can be earned eventually. Thanks
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
17 Aug 12
Yes it is always the same thing, money. My husband is great to me and the kids. He always tries to do everything in his power to make us happy. We have been together for 8 years and I am tired of defending my marriage. I wish everyone would worry about their own life. I agree with you, money is not everything and money cannot buy happiness!
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24957)
• Australia
25 Aug 12
Unbelievable. No-one has the right to say something like that to anyone. It's just wrong. I would be speechless and very angry. How would that person feel if you told them they need to see a therapist to find out why they feel the need to interfere in other's lives. People might not agree with your decisions but that's their problem, not yours. It's your business whom you choose to live with. If you are not happy then you have the right to ask for help and advice but until you do that, the issue is off limits to anyone.
• Jacksonville, Florida
25 Aug 12
I agree. It is none of their business. My husband and I have been together for 8 years, you would think they would just accept who I married by now... They say things when my husband and I get into an argument. Then they will say you should have been with someone else, someone who would make more money and you would be happier. I should seriously say that just one time MsTickle! Just to see their reaction. It would be SO funny!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24957)
• Australia
26 Aug 12
I double dog dare ya darlin'!!!
• Jacksonville, Florida
26 Aug 12
Let them say it to me again and they are going to wish they never opened their mouths! They don't know I have smart friends who can advise me to say things like this!!
1 person likes this