should I stop talking to him if I'm starting to have certain feelings for him

Romania
August 24, 2012 10:43am CST
there is this guy that I met online and we spend much time talking on the internet. but the problem is ...this might sound silly that I'm starting to develop feelings for him. I don't know how or why...but this is the truth aldo it's hard for me to accept it. and he makes me understand he feels something too. the problem is that he is from another city and I don't really believe in long distance relationship. I mean if I need to hug him what am I going to do...hug the pillow instead? and another problem is that he has a girlfriend and they keep breaking up and getting back together. now I tought that maybe I should stop talking to him. what would you do in my situation
9 responses
• Philippines
24 Aug 12
I think you guys should talk your feelings to each other. If you are both serious about it, then you should be able to figure out something to make it work. You know the old saying, 'if there's a will, there's a way'. I believe long distance relationship could work especially given the technology we have right now with all the emails, chat, video calls, etc. My husband and I, we were in a long distance relationship. He is a seaman so he travels a lot for like almost a year but we were able to cope with it and now, we just recently got married and we're so happy even though we know that in time, we'll be separated again 'cause we know that we trust and love each other. so if you guys really like each other and are willing to give it a little understanding, distance would mean so little.
• Romania
24 Aug 12
I like him...and as far as I understood he likes me too. but in a way he got used to being with that girl. this is why I backed off from the very begining. I was afraid that if he got back to his city he would get back together with her too. we were talking last night and he was at the seaside with this and his friends and he was kinda flirty with me...I told him that I was afraid to watch criminal minds alone and he told me that he would come and watch it with me..only that if he did that we wouldn't be watching the movie. and I told him that I don't believe him doing that and he wanted to get his girlfriend drunk make her go to sleep and come to me...but obviously this couldn't happen because my parents were home. another time he came to bucharest telling me that he wants to see me, that he wants us to go to the club together but I couldn't do it because I had to study( stupid reason I know...and I sincerly regret it now). the problem is this...one day he's all flirty and the next day he's acting like my best friend I was talking to his cousin and he told me that he had a time when he would talk about me all the time and he couldn't expect to talk to me. I told him I felt the same but the problem is that I still do...and his cousin's reply was how do you know he doesn't feel the same too and he adviced me that if I trully want him than I should try to get him back, to make him fall for me again
• India
24 Aug 12
I think if you intentionally try to make him fall for you,that would not be correct.if you both feel for each other strongly,then no such things are needed.donot take any decision in a hurry,give this relationship some time.but as far as his girlfriend is concerned you must beware about this,bcoz whenever clashes arouse between you two,he might go to her.so donot listen to your heart only,,,,,,give ears to your mind...
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
24 Aug 12
Stop talking to him is not a solution. Holding your own feelings is the best way. You're just carried away by the constant talking/communication. Make it lesser- or do not prolong it like the old ways. just greet him and then go offline- and slowly make the conversation rare.
• Romania
24 Aug 12
I don't greet him..this is one thing that it bothers him. he the one who most of the times starts a conversation. I don't like the idea of an online relationship and I think about the fact that even if we got to have something together as long as that girl is there than they could get back together any time
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
24 Aug 12
Then if you really don't want to get involved with online or distant relationship- shove off that feeling.
@mythociate (13827)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
24 Aug 12
How close are your feelings? I mean; do you feel more like 'if you lived closer, you wouldn't mind getting to know him a little better in a more-romantic way' or -more like 'he is the only way you can find happiness in your life'? If it's the latter (the way I'm needing a girl to feel about me ... like I'm the missing-piece to fill a weird shape in her life's jigsaw-puzzle), then go to be with him. If you are a faithful help-mate for him (devoted to rising together with him to meet the Ultimate Goal), then you and he will naturally follow the best path to completion (him completing yourself, you completing his world!) If it's the former, my best guess (though it hasn't worked for me yet, but that's mostly because I 'switch jobs' too much) is to find out 'what he's doing in the world' (the kind of job he has/is trying to get, his Major in university-studies, etc.) and -to set off on a similar path. Me, I thought I might like one of those 'Gentlemen's Magazine-models' (e.g. girls in PLAYBOY, PENTHOUSE etc.... what are those girls, if not 'ladies-waiting-for-husbands? Eh? ); so I got into a few affiliate-programs selling those kinds of pictures ... but of course I'm not selling any of those HERE ON MYLOT, so I look 'unfaithful' to that other industry. That, and I DO see 'possibilities' in lots of girls in other industries (hairstyling, entertainment business, medical therapy, writing, myLot-ing, bar-tending/Karaoke-ing, et al.), so I'm NOT faithful to anything but truth/fun And I obviously can't 'go to be with' someone who lives so far away because ... well, I'm just not really 'able' enough to support myself while migrating far away on the thin chance that some "person" online is really, actually compatible with me and isn't just 'pulling my leg.'
• Romania
25 Aug 12
for me he is important definitely...but I don't know how important I am to him. he makes me feel sometimes like he would ask me to be one of his best men for his wedding and another time like he sees something special in me. he lately changed...but he still tells me he likes me and that it bothers him to know I"m with someone. he might be just playing and that is a nasty thing to do
@sbrn11 (415)
• India
24 Aug 12
if he already has a girlfriend, even if they break up and love back. then i think, you should stay away from them. yea, i think its better you stop talking to him, if you can't control your feelings for him. as for him, if he has a girlfriend and also have feelings for you. may be he is just playing with your feelings. how can a man love two girls at one time?
• Romania
24 Aug 12
that's what I'm afraid of. we talk all the time...and a friend of his told me that he used to talk about me that he couldn't wait talking to me and so on. but as I said I don't believe in a long distance relationship and even if we got to have something together that girl is there and they could get back together at any time and the only one that would end up hurt is me
25 Aug 12
I think he playing with your feelings. if he already has a girl friend you should stay away from him.
• Philippines
25 Aug 12
If you really loved each other distance and time is no problem. If you have feeling for him and he has also feelings for you, then that is good. You dont have to start talking to him. You actually have to talk to him more so that you could be developed more to him.
@Raine38 (9012)
• United States
24 Aug 12
Long distance should be the least of your worries here, but rather his ability to commit and hold and fix his own relationship with his girlfriend. It matters not whether they argue a lot or not, but the mere fact that he is still in a relationship with someone while trying to have something going on with another online isn't a good indication of his loyalty. It takes two to make a relationship work and I don't think he's got nothing to do with how their relationship is going. Instead of him encouraging someone else's feelings for him, he should be patching things up with his girlfriend or if it's really nothing he would want to continue, finally sort it out so he can freely and rightly start something with you. It's not fair for you, him and his girlfriend.
@beenice2 (2283)
• Canada
24 Aug 12
Yes if I were you I would stay away from him. He is just playing around online with you. If he keep breaking up with his girl friend he is not very stable. So why don't you look for the right guy that doesn't live hundreds of mile from you or that he can travel to come to see you.
@sunil76 (32)
• India
24 Aug 12
Hello friends,i think long relationship, that to online relationship are like lottery as it can make or break our life.The problem with online or long distance relationship is that it is very difficult to know about the person like his character,behaviur,attitude,personality etc as most of the people behave and conduct themselves very well online.So we just able to see one side of the coin and get attracted by the person but most of the time in reality it might not be the case as we think.Now if we know that the person has a girl friend and they are frequently making & breaking up their relationship,then there is no point in believing that person.I think we should stop talking and put an end to the existing relation with such type of persons.I think distance relationship are a bit risky and uncertain.Thanks & regards.......