Disciplining children by hitting them...what is your opinion?

@KOSTAS499 (1625)
Greece
August 26, 2012 5:13am CST
Although I was a quiet kid, I sometimes made some mistakes. My parents hit me a lot of times. You can understand I didn't like it at all! I remember I decided in my teens, that if I ever had children I would find other ways to discipline them. Not by hitting and not by offending them. Words can hurt a lot too. What do you think?
7 people like this
40 responses
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
26 Aug 12
It depends on what you mean by "hitting" Do you mean you were beaten? Or did you get wacks after being told not to do something? Beating a child is wrong, but disciplining correctly leads a child into knowing what is right and wrong. This is especially true if the child doesn't communicate well or can't understand "Lectures" on what is needed from them. My youngest is 10 now, and yes he got spankings, not out of anger, but as a guide to show him right from wrong and today I never have to do this because he knows what is right and wrong or he is old enough to talk to to explain what is right or wrong. He is also at the age that when he disobeys, I take privileges away from him, whether it is one of his games, or time playing with friends, or another punishment would be an extra chore to do.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
I was not abused, just some slaps on the cheek. They mostly hurt inside than outside. Children do understand, sometimes even a look is enough. A friend does that with his kid. An angry look and he sits down. hahaha
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 12
I don't know how old your friend's child is, but when they are 12-24 months old, they had to have some kind of training for a look to effect them, and usually the training involves the child not being too happy and why "the look" works. So some slaps, as long as not done in anger and the parent explains to the child "why" that is just part of raising a child who is well behaved. I have seen what happens to children who don't get disciplined and trust me, you wouldn't want these kids around you once they hit their teens, they become very out of control, disrespectful to everyone and not trustworthy...
1 person likes this
• China
27 Aug 12
yes,I think hit is the worest method.
@inertia4 (27604)
• United States
26 Aug 12
I was also hit as a kid. But I never hit my children and never will. I will punish them b taking something away from them and I also believe in sitting down and talking to them. They like when I talk to them. And it does make them feel good also. I like to give the kids options. That way they can be involved in a choice.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
How do you know they like it?
2 people like this
@Hatley (164672)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Aug 12
kosta how doe he or she know, instinct parents know good parnets anyway when their kids like something or not not . most kids ate being hit and i c annot blame them as thats violence and tea chs more violence.,
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27604)
• United States
16 Sep 12
Kostas, well, I know they like being talked to as opposed to being hit. They do calm down and do understand. Look, like I said I was hit as a child and I never was a fan of it. It did not make me listen, in fact it made me more spiteful. So giving the kids an option is the way to go. Even if you yell at them it is still better then hitting them. I know both my son and daughter like it when I reason with them. I have done it many times. They seem to be more responsive that way.
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
Parents should give their naughty kids some reminders about their behaviors. Children learn better when you show them what's right or wrong by giving them a little smack when they do wrong. It should only be a little smack and not that kind of hitting that leaves marks or wounds.
1 person likes this
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
I disagree. Small or big, it is a smack that smacks you ego, your soul no matter the age. Humans can learn with other methods.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 12
Sometimes, time-out, grounding and talking don't work when punishing a child. I would resort to a "spanking", I always felt that it hurt me worse than my child, but sometimes a child needs some form of punishment that will "wake" them up. After, the "I hate you, you don't love me anymore", you can then talk to your child and they will understand better. I was raised with spanking, that now days would be considered child abuse and I grew up just fine as well as my children.
1 person likes this
26 Aug 12
I have to agree with most everyone else's responses thus far. I believe that there are better alternatives to hitting a child. But I must be clear, I never said that spanking a child was wrong...I just don't think it is necessary. I was spanked only about two times when I was a child and totally learned my lesson. It helped me learn not to be disobedient or disrespectful. From my experiences growing up, many kids that I knew who weren't being spanked were very rude and disrespectful to their parents. They talked to them any kind of way and would even yell and curse at them. The kids I knew that got spankings would never get out of line with their parents. On the other hand, most of the kids that I knew that got spankings were the 'baddest' kids in school; they always got into fights and were into trouble. Just my thoughts...
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@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
29 Aug 12
Some memories of those days are painful. It is not good. I remember in highschool, if anyone tried to slap me in the face, I could kill them. It had an impact on me.
@Porcospino (16559)
• Denmark
26 Aug 12
My story is similar to yours. I was hit as a child and I know that I am never going to hit my own children. I think that there are other ways to discipline children and I don't think that it is neccesary to hit them. I was very young when my father hit me for the first time. I don't remember what I had done, but I must have made some mistakes or done something that my parents didn't like. I still remember the times when my father hit me and it was painful not only physically but also emotionally and that is the main reason why I know for sure that I am never going to hit my own children.
1 person likes this
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
29 Aug 12
There is emotional pain involved..unfortuantely...
• United States
26 Aug 12
I am totally against hitting kids. However, I am totally for disciplining a child in a consistent manner. I think kids need to learn there are consequences for their inappropriate actions. What drives me crazy are parents who threaten action but never follow through. Figure out what works best with your child, taking away things, time outs, extra chores and then follow through. I think hitting, only teaches hitting. I did however, a smack (with the hand) on the butt to get their attention is ok. I nottalking about hitting, lost of control or hurting a child though is ever appropriate.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 12
It's different for a child with odd . They have an entitlement disorder and extra chores doesn't work. I'm still trying to figure it out but I know consistency is key. She was constantly taken out of our scchefuled disciplined home to be spoiled by grandmothers and came back behaving badly. We tried to keep her apart from the spoiling. In order to instill better consistent discipline structure and overall well being and the grandmothers disapproved and took me to court. This is a very difficult subject to black and white an answer to.
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
I agree with you. My mom used to hit me and my siblings a lot when we were kids, not to mention the endless onslaught of really hurtful words especially when do something that she does not approve of. It was her way of disciplining us and we did fine, we went to school, finished college, got steady jobs and all. But if given a choice, I would not want to grow up in a home where I am always fearful that my mother would hit me if I did something that she might not approve of. While I did not rebel, I was emotionally distant from my mom. If I will have my own children someday, I sure don't want them to grow up and be disciplined the way I was disciplined by my mom.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
I think am I alright with my parents but as you say another way would be better.
1 person likes this
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
26 Aug 12
such kind of behaviours should not be accepted anytime,i only believe in attitude changing only by caring and carassing them rather than showing might at them,its not at all correct way to do
1 person likes this
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
It belongs in the past in my country for most people.
@toyota4k (1212)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
Do not withhold to discipline from a child; If you punish him with the rod, he will not die, Proverbs 23:10. Don't give him freedom while he is young and overlook what he does wrong. Whip him while he is still a child and make him respect your authority, Eccleciasticus 30:11 and a lot lot more of verses in the bible which authorizes the parent to give a beating to to discipline a child.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
You might not like my answer....but was the bible written in 2010? 2009? 1994? Should we make children work when they become 4 years old? Maybe as shepperds? I strongly disagree. You should get the meaning and not do exactly as it says. A rod??? Crazy stuff...
1 person likes this
• Southend-On-Sea, England
26 Aug 12
All hitting kids does is teach them how to get what they want by using violence. It's wonderful that you, having been hit as a child, have grown up to be the opposite and vow to use other disciplinary methods for if and when you ever have your own children. SuperNanny (clips of her programmes, and in some cases the whole programmes) can be seen on YouTube and she manages to sort out the most difficult of children by using firm, quiet discipline with no spanking/hitting/shouting etc. Well done for thinking about the issue and choosing not to follow your parents' example. I'm not cricitising your parents as I'm sure they truly believe that's the right way to discipline children and maybe they come from a generation where smacking/hitting was the 'norm', and it's quite likely that's how they were raised themselves, so maybe they see nothing wrong in it.
1 person likes this
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
This is not an issue with my parents, they did their best and I learned a lot from them. Older generations were very hard on children.
1 person likes this
@tetris15 (541)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
Laying a hand on them would only aggravate their feelings. It might even lead to them being rebellious because they would think that their parents didn't understand them at all and they are only human who commit mistakes from time to time. Talking to them is still the best discipline. Make them feel that mistakes is a part of learning process and through that we become better person.
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@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
Talking is learning
1 person likes this
• India
26 Aug 12
Hi friend, i agree, hitting or blaming never change a kid in to a good way. It is really a challenging task to raise a kid in a good manner. Now a days technology is very improved and kids get addicted with new tech items and spending more time with it. This new tech items having both pros and cons depends up on the user. If our kid use it in a good manner, they will get a lot of benefits with it and vice versa. We must teach them to use the technology items in a good manner. As a parent, we have lot of responsibilities in our kids growth. We are the persons whoever get good or bad image with our kids activities. If our kid is good and doing good things, we will get good image and getting bad image for their wrong activities. Since parents playing an important role in kids growth. If our kid did any wrong thing, surely we (parents) will get a bad name based on their activity and people will blame us for our guidance. We must be kind and deal our kid in a friendly manner to teach discipline to them. If we force our kid, they will hate us and build a hatred with parents. We must be careful in this sort. Friends also playing an important role in our kids activities, we must know and watch about our kids friends and guide our kids to make friendship with good persons. Bad friends will turn our kid in a bad way. Better to be alone than in a bad company.. Teach this moral to your kid from the childhood. They will keep distance from the bad persons. Tell them that they don't get any benefits by making friendship with criminals and wrong persons and this kind of activity will spoil their futures, if we teach the things to them in a friendly manner with example stories, surely they will follow our words and disciplined with our activities. As parent is the role model to the kid, so we must be discipline to teach it to our kids.
1 person likes this
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
What you say is very important. Thank you for the response.
1 person likes this
@louievill (18373)
• Philippines
26 Aug 12
verbal and physical punishment is no no for me, kids would resent it when they grow up, I would talk to them over a problem, sanctions like cut in allowance end curfew or for my teenage son is enough to get my message through.
1 person likes this
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
26 Aug 12
Yes, there are other ways.
1 person likes this
@alberello (4755)
• Italy
26 Aug 12
Well, even though I'm not a parent, in fact I'm not even married, can I still answer your question by saying that I fully agree with you. Hitting children and offend them heavily, it is not a proper system of education. However, we must teach children to live, to have a conscience in such a way that they themselves come to distinguish right from wrong. There are many ways to educate children, avoid, manners too heavy!
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (27943)
• United Kingdom
26 Aug 12
I believe it is wrong to hit children. Children should not learn to hit from a parent and in my home country it is illegal for a teacher to hit a child. A child should be helped to learn how to speak and listen to what others are saying. Discipline must be suitable for a child's age. I think give a warning and if the bad behavior continues then place the child in time out. It should be one minute for every year of the child's age. It would be a time of reflection and the child should say sorry after it. This is fine for a child aged three to sixteen years old. For a younger child I would just say something positive like hands in your lap. No can be a harsh word for a child of that age. I would avoid saying no too many times. There should be positive reinforcement for the child. Rewards can be given like a bike ride to the park, a game of football on a playing field for a boy or a trip to an animal park for a girl. Words should be gentle and guide the child into the right pathway. If a child is hit he or she might learn this is acceptable and it isn't. With discussion problems can be solved and violence shouldn't be used.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
26 Aug 12
Hello KOSTAS and welcome to myLot. There are many ways to discipline a child. But some children do not respond to a lot of them. There are times when A spanking is the only discipline that will work for some children. Some situations do call for spanking. L do believe in spanking. When I look around at some of the kids today I think that maybe Mom or Dad should have been firmer and do a little spanking.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (17154)
• United States
29 Aug 12
I don't believe in spanking a child for doing something wrong. I see that as away of saying it's okay to hit people when they have done bad things so it's kind of a door way. I have two kids one that is a 19 months and one that is just a few day's old. A mom I would never spank my children. I have tapped my daughters hand for certain things but most always a firm no stops her from doing anything some times a little tap on the hand nothing to make her cry and that is only when she is going to touch something could hurt her. I've only had to put her in time out which as far as her punishments go from right now for her little age. For her that is pretty much the end of the world putting her in time out. She knows she has done something wrong when mommy or daddy puts her in time out. She is only 19 months so we know she doesn't always get it so we try to give her a fair amount of time to get the point across before ever putting her in time out.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
30 Aug 12
What is time out?
@ShyBear88 (17154)
• United States
30 Aug 12
Are you serious you don't know what time out is? Time out is when a person is sat down some where and sits there to either they are told to get up from that sport or they are sat down for ever minute of there age. My daughter is 1 years old so she sits for a minute. To a child time has no meaning so even 1 minute seems like a life time. Then normally that is lead up with a little talking about what they did was wrong and that if someone was hurt they need to say sorry or say sorry to the adult that put them in time out.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
31 Aug 12
OK, I knew about it, I just didn't know...the name. :)
@cotruelove (1038)
• Denver, Colorado
27 Aug 12
I raised two totally different types of children when it came to behavior. One had no respect for anyone and thought they should be in control of everything, the other was sensitive and words and a look was all it took. The disrespectful one, is still as an adult the same way, and has gotten into lots of trouble as an adult over inappropriate language and behavior. But that was my experience, and spankings were used by suggestion of a psychiatrist, the police, and a judge. Not beatings. Yes, it made the child angry, but the child already was angry but at least paid attention when spanking was presented as the discipline. Times have changed. But has it really afforded the public to see better behaved children or adults due to the change in attitudes about spankings? According to teachers I've dealt with, that is a debatable issue and they are experiencing far more disrespectful children in the classroom because the children know they cannot be spanked. In fact, as far as discipline in the classroom, many teachers spend hours writing out notes for the misbehaving child, rather than teaching, to take to the principle who calls the parent who does nothing to help the teacher or the school with the child's behavior other than medicate them. I find that an even worse choice than spanking because it can make a child an addict before they choose it for themselves. My understanding is that some schools are returning to the use of spankings. The idea of abuse of a child has made "spanking" appear to be the same as "hitting." If used properly, spanking is not abusive. If you think for one minute a child isn't going to deal with violence in their life, that is highly improbable. It is good if a child thinks home is a safe place, but it isn't good if they think it is an escape from discipline. The point is for a parent to raise a child who can be a productive, responsible, respect based member of society and both of mine, raised with spankings on occasion, are productive, but one of them I seriously doubt will ever be respectful of anyone. Violent? My one was violent before the first spanking was ever used and to this day remains that way. Counseling hasn't helped. I'm to old and retired, to continue to battle with my one adult child. The lessons that they refused to learn from me, they will have to learn in the real world and it is expensive and painful to learn them as an adult. I wish spankings had not been required, but I'm sorry to say, I'd still do it with the one child I was raising. I have no regrets over it and I do not owe anyone an apology for it. I did the best I could to raise my children by the standards of society at the time and at least they are not criminals or living on welfare. Both are educated, have children, and live a better life than what I feel I had, which is a goal of many parents. Times change and ideas of discipline do too along with what constitutes abuse.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
29 Aug 12
Is your first child the violent one?
@celticeagle (117590)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Aug 12
I am helping my daughter to raise her son who has ODD. He gets aggressive sometimes and we have had to call the police. On several occasions they have told us that we can discipline this nine year old by being physical as long as we do not leave a bruise, break bones or make him bleed. I think this is rediculous. Here we are trying to bring up an already aggressive child and they are telling us we can spank or beat him. I think this is stupid. When I was growing up I spent alot of time at my grandparent's place. My grandmother disciplined me with a switch. Yes, a willow branch. And words can hurt alot too. I am forever telling my grandson that we love him we just don't like the way he is acting at that time. I think kids need to hear it.
• United States
27 Aug 12
I have a nine year old who has been odd since age seven at least undiagnosed and when we called the police thy would also suggest to use " a heavy hand" I never found the heart to do it, just defend myself by holding her down but nothing ever got to her, she is no longer in our home and. Am worried for her health. Maybe it was a way to go for certain children. One will never be sure but I never could for the sake of simple disciPline.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117590)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Aug 12
We would certainly hold him down or whatever but never strike him.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
7 Apr 13
Hi, Disciplining children by hitting is not fair. It creates bad effects on children's psychology. They try to protest against their parents. Children should be taught in soft and loving manner. Using harsh or abusing words is also very bad. Words also hurt children's mind so we should use the words carefully. It is very nice that you have decided to discipline your children by other method than your parents.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
7 Apr 13
It is good when we learn from our experiences and make choices for the best.