I am so proud of myself tonight.

United States
August 30, 2012 7:50pm CST
This will be long and I know you will be proud of me too. Last night I had a break down and I had thought I was going back to the hospital. I called a few people who could not understand me because i was crying so hard. well,adrain lives right down the block and came right here and he is still here. he will be with me for a few days. well,I was waiting on my daughter to call me and she never called me. so,that fueled me as well. today,she called me as a matter of fact about two hours ago. and I told her we need to sit and talk. so,I went to where she stayed at last night. I told her to feel free to say anything she wants to say and I won't get mad because when she said she will hate me for life that was the worst thing she could have said to me. I then told her that I am tired of living the way I am living. I said,I am stressed to the max over her not going to stay where she knows she can stay. I told her she is too young to be burdened down with trying to find a place for that man to sleep. I then said I will be asking his mother why he can't go there. she asked me not to and told me it's because she was not allowed to go to his mothers house and lenny did not care and made her go. so,she said he can't go back to his mother house. I told her to get her stuff together bring it to me and go to the shelter. I said they will give you permission to go to school. I told her that she has no right to fix her mouth to ask me to take that man in my house who is beating on my only child. I told her that she can't look me in my face and tell me that he is not beating her up. she turned and looked out the window. I told her it is not right that he gets to lay up and spend her money like he is doing. Then i told her that i know she spent ten grand in three weeks on him and her. she said,mommie I can't do anything about it now. I said,I know but you need to go to school. she said mommie I am ging to school next week. I saidnto her that she is grown and lives her own life. I said,I can't make you do what I want you to do. I said,you have made your choice and you have to live with it. she said mommie he is my boy friend. I said,kay you want him then be with him I can't stop you. but,don't you ever try to make me let him stay in my house. I told her that if she spends all that money and does not go to school she will be out on the street looking like a bum with him. even though i believe when she iis broke he may leave for someone with an apartment. she told me that he is trying to make her get a place for him to live. she said she wants to go to my mother but he would not let her go. my heart broke again and I said,you have to get away from him the best way you can. I said, so much more tomher but this is long enough. I feel so much stress is gone from my mind. now,I need to just find a way to let her live her life and I live mine. I told her I will be going to buy my books to go back to school no matter how hard it is. she asked how much it costs I told her i don't want anything from her because she will throw it in my face. I am so happy tonight and god and you are going to help me stay this way. I can't get back the years i lost with her but I can make the rest the best i can. thanks all of you and there was one person who really talked to me but i forget her username. she knows she was in my shoes before. but,thanks a lot.take care.
4 people like this
8 responses
• United States
31 Aug 12
Well, maybe that is what she needed. A good heart to heart get in her face nicely where you say it like it is and you did just that. I know this had to be hard for any Mom to do but sometimes you have to put your foot down and say enough is enough. If things are affecting your health the way they apparently are she should have been right by your side but she choose not to be. Glad you had someone take you to the hospital and stay with you at this stressful time. I do hope she will come to her senses but it may take a while and she may hit rock bottom before she realizes what she had and what she has now. Wish the best for both of you.
2 people like this
• United States
31 Aug 12
That is a great new beginning, good luck and pray it continues in the same direction.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 12
I will be going back to church once I get my medication checked out and working to where I can wake up and not sleep while walking around. thanks.
@chum24 (569)
• Philippines
31 Aug 12
hi... after reading..woow!!! so proud of.. thats goood for you. i hope your daughter will recognize. and feel better now.. god bless you
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 12
I hope so as well,but,I think it will take time for her to really get it. she needs to see me change how I am with her in order to get the full effect. thanks.
@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
31 Aug 12
Sounds like you got a lot off your chest by talking with her, you must feel so much better now. It's sad what your daughter is doing to herself, I hope that she soon recognizes that she's worth more than what she puts herself through.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 12
I have come to learn that she will learn this when the time is right. I can't force her to do it and I am not going to try any more. My days of stressing over where she is are coming to an end. she has to live with the chices she made. and she chose him and tonight I was sure to tell her this as well.
• United States
31 Aug 12
It is so hard when those we love the most are letting themselves be used and abused and we cannot stop it. You did right by yourself after trying so very hard to help her and in the end that is all you really can do. You have mended some things with her and one day she will realize how right you are and things will begin to get better. ((HUGS)). I think you are proving to yourself how tough you are even when you didn't think you could be.
• United States
31 Aug 12
I know it was hard for me to tell her all of what I told her. I really needed to get it out for myself and for her. I will see what happens after this talk. I just hope and pray she never calls me and tells me anything that he did or sadi after tonight.
@JosephP (1118)
• Jamaica
31 Aug 12
I am very happy that you have found some peace and have let go of a lot of stress. This is not the easiest thing to do ,especially in cases like yours, but for those who manage to do it the relief is amazing. Good job and I hope it is very long lived.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 12
I cna't do it all in one day or night but tonight is the start of it for me. I need to find the best way to help myself and let her go and live her life. she is now 18 and she knows i can't do it anymore.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (93648)
• Marion, Kansas
31 Aug 12
You have just shown that you are stronger than you used to be and you did the right thing. She needs to have nothing to do with him or his mother.Someone else said, and I agree, that you are setting a good example by going to school yourself and getting your life all straightened out, one piece at a time. She will know she can do it too. It is true, she cannot get back the money she has blown on him, so she needs to hold tight to whatever she has left to help pay for her future.
1 person likes this
@Rasniki09 (184)
31 Aug 12
I think you really needed that outlet to say what was on your mind and clear your head. It will not happen overnight but you will feel better about things. I am glad that you're taking one day at a time and is happy. God is on your side and I hope you do great with school. Like you said, you can't get back what you've lost but you sure can be in control of the next chapter. Take care...
1 person likes this
@cotruelove (1038)
• Denver, Colorado
31 Aug 12
Hello my friend Gifts, Yes, I've been there. Yes, I've done that. Congratulations! Something happens to us when we finally become our own person, independent of our children, and realize we have done all we can do to raise them to make proper choices. I'm very proud of you for reclaiming your life and stopping the manipulation. Now, the hard part will be sticking to it. You may go through some times when you wish you gave in to her, but I assure you, giving in to her is not the answer. Just affirm to yourself daily that you are letting go of her by allowing her to handle her own problems without you making things difficult for yourself or trying to make them difficult for her. Both of you can survive and grow from the experience. Whether she spends the money the way you want or not, the money is not yours nor is it your responsibility to determine what is correct for her. It is your job to love her from afar and let her make her own mistakes. Sometimes, in the long run, her mistakes are lessons she needs and can only learn from making the mistake. I do have one suggestion. You might try suggesting to her next time that she talk to an abuse counselor or join a support group for abused women. Perhaps IF she would do that it will help her get the courage to let go of the boyfriend. Despite what she says about her fear of what he will do, she is just as afraid of what she will do. You can say something like, "I've heard there are groups out there of women who get together to lend support to each other in abusive situations. You might try to hook-up with one of those groups." If she is interested the welfare counselors can usually tell you what is available for that type of thing. What she does after that is her decision. She may not even do it for a long time, but trust me, she will remember it. Remember, I've been through this, and I know it is the hardest thing for a mom to do. Love you and support you, keep on hanging tough.