You're partner hanging out with an ex boyfriend/girlfriend, what would you do?
By Blondie2222
@Blondie2222 (28611)
United States
September 4, 2012 5:21pm CST
Would you be mad if your partner hangs out with their ex? I believe that an ex is an ex for a reason, why should you still want to hang out with them? I can see if you still talk to them if there's a child involved but if there's not then why continue the friendship etc? What if your boyfriend brings up his ex quite frequent when you guys our hanging out, like oh i just got a text from my ex or my ex wants me to drive her somewhere etc etc. Would you be mad or would you let him do it? I'm having an issue right now with my boyfriend that he's still talking to his one ex and she lives in the same town we do, I don't know her personally. But he talks about her quite often and just recently she asked him to drive her an hour away to a friends house, but i dont trust the girl because he went to her house a few months back to fix her computer ( i didn't know til after the fact) and she tried things on him to sleep with him and he says he did nothing but i wasn't there to see it for myself. I trust him but i know he still has feelings for her in a way he said so himself at one point. Whether that change or not i have no clue.
How would you feel if your partner did this? It hurts me because of my past relationships, my last boyfriend before the one I have now always lied to me and he would use my car to go see his ex girlfriend and slept with her behind my back. Then 8 months into our relationship is when he decided to tell me because the girl ended up pregnant. So I am very conscious about boyfriends hanging out with their ex. What would you do if you were me? I need some advice, thanks.
1 person likes this
13 responses
@vanessa11 (296)
• Philippines
4 Sep 12
From what I see, that's not good. If I were you, I would have a serious talk with bf. It's like you're on the same situation you had from your last boyfriend (get rid of the lying part, 'cause I'm not sure if your present bf already lied to your or not).
Well some of my friends are still good friends with their ex bf/gf. But to the point that the girl would ask your bf to drive her and another one is that ask your bf to fix her computer is just too much. I can sense that the girl wants your bf back.
So have a good talk with your boyfriend, clear things out.
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
4 Sep 12
I am talking to him he's not understanding where i am coming from. He doesn't see whats wrong with talking to or hanging out with an ex.
@katieMaldita (14)
• Philippines
5 Sep 12
I experienced that also. When i got mad with my partner because of him talking with his ex, crap, he got mad with me too.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
5 Sep 12
Why should she talk to her bf? It's the girl she should talk to first and foremost. She should speak to both of them at the same time. Yes it's his fault that he didn't tell her about the incident tip AFTER it happened but it talks two and two to do it.
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
6 Sep 12
Seems that you are so prone with guys who is fond of communicating with exes.
My opinion there is you really have the reason to be mad at all. Hanging out with ex is very unethical and as for me if they are already ex then they shouldn't be friends at all or even communicating with each other. More so they don't have responsibilities to each other like a guy should refused if the ex is asking to drive her home no matter if it could be safe or not. My point of view there is they must considered each other as strangers already.
In your case if I am only in your shoes then what I can do is to tell that girl that she must have self respect and sense of decency why is she asking for intimate things from her ex? Is she a pick up girl out there that she is looking for something long thing to eat? For sure that girl is still trying to win back her ex which is your boyfriend now. As for your boyfriend you really have to talk with him and if you can fight just do it. You can also say that as part of respect your boyfriend should not meet his ex because hanging out with her is like a hidden date. It is like your boyfriend is now paddling into two rivers. Now just say that you can leave him or end it if he continues that.
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
6 Sep 12
I have talked to him and he is ignoring the fact that it upsets me he helps his ex gf and does things for her, he says there's no problem with helping out a friend. Well ok that may be the case but it still makes me uncomfortable knowing she is an ex and she still has feelings for her. Him and i will be together for 1 yr 6 months this month and he knows my past and what i been thru in life but i don't think he's respecting my feelings. It is aggravating me i don't want to leave him we have become serious and talking about getting a place together and all. But if this continues i don't know how much more i can take. I just can't deal with exes.
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
6 Sep 12
For me, your being lenient made him do what he did. if i were on your shoes i would have not done that. probably only once but just that yinstance then i would set boundaries or limits. being loving kind and understanding depends on the situation. I would not mask my annoyance. If he wants to be with her then he should go be with his ex. Girl, you should know your self worth. If you cannot value yourself, how can others see your own value. You deserve better than that. And i know you are capable of finding someone who deserves the love you can give.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
4 Sep 12
I do not accept that at all, they can send emails if they are friends on birthdays but that's it. If she was bad to him it's even worse, like the last one I made him cut her from his life, he didn't realize yet how she saw him but as a woman I knew and she had no respect for me. I don't get close to ex-boyfriends without the new one not even asking, and expect exactly the same.
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
4 Sep 12
I been confronting him about it, he does understand a bit where i am coming from because of my past but he doesn't understand why i'm so mad about him helping out an ex? I don't know how to explain it anymore then i have to him. Getting frustrated.
@joneilromana (226)
• Philippines
4 Sep 12
If I were you. I would confront the guy of what you feel. He should know what you felt and why you are feeling that way. If he really loves you he himself would stay away from that girl. Even I, If I were in your situation I'll be jealous, you are his girlfriend now. Not her, he should not prioritize her, it should be you. I would also be scared of the fact that it happened to me before, I know it is not a guarantee that it would happen to me again. But of course. I would be scared that it would happen to me again. Anyway, Just confront him. That's what I'd do.
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
4 Sep 12
I been confronting him about it, he does understand a bit where i am coming from because of my past but he doesn't understand why i'm so mad about him helping out an ex? I don't know how to explain it anymore then i have to him. Getting frustrated.
@Nessessita (8)
•
5 Sep 12
A big NO..Your boyfriend shouldnt even have kept the number of his ex Period! It should be YOU now..Your boyfriend has to respect that you both have a commitment..And he should not do the things that would make you feel insecure and would make you feel jealous..I have been there and I so hate that feeling..If your boyfriend keeps on telling you about his ex..he is so focused on that girl..He should be focusing on YOU!!! Simple..Tell your boyfriend that you dont like him hanging out with his ex..and if he obeys you he loves you but if he doesnt tell him bye bye..
@Blondie2222 (28611)
• United States
5 Sep 12
I told my boyfriend i don't like how he hangs out with his ex alone because i'm insecure about that stuff because of my last relationship. He says there's no problem with him helping out his ex and hanging out with her. He says all exes have feelings for each other and i don't believe that. He's not respecting my feelings at all. He says he loves me and he wouldn't cheat but I still don't like the fact he would go hang out with her.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
5 Sep 12
On the one hand you are right that an ex is an ex for a reason. On the other hand I have to say that I see no harm in having a friendship with an ex. In fact, I just got a text from mine right before I started this response. We did not have any contact with each other at all for over nine years, but we have been talking again for a year and we are great friends. I was just checking in on him since his girlfriend is expecting any day now.
I know that there have been some times that my husband has felt threatened by D, but that is not so much the case now because they have found they have a lot in common.
So, from my experience I have to say that there is no harm in being friends with an ex as long as you do not hide things about that relationship with your current partner.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
5 Sep 12
While it is okay to be friends with an ex, I think that we should also give a little distance from them just to give our partnets the reaasurance that our ex no longer matter ti us. I would be furious if my boyfriend would be talkibg about her all the time.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
5 Sep 12
I would let him do whatever he wants. I'd rather have him tell me IF anything happened then have it come from someone else's mouth. I mean there is a big loophole from a bf to an actuall husband. A boyfriend; the way I see it-he has no strings attached in any way except ur special to him. A married couple is different than that. If there is an ex an they split without bitterness than I think it's ok. Just as long as u trust one another. now if u don't trust the chick....then maybe u need to get up in her face and lay down the golden rule. Be like he can take u(or not) but I'm coming with u. And if she has a problem with that tell her to take a bus or find another way. However don't try to keep him away from her, the more u do the more it's gonna make him want to get closer to her and u do not want that. Trust me I have been there and done it.
I had a really hot man once and he met this girl that he was into but he didn't know how old she was or anything. Then he and I hit it off and I was nothing like this girl he was into. So like after a few months we were at the local swimming pool and he saw her there and he told me. He said lets go, there's that girl. So we left and a few days later they were together and I didn't know. But I was still his friend. I tried to keep him away by giving him more a$$, I went everywhere he went.
So if this guy really loves u then he would ask u to come with him. If he doesn't ask u....u said u trust him but not her. Talk to her. Anyways I hope this helps :)
@mac0308 (24)
• Philippines
5 Sep 12
If i were in your situation I'd be mad at him to be honest, but you can't just be mad without talking to him about how you feel with what he is doing.
Talk to him and tell him everything. He's not respecting you if he continue to get in touch with his ex. He must be considerate about your feelings.
Be open, but don't nag even if you are mad. You'll just drive him away if you do.
Goodluck!
@katieMaldita (14)
• Philippines
5 Sep 12
I would mind that. It would hurt me if i knew that my partner still talks to his ex. It is normal, in my own perspective, if we get jelous on things like that.
@safwan0012 (117)
•
5 Sep 12
what do you mean by partner.if he is my life partner then yes.because i think life partners should be loyal to each other.as the other expacts me too be loyal then he too should be loyal to me.if not then i must ask him what the problem is.if he is nott happy then i will insist on seprations.if there is something other else then i would ty to solve it.
