Who decides your happiness?
By betterdays
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
Philippines
September 8, 2012 2:20am CST
I ask this question because I believe when it comes to being happy, there are always other people who comes along which challenges this concept of being happy. You will meet people who would have many negative opinions about you and try to make you feel bad about yourself. There are others who really make things hard for you for one reason or the other. There are people who likes you, but there would also be those who don't and would not even have seconds thoughts of showing it in your face. In short, would you allow these people or circumstances to make you unhappy? If one's happiness is dependent on how others look at him or her, then I would say there won't be happiness at all because life is full of imperfections including people. So I want to ask, if this is the case what would be the right kind of attitude to adopt in face of people who tries to make happiness difficult for you?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
8 Sep 12
Life is not easy. No matter how much you make yourself lovable, there will always be people that would judge you and try to put you down. But this should not cause you to stop believing that even without them, you can just do great things on your own and make yourself happy either with or without their existence.
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
8 Sep 12
That is a very good reminder, jenny. It is really better to have your own opinion about yourself better than other's opinion about you. Anyway, what if we can't avoid those people who doesn't give you positive feedback and you have to live with them often or once in a while, what adjustments can we do or what attitude is good to adopt?
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
8 Sep 12
I am actually surrounded with those kinds of people. sonetimes i just ignore them. i only talj back if they are hitting me below the belt. i don't cate who they are for as long as i can tell them shat i want them to know. it is not easy coz they have become " family" , but whyl should i toerate being bad mouthed and all?
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
Yes, I think most of the time ignoring would be the best way to response because when you responded with negative remarks yourself, things would only get worst. One way i deal with this is to pretend as if nothing is being said against you, as if you don't hear a thing and take no notice of the words being said ( I mean, not putting meaning and emotions to the words spoken or not analyzing them ). That way, I have more peace of mind and comes understanding that these people are not perfect and that it is the imperfect part of them that is speaking. It's not easy all the time, but the more you ignore the easier it is to forget and let go.
@melissa14344 (211)
• Philippines
8 Sep 12
True peace and happiness go hand in hand. And I believe that it should come from within ourselves. Though people might affect your happiness negatively, we should learn to shield ourselves from that. What I do If I feel like someone is robbing me of my happiness is to divert my attention away from them. Focus on a more pleasant thought. Meditate on the Word of God. By doing these things, I get to retain my happiness and my peace.
I believe that our environment doesn't define who we are.. Not even our past or our circumstances in life. It's God who defines us.
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
These are very good suggestions, melissa. I believe distracting oneself is one of the best ways of not focusing on the negativity of the present moment. Meditation and simply doing other things that are more worthwhile or simply things that you enjoy would distract one from those disturbing thoughts. Yes, and reading the Bible and other spiritual books or booklets would be sure ways of finding comfort and consolation. Sometimes I think we need to remember the more important things in life like our spirituality and our relationship with God.
You said it well when you said that our environment doesn't define who we are. I like that very much! And if it is God who defines who we are, it would only follow that seeking him more would be the best thing to do. I hope all of us find that peace that only God can give and that the world cannot shake.
@melissa14344 (211)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
That's right. Doing this is not easy. It is a conscious thing that we need to be reminded of every time we are being bombarded by negativities around us. When we find ourselves affected by peopple or events negatively, let us do remind ourselves of the truth that we are loved and accepted by God himself. And happiness comes from HIm alone. :D
@eagletrek2 (5499)
• Kingston, New York
8 Sep 12
Hi the right kind of attitude is to
smile in there face and ingore them
happiness can be a mind set
just what would make you happy
just think about it even if it never
happen say you win the lottery and got
devorse the same day how would you feel?
just think about stuff that make you happy
that how i do it ok have agood day.
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
The search for happiness and contentment...everyone's dream :D
I guess where we focus our minds, that is where we would be going. Focus on happy thoughts and it would lead us to happiness. Focus on the opposite and it leads to negativity. How powerful our minds and thoughts are.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
8 Sep 12
Hi friend, i think our happiness lies with in us, if i am not comfortable with some people, i will move from that place, what is the need to spoil my happiness due to other persons? it is really hard to change a person without their willingness, i am the person to decide my happiness as well as my kids have the ability to increase my happiness
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
Yes, I would also do the same. Why stay with someone who could spoil your day? Then it's best to look for those people worth spending time with, those who loves you and really cares for you...and to most people it would be their family or closest friends.
@jellsiguenza (147)
• Philippines
11 Sep 12
Happiness is within ourselves. Don't let anyone affect you negatively. If you receive negative comments regarding you, it is best for you to take it as a constructive criticism. If you think that they are wrong, then it would be better to ignore it. If you happen to encounter such people, act normally. You don't have to please anybody. By that the message is clear that you don't care whatever they thought about you. Maybe those people envy you in so many ways that is why they want to ruin your happiness. So simply ignore them and stay happy. As long as you are contented of who you are, what you are and what you have I think that is a very good reason to be happy.:)
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
Well said jellsiguenza, and it's a good thing you pointed out that some people are simply envious of you so that could be one possible reason why they say negative things about you. This means that in many cases, it is not you who is the problem but them. So I think it's important to know yourself well, so that you wouldn't be affected at all what others say and also knowing the intentions of why they say things is also important to keep in mind. If you knew their intentions, it would be easier to understand the totality of the situation and react more intelligently.
@xiaopinggai (483)
• China
8 Sep 12
Well,i was a unhappy girl before,because i care much about others.
Such as what they thought about me,if i did something what would they responsed to,or whether they accepted me once i talked too much and so on.
Those things drove me crazy,everyday for me was so difficult to get though.
However,with the time flies,i changed my attitude ,and the people who hurt me before helped me overcome the bad habits.
I have to say be ourselves is the key to be happy.
1 person likes this
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
I was the same when I was younger...always easily hurt by what others think or say about me. I used to be a very sensitive person too, but when I also get older I learned how to take other people's opinions less seriously. When we learn that life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect and we ourselves are not perfect, then this understanding helps us to be more forgiving with others. I would agree that it's important to be ourself and also to love ourself, that way it would be easier to love others as well.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
16 Sep 12
Some people cant stand to see others happy , especially when they are not happy . People will hurt even their own chance of happiness to tear you down . I have learn to not make people like that phase me , whenever they try I would just tell them they are just bitter .
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
You pointed out well that people who are unhappy tends to look for other people to bother, because usually they don't find peace within themselves. So I believe the solution for these people is to try to find peace within themselves by seeking God more and accepting reality with calmness.
Now for us who would be affected by them, I believe our responsibility to ourselves is to find the best way possible to be the least affected by them. One good way I try often which works most of the time is to show the good sides of these people and tell it to them consistently. That way they get the feeling that you like them and it's hard for any person no matter how bad we think they are not to change their ways with you when you treat them well. It's not easy but I believe it is doable as I have shown in my own experiences.
@surekharathi (14146)
• India
17 Sep 12
God decides my happiness no other person. Sometime happy life and some time unhappy life means balance are good.
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
Good answer, surekharathi. I find that when I trust my life to God fully, then I find my contentment. When I am in situations that I dislike, when I surrender that discomfort to God I immediately feel better. Yes, I believe in finding happiness in God's will as the best deciding factor for being happy.
@STOUTjodee (3572)
• United States
20 Sep 12
Your own happiness is dependent on yourself. Sure, people and things can MAKE you happy, but that is your choice. If someone puts you down or makes fun of you, that's probably because they're not happy with themselves. People that aren't happy with themselves like to bring other people down, then that makes them happy. I try to steer away from people who try to bring me down, because then I have to work hard at bringing myself up from their level.
@BetterDays4Me (3777)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
I agree with most of what you said, STOUTjodee, except for one when you said when those unhappy people successfully bring others then then they become happy. I believe they stay unhappy because they are always looking at the negative things from others that they have no chance to focus on the positive. When a person is always or often negative, I would say happiness would be far away from that person because happiness is closely related to positivity.
