Tonight was not a good night for me.

United States
September 9, 2012 10:44pm CST
I was sitting here mylotting and then fear took over my body and I got paranoid that I could not be here alone.. i could not stop screaming and it felt like I could not breath. i soon could not take the fear anymore and my daughter called and she heard me and said she was on her way. but,she took too long and I then called my mother who got all frantic she thought something happened to my daughter. then I had no other choice but to leave the house because the feear was too great. The entire floor came out of their homes. and the lady three floors down came up in her wheel chair. The lady right across the hall took me to her house and i could not stop screaming. she was so sweet to me. I gave her my phone and she called my mom. then she opened her door so anyone coming to my house would know where I was. then soon adrain came and I said thank you can came home. I went through all this because I ran out of my medication. so,he came in and looked all over for some medication for me. all I had was the empty bottle. but,on my dresser he found a pill and it was the right one. I needed two and only had one. so,he made me go with him to drive kay home. then all of a sudden in the car I heard mans deep voice and i screamed and bust out crying. then adrian got so scared looking back thinking he hit someone. and kay was looking in the car for what evr I thought was there. ad she tried to calm me down. I came home and all I wanted to do is mop the floor that I already mopped. I needed him to go with me to the bathroom to take my shower. I also did something else that I am too shame to put here. i wish i could tell someone but they would never forget it and I am so shame already. i know i can't help it and I will be telling my doctor as well. I get my medication tomorow. but it is clear I need it adjusted or changed this fear is getting worse. I feel like giving up my place and moving in with adrian. but,the back of my head keeps saying no way because he has put me out before. does this kind of stuff make you think less about me? I don't want to lose any friends here but,I know I am not normal and i have mental problems but,I try my best to make it in this world. I thought today if i could just pray to god and he let me just die. I can't keep living like this.
1 person likes this
12 responses
• United States
10 Sep 12
You definitely need to see your doctor. It doesn't sound like the medication and or dosage it right for you. There are some meds for depression and anxiety than can make you see things that aren't there, cause more fear that what you experience already or just doesn't agree with your system at all. My Dad was never sick a day in his life. Then one day he had heart problems out of the blue and needed emergency heart surgery. One of the medications that they gave him to control his heart rate was okay until he caught a cold. Then he started seeing things and talking to people in the middle of the night and no one was there. Once off that medication and onto another it stopped immediately. Your situation is a little more involved than his was but it goes to show that the wrong medicine can make things worse. What is good for one with one condition isn't always the right one for another person with the same condition. Another thing, I take medication daily too. Thyroid, heart and reflux. If I run out of the thyroid medication or miss 4 days in a row I won't be alive to tell the story. Actually I did forget to renew the prescription once and remembered 2 days later and all my systems started shutting down. It was almost iffy that I recover from it. Now I always renew my medications at least three days early. If I get it the day I call it in I put those three days of pills away in another place and don't touch them. That is just in case of an emergency. When I get my new prescription I take out 3 days worth and swap it with the older pills hidden away so that they are always no more than 27-30 days old. Then if something happens like you forget, there is a holiday or the pharmacist has to call the doctor which holds things up for a day or two you will have your medication on hand in that emergency bottle. Just something to think about. Just make sure you see the doctor and not just talk on the phone with him. He really should check you and change what you are taking. What you are experiencing is not normal at all and it just may be the wrong medication right now. We can take something for a period of time and then it stops working. Or after days, weeks, months or years it no longer agrees with you. This can happen and a new prescription needs to be written out for a new medication. Hope you have a calm night and can sleep though without incident.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 12
I will find out in one week if I have to go back on thyroid medication. I was taking synthroid and it was fine just caused me to gain weight. That would send me over the edge being I lost over 100 pounds. I just hope the blood work shows no need to take those meds.
• United States
10 Sep 12
With this medication I am taking I am able to go outside at night. ride in cars and even drive. I am just going to ask that he up the dose so the paranoia will go away. I can't live like this much longer. it makes me so mad to constantly have to call someone to sleep over my house. I was doing so well until i moved in this apartment. I don't know what it is either. The place is wonderful and there is nothing wrong with it. I can't explain the sadness I feel being here alone. I wish my daughter could move back in with me. but,she is not a organized person and it would make my nerves worse. I am glad your dad is doing better. as well. adrain had a stroke,open heart surgery,a heart attack,and something else an he is only 46. can you imagine going through all that.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Sep 12
I originally was on synthroid and now take levothyroxin. It is the generic name for it but agrees with me better for some reason. Hope you aren't taking Paxil, that does cause hallucinations in many patients for some reason. Thyroid medication won't cause you to gain weight. An under active thyroid will do that. The medication just balances your hormones so you can maintain life normally. If your dosage was too high or too low you could gain or lose weight. The pill itself won't do that if you are on the right dosage. That was a lot to go through for someone so young. And although it is nice to rely on Adrian it also must be hard calling him knowing his medical condition and not wanting him to worry or cause him stress either. Maybe you have to try and give yourself a mind set. You may live there alone but you aren't really alone. Adrian and your daughter are a call away and close by too whenever you need them. If you think about being alone a lot it will work against you. You have things to occupy yourself with, TV, radio and the phone so you can be in contact with people of one form or another and there are neighbors. Maybe you can get together for coffee, tea or juice an evening or two and just char or work on a craft together. The more you get involved the better. You may just need to get out more and spend less time home cleaning and worrying.
2 people like this
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
10 Sep 12
I'm going to say no I'm not going to think of you any less and I don't think that anyone else should feel any less about you as well. I'm sorry you are going through that and I hope that you eventually get your meds and see your doctor. Don't give up on yourself. Praying for you.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 12
I have my medication now and it is all going to be alright.
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
10 Sep 12
I'm glad you have your medication and you are doing better. I hope your day today is much better.
@SarahAlyx (181)
• United States
10 Sep 12
Everybody has their own problems, it shouldn't make anybody think less of you because you are who you are and the way you are.. You can't judge anybody until you've walked a mile in their shoes to see their day to day struggles. That's my opinion on it, but unfortunately not everybody is open minded.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 12
I see your new here.. welcome to mylot. I do hope you like it here. I am glad to read your response. it makes me very happy to know you feel this way. I just wish I could see the doctor tomorrow. have a great night.
• United States
14 Oct 12
Yes, fairly new lol and thank you. Gotta keep an open mind or else you might shut out things that hold more opportunities than you might think. Keeping an open mind and an open eye I believe is one of the best things people could do for themselves and others.
10 Sep 12
hey, you sound really dishearted. What makes you get scared too much? Did you thought about changing home, its ok sometimes it happens, sometimes something happened that you can't change about you. Friends doesn't leave people on things like this, whenever you feel scared skype with your friends, get out of home or get on call with someone.Don't think someone will think less about you. I hope yu get ok, don't just loose hope about life.:), stay happy.
• United States
10 Sep 12
I know I should not feel this way but,it is something i can't control. I don't want to feel like this as I get older either. thanks.
• Philippines
10 Sep 12
Oh, don't ever think of giving up your life. All you have to do is buy your medicine and don't forget to take them on time. A lof people are undergoing that problem too and they're even worse. I always read your discussions, comments and responses and I guess you are normal. I love what you write. Don't you ever think that you are abnormal. Maybe it's just the effect of your medicine. Be stronger. I hope you'll feel better soon. Happy mylotting.
• United States
10 Sep 12
I feel better now that I am on the medication.. thanks so much.
@Blondie2222 (21399)
• United States
10 Sep 12
Everybody has problems in their life it's just a freak accident that happens. Atleast you had the support of you're neighbors to help you in this time and you're family to come to you're rescue as well. But yes most def i would get more medication or have them change you to something differen't. Atleast nothing to serious happened to you, we wouldn't want to lose you here on my lot you're a great friend and I love reading about you're life and helping you out whenever possible. Good luck with everything and the sooner you see you're doctor the better.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 12
I need it adjusted because I only have enough for one dose. I will see him this week for a different amount. thanks
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
10 Sep 12
I am very sorry this happened to you. My ex used to have similar episodes. Took a lot of medication changes to stop this from happening. I saw another myLot user already mention this, but your medicine is really important. You can not afford to miss a day for any reason. My ex once missed 1 does of the medication he was on and opened his car door on the highway and attempted to jump out. He just forgot to take it.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 12
I was going to run my car through a store window. then something reminded me my daughter was with me. I jumped out of the car and went in a store till that feeling went away..
• Philippines
10 Sep 12
The condition you have right now is not easy. You should really see your doctor, discuss whatever you are feeling so that your doctor would know whatever you just need. Don't feel too bad about yourself. Everybody has problems. Just always pray to God to drive out your fears and keep you strong. I don't think you'll lose your friends here at MyLot. People here are very nice and they would understand your situation.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 12
I am glad you feel this way too. It makes the world of differance when someone can say something and make you feel like being around longer. I am going to go read a page in the bible and take my pills and go to bed. welcome to mylot and I hope you have a great night. take care.
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
10 Sep 12
for me too,it was really horrible,toiled with work,but yours is a different case,you were in a spot and hope you forget those awkward moments
1 person likes this
@asliah (11149)
• Philippines
11 Nov 12
hi, there were nights that makes me sick or making me irritating that caused me alive in the middle of the evening like my asthma if it will attack me usually in the evening,and thanks for my Ventolin because it will help me to breath and sleep well too.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
12 Sep 12
Honey, you had an anxiety attack and the fact that you experienced this does not make me think any less of you. In fact, the fact that you have acknowledged the fact that you do have mental problems and you are getting treatment for the problems that you have is something that makes me think more of you. The reason that I say this is because of the fact that there are so many people that suffer from a mental illness of some type that always deny that they have a problem and never seek treatment for it.
@shaggin (36622)
• United States
11 Sep 12
Wow that is so sad you had to go through all that because you ran out of medication. When that happens and a pharmacy isnt open or your prescription runs out and you dont have a refill you can go to the emergency room and they will give you medication usually a few days worth at least. I ran out of meds once and the doctors office I go to didnt even respond to my calls when I told them I felt like I was going to kill myself because they didnt call in my meds and I was out. I had to go to the er finally and they called the doctors office who admitted it was their fault and called in my meds for me. I hate the health care around here its terrible. I am so glad you have you got your meds and hope you are feeling better today.