Sister in law won't talk to me anymore and I don't feel like trying anymore

@kemak28 (738)
United States
September 12, 2012 12:54pm CST
My sister in law (my brother's husband's wife) will no longer talk to me or be friendly. They live very close to us and the four of us would always get together each week for dinner and drinks. They have been married a year now. So everything was fine up until a few months ago. In January her Dad passed away and then she had a baby in April. Realizing that she's been through a lot these past months we gave her the benefit of the doubt and have tried to be supportive. They didn't have a typical funeral for her dad and instead had a party at her mom's house to celebrate his life. We were invited which I was surprised about since we had only met him once or twice but it was nice that we were included. We didn't go because they said no kids and we couldn't find a babysitter and it was out of town so it would have been an overnight thing. We explained that and my husband's brother seemed to understand but she freaked out. We sent flowers to her, her mom, her sister, brought over meals, etc. since we couldn't go but that didn't seem to help. We thought in time she would get better but she is still very cold towards us. I kept trying at the beginning of the summer, inviting her and her baby over or asking to come over there for us to get together, or ask her if she wanted baby clothes, toys, etc.. but her texted responses were very cold and one answered. So I gave up and haven't tried or really spoken to her since even though we run into eachother occasionally at family functions or parties. Part of me feels guilty like I should keep trying but then part of me is just tired of it. I hear from others she has been the same with them so I know it's not just me. But it's hard since she's "family".
8 responses
• India
13 Sep 12
She will talk to you soon. No worries. Ok.
@thanks1961 (7049)
• India
13 Sep 12
Sometimes it is practically difficult to keep everyone happy and here is the best example for the same. As long as you are not an error-ed person, you need not worry. It is some people's nature and we are helpless and the 'time' will correct it. Also, there may be some thing or other in her mind or someone must have told something wrong about you or she may not like something what you did/said to her. How someone can simply behave like this. So, for the time being, as log as you are good with her, don't misbehave or show anything extra ordinary or don't react much on this issue. Once she will realise what you are, they you will get a chance to be justified. And also, if your brother is good enough to understand you and your position, he has to take proper initiative to keep a strong relationship between family members.
• Singapore
13 Sep 12
I understand your feeling and you already do very well as a sister. Since she is going through a very tough time, it's the time to show your support. So try to contact with her and I believe you can break the ice between you two. After this time, she will finial realize you are the person who support her all the way.
• Greece
13 Sep 12
Give her time, it sounds as though she has several issues to work through. As they live close to you why not just drop in with some flowers? If she is down they wi ll cheer her up. Texting can be cold and easily misunderstood, especially if she is feeling sensitive at present. It is worth making the effort for your brother's sake. Loyalty to his wife may be keeping him from sharing his feelings over this situation, so he cannot help you with this. If you manage to break the ice on this one it may make all the difference to others in the family. I think you can do it...
@mikyung (2234)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
I feel really bad especially when we are talking about problems regarding relationships with our relatives. though we can't really avoid those indifferences becasue we are all unique and has different levels and different perspectives. Hope everything will turn out fine between you and your inlaws. Thanks
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
12 Sep 12
I could understand your situation and feelings. But since you've stated your part from the start and you've been trying to patch up some misunderstanding but still it didn't work. I guess it's not your fault when she keep herself a distant. I know it's really hard since she is your brother's wife- but her attitude is too immature. She knows you did your part, but still she's not understanding your part. Just treat her the same way and don't exert too much anymore as long as you are not showing her disrespect.
• Philippines
12 Sep 12
Sooner or later, she will realize that what she's been doing is wrong. Right now, she must be still thinking of his dad. She couldn't let him go so that's why she let herself turned into a cold-hearted person. She won't survive if she'll continue that bad attitude. She's a family so she needs to open up with you but instead, she's isolating herself to you. That's really bad. Give her a break. Just wait, maybe one day, she'd start talking to you normally again. Thanks for sharing and happy mylotting.
• United States
12 Sep 12
I have to wonder if perhaps she is having some depression issues. Its hard to loose a loved one then on top of that having a baby. I would say keep trying she may be fighting with her own demons so to speak. The fact that she is being like that with others would make me think even more that its depression. She has isolated her self and maybe the thing she needs the most is for some one to just come over and spend time with her. Being a new parent is never easy and some times as a new parent the last thing that you want to do is load up all that you will need just to go and visit for a few hours. Give her the benefit of the doubt and keep trying. She may be in need of help and does not know how to get it. Some times people are embarassed by depression. Good luck and I hope that she comes around.