To what extent should the in-law family meddle in husband-wife relationship?

Malaysia
September 14, 2012 10:43pm CST
I know a couple who is truly in love. They're very happy together and managed to overcome a few crises in their marriage and at present, still very much in love with each other. They're not perfect, they have their ups and downs just like any relationships out there. But the husband's family is always painting a bad picture about the daughter-in-law. This happened even from the beginning of their marriage. The mother, sisters and brothers in law (husband's side) always have something to complain about the daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law, R, who is my friend is a good person. She always tries her best to impress her husband's family, even if she knows it is not appreciated. R is aware that her in-laws are not being reasonable to her. But she tries to keep a low profile and also keep a little distance from them. But recently something really bad happened and it really hurt her so much to the point that she would not tolerate them bullying her anymore. What do you think mylotters? How to deal with in-laws who think themselves as being always superior and immaculate?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
15 Sep 12
I think your friend R's husband is a wimp, and needs to have another man come by and smack him across the face. It his HIS *DUTY* to protect his wife, even from his parents. R, can not deal with this issue. His parents will not listen to R. There is nothing she can do. It is her husband who need to stand up and defend his family, his wife, his mate for life. He needs to grow a spine, and stand up to his parents, and finish this issue completely. Either that, or he need to admit that his a complete incompetent coward who won't even defend his wife, and needs to divorce her so she can go find a real man worthy of being loved. Find some man who isn't a boy, and actually has a backbone, and can stand up straight. I'm just a little disgusted by how pathetic this man is. I feel very sorry that this woman R accidentally married a 'boy' who ended up being immature and worthless to defend her. It's very sad. I feel badly for her.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Sep 12
I agree with you Andy. A man needs to be a real MAN! When he married R, he promised to protect her. So, he should keep his word. He should stand up for his wife, scold his family, tell them to respect her because she is his wife, the woman that he loves. It doesn't sound that hard when all he needs to do is to make everything clear to his family, right?
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
15 Sep 12
All true, but make no mistake that it is hard. It's very hard. Possibly one of the top 5 hardest things to do in life, is to confront your own parents. Don't take this lightly. I totally sympathize with the struggle of telling off his parents. But he still has to do this, or it will ruin him for years to come. You are either a man, or a boy, and he has to make the choice. I had to do this myself, although not about my wife. After I moved out of my parents house, my mother still treated me like I was her 10-year-old boy living at home. One day she called me up because I had not done something she demanded I do. After yelling angrily at me over the phone, I finally told her that if she didn't stop this, I would pack up, move to some place she didn't know, cancel this phone, and disappear from her life forever. And I meant every word. After that, she *asked* me if I could do something, and if I said 'no' she accepted that. Things improved from there. Every man has to cut his dependence from his parents. Some cultures this is many times harder. But it must be done.
• Malaysia
15 Sep 12
Yea, life is not easy. Dealing with our loved ones is one of the difficulties in our life. But R's husband has to do it, he has to grow up, think and act like a man.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
15 Sep 12
To what extent? NONE!! When people get married, they marry EACH OTHER, NOT either person's parents, not their siblings, not their other relatives. Those other people really have no say and should keep their mouths shut. It's very disrespectful for family of a couple to interfere. I get really HOT over this because I see too many people just grin and bear it, or let it go, and get bullied for YEARS. It stinks! STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES! I would tell people that my inlaws are rude and disrespectful, and not to ever take them seriously. I would also expect my husband to SAY something to them and to have my back if there was ever any question. I would not bother to impress them or even be nice if they were going to treat me in that manner. In my opinion, THEIR opinion doesn't matter because they really have nothing to do with my relationship with my husband, they have their own lives so they should check in there and mind their own business. It would probably be best for the couple to cut them off. If his family wants a relationship with him, they have to be respectful and accepting of his wife or they can go take a hike off a pier. Sorry, I get REALLY irked about how stupid 'family' thinks they are allowed to act when they have NO SAY and NO RIGHT.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
15 Sep 12
I would NEVER interfere with my kids' significant others, my siblings' significant others, or have a fit about my parents' decisions in their personal relationship. Therefore, I EXPECT all of those people to have the same respect for MY personal relationships. EXPECT. I don't encourage nor assume they will, I EXPECT it, and I protect that fiercely. So should all of you!
@ShyBear88 (17179)
• United States
15 Sep 12
I keep away from them and just dont see them or talk to them.
• Malaysia
15 Sep 12
It is not easy. The in-laws like to have gathering sometimes. So, if she completely avoid them, it'll be too obvious. But I think R should do that if she wants to be healthy. She is very depressed about this and I think it's affecting her health.
• United States
15 Sep 12
As far as I'm concerned in-laws should only meddle in a relationship if it is an abusive one(or anything along those lines). But when they meddle in everyday things, and situations where it really should only be a husband and wife's busines, then they should stay out of it. It is HIGHLY annoying when people bully and try to get in other people's business.
• Malaysia
15 Sep 12
I agree with you Lily. In other words, if the couple is happy, if they don't seek for in-laws help means they are ok and should be left alone. In-laws are very annoying when they on and off try to instigate the husband to hate or find fault with the wife.
@trisha27 (3505)
• United States
25 Sep 12
I don't think that in-laws should meddle into the relationship at all unless it is abusive. I don't think that the couple should bring the family members into any type of argument they may have amongst themselves either, because then that would give reason for the family members to not like them even more. A argument should be between the husband and a wife and it should be settled between the two of them and not them and the rest of the family. That may be why the family may not like her as much because her husband keeps on going to his family with their problems and telling them what she is doing and not even giving both sides of the story. That's just my opinion.