Friend wont listen

September 16, 2012 12:27pm CST
What do you do when your friend is entered into a relationship that is completely toxic but they seem oblivious to the damage it is doing and will do to them. The situation is like this. My friend came home and said she was going to go out with this guy. I asked her a few questions about him, and to me it sounded a bit dodge from the outset, so I do a little googleing to find out the background of this guy. I found out - very easily I might add, that this guy has done courses on how to pick up, and seduce women. He idolises men that are complete players and even reads books on the topic of getting your way with women. He has a twitter account that is full of sexist and degrading comments to women. The information that I can find out about him does not seem to match the information that he has told my friend. Anyway, every person that knows my friend and has met this guy has told her that she should stop seeing this guy immediately and that he is just a player and that she is going to get hurt - but do you think she has listened to anything - No. Now we are a few months on. The only time she sees him is between the hours of 11pm and 6am. Another friend has questioned the guy as to whether there are other girls and he has not denied it. Not only this but he says they are not a couple where as my friend says they are. She is completely blind to the situation and what this guy is like. And she isn't some dumb bimbo that hooks up with any old guy. She has hardly had any boyfriends, she is quite sensible - usually, and normally has really good common sense - but it is like he has put a spell on her. I have stopped saying anything now due to the fact that she is paying no attention to anyone - But WHAT SHOULD I DO?
1 person likes this
13 responses
16 Sep 12
hey, The only way you can save your friend is expose the guy, you can do that in many ways, make a fake id get along with that guy, and see to what extent he goes with you and do this without exposing yourself, and when you see the right time just present it in front of her. hope it workds, because i did the same thing with one of my friend who wis like yours and believely she is not ith him anymore and i am really happy that i saved her.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 12
I think it is high time you did nothing at all. she is a grown woman and has a good head on her shoulders. the bottom line is she chose the man she wants and he comes first. I sure know I would have shown her all the stuff I found as well. but,if then she chose to be around him I would leave her alone too.
1 person likes this
@riyauro (6428)
• India
16 Sep 12
Hi, I understand that you care about your friend and want to help her out of trouble which are likely to come in her life. But since she is not listening to anything or you, then you can't do much in this situation. she has to learn her lesson in hard way then. Just see what is happening and be informed but don't say anything to her. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
@Raine38 (9195)
• United States
16 Sep 12
I agree. As much as you want to protect her, there really is nothing much you can do when she isn't listening. Sometimes, experience is the best teacher. She needs to learn and this time it seems she have to learn it by herself and by committing a mistake. Just make her feel that no matter what happens, you're still her friend and will be there for her. You have done your part, the rest is all up to her.
17 Sep 12
I have gotten to the point where I am not saying anything. But it is really making me quite angry. And then she wants us to try and hang out with the guy and be friends with him, but I honestly don't want to see him - I am not sure that I could pretend to be ok with him and act all nice and civil. But at the moment I am taking your advice and letting her learn the lesson.
17 Sep 12
I have gotten to the point where I am not saying anything. But it is really making me quite angry. And then she wants us to try and hang out with the guy and be friends with him, but I honestly don't want to see him - I am not sure that I could pretend to be ok with him and act all nice and civil. But at the moment I am taking your advice and letting her learn the lesson.
• Indonesia
17 Sep 12
It's not easy to tell the truth to people who are in love. I do not know how you find facts about that guy, but if you can show that to your friend, it might be a little help to change her mind. However you can not force your friend to stay away from that guy, let her find out the truth about him. You can only warn, but do not force it because your friend may feel you do not want to see her happy.
@adnileb (5035)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
Continue what you do on how you advice her with that guy and just let her do what she wants to do. In the end, she'll be sorry for she didn't listen to you. But I hope that it wouldn't be too late for her. Just keep in touch with her and Keep reminding her. An you can show some proofs too of what you are saying against the guy so she will somewhat be awakened. Goodluck on dealing with her.
@natliegleb (5184)
• India
17 Sep 12
he is trying to be provocative and aggressive to you,so talk to him ,make him listen and also suggest things to him in a vigorous way
@rooftop (110)
• Malaysia
17 Sep 12
I think you have tried your best to make your friend see things about this guy but to no avail she heeds your words. If this guy is really bad as you said he is then your friend is gonna learn her lessons. What if this guy is really true to her? As a friend you have done your best part to warn her so its her choice and decision. I once had a collegue and I was like in a situation like yours. I told her that the guy was a playboy but she kinda ignored me entirely. Even stopped talking to me like I was the busybody. She married him and have 2 kids. I dont know much about her family life but i used to see them dining out ...
@marguicha (100537)
• Chile
17 Sep 12
Has she seen the web sites where you found out about him? If you have shown it to her and still she wants to keep on seeing him, there´s nothing much you can do. It´s her life, I know that you are afraid she will get very hurt, but everyone is entitled to make their own mistakes.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
Looks like your friend is going right into his trap. Now that your friend is in love with him, it will be difficult to let her see all of these things you have found out about him. What's worse is, you might end up fighting and she might tell you to stop meddling with your affairs. If I were put in that situation, I would go out of my way to follow the guy and see if he is really dating someone. Take a video or a picture of them and show it to your friend. It would be such a disheartening thing but at least it could save your friend from being so in love with a worthless guy.
@kheydia (883)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
That is a very difficult one, when one gets very inlove one gets hypnotise and doesn't care about the. World anymore they only think what they want to think... But before i could judge, haven't you ask your friend all the WHY's in the world you could think of? Do you know what her reasons are for having that relationship with that guy?... But whatever it is, it is important that you are there for her to be her firend whatever happens, because if you know better and she wont give heed, she would need a friend in the future..
• Thailand
16 Sep 12
Your such a very good friend, she must be very lucky to have you being there for her and care for her own good. You must not do anything more beyond what you have done now. I think it is enough that you already told her the right information she needs to know to reveal the real color of that man. Let her be the one to discover the truth behind her man, after all you already have done your part. If she did not listen to you it is not you fault anymore. Whenever she will cry one day because she did not believed you, just give your shoulder for her and listen. She must be in love with that guy, that she can't let anyone speak anything against that man. Don't worry time will tell and reveal the true motive of her guy, no secret that can't be come out in the future. She will know all about his playing games sooner or later.
@tetris15 (540)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
You can only so much, as a friend, for your friend, but still she has the power to decide on what to do with her life. You already showed your concern and it's totally up to her to learn what she has to learn in a hard way. We sometimes get blinded when we think we are in love with the person. Just continue to be her friend and no matter what happens, if she finds out the real truth about this guy or if in any chance she realizes that everything you told her is true, give her your shoulder to cry on.
@elsino91 (443)
• Poland
16 Sep 12
You need to show your friend how bad this guy is for her. Don't let her stay with him without actually seeing him for what he is. Telling her things isn't enough, she most likely doesn't believe you but a person can't ignore evidence. Actions speak louder than words right? Well show her the things you've found online about him and maybe find a way to record a conversation with him when he is admitting to what he's done and talking about other girls. This should be enough for her to see that you're telling the truth and not just trying to break them apart. Let her know you're really concerned about her and are doing this out of care for her, you're her friend.