I Love You Mom But...

@flapiz (4160)
Australia
September 18, 2012 8:23pm CST
I love my mom so much, but these days I feel really choked. My mom makes decisions for me. She commits my presence to someplace as judge without consulting me first. She decides my exercise time. She tells me to go to a doctor for a THIRD opinion and even sent some office mates of hers to accompany me. I told her I can do it myself. I am old enough to make decisions. I'm 21 turning 22. How could I tell my mom to let go of me a little as I am trying to show her I am capable of independence? I do not want to hurt her feelings though so I need some help.
2 people like this
9 responses
@kongno (434)
• Philippines
19 Sep 12
try to talk to your moms friend or her sister/brother, or you can also tell this problem to you dad if you can't say it directly to your mom, i believe they can more easily tell it to your mom in your behalf,..i hope for the best to both of you,..
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
19 Sep 12
I think it'd be better if we just talk it out the both of us than me telling her friends. But yup my dad could help me out. Thanks.
@kongno (434)
• Philippines
19 Sep 12
that was just my opinion for you to have some options, but of course if you believe that it would be better for the both of you to talk it over, the final decision is always yours,...
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
19 Sep 12
I know you were trying to give more options. And I do appreciate the options. Thank you for the help.
@adnileb (5017)
• Philippines
19 Sep 12
Hi there... You love your mom BUT... Hmmmm, don't you think your mom is too sweet? Well, yes TOO sweet that you are already getting choked. I think just let your mom do that. In time, it will fade. Maybe your mom is still in the middle of acceptance that you are not a kid anymore. But thinking on the brihter side, it is really sweet. Before, when I was at your age, I study far from our province. Gladly she let go of me. BUT SHE STAYED WITH ME FOR A FEW MONTHS. It was okay with me. And when she moved out, every time I went home on a vacation, she would be packing so many things for me to bring along. And finally when I graduated and had my own work, she would still be doing those things. One time, I told her in a nice jokingly way, "Mom, I am working already. I am not a student anymore!". There, she laughed! And said, "Oh yes, I forgot. Hahaha!" Then, it just fade away, she now treats me like a big girl now (somehow).
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
19 Sep 12
Well I do hope it fades away soon as I really would love to make my own decisions for myself. Yes she is sweet and all. But you know, everyone wants even just a tiny bit of freedom. I hope she would tell me first what that she would book me into some judging job before she decided to sign me up for it without my knowledge. All I can do is sigh. I do love this person who is choking me.
@adnileb (5017)
• Philippines
22 Sep 12
Mom is Mom. You will understand her someday when you yourself is a mother. But I think you wouldn't choke your daughter as hard as your mom did to you. Just sigh, it will fade soon.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
22 Sep 12
Yes it is true. I couldn't empathize with her yet because I'm not a mother so I just need to have patience. Someday I'll be in her shoes.
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
19 Sep 12
Do you still live with her? It is loads easier to get someone to stop breathing down your neck if you don't live with them.... because you can basically just ignore what you don't want to hear about. A lot of people try to approach these things 'without hurting feelings' and I'm sorry to say that may not really be possible. If you are too nice about it, then the person doesn't really GET IT, and then you are back in this same position again at a later date. I think I would explain that since I've been an adult now for 3 years (18 is the age of legal adulthood), I would appreciate her backing off and not making decisions for me or telling me TO do things OR HOW to do them. Sending extra people to accompany me would also stop, as I would tell them if they did not go away, I would not go at all. I'm not as nice as you but things like this do not happen to me, I don't let them.
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
19 Sep 12
My mom is not like this in the slightest. I hear people complain all the time of parents and inlaws who are just TERRIBLE. My mom always asks me what I want or need and doesn't buy stuff we don't want for our kids and then expect us to use it even if it's useless. I have had some relatives who do this, and they have even gotten mad when I tell them the clothing doesn't fit or was for the wrong season. I wonder if perhaps she is not aware of what she's doing, a very honest talk might open her eyes. If she IS aware of what she's doing though, you will have to put your foot down in the end. It's been my experience that over-controlling parents will always be that way and the only way out is to put your foot down and refuse to comply with anything else. If they want to see you, they will wise up and mature, if not, it's almost better not to see them.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
20 Sep 12
I still live with my parents. I wanted to go to another place in our country to try my fortune, but again I am not allowed. So I am working here in our place. But maybe when I go overseas I can have MORE independence. Anyway yes I will talk to her about this. I hope she will understand so that I wouldn't have to put my foot down or anything.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
19 Sep 12
Sorry to hear that. Your Mom loves you... But I guess, it's time for you to be independence so have that talk heart to heart when she is not busy and you are not busy... hopefully both of you will reach a good result.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
19 Sep 12
Yup it's undeniable she loves me and I am not numb to not feel it. I just wish to have some freedom and space. Anyway I do plan to talk to her about this. Wish me luck. I hope she doesn't take it the wrong way.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
20 Sep 12
I think she won't. She is a Mom...
• China
23 Sep 12
you should do something to prove that you are old enough to make decisions,perhaps you can tell your mum give you one chance to prove it,if you can't do very well.then she can make decision for you,no matter what she do ,she only worry about you!
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
23 Sep 12
Hello! I've already told my mum, but I think what you are saying is a good idea. Action speaks louder than words as they say. Thanks for the brilliant advice.
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
22 Sep 12
i love my mom too :$ i was a bit of like that when i was your age, but now am 26 and looking back on how she was when i was a kid, teenager and even when i'm above 18 she stayed the way she is- a loving protective and caring mom.. yeah i thought she was too tight at me but indeed now i realized it's sweet =) i could not even thank her enough- the way she was to me before made me better today. It's also nice to ask or letting her know if you're a bit offended of some decisions she made..but overall.. i still cling on the saying "Mothers know best" :)) Cheers =]
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
22 Sep 12
Hi Meow! Thank you for making me realize how important our moms play in our lives. I will now try to be patient with her. Anyway I have already told her about what I felt and she kinda understood.
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
hi flapiz, I am 27 but I can't always do whatever I want cause Mom will not allow me There are times I don't understand why she is doing it but I know she is doing whatever she thinks will be good for me. You can always talk to your mom about your feelings that what I need well slowly but she understand now that I have my own life that I want to enjoy too... happy mylotting
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
20 Sep 12
Hi Bhaby! Woah 27! I hope my mom won't go that far. I actually told her nicely and I was surprised as she didn't do any drama and all. She took it pretty well. What I do hope for is that she will now give me my freedom and not forget what I told her as I believe maternal instincts of caring and protecting their offsprings is hard to get rid of.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
20 Sep 12
It is hard for a mother to see her child grow up and realize that her child wouldn't be needing her help as much. From the time you were born, your mother has committed herself to love and take care of you. I think that if your mother still treats you like a child, it is because she could not let go of the little girl she once had. Some mothers may have passed this phase without too much hesitation, but from what I can see in your mother, she is still not ready to let go of you. Just tell her in your very sweet way that you are now a lady and can do things on your own and can make decisions on your own.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
20 Sep 12
Dear Jenny, It is very touchy the way you put it. I am very moved. I already told her in my sweetest way and I was surprised she took it quite well. I hope this lasts though. :)
@Hatley (157768)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Sep 12
dear flapiz sit her down and tell her just like you are telling us and she will not really be hurt but might not have realized she is still treating you like a little kid again.Moms at times have a hard time letting go their young adults.Her feelings I do not think will be hurt bu t she may be suprised that you after all are all grown up and that she did a fine job b ut n ow her job that way is finished.
@flapiz (4160)
• Australia
19 Sep 12
Hi Hatley! I told her the other day about me able to take care of myself. But we didn't really have that formal heart to heart sitting on the table. So I guess maybe I will try your suggestion.