Ugh I am so frustrated

United States
September 20, 2012 6:44pm CST
My boyfriend comes home next week and we had planned on going to Orlando for about 2 days to go to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal. We usually go every year and we wanted to go again this year when he comes back from the army. Well, about a month ago my boyfriend's mom had given him the ok to go with me for a couple days. About a week ago he said his sister wanted to go. I was kind of disappointed but figured it would be ok. Now today when I talked to the sister about plans, she said the mom and 2 brothers also wanted to go. And then later on she mentions that his awful dad might be going and the mom only wanted to make it a one day trip. Now I'm beyond frustrated and I'm kind of angry. I know his family wants to spend time with him too but this was a little mini trip we had planned on doing and now everyone is going and they're changing up the days and what we're doing. His family sort of annoys me and I can't stand being around his dad because he's just a jerk. I just don't understand how this trip goes from being me and my boyfriend's, to the mom taking it over and having everyone go. I was excited about going but now I don't even want to go because I know things will just be horrible. We went to Disney in April and his dad was a jerk the entire time and it was miserable. I was excited to have our own little trip coming up but now I'm bummed out and a little upset that his mom just takes over everything. I just wish my boyfriend had some sort of say in all of it because I don't think it's right for her to do that.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
20 Sep 12
Are his parents still together? I personally wouldnt put up with that crap with his family. Could you not go with the family for the day, then stay later to give you both time together. Why doesn't your boyfriend have a say in it? Is he over 18? Sounds like he just wants to please everyone so he sits on the back line so everyone bickers and do their think. My brother and his ex were like this, yep solved a lot of problem when they broke up. You need to fix these problems before it's too late eventually it will affect your relationship.
• United States
21 Sep 12
His parents aren't living together anymore but the mom still includes the dad in everything, I don't even know why. The mom is now turning our trip into a family vacation, but only for the day. He is over 18 but he tries to make everyone happy and not cause conflicts. But it's so annoying because this was supposed to be our trip and now the whole family is in on it and I'm kind of upset. I know they want to see him too before he gets deployed, but I think 2 days for just me and him would've been ok. His parents need to accept the fact that he's grown up now and technically doesn't live at that house anymore. I also wish my boyfriend would kind of say a little more and stick up for us a bit instead of just accepting whatever his family tells him.
@911Ricki (13602)
• Canada
24 Sep 12
Exactly, strange how they arnt together but still get together for family functions like that. In the end it falls abck on your boyfriend, and it will just cause more problems if you all dont talk about it or you need to tell them how you feel if your boyfriend wont (sounds like he wouldnt). He cant make everyone happy, and he needs to decided or else he will eventually loose someone whether its you or them.
• United States
24 Sep 12
I seriously don't get why the parents are like that. It's very obvious that they don't get along whenever they're together and it makes everyone miserable. I just don't get it because it's not like the kids are little where they're trying to do family things for the sake of the kids. All of them are in their 20's and they understand parents being divorced. I talk to my boyfriend about things all the time and I think he's starting to realize that he is getting older and can have a say in things. I don't want him to tell his family off, I just would like to see him stand up more for what he wants and not let his family walk all over him. After talking to him about it he has been saying that while he's down from the army it will be his time to do what he wants to do and that's what he plans on doing. He knows his family wants to see him but he's also going to go out and do the things he wants before he leaves for a year to Korea.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
22 Sep 12
I know how disappointed you are feeling right now. Unless your boyfriend tell his mom to want that trip to be just a trip for the two of you, then you can not do about the whole family joining in. But think it this way, if you ask your boyfriend to tell his mom to just stay behind while the two of you go to Orlando, then there might be a strain with the relationship between you and his mother. You know how mothers are. They are sometimes over protective over their kids even if they are already adults and insensitive to the personal affairs of her children. Just try to enjoy the trip with the family and try binding with them no matter how crazy the whole family are. Your boyfriend will really appreciate your kindness.
• United States
23 Sep 12
I constantly tell him how annoyed I am about the change of plans and I think he'll talk to his mom to get something figured out. It's just frustrating that we had plans and then his mom just decides to take over and my boyfriend just stands by and doesn't do anything. It would just be nice if he would stick up for us sometimes and tell his mom what he wants to do instead of letting her telling him what to do.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
24 Sep 12
I think so, too. Coz you know how a mother can be sometimes out of line, right? (well, I couldn't help it, too...sometimes.) A good talk between your boyfriend and his mother might just be the key.
22 Sep 12
All I can say is that you can tell him to stand up on his own feet. It is sometimes inevitable to ignore parents even knowing that they are wrong. There are always better ways to resolve issues. How about you trying to be more agreeable to his parents?
• United States
23 Sep 12
I've been talking to him and I think he's agreed to kind of stick up for himself a bit more and voice his opinion on what he wants to do rather than having his mom tell him what we're doing. It's just frustrating that we made plans for the two of us and now the mom is just taking over and bringing everyone.
• United States
21 Sep 12
Your boyfriend is, at least in theory, an adult but is still seeking permission from his mother to go on a trip with his girlfriend? If he is capable of serving in the military, he should be capable of making his own travel plans--sans consulting with his mother.
• United States
22 Sep 12
That's also what I think but apparently my boyfriend still feels the need to ask his mom. I said he just wanted to make sure it was ok with her since he would be staying at her house and he felt it was the right thing to do. Turns out it doesn't even matter because now the whole family is going with us and the mom is changing all of our plans. So there are many things in this situation that I'm not too happy about
@riyauro (6431)
• India
21 Sep 12
I can understand what you are saying. I think you should not go with them if you think that it will be a horrible trip. Or I suggest you to go with boyfriend somewhere else and let the family go to universal excluding your boyfriend. I would go mad over this too. You must talk to your boyfriend about this frustration. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
• United States
21 Sep 12
I told him how annoyed I was because this was our trip for the two of us and then maybe his sister and her boyfriend. I just think it's rude the mom is changing things and now everyone is going and we can only go for the day. My boyfriend seriously needs to talk to her about things because she's getting out of hand. He says that if we all go he'll be hanging out with me and they won't really matter. But it's the fact that they're going that just irritates me and I'm really mad and upset that his mom is doing this.
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
Hmm. I guess, his mom somehow has the right to do that. They seldom see their son too so maybe she thought that it would be alright to you if they'll go along with you guys. He's still your bf. I guess if you can't stand his dad being a jerk now then how can you stand being his daughter-in-law in the future? I guess you have to think twice about it. If you don't enjoy being with his family circle, I guess you have to end the relationship. You'll just be a hypocrite if you'll still continue the relationship.
• United States
21 Sep 12
As much as I can't stand the dad, I tolerate being around him only for my boyfriend. Whenever I'm around the dad I just do my best and fake being nice to him. I'm just kind of annoyed with his mom for saying it was ok to go for a couple days and now she's changing everything and the whole family is going and it'll just be one day. I know they don't get to see him often either but I think they need to realize that he's growing up and one day he'll have a new family when he's married and it can't just always be about them. To me, they're just being a bit selfish about things.
@cutepenguin (6458)
• Canada
21 Sep 12
If his mom only wants to make it a one day trip, can you and your boyfriend go for two days while everyone else just goes for one? It's insensitive of them to invite themselves along on your plans but it probably seemed natural to them - "oh, my son/brother is going to Orlando, that sounds like fun, I'll go too".
• United States
21 Sep 12
That's actually a good idea and I'm going to see if my boyfriend can talk to them. I don't want to be the one to talk to them because it'll seem that I'm trying to get my boyfriend away from them and they'll get upset. I'll have him talk to his mom about what the plans are and if we could stay a day longer. I know my boyfriend wanted to go to Orlando one night and then either during the day go to Universal and Islands of Adventure or do another night and go to Tampa. I just hate knowing that he wants something and then his family changes things and he doesn't get to do what he wants. This happened a bit when we went to Oklahoma to see his army graduation. One of my boyfriend's favorite restaurants is Chili's and we used to go all the time when he was home. I know he really wanted it after his graduation but his mom was obsessed with mexican food the whole trip and kept insisting we go somewhere Mexican. Then another night when we were getting a quick bite I knew how badly he wanted Chick fil a and I told the mom and she was like "if it's not on the main road I'm not going because I don't know the way". I knew how bad he wanted it and luckily I was able to spot the Chick fil a not far off the main road and we went there. I feel like I'm the one who sticks up for him because he's too afraid to cause conflict because his dad is a jerk sometimes and is very difficult.
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
I'd say you confront your boyfriend. Tell him about what you are feeling about this. Tell him that you had planned about this trip for a very long time and you don't want to ruin it by allowing his family along. It's not being selfish. He can always plant trips with his family later if they really want to. I think they just want to piss you off.
• United States
21 Sep 12
I told him about it but he doesn't like to start problems with his family and he'll just go along with what they say. I told him how upset I am because this is what we do every year and it's like our special little trip we look forward to every year. The plan was to go for a few days and then come back. But now his family is probably going too. I know they want to spend time with him before he gets deployed but I think it would've been ok for him and I to go for just a couple days. And I am pissed that they're probably all going. These were our plans and it's sort of rude for them to just kinda say "Oh, we want to go also and we're going to change it to just a day trip". I'm just so mad.
@sedel1027 (17868)
• United States
20 Sep 12
This sounds like a lot of BS to me. I would be furious that he wasn't saying anything to them! Have you talked to him about it? He may not even know what is going in. Why does his Mom have to give him the ok? He is more than old enough to do his own thing without her permission. I think she is being rather unreasonable and clingy.
• United States
21 Sep 12
I found all this out from the sister and I told my boyfriend that now everyone is probably going and it'll only be a day trip. His mom is being unreasonable and clingy, she was like this the day before he left and didn't want my boyfriend to go to my house to say bye to my parents. She wanted them to come to her house and say goodbye. We did end up going to my house to say goodbye, I think my parents have done a lot for both of us and they deserved a proper goodbye. She really needs to realize that he's growing up and now that we're together and serious about things she needs to see that my boyfriend has new priorities in addition to his family. I know that he's the youngest and her only biological son, but still, she needs to be a bit more reasonable and understand that now that he's growing up and we're together he'll be growing up and in a sense, growing away from his family and getting ready for the next stage in his life which is being in a committed relationship and being married. She knows how serious he is about me but I just think she's having a hard time letting go.