Ex boyfriend who cheated on me wants to come back...

Canada
September 22, 2012 10:55am CST
Here is my stituation. I dated him for 9 years and then he wanted to break up with me to be with one of my good friends. I just couldn't accept it. I find it disgusting. I loved him and I trusted her. It was chaos! I remember crying every night and I couldn't eat anything at all. The food I swallowed woud get stuck in my throat. It was so hard. I remember calling him to beg to come back to me. I also called his mistress and begged her to leave him. That woman can't give the love I gave him for 9 years. How can she? But everytime I called one of them, they were always together. So one day, I called him again and he told me to stop bothering him and his new girl. So like that, I cried, I stopped eating, I lost 10 pounds in a week, and I literally poisoned my life away. Then I realized how pathetic I was. Crying for people who didn't give a damn about me. So I moved on. It was hard but I did it. So how do I feel today? Do I want revenge? Do I want to kill them both? Do I want to yell at them? I believe it's natural to feel that way but I'd never know I'd care so little about it. Right now, I'm trying to put my life back together and it's slowly working out. Two weeks after my break, he contacted me back and said that he wanted to come back to me because things were not working out with that woman. I told him that it's over bewteen us and I want to begin a relationship with someone new but we can be friends and nothing more than that. Since then, he kept on calling me, texting me, leaving gifts on my porch...why? Does he truly believe that doing such things can bring me back to how we were back then? I would ignore his calls and text for atleast one month. I went out with a friend last night and he would text me 3 times and even called me. I got so mad that I called him this morning and told him how a pest he is. I told him to stop calling me and textting forever. That I never want to hear him again. I'm gentle and I'm not a harsh person in nature. Was I to hard on him? Was I mean? But he was the one who started all of this first! I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want him to contact me again. Changing my number wouldn't change anything as he could just ask someone who knows. What can I do?
4 people like this
8 responses
@edsss17 (4398)
• Philippines
22 Sep 12
Well, do you want him back? Ask your inner self. If you're certain that your systems can work well without him, then there's no difference living your life tomorrow without him. I mean, like what you said, he started all these craziness so its fault that he is losing you now. And if you still love him (its been only 2 weeks anyway), then... why not give him another chance. NO, you're not mean, you just did that because you're mad and everything you've been through after he broke up with you isn't just so easy to handle.
3 people like this
• Canada
23 Sep 12
That's a good question. Do I want him back? I'm not sure myself. I feel like I can never trust him again. My family is aware about this and my parents dislike him obviously. I don't know what will happen of us in the future...maybe i just need some time and some space to think about all of this. Thank you for your comment!
• India
22 Sep 12
Hi friend, sad to hear about your story. Your decision is right, this kind of persons are not trustworthy, as he already betrayed you with your friend, so never give a second chance to him, don't pick his calls and try your maximum to completely forget about him and move on to other works
2 people like this
• Canada
23 Sep 12
I'm glad you confirmed that I did the right thing as I was really confused. Most women are like this. We think we were to hars and we second doubt ourselves. I will completely focus on myself from now on and be more positive.
@babyeve (1051)
• Seychelles
27 Sep 12
What he dated your friend after leaving you? Some man have the courage to do such a thing. Can't believe this at all. It is disgusting Dear and he definitely does not deserve you Dear, you deserve better I assure you. It must have been hard for you to see him walking around with your supposedly good friend, what kind of friend is that anyway. I am happy to hear that despite all of this humiliation you went through, you finally decided to move on. And he even had the guts to ask you to come back to him because his relationship with this girl failed? What a Jerk. No you were not at all hard on him, he deserved it after all he had done to you and he was the one who chose this path alone for himself. You did well and you should be proud of yourself. Just let him be at this point, and he will eventually have to move on, just like you did Dear. Shame on him for trying to complicate after digging his own tomb to bury himself. Keep your head up high and ignore him!! Huh...
• Canada
29 Sep 12
I was friend with her since highschool. After going through this, I realized that anything can happen. You are absolutely right. They are both responsable for all of this. I find it kind of funny and sad. I begged him to come back and he didn't want to. Now he is running after me and she is running after him. Writing this discussion...I mean writing about my personnal life is surely humiliating especially something like this. But I hope that people who go through the same situation will make the same decision as I did. I did not do anything wrong so I can move on easily. But the ones who feel remorse will have more difficulty to do it. May I look up into heaven until the day without a bit of shame. Thanks for your comment!
@challs12 (549)
• Malaysia
23 Sep 12
That 9 years is a very long time for one relationship and it's sufficient period of time for both of you to know each others very well. But things can change in second. I guest you should have married him in the 10th years of relationship. Well, you can't lie to yourselves that you still love him though he has made you suffered for a month. I dare to say deep down inside your heart you really love him till now. You still remember the joy and happiness when you were together everyday till now. Do you think you can find love the way he gave you for the past 9 years just like the way you gave him love for the past 9 years? No you can't. In my opinion, you must make him really feel guilty with what he has done to you. Make him beg you and make it as the most memorable memory to him when he beg you to come back to you. Till he can never forget his mistake to leave you before. Till he make it a lesson in every step he make in the days onward. Then only you accept him with condition. Ask him to marry you.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Sep 12
We did plan to marry before the break when we would finish our studies and get a decent job. I met his parents and we get along pretty well. Getting back together is not a problem but the issue is 'trust'. I don't know if he feels guilty or not unless we swap our places. Of course i did have good moments with him and i will never forget them. But I doubt things will be like before. We'll see in the future when I will be less angry if I'll change my mind. Thanks for the comment.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
It was the right thing for you to do to just ignore his pleas. I mean, he would be thinking about you now coz he wasn't having a good relationship with the other woman? It means he is just fooling around all the time when he was with that woman? How dare him come back to you after treating you like dirt? If he becomes truly annoying, post a restraining order against him. That would teach a jerk like him.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Sep 12
Thanks for the comment. It giggled when I read 'restraining order against him' I don't think I will go that far but we'll see. If he begins to stalk me, then i will reconsider. Thanks for commenting!
@KrauseHome (33259)
• United States
23 Sep 12
Personally he needs to realize that he is the one who made the decision to leave you in the first place and date one of your friends. So how can he not expect your feelings to be hurt and not trust him anymore. And who is to say even if you wanted to get back together that he would not do it to you again. I think you are making a wise choice by wanting to move on and forget about him, and he needs to understand and move on. If he does not want to move on, you might need a NO CONTACT order just to help him get the drift or find a mutual friend that can help explain this to him. Wishing you the Best.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Sep 12
Yes you nailed it. It's true that I'm angry at him but I want him to move on as well. I tried to end everything as calmly an friendly as possible but he's making it hard when he doesn't want part away. I am steering my life in a different direction and I hope he will do the same. That's a good idea. I will talk to a friend who can help him understand this situation. Thanks for the comment.
• United States
23 Sep 12
Don't ever put yourself in the position to be taken for advantage of again. you begged this man to have you back and he chose to be with the other woman. every time you think of him just remember he did not respect you or your relationship. I would not bother changing my number or anything I would live my life and not answer the phone when he calls he does not deserve you or another chance to break your heart. you have cried over this bum enough and now it is time to give your love to another who will be there to love and honor you. this man just wanted to have his cake and eat it too. now look at him sorry azz.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Sep 12
Indeed...we went to a wedding one month before the break up an i took a picture of them both. They both look so happy arms over each other's shoulder. I feel gullible, stupid, and angry. everytime I will hesitate, I'll look at that picture to remember myself all the things that hapenned. thanks for the tip!
@shaggin (25499)
• United States
22 Sep 12
Wow what a horrible friend to do that to you. He treated you so terribly when you loved him and wanted him back and now hes calling you and bothering you wanting you back because it didnt work out with your friend. What a slime ball. He didnt want you when he had you he does not deserve you. You must have been devestated. Dont give him the time of day. Dont answer his calls or texts and if he comes to your home dont open the door. Eventually he will realize he blew it and leave you alone.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Sep 12
Yes that woman is terrible. I knew her since highschool and we hanged out a lot with my ex. I guess anything can happen. I was devastated indeed but now I feel much better on my own.No worry about it. I will try my best to not let him contact me. I hope he learned his lesson. Thanks for commenting.